Kaoru POV

"they all hate you "

"you are never wanted "

"you don't deserve to be loved "

"you are bathetic, needy and annoying "

"you are disgusting "

"you deserve to die"

Voices and echoes insulted me all at once , I am not even aware of where the hell am I or what am I doing here around all those haters I just know that I believe in everything they tell me. and it's killing. Yet I can never find the power to shut them up. I am terrified as I walked my way around them all.

In this place I can see a million faces I don't know.."DIE KAORU " they tell me to die and I die.

"Kaoru! " I hear my name and immediately open my eyes , breathing harshly, my vision wasn't clear but I know I just woke up from a nightmare.

"are you alright?" someone asks me but I can't recognize the voice , his identikits were mixing with someone else besides him, it is terrifying I can't watch that. "GET AWAY " I scream to them and cover my eyes with my hands. I am so cold and my heart is racing in my chest.

They forced me to the bed and a strange feeling ran down my hand , they gave me some shot. Suddenly I felt relaxed and things got clearer.

I looked at the wall as my vision got better, I can't bring any idea to my head expect that right now I am not sleeping anymore

"Kaoru , are you alright?" I recognize this voice , it's Hikaru, I just don't have the courage to look to his face. I squeeze my eyes not to look at him but his hand reached my forehead and touched it.

"Hikaru , where am I?" opened my eyes slightly

"we're still at the hospital" there was something wrong in his tone again. I remembered that I was brought to hospital before.

"did you have a nightmare?" he asked and brushed my hair with his fingers , made me relax "yeah..a lot of people asked me to die and cursed at me..I was scared as hell ,Hikaru , why would they want me to die..what have I done to them?" I looked at his golden eyes "nothing Kaoru , you've done nothing , it's just a nightmare okay?" he said and I nodded. What's with the guilty look in his eyes. I sat straightly. The look in his eyes is torturing me. if anything is wrong in this world it would be me not Hikaru , never him. I raised my hands and captured his face , we looked straightly at each other's eyes, he is so sad. I got closer to him , my nose touched his as I went down, the urge to taste his lips and remove that expression from his face pushed me and I kissed him slowly , passionately and lovingly and I don't know what exactly gave me that urge but it pushed me to do it and it just happened. I looked straightly to his eyes , he was surprised "eh.." he touched his lips and looked to the floor "please be honest with me Kaoru, How far do you remember about us?" he asked me . "us?" I asked " you are confusing me.." he stepped back gave me a strange look "we'll talk later" he left the room.

"..what was I thinking" I left the bed and put on my sneakers, when I opened the door there was a security man sitting beside the door "hello.." I said looking around for Hikaru "sir you are not allowed to leave this room " the man said "why is that ! I am not even sick " I said to him and wanted to push him away

"it's okay let him go " someone said from behind us

"OH master Kayoya !" the man said and I looked behind me

"Kayoya! Wow..you look different from the last time I saw you" I said to my friend , he looked older and stronger , actually more manly than the last time I remember I saw him.

" oh , it's because the events are mixed in your head , I guess the last time you think you saw me was back in the host club , am I right?" he said smiling to me and I found that very strange, he always seemed as a cold person "eh..well , you are really cute when you smile" I said but he ignored me " so why are you out of your room ?" he asked "umm Hikaru got mad at me " he gave me his hand. This is surprising I used to think that Kayoya is untouchable. He held my hand and smiled warmly " let's go for a walk" he led me along the corridor. To be beside someone that is stronger than you yet is holding your hand gives a feeling of security.

"so how do you feel lately?" he asked me and handed me a cup of coffee

"great , I have a lot of energy as if I was a little kid again. It makes me wanna go play and mess around " I took a sip from the cup "but there are those nightmares that won't leave my side and I don't know why. I mean I know that doctors told me there's a gap between present and past in my mind but I still think there is something messing , I can't remember anything about what happened last year ..it's like it all happened when I was 10 or something ..the pictures aren't clear and I burly remember faces or names. This makes me feeling lost inside. I look at Hikaru for answers but the only thing I find is that guilty look.."

"everything is going to be okay , what you don't know can never hurt you " he looked at the window

"but it's my right to know" I insisted

"look buddy , your blades don't hurt when you have no fear, this burning flame of you has burnt enough" he pointed to my chest exactly to my heart. "if your window's crack has been replaced then ..why do you want to have the old ones instead of keep going …it's your chance to be alive again, Kaoru" he put his cup away and replaced his hands on my shoulders " I am begging you to let it all behind and start over again " he is honest with me and wants me to move on , he cares. I have never received this feeling from anyone except my family.

In my eye corner I noticed Hikaru standing in the other side of the hall "Oh there's Hikaru ! I'll talk to you later , thanks for the advise though"I smiled and wanted to walk to my brother when Kayoya held my arm and stopped me

"umm Kaoru .." he looked nervous and that's something abnormal for him

"what is it Kayoya?"

"will you go out with me? I mean as in a date"

I was a little bit confused because I remembered that happening before. I suddenly remembered that I also rejected him before but I don't remember why! Kayoya is actually a nice person once you get to know him.

"okay no problem , I just need to leave the hospital first"

" yes sure , great ! I'll call you then " he looked extremely happy as he walked away ,and that made me wonder about many things. What happened before and made me reject him? I turned my head to the other side and walked to Hikaru.

Replaced my arms around him and hugged him from the back "huh! Oh Kaoru , you surprised me" I hid my face on his shoulder "Hikaru.."

"yes?"

"let's go hang out" I suggested

"we're not allowed to leave yet" he answered

"I don't care , let's get out of here ,please" i gave him the puppy eyes

"umm alright , even though mom is going to kill me if she knows that we ran away" he added " let it be, come on" I dragged him to the hospital doors and we went out.

Hikaru POV

It's cloudy now , I looked around the place , the hospital was behind us and we were on the other side of the street. I looked at my brother who was full of energy and happy. I didn't see him like this in ages so that made me happy as well.

He was looking around , searching for something and then he smirked

"huh? What are you going to do?" I asked , while he walked to a taxi driver who was fighting with another guy.

"follow me " he said smirking like a little devil , the two men were fighting when Kaoru entered the taxi and sat behind the steering wheel!

He must have lost his mind ! he drove back and stopped to pick me "YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME!" this is the first time he does something this crazy!

"ENTER!" he shouted while the taxi driver noticed us.

"STOP IT YOU FUCKER!" he shouted at us and I entered the car, Kaoru drove us away

"What the fuck?!" I said questioning him when he started laughing out loud " HAHAHA! I wanted to try and steal a car! HAHAHA that was amazing!" I looked at him worriedly, this is not like him at all. Suddenly we heard a police car coming from a near street so he stopped the car in the middle of the road and went out. I followed him.

"KAO! WHERE ARE WE GOING!" I shouted while we ran on the sidewalk

"I DON'T KNOW JUST KEEP RUNING WITH ME" he shouted and ran down the street then suddenly stopped , I took a deep breath "what is it now?" I asked and his eyes were glowing, what the hell is going on in his mind! He smirked and entered a garden that was full of really tall guys playing basketball. I stayed away and only looking at my brother losing his mind.

"nice muscles " Kaoru said to those guys and they all checked him from head to toe as if he was some chick, well he is skinny and his hair is pretty longer than mine let alone he's wearing skinny jeans "..they probably got the point already." One of them walked to him, lent down and said something to Kaoru's ear while my brother nodded. The guy gave him the ball and he played around and threw it to the basket, we used to play in the past so it's not surprising that he got it right in the basket.

"wohoo I did it !" he said and jumped around " Great job !" the other guy said , I sighed and decided to enter the garden. That guy gave him a card "Call me" he said to Kaoru who took the card and hid it in his pocket, I rolled my eyes. this is making me feel annoying but I don't have the right to stop him. if he doesn't really remember what happened between us then he doesn't belong to me anymore and I can't stop him. he noticed me and ran away

"Jesus! " I got frustrated and ran after him again "Hey Kaoru! will you stop for a moment! We need to talk!" I said while following him but he ignored me and kept running.

He stopped at some ice-cream store and got one. I walked to him and put my hand on his shoulder "Hika, you look like a mess!" he looked at me then raised his hand and moved my hair to the back "I have been running after you for like-" he forced the ice cream to my mouth "ugh!" this is getting into my nerves "HAHA! you got some on your cheek" I got angry and wanted to say something but he stopped me again with his tongue on my cheek and down to the corner of my lips! he licked the ice-cream away and replaced it with a kiss. I got shocked and blushed at the same time. "you silly boy ,Hikaru" he whispered to my ear and ran away again. "what are you looking at!" I said to the kids that were playing beside us and followed Kaoru again. "I just hope for this day to end cause I am not enjoying my time at all! " I said to myself while he entered some commoner clothing shop " oh god! Please tell me he's not going to buy clothes from here!" I opened the door and saw him picking some shirt and skinny shorts " these look really gay you know" I said from behind him "you don't say!" he said to me and went to the changing room "what ! you can't be serious , don't dress like that! " I shouted but he closed the changing room doors behind him " hey listen ! I am sick of this and not gonna walk the street with you wearing these fucked up outfits!" I said "Fuck off Hikaru , I don't give a shit if you like me or not! all I actually want is to play around!" he said and I sighed and lent to the wall "what's wrong with you Kao?"

He opened the door , wearing that shirt and shorts with his sneakers "what is wrong with me? I wanna have fun for once okay ! but what is wrong with you ,Hikaru? You are acting like an old dick! Yet it's fine , if you wanna do that then you can simply go back and lay on that hospital bed while I am enjoying my life and fucking shit around!" he looked angry "dammit Kao , what I am trying to say is that you are not acting like yourself, that's all" I shouted back at him "oh really! Then tell me how to act like myself cause I don't fucking know myself anymore! And guess what ! I don't care..this is the first time I ever feel alive Hikaru!" this is the first time I see Kaoru speaking like this, he is confident and strong , I would be the worst person ever if I stand against him this time. I sighed " just don't hurt yourself" I lent down and fixed his shoelace "so are you coming with me?" he asked ,I looked up at him "I can't let some guy annoy you " he smiled to me lovingly

we went to the cash to pay for Kaoru's clothes "what do you mean you don't accept visa card ?" I said questioning "pay by cash please" the woman behind the cash said "I don't have any cash with me " I said to her " oh well I am sorry then but you have to let the clothes back" she said but Kaoru took my hand "fuck you bitch " he said and gave her a finger surprise! I looked strangely at him , next thing I know both of us running out of the store and the woman screaming for police.

After running around for almost 10 minutes we finally stopped "that was crazy !" I shouted "HAHAH!" He laughed and looked around then I saw him pointing at something "Hikaru look!" I turned my head and looked to where he was pointed "gay club" I read as Kaoru ran and entered the place "you must be kidding me!" I cursed under my breath and followed him.

The walls were full of lights and posters, I didn't want to look at the posters, I gave my visa card to the guy at the doors , fortunately he took it. We went down the stairs , there was a bar , the guys working there were wearing golden jackets and shorts , there were guys kissing on the corner and other guys dancing on the dance floor , I rolled my eyes to the sight but then I could see Kaoru on the dancing floor moving his body and laughing and this makes me think to myself " just when I thought that time was running out for us ,you just move the hands upon the clock , You throw coins in the wishing well for us, You just move your hands upon the wall. It comes to you begging you to stop and wake up but you just move your hands upon the clock
You make me believe that you are still in charge.."