I want love to walk right up and bite me,

Grab a hold of me and fight me, leave me dying on the ground.

I want love to: split my mouth wide open,

And cover up my ears and never let me hear a sound

I want love to: forget that you offended me,

Or how you have defended me when everybody tore me down

-Jack White "Love Interrupted"

The thick white candle she'd salvaged from her train case burned with a jumping flame. The moon hadn't entirely traded places with the sun yet, but she wanted the candle's comforting, cozy glow inside the van as dusk grew near. The constant sound of crickets and cicada was abruptly disrupted by a single gunshot splintering the air. It was the first since that morning. Amy. She realized. Finally.

Exhausted from the clusterfuck of a day, Danni sat cross-legged on her sleeping bag with her journal and tarot cards as if she were in her own bedroom. Touring with a band gave her the ability to create a home-like atmosphere just about anywhere. She read the tarot spread from earlier that morning and applied it to the day.

Death: self-explanatory. She nudged Amy's image from her mind. It had haunted her for hours.

10 of Swords: a situation ending; not much need for interpretation there. The camp was disbanding tomorrow.

7 of Wands reversed: A battle lost through indecision. Okay, so she had to make her choice about what to do next. Her three options weighed on her mind. Going with Daryl wasn't off the table yet. He hadn't exactly said no to her earlier. Otherwise, she could stick with the group or go it alone. Time to overcome indecision

Putting the journal aside, she unwrapped the tarot cards. She kept the deck covered by a piece of black silk to prevent all energy and vibration from invading them while they were not in use. Danni engaged the ritual; she removed the cards from their cloth. She readied them to accept her energy by holding them to her chest. She breathed deeply and focused on her query. It came back to her so easily. It was second nature. Nana Brigid would be proud. She shuffled and cut the deck into three stacks. The pile to the left represents recent past, the center indicates current situation and to the right, future outcome. All she needed now was the current situation card. She took the top one from the center deck and turned it over. Strength. A Major Arcana card. She studied the image of a maiden in white holding open the jaws of a lion. She knew there was more to this card than merely finding fortitude. She dug out the book of tarot stories, she'd also been left by Brigid. It details the entire life journey of the Fool pointing out each of his lessons in parables. She knew the meaning of the cards by heart but the old book gave her comfort. It had served as her bedtime stories when she was a little girl. She flipped through until she found Strength. Twirling a long strand of blue-black hair around her finger, she began reading.

Strength:

The Fool, victorious over his enemies, feels arrogant, powerful and vengeful. He finds himself unable and unwilling to control his passions. He comes across a maiden struggling with a lion. Running to help, he arrives in time to see her gently, but firmly shut the lion's mouth! The beast, which seemed so wild and fierce, is now completely at her command.

Amazed, the Fool asks her, "How did you do that?" One hand on the lion's mane, she answers, "I asked the lion to do it, and it did it."

"Why did it want to obey?" The Fool asks. At that moment, the Maiden meets the Fool's eyes; he sees in her warmth, gentleness, a heart so great that its generosity seems as infinite as its willingness to understand. That is when the Fool understands exactly why the lion did her bidding.

It wanted to connect to her higher energy.

Yet there is still one thing that confuses the Fool. "Why would you, fair maiden, want to keep company with a beast?"

"Because he, also, is filled with a wonderful energy." The Maiden says. "It is wild and fierce, but it can be banked, like a fire in a hearth. I knew if he would take direction from me, we could both be warmed." She continued. "So too are our passions. Let them run wild and they will do damage. But we can, with gentle fortitude, check and direct those passions. In doing so, we can get much more out of them. And yet, still sate them."

His rage had quieted. The enlightened Fool walks away knowing that it wasn't only the lion that was tamed this day by a Maiden's pure and innocent strength.

Do not forget, however, that the maiden also sees something wonderful in the lion. She doesn't want to erase the lion or make it other than a lion, but she can see that the lion's energy is being wasted. She is moved to tame it so that they can both benefit.

Danni had her answer. She couldn't leave with Daryl and she shouldn't go off alone. Those were impulsive, emotionally driven choices. It was clear she had to follow the most difficult, but practical path. It was two-fold: she must stay with the group, including Andrea and she needed to persuade Daryl to come with them. She contemplated the cards literal indications; they reinforced what she already knew. Strength indicates this is not a time to act out in rage or in hatred but instead to look at the situation from a place of love and compassion. Andrea. If you have doubted yourself, the Strength card gives you the confidence to fight those doubts. Additionally, if you are feeling worn out or stressed, Strength tells you are going to find the strength within yourself and within others to keep going. When Strength appears in a Tarot reading, be assured that you have enough.

Her Nan would have added that as with fire or taming a lion, one might get burned or scratched a few times by that which one is trying to understand, be it a situation, a person. What else? The card can also stand for a steadfast friend and represents Leo in astrology. She sighed, absorbing the complex message.

She remembered the tequila in Luke's duffel bag. She'd been saving it for a time when she really needed it. That's pretty much now.

She opened the Cuervo with no argument from herself. She took a swig. She wished she had lime and salt. Luxury problem. Burning, flash of nausea, then calm.

"I've got a bottle of tequila baby who needs friends, I got a bottle of tequila baby who needs friends, got a hundred miles of desert, got a head of fresh air and I know a hundred games of solitaire." She sang softly and took another shot. That Concrete Blonde song was always in her head when Jose came out to play.

Was she finished playing solitaire? Remaining with the group meant solidifying her relationship with these people. That reality terrified her. She always put up a good front with people but that's all it was, a front. Being with the group was akin to feeling alone in a crowd. Befriending Daryl, however, felt different. For some reason she was herself around him. Her true self.

She sat, much like she had that very first day, the week before. Cosslegged in her van, she drank with reluctance, and tried to comprehend the idea that she needed people. She wanted a third shot of tequila but screwed the cap back on. She didn't want to get drunk; she needed just enough liquor to keep herself honest; to allow her to open up and trust her feelings.

She wrapped the cards, blew out the candle and hopped down to walk the short distance to where Glenn, Dale, and T-Dog sat by the fire.

She hadn't seen or spoken to anyone other than Carol, Sophia and Daryl since Andrea confronted her that morning. Danni inhaled deeply. It was easier to tolerate the anxious churning in her gut when mixed with tequila. Do these people hate me, blame me?

"Hey, sorry I've been MIA, I just couldn't..." be honest "face you guys." She stood nervously pulling at the hem of her Motorhead t-shirt.

"Why not?" Glenn spoke first, sounding genuinely confused.

Dale answered her questions. "Look, Danni, if this is about Amy, nobody blames you for what happened."

"Andrea does."

"Andrea is in a state of shock. I know she didn't mean the things she said to you earlier She's not doing so great now. She's asleep in the RV. It may be difficult, but you need to go easy on her."

"She called me a lowlife junkie."

"Yes, she did, but believe me no one thinks that about you." Dale clarified.

"She called me a sideshow freak whore."

"Yes, she did..."

Danni was the first to start laughing, realizing how absurd the name calling sounded. Glenn and Dale couldn't help but chuckle as well.

"Girl you was served by Andrea today." T-Dog had to admit.

"Danni, what happened to Amy was horrible. We all wish it had been different." Glenn said when the laughter died down. "You saved Sophia."

"Why don't you have a seat with us?" Dale offered.

"Thanks but there's some things I need to do. By the way, what time are we moving out tomorrow?"

"Early." Glenn smiled, glad she'd be joining them.

... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. ... ... ... ...

"You doin' okay?" Shane approached Danni on her way to see Rick and Lori, who were next on the list. She had to make sure they were holding a place for her tomorrow.

"Yeah, I am now."

He nodded . "Good, that's good, 'cause you know none of us around here blame you for what happened to Amy right?"

She nodded.

"It's a hard thing to carry, feeling responsible for somebody dyin'. Believe me. But you did all you could. I know that. You're someone we can count on."

"Shane, thanks for today, helping me out."

"Anytime."

He was always kind to her. Ever since the day when she'd shown him her shooting abilities. She gave him credit. She knew he hadn't come across too many women like her. Still, she never forgot for a second that he was a cop. He walked with her the short distance to Rick and Lori's tent.

"Danni, hey, you know everybody's worried about you?" Rick said as he saw she approach with Shane.

"Shouldn't be, I just had to get my head around today. I'm a lot better now."

Lori added. "No one blames you for anything. And those things Andrea said, well, just forget them."

"Andrea blames me," Danni repeated.

"She's upset, she'll be okay. She'll have to be." Rick reassured her. "You ready to move out tomorrow?" He brought the subject up for her.

"Just about."

"Enough fuel? Because we can siphon more from that sports car."

Rick did not want to have to combine vehicles until it was necessary. They provided not only transportation, but also storage, supplies and shelter if necessary. So far, they had luck siphoning gas from abandoned cars on the highway.

"No, I'm good."

"One more thing. Daryl told me he's not coming."

"Good," Shane commented.

"Shane I know we disagree on this."

"Let him go off on his own. He don't fit in here. He's a troublemaker, no better than that scumbag brother of his was. Why are you so hot to have him with us?" Shane argued.

"Look, he's a human being. I do not want to be responsible for anyone else dying. Merle was my fault. Now Amy's gone. No one else."

"It's a mistake Rick. You are asking for trouble."

"Daryl is part of this group Shane. Whether you like it or not. He contributes food, he risked his life for Danni and Sophia today. For all of us."

Shane shook his head.

"Danni, maybe you could talk to him?" Rick asked.

"Why me?"

"Because he seems to act differently around you. He just might listen to you."

"Waste of time," Shane commented.

She had planned to make her own case to Daryl for joining them; she was unsure whether making one for Rick could help or hurt her chances of getting him to agree. She nodded. He was next on her list anyway.

As she started off to Daryl's tent, she thought, I'm a lion tamer and I should have had that third tequila shot to put my butterflies to sleep.

Daryl had set up on the rear side of the camp, a little further back than the others, in front of his truck. He had made an area for skinning the animals he'd hunted. It was obvious he'd lived this way before. She saw the glow of a lantern inside the tent.

"Daryl," she called.

"Hell you want?" He asked from inside.

"Rick asked me to talk to you about something."

"Jesus, I just can't get away from those people."

She waited, but he didn't emerge, so she walked over to the olive drab surplus tent and pulled back the entrance flap. He was inside making bolts for his crossbow out of fiberglass tent poles he had scavenged from camper trucks on the highway. He'd cut them down and was filing the ends to accommodate the field tip.

Danni sat next to him on his sleeping bag. "Busy?"

"So what does officer Rick want?" He asked without looking up from the bolts.

"Everybody to go to the CDC. The whole group."

He was silent.

"That includes you."

"You sure 'bout that?"

"Yes, and so is Rick."

"Rick. What does he know? Bossing everybody around, giving orders an' acting like he's in charge. Nobody's in charge of me." He referred to their earlier conversation as he asked,"What about what you said today? Me and you just get out of here." He put the poles and file aside. "Might not be so bad." He had reached his limit with what he felt was a weak, stupid, disorganized assortment of people just waiting to be killed. "They're scared of you and me. For different reasons."

Her stomach flipped when he said it and she felt a measure of pride. They'd helped each other through several intense situations in a relatively short amount time. As much as she wanted to just run away from all of this with him, she knew it was not supposed to happen that way. "I know what I said earlier but-"

"What? You don't want to go with me? Is that it? You suddenly one of them? Too good for me now, huh?" He bombarded her with questions and felt stupid for asking her. Of course, she'd changed her mind. Look at me.

"I didn't say that!" She hit his chest with her fists and pushed him as if it would stop his defensive questioning.

He wouldn't let her pull her hands back; he squeezed her wrists and his sudden burst of anger subsided. She felt a little light-headed when he grabbed her that way. "I'll go myself." He stated.

She took her hands back, massaging her wrists to restart circulation.

"Daryl if anybody can make alone it's you."

"Got that right."

"But you don't have to. Forget Rick. I want you to come."

He avoided her gaze.

She circled the subject. "Don't you think Rick and Lori are lucky? They have each other to depend on. They're not going through this hell alone."

He shook his head. Still stinging from her rejection his voice was angry and dismissive. "They ain't lucky, they're likely to bring each other down. When you start caring you start making dumb ass decisions. Better on your own looking out for yourself. Like us. Not attached; nobody else to worry about. Just kill as many of those damn things as you can and survive. The lighter you travel, the farther you go."

"That's how I've lived my whole life." She said. "Now I'm wondering if its such a good idea."

"You're only saying that 'cause you're scared. Today shook you."

"I feel like it's different now. Being alone is harder. Rick and Lori will never be alone."

"Until one of them gets the other killed for being stupid."

"Don't say that."

"Its reality girl, get used to it."

They were silent for a long time. Finally, she spoke. "Why are you only nice to me?"

He looked at her sideways. "The hell you mean by that?"

"You don't talk to anybody else, and remember there was that time with Ed?"

He remembered. She went on, "I can't believe you carried me back from Atlanta." She hesitated but added, "Merle at the lake." It was a damned list. More silence. "Daryl, no one's ever done stuff like that for me before. Ever."

"Guess I don't mind you much cause you don't talk a lot of shit and you ain't stupid. Now I think I might be changing my mind 'bout that."

"I should shut up now?"

"Yeah you should. Girl, you got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth tonight. "

She looked over at him in the soft glow of the lantern and remembered her dream from the night before. She imagined moving on to his lap, gripping his shoulders and kissing him. Just to see what it would be like.

"What are you looking at?" He asked huskily, not gruffly, as she stared into his eyes. She touched his hand. He immediately pulled it back.

"Daryl, what's wrong?"

"Nuthin'."

She leaned in and kissed him gently. His lips were softer than she expected. She hadn't planned it, but she had enough of a tequila buzz for impulsive behavior. He didn't return the kiss.

"What did ya do that for?" His face reddened with embarrassment and he moved away from her.

"I just wanted to know what it would feel like."

"Hell, kind of reason is that?"

She felt foolish. He could sound so mean when he wanted to. He was pushing and pulling, causing her to read his signals wrong. Again. Her cheeks flushed pink. She got up quickly. She'd never initiated anything physical with him before. How would she face him after this? This was no dream. Dumb move. "Sorry. I'm sorry, okay?"

"Stop sayin' that." He sounded nervous. Agitated, he motioned for her to sit back down. He smelled wild honeysuckle when she was close.

"Is there something wrong with me?" She asked. "I know that I'm not everybody's type-I don't want to be. But, it just seems like you don't mind what I look like."

Don't mind? Hell, I like it.

"Sometimes it feels like you might even like it. Like me."

Reading my mind now?

"I guess I read your signals wrong." She shook her head. "I feel like an idiot. I'm sorr-"

"Don't say you're sorry. There aint nothing wrong with you." He hated that she thought so. "You're the prettiest goddamned girl I've ever seen." He felt like a fool for saying it that way. He'd never been good with words, least of all compliments. He looked away waiting for her to laugh.

No one had ever said anything that sweet or that real to her before, so she couldn't help herself when she asked, "Can I kiss you again?"

He shrugged, trying to look nonchalant, not nervous. He felt panicky, his heart was pounding.

He's afraid. If he was afraid, then she could be brave. She knew what to do. When their lips came together this time, he kissed her back awkwardly, close-mouthed. He pulled away.

"This is a bad idea. You don't wanna do this." His voice was low, almost a growl.

"Do you want to?"

He was silent.

"Don't tell me what I want Daryl, tell me what you want."

"I'm no good at this stuff."

"Didn't answer my question."

"Yeah." He choked. "I want to."

As she moved her arms around his neck he let her pull him close. He allowed her mouth back on his. When she thrust her tongue between his teeth to meet his own, any self-control he planned to exert deserted him. He stopped thinking and let his body take over. He kissed her forcefully, scratching her soft cheeks with the scruff on his chin. She took his lower lip gently between her teeth. That's when he let his tongue explore her mouth, and he got the hang of breathless, open-mouthed, greedy kisses.

"Okay?" She asked huskily.

Nothing like the girls back home. He was doing fine if he kept his mind out of it. They kissed for a while, still somewhat awkwardly, but mutually. He moved his lips to her long delicate neck, lightly sucking on the tender pale skin he liked so much, sending shudders throughout her body that left her thighs tingling. When his mouth was close to her ear, she hoped he'd lick it and run his tongue in and out, but he stopped and went back to her mouth. Eventually, Danni came up for air.

She didn't want to push him. "We can stop now if you want."

"That what you want?"

Back to this, she thought. "Honestly, no."

He nodded, glad she'd said that. She lowered herself carefully down to his sleeping bag, and lay on her back, exposing her body to him. He swallowed hard, then shifted his weight down so that he was laying on his side facing her, leaning on one elbow. He hesitantly put a hand under her shirt and waited for a second, but she didn't protest or move away. She wasn't wearing a bra. Her breasts were on the small side but well-shaped. He squeezed gently, then harder. He was rough, not used to this sort of contact. She flinched. "Shit, I'm sorry." He stopped, unsure where to put his hands next.

"Its okay." She pulled her shirt off, giving him the permission he seemed to need." Really."

The swallows

He got up and bent over her keeping her thighs between his knees. He had wanted to feel the tattoos since the first day he saw them.

"Can I touch 'em?"

"Uh huh,"

He placed his fingers gently on the light blue painted birds on either side of her navel ring. He traced them peeking out above her shorts. As he let his fingers linger on the ink, he heard her catch her breath. He wanted to kiss them, put his mouth on her delicate hip bones, always visible just above her belt, teasing him daily. He was unsure if she'd want that. Stop thinking. He began to stroke the smooth, warm skin of her inner thigh as softly as he could laying back down. She nibbled his neck and licked his ear. He groaned a little and she felt him hard against her leg. Realizing it himself, Daryl moved back. She tried to pull him down, but he resisted, straddling her from above. Could he trust her not to humiliate him? So far she'd been making things okay; everything was easier with her, why not this?

"You don't have to be tough all the time, you know." She said softly.

She slipped her hands under his shirt urging him to pull it off. He hesitated; he'd never felt a woman's skin against his own but the thought of her bare flesh touching his caused such nervous excitement that when she sat up he let her push the dirty sleeveless thermal up and over his head. The heat of their flesh meeting overwhelmed him and he pushed her back down. This is actually gonna happen he thought as she unbuckled his belt. She opened his pants, freeing his hardened member. He tensed as she took him in her hands, but slowly relaxed into her light caress.

Fuck, I have no idea what I'm doing. This ain't nothing like my hand, she's... she feels so good...fucking hell. His thoughts rushed the pounding blood in his ears.

She heard his breath hitch and small grunts escaped him. Letting him go for a moment, she placed his hands on her hips. She unbuttoned her own denim cut offs and looped his fingers inside the waistband of both her shorts and panties directing him to pull down so she could shimmy out of them. Kissing him breathlessly, she took another second to kick off her boots. He grunted approval when her hand returned to stroking him, faster now, more deliberate. She could tell he was ready. Not wanting to make him wait too long, she began to guide him between her legs.

"You sure about this?" he rasped into her ear. "I ain't done nothin' for you." He knew there was something, just wasn't exactly sure what. Yet.

Danni just nodded licking his neck.

Good cause I don't think I can stop now. He reached up behind her to Merle's pack still sitting in the corner. He grabbed a condom. Good old Merle always had a supply of rubbers even if he forgot to use 'em most of the time. He realized Merle would never touch Danni like this. Never abuse her and treat her like dirt. Never have her. The thought excited him and he kissed her with rough, suffocating force. She surprised him by taking the condom. She brought the rubber over his tip and slowly massaged it down the length of his shaft increasing his arousal. He mustered his self-control. He didn't want this to go wrong. He willed himself to slow down. He was not that kid anymore. She took him, finally directing him inside, helping him at first, then he began to enter easily on his own. As he hesitantly pushed forward, a low, breathy moan escaped her, causing him to lose control and he plunged in hard. He'd never felt anything like her before. He wanted to keep moving further inside, as far as possible. She bent her knees at his waist and pushed her pelvis up to meet his, making it easier for him to go deeper and for her to feel him against her most sensitive spot. She placed his hand under the small of her back to keep herself steady beneath him. He began to thrust, feeling her tighten around his width. The friction made him speed up considerably. His movement was rough, bullish and a little jerky as he repeatedly pushed harder into her. His hips moved on their own now, awkwardly thrusting down and Daryl was afraid he was going to hurt her. But as the tightening in his groin grew by the minute he couldn't stop if he wanted to. Danni felt like he could break her in two, but she'd die if he stopped.

"Wait, not so fast." She gasped, her breath uneven, clutching the hair over his ears.

He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek. He didn't want this to end yet. She felt him struggling with his pace so she contracted her muscles around him, keeping their movements together.

"Wait." She ordered again, gently. As he felt her tighten around him, he followed her lead and they developed a slower, steadier rhythm. If he sped up, she tempered him.

She wanted him on top, sheltering her protectively. Her whole life she'd been tough and self-reliant. She needed him to secure her in this most vulnerable moment. She rarely had orgasms unless she was on top, but now she didn't care. All she wanted was to feel Daryl on her and inside her. It is not sex that gives us pleasure, but the lover. She understood that now. She drew him close, tasting his salty sweat, lost in his deliberate thrusting. His ragged breathing was peppered with husky grunts he couldn't restrain. The warm, familiar, waves swelling from below caught her completely by surprise. She pushed up, writhing against him desperate to increase the warm tingling. The unanticipated pleasure sweetened her climax. Her toes curled and she knew she was digging her nails into his arms. Her vision blurred as the surge rushed her, flooded her and she couldn't do anything but yield completely. He heard her gasp and sigh and as she squeezed her legs tightly around him, repeat his name over and over. He loved hearing her say it with such desperation. He remained constant, hoping to god he could keep making her feel like this. She was bending to him. Her body grew rigid, then repeatedly limp. The rough, rolling sea inside her began to quiet. It was short but intense. She could barely get the words out. "Now you." She smiled shyly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She breathed the word into his ear. He focused on his own release.

"Aww fuck…" he groaned, unable to help himself, feeling the coil in his stomach just about to unravel. His muscles tensed and heat raced to his pelvis. His arms trembled as he held himself steady over her; he'd never felt anything like it. She no longer tried to temper his pace and he couldn't if he tried, not that he wanted to. It didn't take long before he came hard, joining her in a rolling sea of his own. With a shudder, he let his full weight almost crush her. She needed his heaviness. They held tight, breathing hotly into each others necks, sweating, bodies spent. She thought she might love him.

He rolled off her. She touched his chest and waited for him to put his arms around her. He didn't. His silence twisted her gut. She knew he was somewhere else again. He began to dress, making sure his back faced away from her.

"Where are you going?" Danni asked, shocked that he was gathering himself up to leave. "Its the middle of the night."

He was too overwhelmed and chose not to listen to the pain in her voice.

"I gotta go." His voice was gravel.

"Now? You're kidding, right?

"Hell, ya want from me Danni?" It came out harsher than he meant. Seeing her face shatter was too much for him. He left the tent without another word.

"God damn him!" she yelled as loudly as she could not caring if anyone else heard. She refused to cry. She was an expert at holding back tears. Better than Daryl, she thought ironically. But as she pulled on her boots, the ones he had given her, she almost broke down. She breathed deeply to calm herself. She walked back to her van alone in the dark.

When taming a lion, you might get scratched a few times.