Fireworks exploded in a dozen brilliant colors and Zuko leaned back against the steps, his head tilted toward the evening sky.

"Man," Sokka said, wincing as he downed his drink. "This must be what it feels like to breathe fire."

Zuko laughed softly, looking at the amber liquid in his own cup.

"It's not even close. Besides, this isn't half as strong as the arctic brandy you're so fond of."

The world had gathered in the Earth Kingdom for a week of celebrating and treaty signing and King Kuei's wedding. Every nation, even the North Pole was represented. This would be the first time in more than 100 years that all the nations had gathered peacefully. Zuko upended his cup, then leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. He'd worked hard, absolutely throwing himself into every possible effort for recovery he could think of, even going so far as to personally join the search part to find Kuei and return him to the throne. With Iroh at his side as a chief advisor, he'd been able to change many things for the better.

"This burns much more than arctic brandy ever will," Sokka said.

Through the past six years, through everything he'd fought for, he'd done his best to keep in touch with everyone, and surprisingly, they'd managed to do a good job of it. He'd become closest with Sokka, and they wrote nearly constantly. Their duties kept them separated, though, so he came to greatly appreciate the time they were able to spend together, unfettered by duty. Which is why he wasn't fond of the way Sokka was looking at him.

"So what's on your mind?" Sokka asked.

"Just thinking about how you surprise people with what you know."

Sokka laughed, slapping his knee. Zuko found himself smiling even though he could feel the dark cloud crowding in on his thoughts. Sokka always had an infectious quality about him. As he took a deep breath of the night air, he caught a gentle scent of what he thought was the sea, thought he heard a familiar laugh that he'd never forget. His eyes snapped open, and that starburst scar on his abdomen ached with remembered pain. When he looked, he saw only random groups of people in random colors. Some blue here and there, but never the right shade. Never the right form.

"I'm going to ask you a question you're probably going to be a dick about."

"Then why bother?"

Zuko felt a familiar tightening in his chest, a feeling he'd done his best to ignore for six years. Most days, he succeeded, but there were times when no amount of distraction was enough to keep blue eyes from swimming into his vision. There were days when he would always smell the salt of the Southern seas. He glanced to his left, and Sokka was watching him, undoubtedly gauging his reaction.

"Whatever," Zuko muttered.

"I'm hoping you'll surprise me."

Zuko ran his hands over his face, poured himself a drink, downed it, then poured another before gesturing for Sokka to ask his stupid invasive question. He'd been happy spend time with Sokka, but now he was trying to ruin it.

"Are you happy?"

Zuko started. He hadn't been expected that. Maybe Sokka really didn't know that secret buried deep in his heart. Or maybe he knew enough to not pry. Either way, the question ate right to Zuko's core and made him aware of a deep sadness, a sort of emptiness that ate away at him every day for six years, often leaving him feeling numb.

"You'll laugh and joke around, sure," Sokka said, turning to watch the revelers in the street. "But sometimes when you think no one's watching, I'll see you, and you look so…sad. I worry about you."

"My personal happiness is a non-issue." Zuko felt himself slipping into a rigid posture, his voice more formal. It was the Fire Lord addressing the Chief. "What matters is the peace that we fought for. What matters is that the Fire Nation is successful and that world tensions are eased. If I have to be a little unhappy so that the world can be safe, then so be it."

Sokka sighed. "I've been with you on many of these missions, Zuko. The peace of our world is our first priority, but we can have both. We've sacrificed enough for the world. Everyone owes ups at least a little happiness."

"Do they?"

His voice was bitter, and Zuko knew that Sokka knew everything. Maybe it was because here was Katara coming toward them, Toph at her side, and Zuko refused to look at her. Maybe it was because that was the truth Sokka was getting at all along. Maybe it was just a hunch. But Sokka knew, and Zuko hated that he knew.

"Hi guys," Katara said, her voice like music.

It grated on Zuko's nerves. It was like being hit in the head with a hammer and stabbed in the heart with a knife. He mumbled an excuse, grabbed the bottle of fire whiskey and left. He never saw what she was wearing, never looked into her eyes.

Some hours later, Zuko leaned over the railing on a bridge, watching his reflection and the stars and the moon behind him. Petals from one tree or another floated down and sent ripples through the image as footsteps approached him. She smelled like jasmine flowers. A thousand imagines came floating to the surface of his mind, followed closely by a feeling of shame and betrayal. Zuko turned, and there she was, her three ladies in waiting standing a respectful distance behind her.

Luli.

She was everything classic Fire Nation nobility had been, almost as if she'd stepped out of a painting. Her deep red dress painted with light pink flower blossoms, jet black hair pulled away from her face, pure gold eyes sharp and piercing. She smiled prettily at him and dropped into a deep curtsey, her ladies following suit. Luli moved to stand beside him and Zuko watched their reflections in the mirror of the water. He sighed and Luli placed a gentle hand over his as she moved to take away the empty bottle of fire whiskey. When had he drunk the whole thing?

"I'm going to bed," she said, her voice light and airy, just this side of soothing. "Will you be coming shortly? There are still many activities and a few meetings tomorrow."

His heart twisted as she gently stroked his arm. Luli was a good woman, almost the complete opposite of Katara. She was quiet and sometimes shy, often preferring to curl up with a good book. She was sharp as his dao, though, always listening and waiting. She'd been far more attentive to him that the two other royal consorts. And Agni help him, she was beautiful, and she knew exactly how to catch his eye, and Agni curse his heart because there were times when it worked.

Spirits help him, there were times when it worked.

"Are you troubled?" she asked, her head tilted to the side, the moonlight making the jewels in her hair come alive.

"More often than not, these days."

Luli never had any empty words for him. She understood that sometimes words weren't needed, so she would remain silent. He'd come to appreciate that about her. His council had come to notice all the things he appreciated about her as well. The pressure had increased lately.

"You will keep your promise?" Luli asked. "If I can help you, you'll let me?"

Zuko didn't want to smile at her. He hadn't wanted to make that promise. He didn't want the life he'd been forced into.

"I'll keep my promise," he said.

This satisfied her, and she left him with a soft goodnight, a deep curtsey and a slight smile. He watched her go, and as she made it to the other side of the bridge, she gave him one last smile before bowing low to Sokka.

"So that's her, huh?" Sokka asked as he came to stand next to Zuko.

"I think I'm…" Zuko's throat kept closing as he tried to force the words out. "I think it's time I—"

"Dude, don't force yourself into this. We're still young."

He hated that Sokka sounded almost panicked, and Zuko shook his head because what Sokka suggested was impossible.

"I think I have to get married," he whispered.

"You're supposed to be happy about getting married," Sokka whispered back. "This is supposed to be a happy thing."

"I love your sister, Sokka. I'm in love with her."

"I know."

"I've loved her since I was sixteen."

Sokka sighed. "She loves you too, you know."

"I know."

"Then what's wrong with the two of you?" Sokka screamed and threw his hands up in frustration. "Why can't you two just get together and be happy, then? Why are you messing around with Luli?"

"Because I love Katara—"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"She won't just marry me, Sokka. She'd have to become my Fire Lady and rule a nation still torn by war and still filled with resentment. I can give her power, but I can't make others listen to her. I can't make them respect her. I can't protect her all the time."

Once the floodgates opened, there was no way to close them, and Zuko told Sokka all the ways he tried to make things ok for her. He told Sokka about the promise they'd made to try and revisit the topic in two years, how half the reason he'd worked so hard was to keep that promise. But the more he worked, the more he uncovered secrets about his nation's past. The more he'd been forced to dirty his hands and that was something he couldn't burden Katara with. This, the Fire Nation's past, wasn't her fight.

Spent, he sunk to the floor of the bridge and put his head in his hands.

"In the end," Zuko said, "I never even had the courage to write her. I never had the courage to tell her that it was my decision."

Sokka tried and failed several times to say something, but no words came out. Zuko watched as his best friend ground his teeth, his fists clenched. He didn't want Sokka to hit him, but he would accept it. Finally, Sokka deflated and sat down next to him.

"She waited, you know. I could tell she was waiting for some word from you, even though she knew you never would. You bastard."

"Tell her I'm sorry."

"No. Tell her yourself, jerkender. I hope it hurts you just as much as it hurts her."

"You don't think it has?" Zuko asked, his own anger flaring.

"You don't fucking act like it—"

"Luli has nothing to do with this. I don't have the luxury of staying single. I have to get married. I have to produce an heir. And spirits preserve me Sokka, but I like Luli's company. I like having her near, and it kills me. Every time I look at her, it…it kills me."

His shoulders shook the more he tried to breathe, and Sokka made a choked, panicked noise.

"Agni strike me down, but every moment I spend with Luli, it feels like I'm betraying Katara. I don't want to lose my memories of her, I don't. There are already so few of them."

Sokka awkwardly patted Zuko's shoulder. What more was there to be said, really? He'd go to bed, and in the morning, he'd continue on with his life as if this conversation had never happened.

"Are you sure nothing can be done?" Sokka asked.

Zuko shook his head. "I think part of us always knew there was no hope."

"Two more years? Things don't seem so bad, now."

"I wish I could, Sokka. It's too late, now."

Zuko knew with a deep certainty that it was too late. The window was already closed.