That night, Annie fills my dreams.

The first night with the Careers was horrible for her. They hunted all night, killing three more tributes. The girls from 10 and 11 and the boy from 8. It was all Annie could do not to cover her eyes as they were brutally stabbed and murdered. Thorn and Thistle high fived each other, seeming almost to enjoy it, but really, I felt a heaviness on the entire group.

Nolan stood back with Annie, not killing, not speaking. One time, he took her hand and held it, and she let him. I almost cried, but I knew it was unfair of me. I knew I should be glad that she had someone to comfort her, even in the arena. Besides, any show of affection makes the crowds go wild, and Annie and Nolan were pulling in the sponsors.

Snow continued to call me away every night, but the Games were so exciting, that almost every person had them on, so I barely missed a minute, and I barely slept.

Nolan and Annie's relationship grew as the days went on. My heart broke as I realized what was happening. The two were falling in love. And I couldn't stop it.

I had thought that I had Annie wrapped around my finger. I loved her with all my heart, and I thought she felt the same way about me. But Nolan can give her something I never could. Purity. A realness, that can only come from an innocent heart. I know Annie longed for this. I should have been glad that she was happy, but really, I loathed Nolan.

And then, a week and a half into the Games, it happened.

Careers aren't invincible, of course, but I had forgotten that. The five of them who had survived the Cornucopia had remained uninjured and I had forgotten that they even could be hurt.

But the girl from Seven had not.

She leapt out of the trees while the Careers were passing and with an axe she had picked up somewhere, she made quick work of Nolan.

Beheaded him.

She killed Blossom as well, before the Careers had time to react. Then Thistle finished her off with a knife to the heart.

Annie stared at Nolan's limp form on the ground and backed up. There were tears in her eyes, but not only hers. I saw tears in Thistle's eyes as well, which surprised me.

"I'm so sorry, Annie." she whispered. Then she stepped forward to comfort her.

But Annie jerked away, and broke into the forest. She ran from the Careers and from everyone. She was weaponless, defenseless.

She was broken.

I wake with a cold sweat running down my neck. My eyes are watering. I reach over to gently prod the figure on the other side of the bed, to make sure I did not wake them, when I remember that I am in my own bed, in the training center. I was speaking with Mags last night. No address.

And Annie is safe, I remind myself. She survived. She is safe.

But I wonder if that is really true, and suddenly the cold reality seeps down spine. If we carry out our plan in the arena next year, it will not matter whether or not I survive. It will not matter whether or not Annie enters the arena. She will die either way.

Snow will kill her.

If I die, perhaps he will allow her to remain in District Four, safe. But if I escape from the arena, he will waste no time in kidnapping her. Torturing her. Perhaps doing to her what he did to me.

And I can not bear the thought. It breaks my heart and withers my resolve.

But I made a promise. And Finnick Odair never breaks a promise.

But I feel a tear leave my eye and slip down my cheek, wetting my face, and I wonder if I made the right decision.

And somehow, in this moment of terror, I fall back to sleep.

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When I wake up, the sun is shining brightly through the window, and without looking at the clock on the bedside table, I judge it to be about 11:00. A glance at the clock proves me pretty near correct. 10:58 is where the hands point.

I shower quickly and pull on a comfortable outfit that I brought with me from home. I have no shortage of elaborate Capitol outfits, and sometimes I where them, but...Then I remember Snow's instructions. That I must become the role. That he will hurt Annie, if I fail.

Well, he didn't actually say that. But it was implied.

Nonetheless, I change my outfit again, exchanging my simple brown fishing outfit for an elaborate Capitol costume. The victor's ceremony is tonight, and tomorrow are the interviews. I will be expected to be at both, and to be 'myself'. The Finnick Odair that I have come to hate.

I leave clothed in a pair of midnight blue pants, and a matching silver top that is almost see through. I actually combed back my hair for once, rather than allowing it to run wild as I usually do.

Snow will be impressed.

I walk through the city streets, trying to enjoy the beautiful sunshine that the day brings, but my heart isn't in it. And then I see her. And I can't get away, because she is almost immediately upon me. And I try to swallow, to forget, but the look on her face does not allow it.

"Ah, the victorious Finnick Odair, is it?"

I don't respond.

She slaps me across the face. I want to react. To hit her back. But I can't, and I can't...

"Answer me. I have a direct line to the President, you know."

I am swallowing back both tears and memories when I answer,"Yes, I understand that."

She glares at me.

I try to speak, I really do, but she is the one person whose very presence can turn me into an Avox. So, instead, I wrap my arm around her waist and give her one of my most winning smiles, as best as I can fake it. I know what will happen if I don't play the role, here and now. Snow probably put me in this situation on purpose, though I don't know how, really.

"Well, I'm glad to see that you are back to your normal self," Her voice is cold.

I manage to find my voice,"Of course," I say, in the most seductive tone I can manage,"Nothing less for you."

Her voice is like a snakes, reminding me of the Presidents," Well, aren't you lucky then. Guess who's hosting you tonight?"

My heart sinks into my chest. I want to run, to hide. Anything.

"Yes, lucky." Are the only words my voice will form.

Her eyes are like black holes, but twinkling with a sickness that can only have come from the grave itself. "See you tonight, Finnick."

As she walks away, it is all I can do to once again keep myself from drowning. And I know I will be unable to play my so called role tonight. It will be impossible. Snow has done this as a test, and somehow I am sure that I will fail. The memories associated with her still make me sick.

She was the first person Snow ever sold me to. I had only just recently turned sixteen. Mags rode the bus with me that day, and gave my hand a squeeze when I got off. She knew the truth.

Well, not all of it.

I entered the house and was astonished once again by how luxurious the houses of the Capitol residents are. And then she was there. She was 42 at the time, and one of the most prominent woman in the country. I can not understand why.

She led me to her room, as it was already late.

Well, I was late. Not by much, only a minute or two. The bus had a technical problem and needed to be fixed.

But apparently that was no excuse for her.

She tied my hands to a post in her room, and called for one of her man servants. He brought her a leather belt, almost the exact copy of the one my father had used. And I began to shake.

She told me it was for my own good. That being young as I was, I needed to learn the importance of being on time. And she was strong, too. She beat me until I was unconscious, and then woke me and started again.

When she tired of this, she spent the rest of the evening grounding into me how stupid and foolish I was, and how I would never be free. How no one could love me.

I still bear the scars from that night. And not just the physical ones.

I realize that I am shaking. I am 23 now, and I tell myself that tonight will be different. That I was young.

But I have heard that Capitol people have beaten their man servants to death in the past, and how much different am I, really?

I need to see Annie, and yet I know that I can't. I have never told her about that night, and it would break her heart. Mags doesn't know either. She came to get me the next morning, for mentoring. I could barely stand up, but I was somehow able to fool her, to tell her everything was alright. I wonder, though, if she was really just playing along for my sake, because I had never been able to fool her before, and never have since.

But I know who I really need to talk to.

Johanna.

I remember her being worried about her train leaving, though, and I wonder if she is still here. I hurry back to the training center, and check her room. When she is not there, I literally run to the victor's lounge, and find her sitting in the corner, in the same seat we were in yesterday.

"Hey," she says when I approach.

"Hey," I give her a small smile,"What happened to your train?"

"It got delayed. All the victor's did. Apparently Snow wants us all here for the ceremony tonight."

I swallow and sit down across from her. There are only a few other victors in the lounge, and they are all over playing some card game at the other end of the room. Chaff, Brutus, and Woof I think.

A strange trio.

"Is something wrong?" Johanna asks," You look like you've seen a ghost."

I nod,"I have." Tears well in my eyes again.

Johanna nods,"Want to talk about it?"

Johanna can be two completely different people. On one hand she is the most immodest, rudest, most aggravating person I have ever met. Honestly, we can be so unalike, I sometimes wonder how we ever became friends. But then she switches into the other person. The caring, kind, gentle one, and I know exactly how we are friends. How two so different people can be in one person, though, seems crazy to me.

Nonetheless, I consider her question. I don't really, but it might do me some good. Anyways, she is the only one I ever entrusted with the knowledge of what happened that night.

"Shian," I tell her, which is the name of the Capitol woman,"I am going to her house tonight, I guess."

Johanna's eyes flash with anger,"That's sick."

I nod. Once again my voice has left me.

Johanna clenches her eyes shut,"I don't know how you can remain so...so...well, you know. With this all the time."

I find my voice,"No, what?"

She stares at me,"So...Well, I don't know. I don't know how you bear it."

I stare at her in disbelief,"I don't Johanna, obviously I don't. I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking."

A tear snakes its way down my face.

Johanna stands up and comes over to me, wrapping her arms around me, and comforting me in the way only she can. I notice that there are small tears running down her own face.

"Make them pay, Finnick. I don't know how. Maybe in the arena. But whatever you do, make them pay."

I laugh then, which is strange, because it seems like the strangest place to inject laughter into the conversation, but I can't help it. Because that is what we are doing, isn't it. Making them pay.

And if we can pull it off, they will never stop paying.

Ever.

And the thought fuels me.

Johanna rolls her eyes, by now used to the sudden swing of my emotions. How I can be broken one minute, and almost myself the next.

"Your outfit is ridiculous, you know." She tells me.

And I just laugh harder. Because I realize something now. I was told it twice the night before, but I didn't really believe it. Now I do.

I realize that we do have hope. That even if we all die fighting for it, Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire, has given us something. She has given use something that no one else has, and with it, we may be able to light the fire of rebellion and free ourselves.

She has given us a spark.