"You okay?" Danni found Stephen outside leaning on a barricaded fence contemplating the prison yard stretched out before him. Guard towers stood tall on either side of the near horizon, barbed wire topping the chain link. The sun was bright but weak, no match for the bitter chill of late autumn.
"Your cheek...ouch," she reached up to touch the reddish-purple bruise beginning to swell. He had always towered over her at 6' 2". He winked.
"Don't sweat it, Daryl's pissed at me. I get it, don't want no more lions around his watering hole. Understandable."
"He's just insecure." She drew in a sharp breath. "About me."
"Aint we all sweetheart?"
She smiled slightly.
"He loves you." Stephen's voice was solemn, no tough posturing.
"I love him."
He nodded. "I know that too. Want my advice?" His eyes were as cool ice blue as Daryl's were fiery cobalt.
"I don't know. Do I?"
"Sure you do. Remember, I'm your sensei in the blood sport of life. So, I'll lay it out. Keep it." He placed his palm flat on her stomach. "Things come to us when we're ready to handle them. What is just is. Accept. "
"I don't know if I am ready."
"You are, trust it girl. You'll be a good mom."
Her eyes questioned his calm certainty. She'd had no role model.
"This is the right time."
He went on, "Sometimes we aren't meant to know somebody forever. Some journeys are meant to end. Know what I'm saying?"
"I think so."
"People leave your life to make room for new folks to come in. Letting go frees you up for that. It's like this: do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
She put her head in her hands almost laughing. "You still into that Buddhist shit?" He could always charm her when he wanted to.
He became serious again. "Don't shut Daryl out, right? And remember no glove no love."
"Nice." she commented with sarcasm. "But hey, we forgot last time." She felt panicky remembering their night in Atlanta. "Shit"
"You're okay for now, but don't be tempting fate; let it do its own thing."
"Wait, if I'm pregnant now why does it matter?"
He laughed. "You're not here yet."
Her eyes snapped open and she stared at the ceiling of the RV. Not here yet. Where was here? In the dreams she was always cold and the surroundings looked like a prison. Prison symbolized confinement, being trapped and a lack of choices. The dream pressed down with a physical weight on her chest. Talking with Stephen felt tangible and authentic. She thought of him as her second conscience. She'd laugh and give him shit about all his Eastern Philosophy, but in reality, he had grounded her. It was like he was coming back to help her. At least in her dreams. He was dead like everybody else she'd known. Another pregnancy dream. All spiritual bravado aside, she was having difficulty accepting. She was afraid. No denying it.
Without warning, her breath left her and she felt like someone had kicked her in the stomach. Danni shot up as everything came back to her. Desolate, highway graveyard; the road blocked by a dead sea of cars. They couldn't travel further past the overturned 18 wheeler across the highway. Sophia had panicked and scurried into the trees when the herd of Walkers had invaded and marched through. After hours of fruitless searching, she and Daryl laid down on the floor of the RV to rest for a minute. As the night drew on and Rick and Shane hadn't returned from the second search shift and she had fallen into an exhausted, worried sleep.
Daryl wasn't beside her anymore. She found him outside. He leaned against the vehicle, looking at the stars in the night sky.
"Can't listen to her crying anymore." He explained referring to Carol, as Danni descended the steps.
She nodded and pointed up to the stars. "Do you see him?"
"The bear hunter?" He asked surprised. "You know the stars?"
She nodded "But to me, he's Fion mac Huill. My Nan called him he greatest hunter and warrior in Irish legend."
They observed the formation of stars for a few long minutes. Danni had Sadhbh and Stephen's dream words "accept your fate" whirling in her head simultaneously with her worry over Sophia.
"Let's look some more, please?"
"Yeah, I need to get out of here." He agreed.
They walked side by side behind the beam of her flashlight. Crickets chirped and the ground crunched as they tread over fallen branches. He had the crossbow in his hand by his side, rather than over his back, ready to raise it at the slightest noise.
"Do you think she's all right?" Danni asked sick to her stomach with worry.
"Course she is. She 's just lost. Ain't the mountains of Tibet, its Georgia. At least she's got people looking for her. " He went on, his raspy voice softening. "Hell, I got lost. Didn't have nobody out searchin' for me. No one even knew I was gone."
"Parents?" she started to ask.
"Dad was on a two week bender with some waitress and Merle was doin' another stint in juvie. I was out there eight days. Eating berries, wiping my ass with poison oak. Found my own way back though. Walked in the kitchen, made me a sandwich. I was fine." He sounded proud, but dismissive of the fact that an eight-year-old never should have to go through something like that. "My ass itched something awful though."
"Poor baby," she said smacking it.
"Watch it."
"I wouldn't have minded being lost," Danni told him becoming serious. "I ran away a lot, but they always brought me back."
"Bad?" He asked, already knowing it was.
"It was okay before my Nana died. Even for a little while after that if my mom took off with a guy for a while we were fine; my little sister and me. Didn't need my mom."
She'd never mentioned a sister before. He couldn't help but think of Merle.
"Then she started marrying the sons of bitches and bringing them home. It was safer to leave. Especially after ..." she trailed off and, as usual, he didnt press.
"I lived on the streets for a while. I did anything I could to keep from going home." She stopped again, wanting to change the subject.
Daryl recognized the anger in her voice mimic his own. He remembered her words at the CDC. "You're still here." He said, trying to comfort her. It was still new for him.
"Anything to get away." She went on. "I stayed in squats and dumpster dived. I lived under a bridge for a couple of weeks once. I hated that." She laughed. "I can't understand why you like being out here all the time." She motioned to the trees. "I prefer a roof and four walls even if it's in a condemned building or a Motel 6 for gods sake. Never thought I'd be out in the woods like this." She slapped a mosquito on her neck.
"You're doin' all right." He said, feeling even more respect for her.
"You think?" She didn't bust him for the rare compliment.
"Scenery's changed, but the game's still the same."
She gently hit his arm. "I do have the boots for it."
She knew it would be hard to keep up out here. Daryl got along fine in the woods by himself. He could hunt, track and he wasn't afraid of Walkers in the least. He embraced this new existence. What made him stumble was people. He seemed so sheltered. She figured this was the largest group of people he'd ever had to be around. She couldn't help him out in the woods, but she could do her best to help him in the circle of people. She'd share with him what this new way of life taught her; that you can't do everything by yourself anymore.
"Danni, we'll find Sophia. I'll find her." He voice was soft but unfaltering.
"I know you will." She believed in him. He was starting to get used to it.
She stopped and moved a hand to push the hair off of his forehead. She knew he'd let her touch him now, out here, where they were alone. Only when they were alone. Her fingers came to rest lightly at the base of his neck, and she drew his face closer to hers. He reached around behind her, slipping a hand under her shirt. She was enjoying the sensation of his right palm pressing on the skin of her back when it suddenly jerked her hard against him making her gasp. She softly bit his lower lip, but he was having no part of her gentleness. They hadn't had a moment alone in over 24 hours. His face was rough against her cheeks and his mouth hungry for hers He kissed her aggressively, stole all her breath and made her light-headed. She heard the cross-bow hit the ground and his left hand gripped the hair at the back of her neck so she couldn't pull her head away, even if she wanted to. She didn't. Just as they were reaching the point of no return, two aggressive, snarling Walkers shuffled into Daryl's peripheral vision
"Motherfuckers." He stepped back from Danni muttering. He picked up his bow and gave the first one an arrow between the eyes. When the next interloper started toward them, its gurgling growls extra loud, he shot it in the side of the head and said "Shut up!" frustrated, knowing the moment was over.
... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
When they returned to the RV Danni saw everyone gathered around only Shane.
"Where's Rick?"She asked feeling dread in her chest.
Daryl positioned himself next to, but slightly in front to act as much as a barrier between Shane and Danni as possible while they listened to his explanation.
"Fine, Rick is fine. I was just telling everyone it's the damnedest thing, but we met a woman, just rode up to us on a horse. She lives with her family on a farm, not far from here. It's fenced, they have food, wells for water. It sounds safe. Rick went with her to see if they will take us in. At least while we look for Sophia. He'll be back soon as he can."
When Shane finished his explanation, Daryl moved her away from his vicinity. They ended up at the open back door of the Cherokee for the rest of the night. He sat with her head in his lap, neither of them able to sleep or even talk. They just looked for formations in the stars.
... ... ... .. ... ... .. .. ... .. .
The next morning Rick had yet to return. While Daryl was out heading the search for Sophia, Danni decided to scavenge cars for water, food and anything that could be useful. He was better at tracking than she'd ever be so she trusted and left the search up to him. She felt Lori's eyes bearing down on her as she got ready to head down the hot asphalt road, acutely aware of the disgusted look the woman threw her. Danni believed that being practical was more important than being sentimental. Lori was trying to inhabit a world that didn't exist anymore. Danni had always lived hand to mouth. She had learned early on that you had to take what you could when you could because there always comes a time when you can't get anything. It was certainly no different now.
She tied her hair up in a red bandana and knotted her t-shirt just under her ribs. She was buckling her belt one more notch in now. She needed to try to eat more. Even if it was a disgusting roasted squirrel.
She numbed her mind to the sight of any corpses stuck in the cars in various stages of decay and blocked their stench by trying to breathe through her mouth. She knifed their brains then focused on putting what she could salvage into the spare duffel bag she lugged with her. Bottled water, energy bars, toiletries like soap and tooth paste were all good scores. She silently thanked the spirits of the people in these cars. Opening the back door of a Red Ford Explorer, she halted at the sight of a child's empty car seat unable to move past it. The bag that lay beside it was full of toddler clothing for a girl. Picking up itty- bitty pink and purple t-shirts with Hello Kitty and Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony imprinted on them, made her smile and blink back tears simultaneously. She gathered up piece after tiny piece, folding each one tenderly as if in a trance. How could anything alive be so small? The little shirts and dresses seemed like doll clothing. Her mind took her back to the last time she'd handled a child's clothing.
In early morning, house was dark and quiet. Mom had either left for her pre-dawn shift at the 24 hour diner or passed out in bed with some guy from the night before. Danni, still in her pajamas, sleep not yet gone from her eyes, crept to the small bureau she and Tara shared to pick out an outfit for her younger sister to wear that day. Tara was always excited when she woke up, surprised and thrilled by the choices the faeries made for her, unaware that it was actually Danni laying the outfits across the bottom of her bed. She was already three but didn't want to find her own clothes. She preferred this special game which had developed due to necessity from to their mother's neglect. If six-year-old Danni didn't dress and feed her sister, no one would have. Making everything, a magical game kept Tara from being afraid. That was all that mattered to Danni. After laying out the tiny pink t-shirt and unbelievably small jeans or shorts, she'd head to the kitchen, fingers crossed, hoping to find enough milk left in the carton for their breakfast cereal.
Her reverie was abruptly interrupted by a frantic, high-pitched howling. A baby? No, it was an animal. Dropping a tiny sundress, Danni headed toward the front of the vehicle after the screaming. It was an insistent meowing coming from underneath the engine.
She popped the hood and saw a black kitten hiding in the small space between the engine and hood. It stopped crying when it saw her. She gently reached in and pulled the baby out. She checked under its tail and said "Hello, little man." She put him on the ground and crouched down. He bombarded her with long piercing, pathetic meows until he was back in her arms.
She listened for more cries to make sure he didn't have brothers or sisters hiding nearby or a momma cat lurking in the vicinity. "OK my, little familiar." She said jokingly. "Let's go."
... ... .. .. .. ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"Find anything good?" Carl asked as Danni reached the RV. She dropped the heavy duffel from her shoulder. "Yeah, some water, soap, cans of beans and this."
She extended her elbow and Carl saw the kitten in the crook of her arm. She'd never seen him so excited. The kitten started to cry when she handed him to Carl but quieted as Danni rubbed its cheek with her forefinger.
"He's hungry." She noticed.
"What are we going to feed him?" Carl was all over the baby animal.
"Meat." Cats are true carnivores, this little thing should eat like a wild cat.
"You're gonna feed that? That thing could feed us." Daryl had to put his two cents in. "Well in a year or so, too small now to get anything off the bones."
Danni realized he was back but without Sophia. Her heart sank.
"Shut up." She said it distractedly, not really trying to bust him. She looked up, switching gears.
"Daryl, I need you to go get some squirrel or rabbit. Rabbit, actually, that would be better I think." She knew some commercial cat food contained rabbit.
"So I'm taking orders now? Think I'm y'all's waiter?" He complained.
Danni stared at him without words. Her eyes, wide with urgency, told him all she needed him to know.
"I'll be back." He'd just returned from searching the woods all morning and although dirty and exhausted, he turned right around. He'd do anything for her.
Before setting out once again, Daryl watched her sitting cross-legged cradling the tiny kitten in her arms. He could see what she must have looked like as a kid. Her face showed a light he'd never seen before.
"Let's name him Lucky or Shadow," Carl suggested excitedly.
"Those are really good names, but I think we should let Sophia name him, when she gets back." Danni decided.
'Me too." Carl agreed soberly. "Definitely. Sophia's gonna love him."
.. ... ... .. ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
Daryl returned a while later with the rabbit Danni wanted. "Okay, now skin it or whatever it is you do. And cut the meat in small pieces, shred it if you can." She spoke quickly.
He was hiding a smile as she ordered him around. Whatever it is I do, huh? "Awful bossy today."
She did it again, just bore into him with her enormous, urgent eyes. The kitten was in her arms, not making a sound, staring hard at him the same way.
He took the rabbit to the side of the road by the woods to skin and gut it. Cut the meat into small pieces, shred it. "Yes ma'am." he said aloud.
After the kitten had eaten a good amount of meat, Danni and Carl played with him on the ground in the shade of the RV. They held up a shoelace and watched him leap and run in an awkward first attempt at becoming a mighty hunter.
Daryl leaned against the side of the camper, cleaning and sharpening the knife he'd just used, watching them. "Squirrel Bait's jumping pretty high there." He commented using his new name for the kitten. "If it just stopped tripping over its own damn feet it might make something of itself some day."
"Squirrels don't eat meat," Danni commented, still focusing on the cat. She was right, they usually didn't, he just liked the sound of the nickname. He was glad for this distraction. The search for Sophia was taking longer than he wanted it to and made him worry about Danni. She'd taken to that little kid. Hell, he felt like he owed Sophia something himself. If he hadn't talked to her the night he'd brought Andrea back, he'd never had known Danni was out in the woods. Might never have found her again.
About an hour later, Rick drove up in an ancient, faded blue pickup truck with a girl, probably in her early twenties. Exiting the vehicle and approaching, he looked triumphant, almost more relieved than Danni had ever seen him. He gathered the group to announce what he felt was the best news they had in a long time.
"This is Maggie Greene." Rick introduced the tall woman, her light brunette hair fell just to her chin which she held high increasing her guarded expression.
"Her father is going to let us stay at their farm, on the property. It's fenced, which makes it reasonably safe from Walkers. We can set up, have a base to search for Sophia."
"We have maps too," Maggie added in a thick Georgia drawl. "It might help. We're all real sorry to hear about the little girl. My dad couldn't say no to y'all after hearing what happened."
"Anything to get off the road," Glenn said wearily.
They packed up yet again, to follow Maggie back to their latest haven.
Danni zipped the kitten up against her chest, in the front of her hoodie, then got on the bike behind Daryl. The tiny thing didn't flinch when he kick-started the thundering engine.
They hadn't traveled far when they hit the turn off to a picturesque white southern farm-house, with a wrap around porch, in the distance. The scene took Danni's breath away. It looked like something out of a southern gothic novel.
Then something else caught her eye. "Daryl stop!" She yelled over the rumbling engine and shook his arm motioning him to pull over.
She dismounted, the kitten still secure under her jacket and jogged back a few feet to two intersecting roads midway between the Street and the farm. A crossroad. She stood in the center then crouched down to gather dirt. She put a handful in her jacket pocket. She returned to Daryl sitting on the bike, a patient, tolerant expression on his face.
"Crossroad dirt." She explained matter of factly.
"More conjure stuff?"
She nodded. "You hardly ever come across crossroads that aren't paved over anymore."
"Dirt, huh? What do you do with dirt?"
"It's not regular dirt. I dug it from the center of the crossroad which means it's sacred. You use it to help make significant decisions. Mix it with some other herbs and stuff. Keep it with you".
Being an Irish Traveller, Nana Brigid had crossroad dirt from all over the country. Danni remembered the mason jars, holding the sacred soil, labeled with the town, state, and date.
He shook his head, not in a dismissive fashion, but with mild amusement. He stroked his scruffy chin. "Whatever you need to do."
.. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .
The kitten had taken to either sitting on Danni's left shoulder or laying across both, behind her neck like a fur collar. He seemed to want his head near her face all the time. Now he was her scarf as they stood gathered before Herschel Greene.
Herschel looked the part of a southern gentleman farmer almost to the point of being cliché. White hair and bushy eyebrows, suspenders and kind eyes. He stood on his porch, flanked by his two daughters and son in law sizing up the ragged bunch of people before him. Again, making Danni think of a William Faulkner novel. He and Rick had struck a bargain on the logistics of letting them all camp on his land.
The group established itself on the edge of one of his fields under a small grove of trees. Dale parked the RV just where the forest ended. It was similar to the camp by the quarry. The fire pit was at the center of the circle of tents.
Dale asked Carol to stay in the RV wanting her to have physical comfort while worry and grief ravaged her emotions.
.. ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ... ... ... .. .. .
Danni felt useless as Daryl began to pitch the tent. He was going too fast for her to learn or even see what was doing.
"Why are we setting up so far from the rest of them?" She asked.
"You know why."
Shane.
She nodded.
"Let me help with something."
"Nah, you'll just slow me down." He dismissed her.
Daryl was in his element. He enjoyed doing all the work by himself, having her watch and see how accomplished he could be. He wasn't a loser out here. This is where he would shine and she'd see it. She'd need him to hunt, not just for the two of them, but for that scruffy little rug rat of an animal she was so attached to now.
As he dug the pit for the fire, he glanced over. She she sat on the ground, kitten on her shoulder, hunched over her notebook, writing. The glossy black hair framed her face in two loose braids setting off of her pale cheeks. He didn't know why she wasn't getting more color, being out in the sun so much. Her bangs were growing over her eyes and she kept pushing them to the side with the back of her hand, between penning words. Sometimes he wanted to know what she was always writing in that book of hers, but he never asked. Maybe someday. Would she even want him to know?
Danni silently read one of her favorite quotes: "We all in this world need something to cling to for a center of calm." -Sylvia Plath
"I'm going with you tomorrow to look for her," Danni announced, breaking the silence.
"You keep up and do what I tell you then."
"Of course." She gave a wry smile.