A Second Chance

Chapter 4 - A four legged friend

After being together for 3 months, they had created an easy going routine both at work and home. They mostly ended up staying at Sam`s house and every now and then Andy would stop by her apartment to pick up whatever more she needed.

While Sam on several cases had hinted about getting all of their things under one roof, Andy would pretend she didn`t follow, or change the subject. She knew it was the most logical next step in their relationship, and there wasn`t anything she wanted more than to fall asleep and wake up next to him every morning.

Except... Well, except - she was utterly and completely terrified.

Things between them were going so great, that she was surten that moving in together would be like dropping the other shoe. What if Sam soon would realize living with her was something he simply couldn`t do. Then everything would go straight to hell. That`s what she thought would happen. And she really, really didn`t want that.

On a warm night in mid July - with a weekend off together ahead, amazing weather and just the two of them enjoying some wine, he had taken the jump, the leap and made his move.

He watched her through his (really wanted it to be theirs) kitchen window, while opening a bottle of perfectly chilled white wine.

Wearing only a white summer dress, comfortable propped up on an outside lounge sofa, (with a brown four legged friend that Sam had brought home a few weeks ago, after someone dumped him at the station. The dog fell in love with Sam Swarek and Sam Swarek couldn`t do other than bring him home and give him a decent name and a dog be)Andy had her bare feet up, one hand under her head and the other one patting Boo (Radley), she felt the most calm and at ease. Totally unaware of what was coming next. Or was she really?

Sam on the other hand - dimples on full display and a smile bigger than yours, he couldn`t help but think that she belonged here. With him. With him and Boo.

"Here", Sam said soft as he held out a glass of fine white wine for her.

"Thank you. Come sit next to us", she said back, patting her hand on the free space next to her.

He put his arm around her and placed a kiss to her cheek.

After a few minutes of silence, he spoke up. Trying desperately to figure out where he would start this conversation. "This is really nice. You, me, Boo, enjoying fine wine on the porch... Sunset, warm temperature. Exactly where we belong".

He held his breath, waiting to see if she was getting where he was going with this. When she didn`t seem to do so, he tried further.

"So, uh... You`ve got everything you need for the trip?" (They had planned on driving up to St. Catharine's tomorrow morning for his niece`s birthday)

"Oh, that does remind me. I forgot my hair straightener. You mind stopping my tomorrow?", she asked, still keeping her eyes down towards Boo.

"Sure thing", he mumbled. He really wanted to just ask her. Why couldn`t he? After a minute of silence. Not the uncomfortable type, but just... Silence, he spoke again.

"Andy, I really think it`s time to discuss other living arrangements, don`t you?". He waited for a reaction. Any reaction at all. When he felt her move, and watched her turn towards him, he really weren't sure of what was coming next.

"Sam...", she started. He could sense her hesitated tone.

"I mean, you pay on your mortgage, mine is paid off, you practically live here anyway and all your crap is in this house".

He didn`t actually mean to say it like that. The part about her crap? It was really meant to ease up the tense air he literally was breathing in now.

Her eyes shot up, and he could see the tiniest bit of hurt in her eyes, along with everything else she might be feeling right this second. "If you consider my stuff crap, why the hell would you want to live with it?", Andy almost spat out. She got up from the chair and looked at him.

"I need to...". But then she left.

He cursed inside, punched the pillow next to him and, and then Boo left him too. Great, he thought, as he got up, decided to go after her. Them. Even Boo understood his stupidity.

He found her in the hallway, putting on a pair of sandals. "Andy... I`m sorry. Please don`t leave. We need to talk about this".

"No, not now. Please. I need some air. I`m taking Boo for a walk. I`ll be back". She attached Boo`s leach and walked out the door.

Sam knew she needed time. She had told him that before they got their shit together. Because regardless of how great they were, he had hurt her big time. Crushed her already broken heart and stamped on it. He really had put her trough hell. So the least he could do was give her some time.

He knew she would be back, because they never went to bed angry, or left without making up...

Well, she did like this neighborhood, Andy thought as she walked down the street from Sam`s house. She stopped at the park a couple of streets down and sat on a bench. When Boo jumped up and sat next to her, she cracked a smile and put her arm around the furry dog. To show his gratitude, he licked her cheek.

"Thanks Boo, you always know how to make me feel better".

She had never been in this park before. It was really nice actually.

Even though it was after dark, the park was filled with children laughing and playing. Enjoying being outside in the warm weather.

Made her wonder if she would ever bring her, their kid to a park someday. Then she felt the lump in her throat again. The same one she got whenever Sam would hint about them gathering all their crap under one roof.

The she realized...

It wasn`t so much living together that freaked her out, terrified her. It was more what was down the line for them. Kids. That part. Really it made her actually want to run away. Far away from anything that involved taking care of a small human being. How the hell would she know how to be a mother? How on earth would she know how to practice the ultimate task of parenting? With the role models she had grown up with? That part of her life was nothing but a big, bad joke.

But, truth is... she couldn`t imagine anything greater than having Sam Swarek`s babies. It`s just... she wouldn`t have a clue of how to take care of them. She couldn`t even get a plant to live past a week.

One time, she bought a cactus. Forgot to water it, and within a week... it died. So, was this really something that Sam would want? with her? She was no mother material. Or wife material for that matter...

How could she? She had spent her younger days watching what marriage did to her parents. One day, her mother had had enough. She left. Left her. Her own child. In the middle of the night.

Damn that woman. She had destroyed her. Destroyed every little fairytale picture Andy had about this life she now had right in front of her. It was so close she could practically touch it. How was she any different from her mother? How was she not going to screw everything up? The other shoe had to drop at some point.

(Right?)

It was like she was hunted... And, she knew she had to talk to Sam about it. She looked at her watch. She had been gone for more than an hour.

Yep.

She really needed to get back. Besides, she was dead tired, and they were supposed to leave for St. Catharine's tomorrow morning. Although, considering her latest time and space demand, she really didn`t know if Sam still wanted her to go with him.

He still sat outside when they got back. He heard the door open and close as he took a sip of his wine. Heard her unleash Boo, and then he heard four paws paw their way towards the kitchen. He looked towards the open door, and a second later, Boo was there. Staring at him with his big eyes.

"Hey boy. Where is Andy?", he asked the dog. Then, Boo was gone. He out haled a breath and took another sip of wine. He knew she was in the kitchen, because he could hear the refrigerator door open.

He thought about what to say to her when she hopefully would join him out back again. Although they had talked about their future several times in the past, and he knew she wanted it all, he also knew that she was scared of everything that hopefully was laying in their future. Mostly because of what he had done to her, but also because of her crappy childhood.

He wanted so bad for her to trust that he would never ever do anything to hurt her again. He wanted her to completely trust him again. Trust that everything he did was for her, everything he was going to do was for her. For them, and most of everything, for her to know that he wanted nothing more than a life with her, right by his side. He was in this for the longest of hauls. And, if that meant giving her time, he damn sure would give her that.

His thoughts were interrupted by her sudden presence. He met her eyes as she appeared in the open door. She had a bowl of strawberries in her hand, and what seemed like a photo in the other.

The smile she gave him when he held out his hand for her to take was... Well, it was something in her eyes that made the smile seem so right up honest. So sincere and completely meaningful. Like she was saying that everything was going to work out. He was so mesmerized by it that he was utterly speechless for a second.

"Hi", she almost whispered as she took a step closer.

"Hi. Glad you`re back sweetheart. Come sit down", he said as he put his glass down on the table.

So she did. First she made a gap between them, but then he just pulled her closer. Brought his arm around her and made sure she was safely placed in the crock of his arm. Right where she belonged.

"I`m sorry" she breathed out. He could almost hear the not so well hidden sob in her voice.

"No. Don`t be".

He brought his lips to her hair and took in the scent of her vanilla and coconut as he kissed it. He felt her relax, an let out a breath she clearly had been holding into for some time.

"I want to show you something", she said, as she held out a photo.

"But I want you to know, that I want nothing more than us. I just need to let you in on me"

I`m not sure how far this story will be. I proms it`s not over yet... Stay tuned. :)