Kaoru POV

Have you ever become so damaged that when the one wants to give you what you deserve, you have no idea how to respond. That was me last night, Hikaru has asked me to hang out with him and I accepted.
"so where are we going?" I sat in the car beside him as he drove "you'll see , I have everything ready for a nice night" I rolled my eyes to him and sketched on my doodle book. The drive wasn't too long , almost half an hour "the ocean .." we went out of the car and I looked to the huge scene in front of my eyes just to feel strangely powerful "Hikaru do you feel that too?" he nodded and wrapped his arms around me , hugging me from the back , resting his chine on my shoulder " imagine that the ocean is covering all the evil people, hitting them with its waves , drowning them to the ultimate benthos" I pictured it in my head when he said it "I feel like screaming " I said as cold breeze hit us. Hikaru nodded and took my hand and we entered the cold water, I took a deep breath and screamed my lungs out over and over and over until I got tiered and went back to the beach.

There wasn't anybody on the beach but us so it felt like we own the whole ocean. We took off our wet pants and shirts and ran under the moon.

just for a moment I felt so free from all that I supposed to be. Hearing my love talk and laugh with me like it was always supposed to be like that. We laid down on the sand breathing heavily. And I made a wish to a shooting star.

We made a fire and covered ourselves with blankets that Hikaru has in the car. Lighting bugs were dancing everywhere around us, chills ran down my spine as our fingers entwine and the white windy waves washed in inside of me. "Hikaru" I smiled to him "I am glad " he said and lied down to ..kiss me. My mind went completely blank. His lips on mine, I closed my eyes and opened them slightly as he deepened the kiss.* Hikaru is kissing me! * I repeated that in my head over a hundred times. "Hikaru..!" he stopped and I hid my burning face with my hands , he put the blanket on my head. "let's just go home". We took our stuff and went to the car and sat there in silence except that I could hear my heart beats so fast inside of my chest. I looked to the other side instead and he sighed to missing puzzle pieces and the cloudy question marks. He opened a box beside him and gave me a beer "chill " as he opened his own beer and drank it all at once while I took a sip. he brushed his fingers to his hair " we had a nice time " I said and pat his back "yeah, I hope it helped you.." he sounded weird " I want you to be happy again" he said and opened the door leaving the car "eh ,Hikaru!" he went to my said and opened my door , knelt beside me and held my hands while we stared at each other's eyes "when are you going to open up and tell me about your real feelings and how in the world did this happen..Kaoru , please..I am confused and I don't want to think that this is wrong because it doesn't matter as long as you are sure of what you really want , I'll just deal with it, you know. I just want you to take it all out of your heart" I closed my eyes for a moment not knowing how to say this exactly "I am in lo- " I hesitated "Hikaru, I am.." I tried to calm down and decided to open up to him. We shared a deep look and decided to finally spit it out "I am in love with you..it all started from when we first joined the host club" I felt relived to finally saying it , I don't have to carry it to myself anymore "it's okay , come here" he hugged me too tightly that everything felt alright again as if I didn't suffer from depression for a whole year. "I am sorry " I said from his shoulder "it's totally okay" he fondled my back "let's go home yeah?" he said and I nodded "everything will be alright, Kaoru.." he got closer and kissed my lips , it was fast and I loved it. All the way back home I was smiling to myself, I felt like I'll fly I felt happy and exited even though I didn't know how to respond to him. Yet In the back of my mind I still feel that I don't deserve to be loved by him as much as I deserve to suffer.

When we went back home, Hikaru went to his room to change his clothes and I went to mine. "Dammit, where is this going to take us? Maybe I shouldn't start all this , maybe I should have locked myself in even more..it's obvious , he doesn't want that he's just doing it for me..Hikaru is really trying hard to get me out of depression even if it meant lying to himself about his own feelings. So in the end.. "I laughed like a crazy psycho to myself ".. I am actually the one who's selfish " my back hit the wall and I slipped down to the floor. "this is wrong in so many levels.."

Hikaru POV

I sat on the hot tub relaxing my muscles and thought to myself of how crazy everything is..me doing that to my own twin brother and what about Haruhi and the others? I really didn't see her for a while now , what is she going to think about our relationship that I ran away from her to make out with Kaoru because he's desperate and hates everything in the world excluding me. "I really need to visit her" I took a shower and went out of the bathroom and dressed up "I hope things don't get worse" I went out of my room and passed by Kaoru's room. Thought it's not necessary telling him where I was going let alone he'd get annoyed if he knows so I went downstairs and left the house.

"oh Hikaru ! I missed you " Haruhi said and pressed her lips to mine "I missed you too as well"I said looking her in the eye "I really got so worried when you told me you don't wanna talk to me for awhile but I didn't ask ..I thought that you needed your space since we were together for a whole year " we entered the normal commoner house and I sat on one of the couches "well , I came here to talk about that" she brought me some green tea in a funny cup "oh darling ,I am listening " she said holding my hand and I smiled "well it's about Kaoru. he got into depression when we first left together and my parents didn't told me at all so now he's desperate and hates everybody , actually he's locking himself in his corner of the room doodling all day long and never talks to anyone expect me of course " I took a sip from the cup and continued " actually something has happened back then when we first joined the host club and started the .. brotherly love act." I sighed " seems that it wasn't an act for him " I stopped and looked at her "wh-what! Do you mean..Kaoru has feelings for you?" she got really surprised "yes and it's my fault from the beginning with , I let him play the uke while I played the seme and seems he liked it, I mean he's never dated anyone before because I was giving him everything already. I think this is the reason why he developed such feelings but..in the other hand I promised him that I am willing to go as far as he wants if it will get him out of depression " she held my arm and rest her head on my shoulder "Hikaru..this is not what do you want from life right? You're lying to him and to yourself and to me as well let alone.."she sighed "..for how long are you willing to lie to him? Kaoru is smart , do you think he won't figure it out? That's if he didn't already"

" I know ..all I want is a normal brother to brother relationship with him" I saighed and she bat my back

"Oh Hikaru you're here! Long time no see " I looked to see Ranka, Haruhi's father " Hey Ranka , hows everything? " I shaked hands with the man and we sat around the table for dinner , still I really don't know what to do. Haruhi changed the subject since her dad took a seat with us "I wanna go visit Tamaki tomorrow , wanna come?" she asked me "oh I didn't see that air head for a long time, actually the last time I saw him was when you broke up with him , he was too desperate that night though "

" well , I suppose he has gone through it and got into a lot of relationships with other women ..whatever , he's an old friend so I thought why not giving him a visit"

"sure why not..eh Haruhi , can I stay here for the night?"

"yes sure , I really missed you ..lets sleep on my bed tonight" she smirked and I laughed , spending the night here will make me feel better and get my mind busy with something else.