A second chance
Chapter 2 - Time for reconciliation
Sam pulled his truck into a parking space by Cherry Beach 15 minutes later. After a ride from the penny that had been completely silent. Only a few smiles was shared between the two of them, but somehow, it was never that awkward feeling you would think they had.
It was... comfortable silence, where they both got to take some time to figure out where they wanted this to go. What to say, what not to say, and maybe what they would want from the other.
"Can we go for a walk?", Sam asked, meeting her eyes.
She didn`t answer with words. Instead; she smiled and nodded. Opened the passenger door and got out of Sam`s truck.
He met her on the other side, guiding them both towards the sidewalk that would follow the beach for miles ahead. He wasn`t quite sure if it was just a reflex of previous habits, but as they were crossing the sidewalk, he gently grabbed her arm, pulled her close. Maybe a little too close - as two young boys on a bike came at full speed - which Andy didn`t seem to catch up on, apparently being far away in her secluded thoughts.
She came back from her thoughts the second she felt his sudden, yet gentle and safe grip on her arm. She looked up, their eyes met, and she gave him a somewhat nervous smile.
"See, I do need to look after you Andy", Sam joked as he guided them down for them to feel the sand underneath their shoes.
(It was now or never).
"Good thing I decided not to leave then", she suddenly blurted out. She hadn`t planned on telling him, but now seemed t be an opportunity to do so.
"Leave? Where were you planning on going?", he asked curiously.
"I, uh... got an offer from Luke...-", she started. Noticing Sam`s eyes on her. "There is this taskforce he wanted me on... big drug shipping league, that he wanted to take down... Said it could be up to six months before I would return..."
"Andy?", he said, as he stopped them for a second.
"I, uh... turned it down. I`m not really sure why, but what you said to me... at the station earlier... That`s all I ever wanted to hear from you Sam... But you chose to tell me that after everything you put me trough...after everything that has happened-"
"Andy, I-", Sam said trying to say something.
"No, let me say this. I get that you were hurting, grieving, but you completely shut me down, you put me through hell! I had to be there for my best friend who had just lost the man she was about to marry, and at the same time, my own heart was broken. When we needed each other the most, you decided to leave me!", she sobbed. Not realizing she was crying.
"I`m not even sure if turning down the taskforce was the best decision, but what you said to me... It made me think that you actually regretted everything you did. I`m just not sure if I can let you in again. How do I know you won`t do anything like this again? How the hell do I know you won`t leave the next time life hit`s you in the face? Then what Sam?"
"Andy, you`ve got to believe me when I say that I have learned the hard way. I never knew just how much I loved you before I didn`t have you anymore. I don`t want to experience that ever again. I need you in my life Andy. Please, just give me a chance to prove that I meant every single word I said to you. I don`t care how long I have to wait. I have waited for you before, and if that means I have the tiniest chance to have you in my life the way I want you, then so be it. I will wait for as long as it takes".
At this point they were both sobbing. Feeling the salty taste make its way to their tongues. Truth is - they didn`t care.
"Sam... I can`t go back to how things used t be. I can`t and I won`t. I deserve more in a relationship than you ever gave me".
She started to walk towards a bench, and sat down. Knew he would follow and sit down next to her. That was kind of what she was hoping and relying on.
She inhaled a deep breath. "I want, and I deserve more than you showed me. You wrapped everything we were in a box, and hid it whenever we were put in public. Andy you made me feel cheap and used the way you always pulled the 'fuck and run' on me every morning. You didn`t even have time for coffee. I didn`t say anything back then, because I really thought it would change, but it didn`t. Nothing made me feel worse than you running out on me after you got what you wanted. I wanted more than that... I want more than that. And if you`re not one to give me that... then I need to leave."
"Andy! I never wanted you to feel that way. I never intended to hurt you like that. I just... You got under my skin okay. You were getting so close. Closer than I have ever let any woman get before, and it scared the crap out of me because I was in love with you. I loved you then, I loved you before... Long before, and I love you now."
He turned around so he was facing her. Placed her hands in his. Used his hand to gently wipe away every tear that was making their way down her chin.
"When I said I couldn`t be a cop and be with you, I meant it. Because I want to protect you from everything bad, all the time, and when I can`t do that, I can`t concentrate on doing my job. Because Andy, you attract danger. You tend to jump before you think, and that... That scared the hell out of me too. Because I `m so afraid that something`s going to happen to you as well. I can`t burry you too okay? My heart won`t survive that."
"Sam... how will that be any different this time? I`m still going to do my job. I`m still going to be put in situations that may not be safe".
"Because, I won`t be watching you get into those situations anymore. I`m not going to be there..."
She didn`t quite understand. Was he quitting his job?
"Sam? How? What are you talking about?"
"I, uh... took the detectives exam Andy... I won`t be a street cop anymore, therefore I don`t get to watch you out there, which maybe is a good thing. Because then I won`t know when you jump before you think. I`m, still going to feel the need to protect you, make sure you`re safe, but as long we`re working... I have to trust someone else to have your back."
She slowly raised her hand, and placed it on his face. Wiping away the tears he had too. When she kept it there, Sam put his hand on top of hers. Took it to his lips and kissed it.
"If we`re going to do this again... I need more Sam. I need to know you. I`m not saying you have to tell me everything about your life, but you need to let me in. Don`t shut me out when you reach a though spot. I need to know that this-", she said, waving her hand between them, "Is something that is going somewhere...
Sam could see the frustration in her eyes, face, mind... Knowing that he really gave her nothing last time around. Knew that probably treated her like...well, like nothing maybe.
He never really gave her any idea for a possible future for the two of them. Never once did they have an honest conversation about what was next, despite Andy`s many attempt to do so.
Knew - that every time, he blank out shot her down and avoided every conversation that involved any kind of future.
That was before. Before he knew what life without Andy was. Frankly - he hated every second of it. Because the second he walked away from her that rainy day in e damn parking lot - he regretted it with all his bones and muscles. With every fucking nerve. Still - he kept on going. he was too close, she had gotten to him, crawled her beautiful soul underneath his skin, made him trip, stumble and fall the hell in love with her.
Therefor, if he were to live a life without her in it, he honestly didn`t want to live. There was really nothing to live for. That is how freaking much he loved that woman. That silence-allergic, stubborn, trouble magnet, lioness hearted and so, so beautiful kind of woman, that he knew, he couldn`t bear to live without.
He cupped her pretty face in the palm of his hands, looked so deep into her eyes, it made her heart jump and literally land in his care. It was really up to him, what he would do with it. Because when it came down to it, he had always had her heart, even after he ripped it out, stepped on it and threw it back in her face. Even after all that had happened, he still had it - right in the palm of his hands. And there wasn`t a god damn think she could do about it.
"Andy, remember that time you were shot at supernova? when I said that I can`t imagine my life without you in it?"
She nodded.
"I meant it then, and I mean it now. I really can`t live my life without you in it. If you`ll let me. I`m going to spend the rest of our life to prove that to you".
He watched a strain of tears make their way down from her eye. Gently and caringly, he wiped them away with his hand and tucking some hair of hers behind her ear.
"Someday, and not in some far away future - but soon, when you`re ready and if you`ll have me, you`re going to be my wife, we`re going to buy a house with a white picket fence, and we`re going to the park on Sundays with all our kids. We are going to live the real life, the kind of life that matters, and we are going to do it all together, because, Andy, there is no one I`d rather spend it with then you. I love you, I want you, I need you. Most important I love you. So much and more than I could ever tell you with my own words. So, if you`ll let me, I`m going to prove that to you every single day for the rest of our life's".
Andy was right down speechless. That was so many words of love, promises and devotion to her, that she never had hear in her entire life. And it came from the one person she always wanted to hear it from. The only one. And the tears she had going on, were really non stoppable. They were out of control.
"Sam", she whispered. "I want all of that too. With you. No one else. Only you. It has always been you, no matter what. Because I only ever loved you. I love you so, so much. But we need to do this right this time. We need to take our time. Get to know each other again, in a different way than before. That is the only way we`ll make it together through our grey haired eighty`s", she smiled, almost closing the distance between them.
"We will make it this time sweetheart. We have both grown and we have learned. It will be different this time and that is a promise I will never break. Okay? I love you Andy. I do".
He brought her face even closer to his and almost against her lips, so close he could feel her breath, he said "And if it`s okay with you, I`m going to kiss you now, because I can`t wait any longer to have those lips again".
Instead of answering with words, she cupped his face too, and leaned them both in for the kiss they have been waiting for all this time.
It was almost like their first kiss all over again. Filled with passion, love, sincerity, meaning, expectations and complete, utterly honesty.
Just what their relationship was going to be filled with. Because, despite all the crap they had been through - when it really came down to them, the loved they had for each other- really couldn`t be compared to anything or described with any words.
What is up next? Stay tuned!