Kaoru POV

I finished my classes and went back home , the road was quit as well and the cheery blossom filled the air . I do hate humans but in the other hand I am in love with nature , the trees and the sky were always there for me. First thing I noticed beside the house is the limo we use for our guests. Whoever is in there didn't really matter and to avoid having any conversations with them I decided to enter from the kitchen doors. I took a turn around the house and entered "Oh master Kaoru , you're here already " said one of the maids "yeah" I simply say to her "eh.. please stay here !" she said out of a sudden and this is the first time in my life a maid orders me to do something "why?" I turn to face her "I-I am so sorry sir it's just.." she looked to the floor and I knew that she's hiding something when the main chief walked to us "I apologize for her impoliteness towards you dear young master" he looked to the floor while talking to me as well , I sighed again not really interested to ask them what was the matter again. The chief poked the maid and whispered to her that she shouldn't risk her job and talk to me again. What could I possibly do when everybody treats me like a lord when I am really no more than a scum. I walked out of the kitchen and to my room. Everybody in the house was giving me strange looks, I couldn't care less actually.

The corridors to my room were eternal but I finally stood behind the door before opening it , what's this strange feeling in my chest now?, why is my heart racing? .. I have never felt this way before , there was something inside the room..something that belongs to me and I got to have it before my heart jumps out of my chest. I opened the door wildly

"Hello , Kaoru .." ..that's …

"Hika..!"

I stood there not knowing what to do. I drop the books that I was holding, my whole body went numb .. after a year of suffering , the reason is standing next to me. Suddenly I saw everything I went through in his eyes , his golden eyes that I loved the most in the world. I saw myself sitting alone in the corner , cutting my wrests , drinking , shouting at everybody, bleeding on the bathroom floor, crying under the shower, hating the mirror and everyone that talks. My feet betrayed me. He's walking to me , I should run .. he raised his arms and wrapped them around me "HAH!" I gasped "d-don't touch ..me" he brought me closer to him , his body is burning me alive and it's hurting. I am just all tiered and my tears won't stop "nn- no . don't.." he fondled my back and I lost my breath "STOP!" finally found my voice , my heart racing in my chest that it was too hard to breath "Kao ?" he separated from me and looked at my eyes with an innocent look "why are you crying?" he doesn't know a thing , of course mom has lied to him and told him I am doing fine. "don't touch me.." I can't pretend that I am fine. "wh-what's wrong? I missed you a lot" he said and took a look at me, if he didn't change he'd know that everything is wrong. I covered my face with my sleeves I didn't want him to look at me , nobody should look. "Kaoru..is it me?" I cover my ears with my hands I didn't want to hear. I needed to scratch on something but couldn't move. So I collapsed down and sat in the corner between the closet and the door. Hiding my face between my hands and knees. "KAORU! " he was scared , the person that he thought I was is now collapsing to pieces. I have always pretended that things were alright and that it has never mattered while taking all the pain and keeping it inside of me. And I am here on the floor now , shattered and shaking. "MOM ! MAIDS ! CALL THE DOCTOR" he shouted , but I needed no doctor Hikaru .. why don't you see anymore? "I am scared of you " I whispered as a lot of people rushed to the room and talked to me and touched me and that scared me even more "STOP IT! " Hikaru screamed at all of them and I looked between my fingers , did he realize that I was scared "but Hikaru ,he's going crazy I swear " mom said to him but he shacked his head and asked her to leave with the maids. He closed the door after them "I am sorry " he sat down beside me his hand on his face. "so I am really the reason. I didn't know ..I-" he is talking again "shush..please..don't talk" I said to him and he stopped talking.

We just sat there for hours.

Hikaru POV

Here he lost a little every day , I remember when I was there enjoying my time and thinking that Kaoru is doing the same in here but look at him now. Piercing on his lips and a small tattoo on his arm , he lost a lot of weight and he's wearing all black. He's scared of the whole world sitting in the corner hugging himself and crying , how many times did he end up like that after I left?. What am I going to do? It has been three hours for us sitting like that. Should I break the silence without hurting him. It's getting colder and darker here . I stood up , his eyes on me as I walked to the fireplace and opened it up, next I picked up the books that Kaoru was holding and I put them on the table. He's still sitting there and I should do something .. I looked beside me and found empty papers and pens . would it be fine if I write to him instead of talking? But what should I possibly write ..

Dear Kaoru , I know we never get over great injuries but we absorb them and they carve us into different , often kinder creatures. And that's what happened to you , I know that it's all my fault for leaving you here and I apologize. You know dear brother , sometimes I think about all that we have done and gone through that no one even knows about and I get sad thinking that no one will ever know about all these things that make me , me and you , you. Maybe that's why I left you in the first place, I wanted you to discover who you really are but I have never imagined that you'd hit a wall. I want to take you away now but it's cold and I don't know where and I want to hug you and make you feel alright. Watching you like this shatters me, why did you always pretend being fine when you are not? I thought that you are really dealing with things. I am sorry for not watching over you but I am here again and I want to make things right for you and fix you even if it means losing the world and losing myself doing it. Will you give me a chance to try and enter your world?

I read what I wrote again and walked to him . I put the piece of paper beside him and went to sit on his bed. He really changed it's like I am a stranger to him. Kaoru is scared of me..

I sniffed and tears fell down my eyes. How am I suppose to fix a deadly mistake and a broken heart? And what if he gives me a chance but I miss things up again? How am I suppose to know-

My thoughts were cut by my ring tone . I looked at my mobile screen and it said Haruhi, I moved my tears away and answered

"hey there .."

"Hikaru! What's with your voice? Are you alright?"

"yes I am.. eh..I have something to tell you Haruhi " I say and notice Kaoru looking at me. He sure hates her "what is it Hikaru? " she asked " I need a break , I don't want to see you or talk to you for awhile " I hope she understands "wha.." silence from her side , she sighed and said " as you like " , " thanks " I hung up and sighed . Kaoru stood up and walked to me while holding the paper. I looked at his face . he raised his index finger and kissed it then he pressed it on my cheek . I smiled "cute" I said to him and he looked away and picked up the pen and started writing something on the paper. After awhile he gave it to me and I read.

I gave up on my own happiness for you, are you willing to do the same?.

Kaoru looked worried and unsure "of course I am " I said to him smiling. He picked up a book from his collection and went back to the corner of the room. How am I suppose to deal with him if he's silent all the time?

God I am really tiered of the trip from Canada to here , it wouldn't bother if I sleep here tonight right? I closed my eyes and drift into a deep sleep.

Kaoru POV

Page 350 , it's enough reading for today. I raised my head up to find that Hikaru is sleeping on my bed. His figure made me blush, I stood up and walked to him , there is a tear on his cheek and his hair on my pillow. He was still wearing his shoes , he's sleeping and won't hurt me. I sat on the bed and held his feet and put them on my lap , I slowly started taking off his shoes and socks. I sighed ..why am I so desperate to touch him but scared as hell at the same time, I sure miss him a lot. I lied on the bed beside him looking at his sleeping face and his lips that I wanted to kiss for a very long time now. "Hikaru.. I love you the most" I whispered to myself leaving a space between me and him . I raised my hand and slowly touched his face. I gasped for air and my heart started racing again , I shouldn't do that , it hurts me a lot.

I brought the blanket and covered Hikaru , I better not see his body while he's sleeping. It'd be better to always leaving a space between us, I am not ready to share my life with him again yet, it feels strange to have him beside me again .

I held my doodle book and started sketching. I drew Hikaru's face , even if the whole world saw us identical. Hikaru has a deferent smile than me, he also has a sharper nose and his eyes are always glowing. That's why I loved him the most , he's the perfect image of me.

.I'll upload soon :)