Kaoru POV
"yeah he's sleeping.."Hikaru whispered to her on the phone. It was too dark , the only light was coming from his mobile showing the edge of his left eye and cheek as he pressed the phone on his ear. I kept my breath steady and that's one of the hardest thing to do especially when you are hurt, but I did it this time, enough is enough ..it's my turn to revenge now. I won't let her steal him again.
He was sitting on the blanket beside me , didn't even bother to go under it "you know it's always going to be you.." he said to her while brushing my hair slowly with his fingertips. How could you betray two people at the same time! I never get it and I never knew why! "you think we should? .. I am not sure that my brother can handle me leaving again..no I can't" he said. At least this makes me feel a little better. He moves a lock of hair and continued brushing my hair." I'll see you tomorrow at 5 .. love you too " I pretended not hearing the last part for my own good , I refused to accept it anymore. He put his cell phone aside and sighed "..oh my sweetheart.. " he murmured on my forehead and wrapped his arms round me , still not under the blanket. His warm breaths made me feel loved "I don't know what to do anymore…I am so confused " he hugged me tightly and I could feel his breath getting faster ..he's crying. "Hika.." I moved my arms and hugged him back "oh..sorry I woke you ..I just.." he spoke in a broken tone , I fondled his back "I understand you dear brother" I closed my eyes enjoying the moment, it's rare for Hikaru to cry on my shoulder "I know you do" he took a deep breath and pressed small kisses on my neck. I felt my heart racing. He separated from me. I could feel his eyes on me even though I can't see him. "Hikaru.." I said and took his hands "yes.." he engaged his fingers with mine " everything will be alright " I smirked and left a fast kiss on his lips as I slept on my belly facing the other side of the room. my blanket moved and I could feel Hikaru sliding under it. He touched my shoulders and rest his head on my back and I felt safe and protective. We slept like that all night.
The next morning I went to my college with Hikaru and once we left the car we saw her standing in front of us "Oh! Haruhi , hey.. " Hikaru sounded weird. "Hey dear , I couldn't wait until 5 to see you " she walked to him wanting to wrap her arms around him when I dis the stupidest thing ever. I pushed Hikaru aside from her , she stopped and both of them looked surprisingly at me. "eh..Kaoru ?" my brother questioned " I..I am sorry , I'll get going " and so I left them behind me and walked inside the huge halls of Ouran college.
I didn't want to look behind me. It's not like I had this small hope of him following me.
I entered my lecture hall and took off my papers , it was my turn to give a presentation today and I thought I was finally ready to stand and speak in front of everybody. "Kaoru Hitachiin , the stage is yours " the professor said and I vacillated. "yeah.." I walked to the stage and looked at everyone , their eyes on me. One of them said a joke and everybody started laughing, I got nervous even more. "everybody stop. Hitachiin , go on " the professor said and I nodded. I put the papers on the table in front of me and took a deep breath " hello everybody..I am going to talk about .." and I forgot everything.. it's like all their faces all their eyes were mixing together , I could hear the laughter inside my head , the insults, and I felt weak , I couldn't stop them from interrupting me. I couldn't make them shut up and listen to what I was going to say. I hate myself for being weak ..I can never protect myself from the world. And that hurts..
I left my papers on the table and ran out of the hall enough with the college , I don't want to come here again. " damn damn damn" I cursed and kicked the wall "fuck this ..fuck my life" I really worked hard to present those papers and I was relaying on Hikaru , if he only was there with me this would have worked. I slipped down and sat on the floor somewhere away from everybody.
My phone rang and I looked up at the screen "hika..?"
" Kaoru ..my head had been a mess since last night..I don't know what to do" I heard him sighing " on top of everything , you know how things have been complicated lately , I think if I stay around you I'll end up on hurting you even more.." he stopped and I opened my eyes wildly "you're not leaving again are you? Hikaru ! "
"Even if I say I won't hurt you and came up with excuses every time , what is going to change?" his tone was desperate
"..nothing.." he said quietly
"Hikaru.." I felt badly hurt and couldn't stop tears from falling " I have been so lost for so long already ..will you ever understand this? No one understands..no one knows who I really am , HIKARU I AM TIERED OF MY LIFE " I brought my legs close to my chest and sobbed quietly.
"Kaoru.." he was standing in front of me, I put the phone aside and looked at him , this messy expression on his face , I could never read. He sat beside me, lit me a cigarette and pressed it between my lips.
"why do you think we came into this world separately? " I asked him as he rested his arm around my shoulder. He didn't know the answer but I have always wondered about that. "we used to be one , our blood and skin , our bones .. they all came from the same place. So why are our hearts so different ?" I asked him and looked at that cigarette burning, only looking at it. "no matter how hard I try to fill it , it's still empty. Even when you were trying to give me what I wanted.." I held my shirt " it's still empty.. " my tears were running and hitting his arm, he pressed me closer to him " my heart was made only for you to fill it Hikaru, I have been in pain , aching and yearning, to the point where I am going mad .." I said and he brushed his fingers to his hair " I knew it would never work but I couldn't help it but desiring you in that way, there's nothing I can do ..I know I have damaged everything ..AHHA" I screamed to the empty corridors and stood up , I pushed his arm away from my shoulder , the warmth that it left on my shoulder was burning me. I have been longing for something that doesn't exist. "KAORU !" I was running away and he followed me "I am the one that should leave " I said to myself. I stood on the window " WHAT ARE YOU DOING! KAORU GET DOWN !"
"there's nothing more you need to know.." I looked to the floor down , I was in the 4th floor
Hikaru broke in tears and was shaking " IF YOU DO THAT I'LL THROW MYSELF AFTER YOU" he shouted and I smiled coldly , no you won't. he raised his arms to me ..what is he doing "up until this day , how many times have I exactly hurt you..now that I finally noticed ..there's nothing I can say that matters anymore..Kaoru..I am sorry ..I can't ..wrong was meant for us to be.. " he was shaking and speaking nonsense "please fall to my arms instead..please kao"
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE !" I saw people gathering from everywhere staring at us, spiting insults ,asking me to throw myself already , Hikaru shouted at them to shut up . they laughed at us as if we were scum bags. So that's life. I don't want this anymore "KAORU NOOO!NO!NOO" I looked at Hikaru for the last time and murmured "I love you, I am sorry .." and threw myself outside that window. Everything went black.
Hikaru POV
I couldn't breathe , Kaoru's gone!
" I CATCH HIM , I CATCH HIM " I heard someone shouting from under the window "HE'S ALIVE I CATCH HIM" I stood on my feet hoping that I wasn't imagining what the voice was saying. I was shaking as I ran to the window, I looked to the ground , there was one of the security men holding Kaoru "oh..oh my god..oh my god.." a girl walked to me "relax he's okay , have some water " I am dizzy and shaking, "he's still alive , he's still alive " the girl repeated to me and I took a deep breath , I couldn't hold the bottle probably , my hands were shaking. I heard the ambulance coming, I stood with shaking body and ran to the ground floor.
My mentally state was shit , I couldn't concentrate at all ,I was shocked and my tears didn't stop running down my face , nothing physically has happened to Kaoru and I am so glad , he's still alive. We sat in the ambulance , Kaoru has fainted while falling down and I was breathing hardly..they helped me into some oxygen mask and one of the doctors held me "he's alright son , calm down now , take a breath okay. "he said to me and searched for my wallet , he opened it and looked at my ID " Hikaru Hitachiin.." he held my shaking hands and I looked at him as if I came back to the present "K-Kaoru.." I said when I saw my brother laying on a bed in the ambulance "he's alright ,Hikaru. We'll take you and your twin brother to the hospital now and everything is going to be fine , yeah " he said to me and I calmed myself. I removed my tears and nodded to the man. Kaoru looked peaceful while he slept. My hand slipped under the thin blanket and found his hand , I held it tightly and brought myself close to him, I rest my head on his shoulder " I am so ..sorry Kao..i am .." I sobbed badly, nothing can stop this guilt, Kaoru has committed suicide for the second time because of me.