Merle held out his hand. "Deal aint a deal 'til it's been shook on."
Danni took it and matched his strong grip.
"Honey. I can't wait to hear what you come up with to say to officer Rick, about me." He sat on the couch beside her leaning forward, elbows on his knees. "Seein' as I'm public enemy number one to him and all. Hell, I nearly killed your boy Glenn back there. And don't forget D Dog in Atlanta."
"Its T-Dog and I didn't forget. Don't act so proud of it, it won't help my case."
"You got your work cut out for you, darlin'."
She sighed. "You're telling me, but talking is kind of my thing." Words don't fail me now.
"Ya don't say miss motor mouth?"
Danni looked over at him seriously. "Why are you doing this?" She heard the fire crackling and the shadow of flames danced on the wall behind him.
"Look, my brother, he wants to be with you. You want to be in that prison. I want to be with my brother. I ain't doing this for you if that's what you want to know. I'm-"
"Doing this for Daryl." Me too.
"Long as we're straight about that. We don't have to like each other, it's a big place from what I recall, plenty of room to stay out of each others way." Merle got quiet, his voice hoarser. "I'm not leaving him again. Got that? This past year without him, I didn't know if he was dead. Didn't know if I'd ever see him again. I got another chance. You don't get too many of those in this life."
"So you're gonna try? Try to fit in?"
He smirked. "Let's just see how your little talk goes, huh?" The truth was, what the hell else was he gonna do? He had nowhere to go and no one without Daryl.
"Hey little brother, here to join the party? We got ourselves a little family gathering." Merle announced looking up to see Daryl emerge from the bedroom. He'd noticed Danni wasn't in bed beside him and heard their voices.
"All we need now is some brews." Merle went on, "What I wouldn't give for a beer as cold as an ex's heart." He chuckled."I'm gonna see if this place has anything that might do us for a little vacation."
"What are y'all talking about?" Daryl asked suspiciously.
"You, what else? Just tellin' queenie here about all the dumb shit you did as a kid."
"Yeah? fuck you."
"Oh and that we gotta head back to that prison of yours, maybe start tomorrow morning." He stood and went into the kitchen.
"He serious?' Daryl asked.
"Yeah, he is." She assured him.
"What did you do?"
"Just talked to him."
"Really, what's goin' on?"
"He wants to be with you Daryl. He's not leaving you this time."
He nodded, his face looking hopeful.
"It's not gonna be easy, you know that right?"
"Everybody will get used to each other." He sounded so innocent and looked so naïve at that moment she wanted to cry. She saw the little boy in him. He still had hope. Merle better not fuck this up. She leaned over to kiss him.
"Can't you two stay off each other for one goddamn minute," Merle complained sarcastically as he stomped back from the kitchen a bottle of Jack in his hand. He held it out to Daryl, who shook his head.
"All right drinking alone again."
Daryl stood and as he turned and headed to the bedroom Danni reached and took his hand.
"If ya'll are on to round two, keep it down or I'll be sleeping outside."
Daryl shook his head. "C'mon, lay off."
"Aw don't be so modest little brother. Walls are thin in this place."
... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"Thank you for never once doubting this." She held the sonogram as they sat on the bed. He looked over with a raised eyebrow so she explained, "You never asked me not to have them. You never once said you wished I wasn't pregnant or that it's too much to deal with."
"It aint too much." Daryl leaned in close to her and rasped. "I want this." He pressed his lips together and looked up into to her eyes. "I wanted it first minute you told me. When I found you after that Dave bastard had you and you said it, said you might be... I wanted it then." He lightly trailed his finger down her neck and ran it over the collar of her t-shirt. "What about you? You ever think about not having them?"
She hesitated."Yeah." She searched his face for disappointment, but all she saw was questioning and a flash of...maybe anger? She wasn't sure.
"I did. I was talking to Maggie, it was before anybody knew, and she said it would be stupid to get pregnant now. I started to freak out a little, to be afraid of bringing a baby into this world. There's this herb, pennyroyal, it's all over the place here. It can cause a miscarriage in early pregnancy."
"Kill 'em? You were gonna kill 'em and not even tell me?"
"I thought about it." She admitted, becoming wary of his tone.
"How?"
"I was scared Daryl. And it was only that once, before I was sure. After I told you," She looked up at him "I never doubted it again."
She moved forward and put her hand on the back of his neck, to pull him in for a kiss, but he pushed her away. "Would you have told me? I mean if you did it, killed them, would you have said anything to me?"
She didn't like how he said killed. He stood up.
"You were never scared? Not for a minute?" She asked.
He shook his head. "Not even for a damned second."
"I'm just being honest. Do you want me to lie?"
"Maybe, maybe, yeah." He headed out of the bedroom closing the door behind him loudly, leaving her stunned. Where did that come from?
"Still sharing?" He asked Merle nodding at the whiskey.
"That was a quick one, what she get you a little too excited so you-"
"Shut up and give me that," Daryl took a long swig, downing several gulps of stinging amber like it was water.
"Hold up, hold up, leave some for the rest of us. Ain't a race little brother."
After a few minutes, the warm, relaxed feeling spread through Daryl's chest and he started to think more about what Danni had told him. He sank back into the worn leather couch. Why would she consider abortion? That's what it was, abortion. She hadn't believed in him, didn't really think he could take care of her and of their family. The rational part of his brain was telling him that of course she'd be scared, but his pride wouldn't back down and he felt burned. Really burned.
"Merle, you ever wonder what happened to your kid?"
"What are you going on about? Can't be drunk yet boy."
"Luanne. You told me she wanted to keep the baby. You figure she was out there all that time with your kid? You ever wonder?"
Merle felt himself grow cold. Daryl didn't know about Luanne being pregnant, he was just a kid then. "What the fuck you talking about? I have never been no daddy."
"You said you wished you didn't run out on her."
"Never said no such thing to you. You really can't hold your liquor." How did he know? Luanne must have told him; she must have gone to Daryl to see if he knew where Merle had run off to.
"You told me when I couldn't find Danni and I was giving up and you told me not to stop looking 'cause I'd be sorry." Daryl suddenly went as cold as his brother. That hadn't happened; it had been a dream.
Merle looked at him like he was bat shit crazy. "You sound like you're a few fries short of a happy meal. You're mixed up, boy, Lu musta told you. Shit that woman was a bad as queenie in the big mouth department. "
It was true. Daryl realized it had been one of those dreams.
"Don't you ever want to know where she went, what happened to them?"
"No. No, I don't." Merle lied. "Hell, I told her not to have the damn thing. I didn't want nothing to do with no baby. Shit, I gave her money to have it taken care of. She threw it back in my face." A small grimace of regret curled on Merle's upper lip but disappeared quickly when he saw Daryl looking at him.
"You wanted her to kill it? Your own kid?"
"Was a time I liked drinking with you. Now you're just a giant buzzkill, little brother. " Merle took the bottle and stalked outside, not wanting to remember.
... ... ... ... ... .. .
The fact that Daryl still got angry and just walked off, keeping his emotions hostage, made Danni feel lonely and as if she were still doing all the work in this relationship. Didn't he know better than that now? When would he just trust her, talk to her? She rolled over on her side. One step forward two steps back. Again. She knew there had to be more to his reaction than just her early fear of being pregnant. That hug back in Woodbury. He still hasn't talked about it. On top of that, she worried Merle might still be influencing him negatively. Merle. She was already exhausted just thinking about talking to the group. And what if it didn't work? What the hell was she doing? She wanted Daryl to be happy, but deep down she wasn't sure she trusted Merle. Logic began to fade and her emotional mind took over. She wanted to hide under the covers and sleep forever and not have to deal with any of this. She wrapped herself in Stephen's jacket wishing she could disappear.
When Daryl returned, she was laying on her side crying silently. He saw her shoulders hunched and shaking. He'd hurt her. "Hey." He said.
"I didn't want to lie to you."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't you think we should have had this fight six months ago?" She asked, exasperated. Still, the fact that he came back in and said he was sorry was not lost on her. That was progress.
He didn't answer at first then asked "Did you think I couldn't take care of them and of you?"
"No, of course not." She turned over to face him. "Is that what you think? That never crossed my mind. It's me. I was afraid I couldn't do this."
"You? You've been handling everything real good. You've been the strong one."
She shook her head. "What? I'm so tired Daryl, really tired and sometimes I still don't think I can do it. I'm scared to death of labor. I don't even want to think about it. All the pain and what if there's a problem? Fuck, there's two of them and they both have to come out. Once is bad enough and I have to go through it twice. You are you reason I keep going. Don't you see that? God…why the hell else would I put myself through all this shit?"
"I know how hard all this is for you. I forget sometimes it's harder for you than me. You're going through all the...the physical stuff."
She became sarcastic "Yeah, that physical stuff is a killer."
"You know what I mean."
"Just giving you shit."
"But you know right?" He asked the question as much with his eyes as his voice. She knew he didn't have the words, but sometimes he didn't need them with her. She understood. She nodded.
"Nothing is ever gonna be easy."
"Nothing ever was." He said.
"What's really going on?"
"Nothing."
"You know how I knew you were in trouble? Sophia had a dream that you couldn't see and you were tied up."
Daryl looked uncomfortable and she noticed anger flash across his face.
"What happened back there in Woodbury? Before I found you?"
"Nothing." He looked her in the eye when he said it.
"But-"
"Danni, don't. Just don't. Leave it."
She let it go. "Fine, then fuck me again." She couldn't help herself.
"Again, huh?
'It's been that kind of day."
"Yeah it has."
His eyes, his voice, his touch.
"Wait, Daryl, are you sure you're okay? I-"
Before she could say another word, his mouth was on hers and her fingers were already on his belt. She needed him.
... ... .. .. .. .. . .
Danni and the Dixons had hiked for about half the day before reaching the prison. Noticing the guard towers in the distance, Danni remembered the first time she'd seen the foreboding structure. She'd been stumbling through the woods trying to avoid Rick's relentless questioning when she and Daryl had planned to leave the group. She saw the towers, the sprawling concrete buildings, and overgrown grassy yard that had haunted her dreams as a sanctuary. That's what it looked like now, a safe haven. She was home. They headed down the incline to the woods bordering the outer fence. Daryl heard the hissing growls first. He slowed his pace and held up his arm. Rick's voice bellowed over the snarling. As they approached the prison fence, they saw him on the outside battling what looked like six or seven Walkers on his own. They clamored to him and he frantically used the butt of his pistol to puncture their heads but they were too much. He was losing. Danni charged forward but Daryl grabbed her arm and held her back. "Get behind me."
She didn't argue anymore; it wasn't about pride, it was about the safety of the babies.
"I got this." Daryl immediately loaded a bolt and shot straight through the head of the Walker pinning Rick against the fence. The sight of the arrow sent relief flooding through Rick and he looked up to catch Daryl's eye briefly as the tattered, shredded being became still and slid off him. Merle charged the teeming corpses on the right, bashing their skulls with a pipe he'd been carrying. It gave Rick the chance to gain composure and take out a couple more himself. Within minutes, all the Walkers were on the ground and crickets the only sound in the air. Rick reeled back sweating and breathing heavily almost not believing Daryl's timing. They nodded at each other, once again finding words unnecessary to convey that they had the other's back. Still, Rick had to grimace when he looked over at Merle, who grinned like a fool.
"Shit." he muttered. He hadn't expected Merle to return with Daryl and Danni and had made up his mind to cut him loose if they did bring him back.
"Dary! Danni! Thank God, thank God!" Maggie and Glenn shouted as they were the first down the dirt drive to the entrance. T-Dog jogged behind them.
Rick unlocked the gate and they filed through. As Daryl and Danni moved forward, everyone got their first glimpse of Merle bringing up the rear.
"Now we got a problem here. I need you to back up." Rick immediately put his hand out to stop Glenn.
"What the hell is he doing here?" Glenn asked his face still a mess from what Merle had done back in Woodbury. "Look what he did? If it wasn't for him-" He and Maggie stalked forward, guns drawn.
"Put it down, put it down! Daryl held his hand out rushing toward them.
"Drop the guns!" Rick echoed
"He tried to kill Glenn!" Maggie shouted keeping a pistol on Merle.
Daryl moved in front of her. "Hey, I said put it down!"
"Tried to kill me too if you'll all recall!" T-Dog added. "Rick, you said you wouldn't let him back in here."
"You did huh?" Daryl asked looking at Rick.
"Look Daryl, I-"
"Jackass!" Merle interrupted.
"Just shut up Merle!" Daryl yelled turning back to his brother. "Merle helped us get out of Woodbury and just now? C'mon Rick, just now-"
"Yeah look who saved whose ass now huh?" Merle couldn't help himself.
"No way, not after what he did, no way!" Glenn aimed his gun at Merle, but Daryl thought if was for him.
"Get that thing out of my face!" He shouted gruffly.
Danni caught Merle grinning at her. He loved this. Bastard. He held out his arms to Rick "Hey you gonna cuff me? You gonna cuff me? I still got one good hand left." He chuckled and winked at her.
"I ain't saying it again you guys, c'mon!" Daryl ordered Glenn and T-Dog to lower their guns.
Merle laughed again. "Looks like you going native brother."
"No worse than you hanging out with that psycho back there!" Daryl shouted.
"Yeah, he's a charmer I gotta tell you that." Merle then addressed Rick. "So what you gonna do now Sherrif? Huh? Surrounded by a bunch of liars thugs and cowards."
"Shut Up!" Rick roared into Merle's face, losing his last bit of patience.
Merle grunted, unphased. "Jesus little brother it's worse than I thought, you got yourselves a bunch of real prizes who couldn't hit their own asses with directions and a map." The group was silent so Merle went on, disgust in his tone. "Oh man, pathetic, all these guns and no bullets-"
"Shut up bro!"
"Shut up yourself! " He turned to face Daryl. " A bunch of pussies you run with."
At that moment, Rick cold cocked Merle on the back of his head with the butt of his gun and he fell, finally silenced. He looked at Daryl, exasperated but justified. Daryl winced knowing Merle deserved it. Maybe this wasn't gonna be as easy as he thought.
"Asshole." Rick muttered under his breath.
Danni had wandered away from the clusterfuck. It was worse than she'd imagined. She planned to talk to Rick alone, get him to see her side then go to the group together. She'd been naïve to think it would have been that simple.
Daryl suddenly noticed he couldn't see her. Hell, she hadn't put her two cents in during the whole confrontation. He whipped his head around then relaxed when he saw her sitting on the ground a few feet away. When he caught her eye, she just shook her head but gave a weak smile that said it'll work out.
With the shouting silenced and Merle unconscious everyone stared uncomfortably at each other, glaring with anger and fear simultaneously. T-Dog wandered slowly over to Danni and crouched. "Stephen?"
She shook her head.
"Damn girl I'm sorry."
"You're the only one who's said it." She started to cry and he pulled her close in a bear hug. "He was a good man, you know. I'm glad I met him even for the short time I did. It was God's plan; has plans for us all."
Daryl noticed Danni crying, but before he could think much of it Rick said "We have to talk about your brother. Now!" And motioned for him to walk with him.
Daryl pressed his lips together and nodded. "That governor guy, he's gonna find us eventually. Merle knows how he thinks and we could use the muscle."
"There's more to it than that. You saw the reaction."
"Everybody will get used to each other."
"This isn't finished, not by a long shot."
Daryl huffed and scowled. But he knew Rick was right.
Danni extracted herself from T-Dog and walked over to Maggie and Glenn. "We can talk about this right?"
"You can't be serious?" Maggie asked. Danni shot a glance over to Glenn, who shook his head looking betrayed.
... ... .. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..
Merle woke up in a locked cell. This was not what he'd had in mind when he'd agreed with queenie to come back here. He thought of yelling out a set of expletives, but didn't. He figured he'd give the little a lady a chance first. But if he wasn't out of this cell by tomorrow, everybody was gonna know exactly how he felt about it. And then some. He smiled and lay back on the lumpy, thin prison issue mattress, which was not unfamiliar to him at all. He noticed Andrea walking by and couldn't help but call out to her.
"Hey Blondie, never looked better!"
She stopped and turned, one hand on her hip. "I heard you were back. Accommodations suit you." It wasn't a question.
He guffawed approaching the cell door. "Think so? Maybe you wanna come on in and join me, keep your old pal Merle company huh?"
"Haven't lost one bit of your charm Dixon, have you?"
"No, nice of you to notice. You could say I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm better once than I ever was."
She actually found herself smiling at him.
"How come we never hooked up?"
"Well, let's see, you called me a whore and a rugmuncher."
"Got a way with words, don't I?"
"Yeah…"
"I'm planning on sticking around, good Lord willin' and the creek don't rise. Maybe we'll get a second chance?"
"I see, what about the rest of the group I think they'll have a say in how long you're here."
"Mmm…so what's your vote gonna be Blondie? A vote for Merle is a vote for some life around this place. You look like you could use a little."
"Do I?"
... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .
Danni stood in the doorway to Rick and Lori's cell. They were deep in conversation and didn't notice her at first. She could imagine what they were discussing.
"Rick, can I talk to you a minute? Alone?" She glanced at Lori.
"Lori can stay."
"No, its fine, I'll leave you two. Hey," she touched Danni's cheek, as she passed "Are you okay? You look tired."
Danni nodded.
"Find me later okay. You are really pale."
Rick stood. "What were you two thinking bringing him back here?"
"He's Daryl's brother, his family."
"Exactly, his family not ours. There is no way Merle is gonna live here without putting everybody at each others throats."
"Not if they trust Daryl to handle him. You trust Daryl don't you?"
"Daryl is not in question here, it's not about Daryl.' His voice was hoarse.
"Yes, it is. We can't make this choice for him. He has to be the one. If he says he wants Merle here, then he's gonna have to keep an eye on Merle and make him coöperate."
"Danni do you really believe he can do that?"
"Yes. Maybe there was a time when he couldn't but he's different now."
"I don't know-"
"There was also a time way back when you weren't so hot to have Daryl here, or me if I'm not mistaken."
"Different levels. This is Merle Dixon we're talking about." Rick looked deeply into her eyes seeing that she believed in Daryl, in what she was saying. "Do you remember what Merle did? What he's like?"
"Shit yeah, I've just spent the past two days with the bastard."
"Then why?"
Danni saw Rick's goodness, his true desire to do the right thing. She had always trusted him and believed in him something that didn't come easy to her. He honestly wanted to do right by everyone. His face was a scruffy mess, his beard starting to show some gray. His cheeks were drawn, eyes full of the weight of the responsibility on his shoulders. He was a far cry from the clean-shaven, regulation haircut, earnest, idealistic guy in his pressed tan sheriff's uniform she'd first met. He 'd aged and darkened beyond his years as they all had. Leadership weighed heavily on him, sharpening his conscience, wits, and physical features.
"Why are you suddenly on Merle's side? You've never liked the guy, I know that. He can cause a whole separate set of problems just for you."
"I know. But Daryl will leave with Merle if he can't stay. And I go with Daryl. This is not a threat or an ultimatum, it's a fact. I don't want to leave and that's another fact, but I go where Daryl goes. All I'm asking for is a chance. Give Daryl a chance to make Merle do right by everyone."
"You are asking a hell of a lot. You always ask for a hell of a lot." Rick ran his hands over his hair and started pacing.
"Do you think I don't know that?"
"Even if I agree, the rest of the group is not gonna be so easy. How are you gonna convince them?"
"I'm not, you are."
"Now hold on a minute-"
"You are the leader. They respect you they'll listen to you."
He looked past her.
"There are some men in this world who were born to do our unpleasant jobs for us. You are one of them. You do it every fucking day and it's holding us together. You've gotten us so far Rick. We all have our part to play. Even Merle."
"This feels impossible."
"Real courage. It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what."
He looked at her, eyebrow raised.
"Atticus Finch." She explained."Fitting quote, huh?"
Rick smiled a little. "You are different, you know that?"
"You keep reminding me."
Rick felt a surprising affection and admiration for this girl. He never expected to see an ally or have a touchstone in a someone like her. She seemed to have been a fighter all of her life and he respected that she was able to channel her fight toward their common goal. She had offered herself up to this survival mission that day she'd willingly gone into Atlanta to find Glenn. She'd never stepped down; even being pregnant she still fought. He didn't know how she hadn't cracked having that added pressure. Danni had always come through for him, she'd brought Daryl into the group; no one else could have done that and now Rick had no idea what he'd do without Daryl. He owed her this, he owed her his trust. Still Merle...
"You have that Rick, real courage. You live it every fucking day."
"You too. And...I'm sorry about Stephen. Daryl told me. He was a good man."
"Thanks. Thanks for giving him a chance like you did."
"If there's anything I can do-"
"There is. This."
"Walked right into that didn't I."
She nodded. "Yup."
... ... .. ... ... ... ... ...
"No way. We can't have him here." Maggie started the conversation. The group sat at the common table. Merle was in a cell on the second floor so he wouldn't be tempted to jump into the conversation. Daryl stood and paced a little, unable to stay still while Rick leaned against cell bars, listening thoughtfully to his group's opinions.
"You really want him sleeping in the same cell block as Danni? Carol, Beth?" Glenn asked.
"He ain't a rapist." Daryl shot back.
"His buddythe Governor probably is."
"They ain't buddies no more, not after the other night. 'Sides that guys gonna retaliate; we could use Merle, use the muscle. He'll stand with us. He's blood."
"No, he's your blood. This is my blood my family right here." Glenn argued.
"And Daryl, you're part of that family." Carol said gently. "But he's not. He's your brother, but he's not good for you."
Danni saw Daryl's jaw clench and he balled his fists. "Man, ya'll don't know." He rasped.
"I don't want have a snake in the nest." Glenn said with finality.
"Man we gonna go through this again? Merle is staying here. He's with us get used to it. All y' all."
"I thought we were voting." Maggie countered. "You sound like you already decided."
"She's right. We need to vote." Rick interrupted.
Daryl stormed off. Danni didn't go after him, but she knew it didn't reflect well on Rick's case that Daryl could handle Merle and keep him under control.
"Look, Merle has military experience. He may be erratic but don't underestimate his loyalty to his brother. " Herschel quelled the impending hostility with his calm drawl. Danni looked at him gratefully.
"We all agree Daryl belongs with us. He's part of the group, the family." Rick nodded over to Carol."If Merle stays, he'll have to handle him, make sure he doesn't cause any trouble. I think we owe Daryl that, owe him a chance." Rick stated his opinion.
"Daryl can do it, he'll make Merle do right by everyone. Atlanta was a long time ago, everybody deserves a second chance." Danni added.
Finally, it was time to vote. Glenn, Maggie, Carol, Lori, Beth, T Dog and Andrea voted Merle out. Rick, Herschel, Daryl, and Danni voted him in. Majority rules.
Danni followed Rick outside to the fence where Daryl was leaning looking out at the yard. "Daryl, I'm sorry, Merle's out." Rick's voice had a finality to it.
"Just like that?" Daryl sounded resigned.
"That's it? You're not gonna try again?" Danni caught up to them.
"I've done all I can. We voted. The group doesn't want him here. They don't feel safe."
Danni's stomach dropped to her knees. "But it's a trial period, did you tell them that? Just give it a chance…let him prove himself...he-" She felt Daryl's hand on her shoulder.
"C'mon. We'll be okay." He said quietly. "Don't beg, " he rasped into her ear so Rick couldn't hear. "Fine, we'll fend for ourselves." Daryl told Rick making a sweeping motion towards Danni.
"That's not what anyone is saying."
He shrugged. "Don't matter. It was always Merle and I before this."
"Daryl, no one wants you to leave."
"No, him no us. That's all I can say."
"Danni?"
She was quiet, feeling like she didn't know the group at all. "We'll be gone in the morning. Tell everyone they can relax."
... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"I was thinking, maybe we could go back to that house, the ghost house. Stay there, fix it up, make it safe so I could have the babies?" Danni said when they'd reached the second floor.
He nodded. "Maybe. You know I'll take care of you."
"I know."
She looked around at what they'd amassed for baby supplies. The portable crib playpens, two car seat carriers, the piles of clothing and hygiene supplies. Toys. She was both overwhelmed and desolate. They couldn't bring it all, they had no idea where they were going or how long they'd be on the road. Travel light. She sighed noisily.
Daryl heard her loud, exaggerated sigh. 'What?" he asked.
"Just trying to fucking decide what to take." Her voice was hostile. She started going through the piles, forcefully tossing things and roughly shoving small items into her duffel bag. She suddenly pushed the crib boxes over and threw the carrier at the wall. She kicked boxes of diapers across the floor.
"Whoa, whoa...Danni what the hell?" Daryl walked over and stopped her from breaking something.
She turned, her eyes looking slightly frantic. "What am I gonna do? We can't bring all of this shit! We need it, we worked so hard to get it and it's just a waste!"
"Hey, I thought you were okay with this?"
"Okay? Of course I'm okay with it, it's just that it's completely fucked up and dangerous and just... completely fucked!"
"Jesus get over here." He grabbed her and forced her to sit on the mattress beside him.
"Quiet down, everybody can hear."
"So what? Good! I'm glad they can hear. I'm just so pissed!"
"At me?" He asked.
"Not at you, at them! How could they do this? I really thought they'd listen, I really thought they'd come around."
"Me too, but they didn't. Accept it."
"Maybe if I talked to them, just me-"
"Danni we don't beg."
She got quiet. "Is it really this important to you? Really?"
"He's my brother."
"Who treated you like shit for most of your life."
"He fought for me back there okay?"
"Maybe. But you fought for yourself. You got through that... whatever it was." He still hadn't told her. "You got yourself out of there, me out of there. It wasn't Merle it was you."
He shook his head. "You don't know." The helplessness of having his hands tied, no weapons, at the mercy of those pricks. He began clenching his fists. Merle had fought for him.
"I do know. I was there. He was wasting time, waving his gun around and acting like a jackass. You got us out. You got us food and to that house so I could sleep the night. You did all that. You're not the scared little brother anymore."
He looked at her like he couldn't believe she'd said the words. If anyone else had said it, he'd tell them to shut the fuck up.
"You don't need Merle. You're fine on your own. You've been fine all this time. Remember when you wouldn't look me in the face when we talked? You'd look down at your feet. That's shame. He reminds you of it, I know he does. He makes you feel it again. You used to always give me a side stare that said 'Don't look at me while I'm talking to you.' Now you look me in the eye with every word. You stand up straight. You're a man, your own person. Daryl I see it, can't you? Shame doesn't suit you anymore. It doesn't fit."
He shifted uncomfortably. "Don't. Don't tell me how I feel."
"That's not what I meant."
"Sometimes you say too much. Can ya just stop now? Man..."
She nodded feeling how conflicted he was.
"I just want my brother back." He said softly looking at her. "Okay? I got a second chance."
Merle had said the same thing.
"Things are different now Danni. He's family. And so are you. And them." He nodded at her stomach. "Family has to stay together. First time in my life I feel like I have it. I'm not losing it."
When he said that she was family, she felt her emotions start to settle, the flood ebbed. "I know, me too. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I haven't changed my mind. I'm with you. This was just….well, you know how I get. I haven't had a good meltdown like that in ages."
He smiled a little. "Nah, you haven't. Kinda forgot what a wildcat you are."
She laughed. "Well it felt really good. Really good." She leaned on him. "Hey, just fucking hold me." He did. "You know, I spent most of my life traveling with one bag. Shit Daryl I was a road dog before all this and I can be one again."
"That's my wildcat." He kissed the top of her head.
"Anam Cara." Soul mate. She added.
... ... .. .. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
It was close to sunset when Danni helped Daryl and Merle pack their few belongings into up the pickup truck Rick insisted they take. He didn't want Danni to have to endure a journey on foot. They did most of the work, she was directing like all the times she'd moved to a new apartment and got her guy friends to help. She smiled at the irony. She'd decided on bringing just baby clothing and hygiene items. The bigger stuff was not practical. Travel light. The last thing they did was roll the Triumph up a plywood ramp onto the truck bed. The visual echoed the first moment she'd ever seen the Dixons. They were on the highway in a beat up truck hauling a chopper. She never thought she'd ever be one of them. Her first impression was so off. She thought Daryl would kill her in her sleep. She started laughing.
"What?" He asked.
"Nothing." she shook her head.
"Danni you don't have to do this!" This isn't what we meant. You and Daryl belong here, Merle doesn't." She heard Glenn's voice behind her.
"I know. You guys made it clear that it's about Merle. "
"Then why are you leaving?" Maggie asked. "No one wants that."
Danni didn't answer.
"So you're just gonna go? Just like that?" Glenn pushed.
"You'd do the same thing. Daryl's going with Merle no matter what. I go with Daryl. I have to. Would you let Glenn go off and leave you?" She asked Maggie.
"Glenn would never leave me for someone like Merle."
"Don't go there Maggie; don't say a word against Daryl. "
"Merle tried to kill Glenn."
"I'm sorry for that I really am."
"I just don't understand how he can do this. How you can...everything we've been through. Danni there's gotta be another way."
She looked at them both with regret and some sadness. It wasn't easy. "Look I'm a Dixon too now. For better or worse."
"Hey, you comin"?" Daryl appeared behind her. "We got a long day tomorrow, should probably turn in."
He didn't acknowledge Glenn or Maggie, just Danni.
She nodded and let him guide her away from them.
They had packed up most of their stuff and the back corner of the guard station perch that had been their home for the past few months looked barren and uninviting. Two candles burned and one blanket covered the mattress. Danni sat on it and leaned back against the wall, flipping through her journal until she found the page she was looking for.
"Merle's still locked in that cell, can yo believe it? Shit we're leaving tomorrow and they won't even-" Daryl complained.
"It's okay, we'll be out of here soon. They have their reasons I guess."
He flopped down beside her with a grunt.
"We'll be fine." She brushed the hair from his forehead and began to read aloud from the journal:
"We will honor and respect one another,
and seek to never break that honor.
These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as we promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together we build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children. These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one."
... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"Danni don't go. I don't want you to go." Sophia's face was red and puffy from crying. Danni turned and felt her heart break. She and Daryl had pulled Sophia aside the next morning to say a private goodbye.
"I don't want to go either, but I have to sweetie. I'm gonna miss you so much."
She looked down at Fionn, trotting after Sophia like a puppy. "You know I can't bring him with me. Cats need a stable place. Would you take care of him for me? "
Sophia was silent. Her face devastated. Then she cried, "Babies do too. You can't leave. The babies need to be here. I'll never get to meet them if you go."
Danni held back tears. Shit. This was the hardest part of leaving. Sophia. "Hey ladybug, I'll always be with you okay? Whenever you think about me, visualize me, have my picture in your mind. I'll do the same thing. We'll always be able to feel each other okay?" She hugged her tightly. "Sometimes people have to leave. But I'll always love you."
"I'll always love you too."
Daryl stood by looking on with a pained wince. He was going to miss that kid. And the cat; the damn cat too.
Sophia turned and looked up at him. "Take good care of Danni. Promise?"
He choked up a little, "Yeah, I will."
"I'll always love you too Daryl." She said hugging his waist. He didn't move back just put his hand on her head. "You're one tough little girl. Know that?"
Danni couldn't hold back tears at that point.
Sophia stepped back. "I know."
"Hey, thanks kid." He said.
Sophia knew exactly what he meant, but she wanted him to say it, "For what?"
"For Danni." He swallowed hard. That little kid had brought them together. He'd never forget.
"You're welcome."
Danni put her hands over her face because she was crying so hard.
... ... .. ... .. .. .. .. .
After the gate had closed and the dust cleared behind the battered pick up truck, the group converged on Rick.
"How can you let them do this?" Carol asked horrified.
"Look, they made their choice. They chose Merle. Nothing I can do." Rick answered.
"You let Daryl just leave and take Danni too? How could you? That girl is due soon, three months. Rick, you gave her a death sentence. If they even make out there that long." Lori criticised him.
Rick looked at them with anger and disbelief. "Me? We voted! You voted for-
"But if they Governor does retaliate, we need Daryl, we-" Glenn started
"You want me to chase after them? Throw down a welcome mat for Merle? Hell, you voted him out! What did you think was gonna happen? You can't have it both ways."
"But-"
"Look Glenn this is the hand we've been dealt! Deal with it. All of you!" Rick shouted and left the cell block. He knew Glenn was right, but they needed to understand the consequence of their choice. They voted Merle out. This was the price. Danni had told him. She had told them all. Time to pay up.
After the crowd had dispersed only Herschel followed Rick out to the concrete yard where He sat on the cement stairs.
"Do you believe those people?" Rick asked him. "They just don't get it."
"No, they don't. But you do. Can I give you a bit of advice about democracy? A very just, fair man once said 'Before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience."
"Who said it?"
"Atticus Finch. One of my favorite characters in literature."
Danni. Rick thought.
"Rick you let your conscience down I can see that. It's a loss, yes, but we will get though this. Just make sure you never abandon your conscience again."
He'd let Danni down not just his conscience.
.. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
They pulled over to the side of the road to look at the map. "We should try to hit that store we was at a couple of months back." Daryl suggested.
Merle looked over his shoulder at the paper spread out on the hood. "Maybe head north, try the mountains."
"You hear that?" Daryl asked looking up.
"Yeah, wild animals getting wild." Merle answered.
"Naw, that's a baby."
"He's right." Danni agreed.
"Why don't you just piss in my ear and say its raining too. That there's the sound of a couple coons making love, sweet love."
"C'mon," Daryl dismissed him and headed toward the source of the crying as it got louder. The infant was screaming now and Danni heard fearful shouting in Spanish coming from a bridge several yards in front of them.
"Ya vienen! Qué debo hacer? Qué debo hacer?"
"Hey! Jump!" Merle shouted and laughed at the desperate people fighting off Walkers on the bridge.
"Jesus Merle," Daryl muttered and headed toward the river bank.
"What?" Merle asked seeing the disgusted looks on Danni and Daryl's faces. He went on "Hey, man, I ain't wasting my bullets on a couple of strangers that ain't never cooked me a meal or felicitated my piece. That's my policy. You two 'd be wise to adopt it."
Daryl ignored Merle and ran toward the bridge. As they scrambled up the bank he turned to Danni, "Stay back and outa the way."
She didn't answer just climbed up as carefully as she could behind him, hearing only the baby's cries.
The run down graffiti covered, bridge was littered with abandoned cars and the pavement was strewn with clothing. Chaos ensued as a Hispanic family tried to fight off a small herd of putrid, shuffling dead that swarmed the bridge. It was impossible to get past them.
"Move! Move!" Daryl shouted to the first man he could see.
The father and teenaged son looked apprehensive as Daryl approached shouldering his crossbow. They stood atop a flatbed truck trying to stay out of reach of the hungry corpses.
"Come on, man. I'm trying to help you out. Cover me!" Daryl shouted aiming his crossbow at the first few Walkers stumbling toward him.
Danni didn't know much Spanish, but she'd picked up a little in Texas. The people were panicking and she was afraid they thought Daryl was attacking them too.
She tried to shout over the chaos. "Esta bien! Its okay, esta bien!"
"Hey, I told you to stay out of the way!" He yelled at her. "Get out of here, now!"
"They're scared! Hey, we can help! Ayudar nosotros podemos ayudarle a…" she said and finally the man jumped from the truck and retrieved the pistol he had dropped. He shot the Walker behind Daryl, who now swiftly moved forward using his knife to plunge into the skulls. Danni ran over to the red SUV where a woman sat crying in the front seat clutching her infant.
"Santa María llena eres de gracia..."
Danni heard her praying and tried to focus on the beautiful words instead of the sickening squelch of her trench knife sinking into the back of the of what was once a human being's head. It had been a while since she'd done this. Turning back, she impaled another snarling, rotting geek beside the first. A sharp pain shot up her forearm as she hit bone and her wrist refused to bend. "Shit!" Just as the Walker slid down the door of the vehicle, another one came from the left. She kicked, stunning it just long enough to ram her knife in its eye. She had never really gotten used to the horrible smell. That stench! Excessively sweet perfume combined with rotting meat and eggs. Her gag reflex was working overtime as she focused on keeping the woman and baby safe while Daryl helped her husband and son clear the bridge. She clenched the knife between aching fingers; she was already getting tired, not possessing the stamina she used to have but her adrenaline helped. She wasn't sure how long she could hold them off by herself. She reached down to open the door asking "El baby, cómo está el baby… how is the baby?"
The woman kept crying but looked up gratefully. The baby was so tiny, so helpless…..Danni absently held her own belly.
"Bein, gracias, gracias."
She was staring, distracted by the tiny creäture. It was the first baby she'd seen since before the Walker shit, since before she became pregnant. Its so...beautiful. I never thought babies were cute before ...
"Behind, you queenie, watch out!" Merle suddenly came to life and shouted at Danni. "That one is gonna kill you, watch out. I got ya!" He shot a Walker about to pull Danni from the frightened mother.
She looked back and caught his eye, he shrugged and sauntered toward them letting Daryl and the two men finish the battle.
"Easy does it, señorita. Everything's gonna be fine." He said to the terrified woman.
"Merle back off. Leave her alone!"
"Settle down queenie. The least they can do is give us an enchilada or something, huh?"
He pulled Danni from the side of the car and leaned in to the back seat rummaging. She lost her balance and fell back onto the ground. The father approached trying to stop Merle saying "Si tocas a mi mujer, te mato. Aléjate de mi coche!"
"Slow down beaner, that ain't no way to say thank you." He pointed the gun at the man's face. "Speak English why don't ya?"
"He says leave his wife alone!" Danni translated. "Merle get away from their car, c'mon!"
Daryl made his way to the car slowly, watching his brother. He felt unreal like he was seeing Merle for the first time. Really seeing him. "Let 'em go." He rasped.
Merle ignored him and moved further into the back seat rummaging. Daryl caught the eye of the worried father and read the helplessness on his face. The man was desperate to protect his family; his wife and two children. Protect them from Merle. Daryl ignored the twisting in his gut, took a deep breath and aiming his crossbow at the back of Merle's head gruffly ordered "Get out of the car."
"I know you're not talking to me, brother."
Daryl turned his head and shouted to the men "Get in your car and get the hell out of here!"
"Go! Get in your car!" Danni repeated. "Go! Recibe en tu coche!"
Merle backed up out of the car and turned to face Daryl, their standoff tense and palpable. Daryl clenched his jaw and glared, facing his fear, facing the disapproval of his older brother. He looked into the face that he looked up to for so long and realized he was nothing like Merle. He kept his aim and stared him down, doing what he knew was right. Merle saw something different in Daryl's eyes and didn't snap back at him. Once the family had driven away, he swung the bow away from Merle's head and grunted. He stalked away, retrieving arrows from the heads of the fallen Walkers as he passed. Danni tried to keep up, while Merle lagged behind, considering Daryl's display. Finally, he caught up at the edge of the bridge. He grabbed Daryl's arm. "The shit you doing, pointing that thing at me?"
Daryl pulled back. "They were scared, man."
"They were rude is what they were. Rude and they owed us a token of gratitude."
"They didn't owe us nothing."
Danni didn't say anything. Just let Daryl handle it.
"You helping people out of the goodness of your heart?"
"Shit Merle there was a baby!"
"Oh and otherwise you woulda' left them for the biters."
"You just don't get it."
"Get what?"
"All a man wants is to protect his family. A man is a man, it don't matter what... what color he is or what language he speaks. A man's got the right to protect his family. Especially now, the way things are now. What if it was me, my family?"
Merle just stared open-mouthed, a look of disgust on his face. Daryl shook his head and turned away from his brother. 'Hey," he took Danni's arm. She was breathing hard, adrenaline still racing.
"You okay? I told you to stay back, you can't do stuff like that no more." He touched her stomach.
"That little baby, the baby is okay, they're gonna be okay. You saved their lives." She smiled and he couldn't be angry at her for risking her own. She got it. She was proud of him. Are you a racist son of a bitch like your brother? She'd wanted to know when they'd first met. No, I'm not, he'd answered her.
He understood then that they couldn't have their own babies out here on the road.
"C'mon.' He said and took her hand. They headed to the embankment.
"Where you two goin?" Merle shouted
"Back where we belong!"
"I can't go with you!" Merle added.
Daryl kept walking, holding her hand tighter. He squeezed her fingers together painfully, but she didn't care. Danni looked up at him. Something had changed.