"I can do that, talk to them. So you go on and lay down or something. You didn't sleep at all last night." Daryl said turning around.

She nodded. "I will." Some of Danni's best moments of rest came while she napped in the afternoon with Fionn purring against her belly.

"But, I need to talk to Carol first. It should be me."

"Sure? I'll go with you."

"No, I'll do it." She paused and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "But I like this new you."

He half scowled, half smiled at her and shook his head with a self-deprecating snort. "Rick needs help with the side fences..."

"Go, I'm fine."

... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. ..

Danni came upon Carol in her cell with Sophia folding, freshly cleaned laundry.

"Hey ladybug can I talk to your mom for a minute?"

"Sure." Sophia said. "I hate folding anyway!" She happily skipped out to find Carl. Danni watched her go, smiling, not really wanting to turn back to face Carol.

"Hey…" she finally ventured. "Carol I know you aren't thrilled with Merle being here."

"I think you're making a mistake, Danni, a big mistake in trusting him." She continued to put the clothing into neat piles.

"I trust Daryl. He's gonna keep him in line."

"I'm surprised at you. I never thought of you as naïve before." Her voice was accusatory.

"Naive?"

Carol finally looked up. "He's not good for Daryl, you of all people should know that."

"Maybe Daryl and he can work things out. It's better than running away from each other."

"Men like Merle get into your head, make you feel like you deserve the abuse. You should know that."

"Stop telling me what I should know." Mom.

"After everything you told me about yourself? I'm surprised at you that's all. What you've been through? What Daryl has been through? Look, I'm not half the woman I was year ago but if Ed walked through the door and told me to go with him, I wouldn't. I'd tell him to go to hell."

"I know you would, but this is different."

"Is it? Daryl has come so far, he's earned his place and here you are letting him slide. He's going to lose it all and you're just contributing to that."

"You don't seem to have any faith in him at all. I believe in him, he's not going to let Merle or anyone else bring him down. He believes in family. Daryl has his code. He has to live by it."

Carol dismissed her. "Why didn't you fight harder for him? He listens to you. It seems like you want Merle here."

"Maybe I do. Maybe the only way they can heal is by trying to work out their past."

"Merle? You can't believe that."

Danni didn't answer so Carol added "You're causing a rift in the group you know."

"Rick said-"

"It doesn't matter what Rick says, its how we feel. We don't feel safe with a loose cannon like Merle around."

"I don't believe this. You're being so closed-minded."

No, I'm being practical, realistic. Frankly I'm surprised at Rick too. I mean with Sophia's safety-"

"Merle would never hurt Sophia!" Danni shouted louder than she meant to. "He's not that, kind of man. He has his issues but he's not...I know the difference. I know what kind of men prey on kids."

It flashed in her mind. That night, that one time...She closed her eyes tight to prevent the vision that kept trying to flash across her mind lately.

"I just meant putting the prison in danger with the Woodbury group. The children are at more risk."

Her eyes snapped back open. "Oh, I thought-"

"Danni, what was that just about? Are you okay? Was it something I said, about your past?"

"Fine. I'm fine."

"Alright." She didn't quite believe her, but continued. "I don't want to see you make such a bad decision and regret it, risk the prison, set Daryl back. " Danni felt that familiar sting of disappointment in Carol's tone. "I expected more from you."

"You're not my mother." Danni's voice was cold.

Carol stepped back, taken by surprise.

"So stop telling what to do, what to think. I believe in Daryl. I made a decision and I'm sorry you don't agree with it but I don't need another mother who doesn't believe in me. So just stop."

Carol was silent as Danni left the cell.

Danni felt defeated as she climbed the stairs to the second floor, but was soon distracted by pieces of cotton batting flying over the railing. She reached out, caught one and turned to see Merle at the far end of the second floor's row of cells ripping though a mattress. He'd obviously been at it a while; pieces of stuffing littered the entire walkway. Danni stepped over the white fluff making a path toward his hunched, focused figure.

"Just looking for a little vacation." Merle said sensing her questioning gaze as he sliced through another flimsy mattress with his bayonet attachment. He looked up breathing heavily as much from frustration as exertion.

"Best dope I ever had was in a prison mattress." He turned back to his work "Ahhh" he sighed. "Nothing. This place must have been no fun at all."

"Merle I really need you to not fuck this up.'

He chuckled "So now you aint just bossing my brother around, huh? Me too, I'm honored queenie, really.'

"I'm risking a lot for you. Everybody's pissed at me."

"For backing me huh? Don't worry your pretty little head 'bout it. The governor, he's still a problem, what needs to be done... well lets just say nobody 'round here, especially officer Rick's, got the stomach for. Y'all really don't know who you're dealing with." He slowly pulled himself to his feet. "It's what I'm willing to do that matters. Maybe these people need somebody like me around, huh? Do their dirty work. The bad guy. Yeah, maybe that's how it is now, huh? How does that hit you queenie? Looks like I might have a place here after all. Make myself useful."

"Bad guy? You sound like a mercenary. What are you going to do?"

"Top secret, queenie. Said too much already." He laughed.

"Merle, what are you gonna-"

He cut her off. "Fool ramblings is all. Nothing. I ain't doing nothing." He sighed again. "Since when do you listen to me anyway?"

His gaze returned to the mess on the floor. She could see the disappointment in his eyes, his longing to score. His wish to escape.

"Do you know why you do the things you do? The choices you make?" She asked.

He thought for a minute then sighed. "I don't know why I do the things I do." He grunted. "Never did. I'm a damn mystery to me."

"Not to me. You're running, trying to forget. I did the same thing, almost all my life. There's a time I'd have been up here with you, going through these mattresses." She looked at the shredded material at her feet. "You're just trying to fill up the days so you don't have to think about what a fucking mess you made of everything. It's like that for people like us; forgetting our lives might be the best we'll ever do."

Merle looked agitated. "You spot it you got it huh?" He asked quoting an NA term.

She nodded. "You said you knew me, remember back at the cabin? Takes one to know one? Okay, so you were right. But people change; I did. I mean I still got a long way to go, but its better. I don't want to get fucked up anymore. It doesn't work anymore."

"Well ain't that too bad for you. Finding a little crystal meth would work just fine for me, good as ever." He shifted. "Aw I know, don't mess my life up when it's all goin' so sweet."

"You don't have to run anymore." She reached up and touched his shoulder. "Merle, Daryl just wants his brother back."

He shook her hand off and looked away. "Get outa here queenie." His voice broke slightly. "Go on!"

"Yeah, lots more mattresses to go through," she observed as she turned away. "I'll let you get back to it."

... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Danni lay on her side, trying to feel comfortable, Fionn did his best to help, purring against her belly, calming the troublemakers. That one night. She cringed. Every part of her body cringed and felt hot with shame. Stress brought on the memories. Stress weakened her and opened the door.

He never said, 'Don't tell your mother.' He never had to. Her mother already knew. The next morning when Danni made it back to her room, her mother was in Danni's own bed, next to Tara like she'd fallen asleep without a care in the world while her husband tortured her daughter in the next room. She hadn't known how to tell anyone how scared and ashamed she was anyway. Tears trailed out of the corners of Danni's eyes. She wasn't angry just sad. Sometimes she just wished she could go back and, and…and what?

It was late when Daryl finally came up to check on her. He and Rick had talked for hours about the Woodbury thing. They were thinking of sending Daryl out to scout and see if the Governor was planning anything.

"Beth says you didn't show up for supper. You eat anything at all today?" Daryl asked leaning over to light the candles.

"I can't sit around a dinner table having everybody look at me like I'm a Judas anymore. Always up against it you know? When is it just gonna settle down? Why is there always another problem?"

"They'll come around, just need time." He sat beside her. "You been up against worse."

She was crying then, not even trying to hide it from him.

"Hey, what did Carol say today?"

Danni shook her head.

"I'll talk to her, just tell me what she said to make you so upset."

"It's not that. You're right, they'll come around. We're right and all I care about is that Rick is on our side."

"So what's this?" He traced a tear down her cheek. "Remembering shit again ain't ya?" He asked with a heavy sigh, recognizing her quiet tearful pensive state. She wasn't full out sobbing, that was the difference. She was in pain from her past, not from anything going on right now. He moved closer saying "C'mere" and she leaned her head on his chest.

"She knew, she knew and didn't give a shit."

"Your mom?"

Danni nodded. "When will it go away? When will the memories just die?"

"Time don't do the healing. We do. You told me that."

She smiled sadly. "Sounds real good doesn't it? I wish there was something I could do to stop them."

"Wish I coulda' been there, wish I coulda killed the bastard. Sick piece a shit excuse for a man."

"Me too." Danni answered. She knew he'd do it too. Maybe it was wrong and vengeful but the thought of Daryl hurting, actually killing Jay, comforted her. "I wish we could go back, you know, go back and face them, seems like that would do it."

"Yeah, go back and set things right." He agreed.

He pulled her closer and she thought of the past couple of nights, of everything he'd admitted to her, what they'd shared and overcome and knew she had to tell him. Her final secret.

"Daryl, I lied to you."

He tensed at the word. One of he words he feared the most.

"I lied to myself too."

He looked over and winced, waiting for her to explain.

"He...my stepfather...he did... It did happen. He raped me." She covered her face with her hands feeling exposed. "I never wanted you to know. I feel so…"

He sprang up so fast she jumped. He kicked the bedside milk crate over, sending books skidding across the floor. The noise and his sudden fit of rage startled her and Danni started to cry harder. "I'm sorry."

"Goddamnit, Danni!" He kicked at the books, the clothing on the floor anything in his path.

"I'm sorry."

"You were a kid...the sick motherfucker, I wanna kill him!"

Then she understood he wasn't angry with her he was angry at the monster who'd hurt her. He paced clenching his fists. She saw him about to punch the cinderblock wall and stopped him.

"Daryl don't, please!"

He let out a harsh breath and slowly returned to his seat beside her. "Don't ever say you're sorry. Nothing to be sorry about; none of that shit was your fault." He held her so tightly she couldn't breathe, but she didn't care.

"I didn't tell you because I felt like if I didn't admit it then it didn't really happen. It was just one time so I pretended it didn't happen. Daryl I never told anyone that he did. Not even Stephen. But I can't pretend anymore and I need you to know so I can finally be totally free."

She felt like any lie to him would be like brick in a wall going up between them. When he said he loved her, the wall would deflect it away and that terrified her more than the admission itself. No, walls.

"I'm glad you told me."

"You don't feel diff-"

He wouldn't let her finish; instead he covered her mouth with his and kissed her hard, possessively. He overwhelmed her for a minute and she had to pull away. Danni stood and folded her arms across her chest. Sometimes the intensity of her memories and the realization of how they'd found each other overpowered her. Daryl got up and approached her slowly, gauging her emotion. They stood slightly apart, willing the other to move first. When he looked into her eyes he saw nothing but aching loneliness. Those memories haunting her. It didn't have to be this way. She deserves better. As he continued to gaze upon her, she matched his stare her eyes full of longing.

"I know you need me...you say it best like this, loudest, when you don't say nothing at all." He said low and huskily.

Danni heard his sharp intake of breath, then he surged forward, taking her in his solid arms. Unsmiling and intense they didn't utter a single word just pressed their bodies tightly together, trying with one touch to make up for those long, difficult years of abuse and pain. His scruffy chin grazed her shoulder as he buried his face in her neck, his lips found that sensitive patch of skin under her ear that sends shivers of lust down her spine. He pinned her to the wall moving his hands under her shirt over her belly and breasts making her breath come in shallow pants. His lips found hers, his stubble burning a path of fire across her neck, as he traced the line of her jaw with his own fighting for dominance. Danni willingly succumbed to his powerful masculine control, her legs parting involuntarily as he parted her lips with his tongue, thrusting it into her mouth. His rolled his hips against her thigh so that she felt every inch of his rock hard erection grinding into her. All she could do was whimper, dry sobs racking her throat. He didn't let up, his lips owned her mouth, swallowing her cries, dominating her, making, her his: claiming the flesh that belonged to him. No matter what had happened to her or who had ever touched her, Danni was his and Daryl would never let anyone hurt her again.

He slowly slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her close lightly brushing her cheek with only a finger. His strong warm hand traveled up her spine and her body pressed in tighter to his. The held fast, neither wanting to lose the moment. Finally Danni pulled back and with closed eyes and a whispered breath, put her lips to his ear. "Now."

They sank to the floor and the world outside seemed to disappear. All they wanted was this healing, cleansing moment.

She grabbed at his shirt, and unbuttoning it slowly, kissed her way up his taut stomach and solid chest. She tugged the garment off of his shoulders and pushed Daryl back. Straddling his hips she gave him a look of pure need and pulled off her own shirt. He massaged her legs, up and down her thighs causing them to twitch and tremble. She leaned forward, as if to kiss him, but slipped past his lips and nibbled on his ear instead. He jerked involuntarily as she whispered hoarsely into his ear "I want you. More than anything tonight, I want you; I want to feel you inside me." She pulled back, and when their eyes locked Daryl saw something other than pain and loneliness; he saw hope. He sat up, kissed her neck, and gently rolled her onto her back. He pulled her leggings off and slowly kissed the inside of her thigh. He switched and moved up the other leg, this time sliding his hands on the outside of her legs. He kissed her stomach tenderly, moving higher, then kissed her breasts, running his tongue around her nipples, moving still higher up her neck, and finally to her waiting lips. She threw her arms around him,

Her breathing was heavy and ragged, her body writhing on the mattress beneath him as she panted, "I...I can't take it anymore. Please." But Daryl carefully reached up and pushed her hands back to the mattress behind her head, where he held them fast, like the tattooed letters read on her fingers entwined with his, feeling selfish, possessive love burning through his soul. Hold fast.

Daryl moved back and gently flipped her over onto her hands and knees. "Okay?" He grunted the question, ready to stop if she wanted him to. She was still panting hard but looked back at him willingly. He braced his knees, grabbed hold of her hips, and entered. He started slowly and simply, with measured, rhythmic thrusts. She closed her eyes and threw her head back.

"Hold my hair."

He complied grabbing a fistful of raven locks and pulling tightly. She sighed and he increased his pace, she bit her lip, and pushed back against him shoving him farther inside her. He tugged her hair and squeezed her hip. Every thrust hit her g spot eliciting another quiet moan. She would climax fast and couldn't hold on long. Her fingers, sought something tangible to brace against as she began to lose control. Over and over the waves of aching heat surged. She twisted the sheets around her hands and grasped desperately as her body spasmed again and again. Suddenly Daryl's body seized up, and squeezing her hips hard he came with her. Her moans got louder as she felt him release hot inside her. "Daryl oh my god shit...Daryl.." her voice echoed off the walls and her body convulsed. She was breathing heavily as he pulled out of her, and leaned forward to give her another kiss. As soon as their lips touched, they both collapsed onto the bed, panting hard. He pulled back her sweat streaked hair revealing her smile. That's what he wanted to see.

"Thank you." She whispered as he continued to stroke her hair. "I'm okay."

He nodded. "I know."

For a moment, he considered telling her how much he wanted to protect her, make her happy, fix everything in her past. He wanted to fuck all the pain away and that he'd hoped he'd done it. But he knew she saw it in his eyes and felt it in the way he lightly caressed her face. He loved that she didn't always need his words; she just knew.

She'd made the right the decision. The way he looked at her assured her of it and his reaction killed any doubt she had in him or in herself. She was strong, but so much stronger with him by her side. He was the most powerful painkiller she'd ever taken. Nothing ever hurt as much after she told him about it.

As dawn broke Daryl lay next to her watching the arc of light spread across the room. The shadows from the night before remained, moving on the walls, but they seemed lighter and less rigid than before. If he ever loved a woman, there she was sleeping next to him, an angel in her own right. When she woke they would have to reenter the fight that was life, and the moment would change, but right now, the world was perfect. She had dreamt about him before; had he ever dreamt of her? He'd had so many nightmares, but he was starting to remember things. He'd called her to him in Woodbury, she believed it happened. So those other times...were they real? He shook his head not wanting to think anymore. All he wanted to do was hold her close, listen to her measured breath, and know she was real.

... ... ... ... ... ... .

Sometimes Danni felt useless. The cell block was empty; Rick, Daryl, T-Dog Glenn and Maggie were working on the areas behind the prison that needed reinforcement. And they continued clearing stray Walkers out of the tombs.

Herschel invited her to help the kids, Beth and himself with preparations in the yard for his spring garden. He'd begin his planting next month. She'd declined because there was no way she'd be able to lean and bend and kneel to help ready the soil. She also declined to help Carol and Lori with an inventory the food supplies because although Lori had come around to Merle's presence Danni and Carol hadn't spoken in days.

Danni retreated to her bed with the baby journal, The Once Upon a Time Diaries. She'd never stopped working on it no matter what else was going on. She often transcribed quotes from her journal's collection, still feeling that others sometimes said what she wanted to more eloquently. She began copying the lines from the Liars Club by Mary Karr.

"And you snap out of it. Or are snapped out of it. Never again will you lay a hand on yourself, not as long as there are plums to eat and somebody-anybody-who gives enough of a damn to haul them to you. So long as you bear the least nibble of love for any other creature in this dark world though in love portions are never stingy. There are no smidgens or pinches, only rolling abundance. That's how you acquire the resolution for survival that the upcoming years are about to demand. You don't give it. You earn it."

She wanted them to be strong, to take to survival as easily and successfully as Daryl. She wanted them to know love and to respect themselves from the very start. Danni never denied the long, hard road ahead. To raise children in a world where right and wrong was life and death and be able to give them a childhood was a challenge she never took lightly.

"Hey there queenie, thought I'd find you here." Merle greeted her, ascending the stairs. "I was out hunting, figure if I feed them folks they might all just settle down." He laughed.

"Any luck?"

"Yeah, oh yeah got a deer; Daryl helped me get it back here. Gotta dress it and then we'll have some nice venison for them ladies to cook up."

She put the baby journal aside. She took in a sharp breath as two sets of tiny fists pummeled her from inside. She put her hand over her belly wincing.

"At it again, huh?"

"Oh yeah, they're having a boxing match in here." They always seemed to get active when Uncle Merle was around.

"Reminds me, I got something for you." He approached and crouched to Danni's level handing her bunches of green leafy vine with a couple of red berries attached.

"Squaw vine." He said before she could ask. "Our momma used this right about the time she was ready to have Daryl. Never forget the stuff. She said it helped with her baby pain. You're gonna need it queenie."

"Didn't she have him in the hospital?"

"She did, but she and her women friends had a whole bunch of stuff they used to with plants; didn't trust doctors one hundred percent. Always sent a list with me when I went hunting."

"You're kidding?

"No, she told me what to find for her."

"How come Daryl never mentioned it?"

"Well after Daryl was born things changed, Our old man lost his job and was around the house a lot more. Momma wasn't free to do her thing you know? She didn't see much of her women friends no more. Appalachian Granny magic my dad called it and wouldn't have it in his house." Merle remembered that was when she changed. She stopped trying, lost her fight and gave up. Part of him hated her for that. But only a part.

"She did magic?"

"Don't know if that's what you'd call it, more Cherokee superstitions, making medicines but like I said it fell by the wayside 'fore Daryl was old enough to remember it." Merle's face lightened when he added "I remember though. She'd make a tea with it. She wasn't one for exact measurements, I can't tell you how to…"

"I got it, I know how to make some herbal medicines."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I, ah, have my own sort of Appalachian Granny magic going on." She admitted.

"Well, well that, right? Then you might want to go on and look for blue cohosh, plenty of that out there too. Makes them babies shoot right outa ya when the time comes."

She nodded. "Thanks for the picture."

He shrugged. "Hey, I can take you out to them woods to find some." He stopped. "If you want." He paused again. "I mean you shouldn't be doing something like that on your own is all I meant.'

She nodded. "I know what you meant. Thanks, Merle.'

He was making her feel less alone. Merle Dixon of all people in the whole damn prison was treating her like a human being. She took a chance and asked

"Do you ever wish you could go back? Change things?"

"Sure queenie, don't we all? But it's a waste a time thinking like that. Ain't no such thing as a fucking time machine."

"No. No there isn't is there?"

Merle's revelation about his mother sent Danni's head spinning. Daryl's mother worked herbal medicine, went to fortune tellers, was there more to it? It sounded like she practiced some kind of folk magic; that explained a lot.

After he had left Danni pulled out her Beyrl and looked up Squaw vine.

Squaw Vine (Mitchella repens) Native American women often used squaw vine as an aid in parturition during the last weeks of pregnancy, giving this herb its common name. In addition to toning the uterus and helping it prepare for childbirth in the last four to six weeks of pregnancy, squaw vine eases the threat of miscarriage and treats water retention. It is generally only taken in the last weeks before birth and during labor. When women take it at the end of their pregnancy, however, it is believed that the herb can help to reduce labor pains. After delivering their babies, some women use squaw vine for their breasts. It is believed that the herb can help to relieve pain associated with lactation. The herb is also used for sore nipples associated with breastfeeding.

Dosages: Mix one ounce of loose herbs with one pint of boiled water and steep for approximately 20 minutes to make a decoction. Drink one-half cup of the tea up to three times daily.

She decided to make some tea right away. Merle was full of surprises. Maybe he wasn't such a losing bet after all. And she couldn't stop thinking about Daryl's mother.

... ... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .

"Its called blue cohosh and it helps in labor." Danni explained. "Please say you have time to go with me."

"Yeah I'll go looking for it with you." Daryl answered. "Merle told you about the stuff?"

"Yeah, apparently your mom used it when she was pregnant with you."

He shrugged and looked far away. She knew he was thinking about her. Danni remembered the story of the how she died.

"She sounds like she was really into herbal-" Before she could finish, he abruptly said, "Let's go if we're going."

... ... ... ...

Danni kept her eye on the vegetation near their feet at the side of the trail hoping to spot the green three-pronged leaves of the blue cohosh.

"The other night, when you said you wished you could have been there for me, when I was a kid, you know I wish I could have been there for you too. When you were a kid." She said as they walked slowly through the pine trees.

Daryl sighed and seemed nervous all of a sudden. "I gotta tell you something, something that bothered me all my life. Never told no one before."

She moved her eyes from the ground and turned to look at him as he spoke.

"I was probably, ten, eleven? We were in the car, my old man and me, don't remember why or where we were going, but I musta said something that made him get into one of them spastic rages he had when he was drunk and pissed off. So he started punching me with his right hand while still driving with his left. Then He pulled over to the side of the road so he could keep hitting me. He punched my eye, then backhanded me again and broke my nose. I got away from him, got outa the car and slammed the door on his hand to get a head start.I fell down a ditch, ran over some railroad tracks and into the woods. He was behind me screaming I better get my ass back to the car or he was going to find me and kill me. I thought I was going to die, I really did. So I just kept running 'til I couldn't hear his voice anymore. Wasn't looking where I was going. I just wanted to make sure he didn't catch me. Then….something made me stop. It was a girl's voice from behind me. I looked back and there wasn't nobody there. Plus ... that smell, honeysuckle out of season, but I smelled it real strong. Then I looked down. Below me, and all around, were hunting traps. Bear traps for chrissakes. Everywhere. It was getting dark and I never would've stopped in time to see 'em if it weren't for that girl's voice. Never had much of a reason to believe in God, but at the time I thought someone had to be watching out for me." He stopped and took a deep breath. "It was you wasn't it?"

All she could do was nod. After she fully took in what he'd said she asked, "Do you ever think you're here for a reason? I mean I think back to all the times I could have died, but I didn't. I think of my sister and how I could have taken the same way out, but I didn't. Something always kept me here. Maybe I was supposed be here for you, for us."

"And I was sposed to be here for you. For them." He said touching her belly.

They continued through the brush in silence, each lost in their own memories of the past. The mist was rising from ground around them covering the bases of the trees. The only sounds were of a gentle wind rustling the leaves and a few birds calling. The peace out here in the middle of the woods made you forget sometimes…..

Danni followed Daryl up the muddy road. It was strange, just a minute ago they were walking on an overgrown grassy trail. How did the ground change so radically, she wondered. All thoughts of the blue cohosh left her head. Briar patches and clumps of thistle framed the mud and the mist morphed into a ground fog as thick as the gray clouds in the sky above them. After a few minutes the narrow deer path widened and as they emerged from the woods, tar paper shacks, and cinderblock houses peppered the side of the road. She'd never noticed any of this when in the woods surrounding the prison before. She almost felt like saying 'we're not in Kansas anymore' but Daryl seemed to know where he was going; he had a direction so she followed. Maybe he took her a different way, somewhere he went when he was out hunting. She saw a general store, a church and a dive bar.

"Up here," Daryl said as they started toward a hill.

"Where are we?" she asked completely bewildered.

He looked at her. "I'm home."

"What?"

"Shit Danni I don't know what the hell is going on but this is my hometown."

They'd done it. Somehow they'd come back to 'make things right' as Daryl had said.

"We lived in a house up this hill a ways from town. Dixons have always been considered outsiders. Here."

As they stepped up on the sagging front porch, Daryl scraped the mud from his boots on the steps like an old habit. The broken front window was patched with cardboard.

The small dark front room of the house smelled of stale cigarette smoke. When her eyes adjusted to the dusky light Danni saw the little boy. He sat cross-legged on a dirty braided rug. He was five maybe six years old with big blue eyes and tangled blonde hair over his ears and brushing his chin. He looked up and Danni saw that he resembled Ryder in her dreams. But this boy was blonder and his eyes a fiery, forlorn cobalt. With a shudder she knew it was Daryl as a child.

They'd come back. He was commencing battle. By admitting those moments of abuse to Danni, telling her what had happened, he acknowledged the battle existed. Now Daryl was entering the fight.

At first she and Daryl stood back, watching the scene before them like a movie.

A dark-haired woman with high cheekbones and full lips looked anxiously out the window at a man stomping aggressively across the yard from the barn. She turned to the boy and Danni saw how beautiful she was despite her right eye drooping from nerve damage caused by one of her husband's beatings.

"You're daddy mad at you for something?"

"I didn't do nothing." The child shook his head.

"That ain't what I asked you.' She turned and wrung her hands. "We both know how he gets."

The boy internalized her apprehension and began nervously chewing the rough skin around his fingernails.

A screen door shrieked and banged shut. Heavy footfalls echoed through the kitchen. Then he was there, bursting through the doorway to the front room. Daryl's father. The elder Dixon was tall and raw-boned resembling an older, booze and time-ravaged Merle. Tobacco juice, grease, and sweat stained his white t-shirt and that belt held up his blue work pants. Danni saw Daryl physically change. His shoulders slumped and he looked down at the floor.

Daddy Dixon slammed his bottle of Old-Grandad down on the coffee table after taking a long swig. His mother flinched more at the gesture than the at the noise. The child sat on the floor cowering near Daryl's feet in a similar stance.

"Goddamn it boy how many times I gotta tell you 'bout bitin' them fingernails. You sound like a mouse chewing through a sack a corn!"

"Leave him be." His mother said weakly.

"Never know where he's had those dick skinners." His father sounded disgusted and glared at the boy with bloodshot eyes.

Daryl watched the boy take his fingers out of his mouth and sit on his hands. He knew it was the only way he could keep from biting them when the old man was around. It's exactly what Daryl himself had always done to stop the nervous habit that infuriated his father so much.

Daryl's gut clenched and he felt like he was a child again being screamed at.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't hit me." The words that ran through Daryl's head were spoken aloud by the boy and Daryl automatically flinched.

His father made a move to kick the little boy who cowered again.

"I shit you not, this boy's afraid of his own shadow." He turned to Daryl's mother. "A fuckin' insect's got more balls."

The woman didn't answer.

"Shoulda' been a girl." The old man spit a stream of tobacco juice on the floor. "Goddamnit, when I was your age I was chopping wood for the stove."

The mother gave the child a heartbroken stare. She raised her head and gave the same look to Daryl before slipping silently from the room, knowing what was next.

"What the..." Daryl muttered. Every word his father uttered to this little kid was so familiar. When Danni put her hand on the small of his back, Daryl unconsciously responded by shifting his posture. He raised his head and squared his shoulders while narrowing his eyes to stare at the monster before him.

"Answer me? What do you got to say?"

The little boy stared hard at the floor.

"Nothing. I swear you're a mute or simple-minded."

When his father unbuckled his belt, ripped it from the loops and stood menacingly over the little boy who didn't even bother to run anymore, Daryl's rage began to surface. He lunged at his father pushing him against the wall, knocking a couple of framed pictures to the floor, "Keep away from the kid!" He pinned the man to the wall breathing noisily with aggression.

"You best mind your own business. I.m trying make a man outa this weak ass piece a shit 'sposed to be my son."

"He's a kid."

"He's a pussy. Simple-minded and stupid on top of that."

Daryl yanked his father's shirt and pushed him harder to the paneled wall. 'You never give him a chance."

"Weak and pathetic all he is. Look at him on the floor like a little bitch. Too stupid to listen. Have to learn him with the belt. Hiding behind his momma's skirt all the time. Pathetic little momma's boy all he is..." with the mention of his mother, Danni heard the sickening crack reverberate in the room as Daryl drove his fist into his father's temple. He staggered sideways and doubled over as if all the air left his body and he dropped to the floor with a thud. Daryl stalked around the monster who looked more pathetic than frightening now, cowering on the floor at his feet.

"Bitch. That all you got for me? Huh, get up and fight! Only go after little kids, huh? That it? Can't take on anybody your own size, anyone who'll hit ya back that it? Shoulda figured. You're the weak piece a shit."

His father staggered to his feet and swung at Daryl, but he was drunk and unsteady after the blow to his head. Daryl ducked and shoved him backward ripping the belt from his hand threw it across the room. The old man reached into the drawer in the side table; Daryl knew exactly what he was going for and beat him to it. The pistol. His father tried to grab it from him with and an unsteady hand.

"Hey, I think I know a game we could play." He rasped as he backed his father up against the wall again and held the gun to his temple. "Your turn."

"I was just trying to toughen you up. Make a man of ya." The old man's voice was shaky with weak excuses.

"That's bullshit. You didn't care about me or Merle or Momma!" Daryl stalked over to the coffee table and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. "You cared about this!" He growled, smashing the glass bottle inches from his father's head. "You weren't no daddy to us. You're the coward. You're the weak one."

Daryl stepped back and watched his father slump to the floor. He emptied the chamber of the pistol and smashed the gun to pieces against the wooden door frame. When he looked up his mother was standing in the doorway smoking, looking sad and lost, not at all upset about her husband lying bloody and breathing heavy on the floor.

'You shoulda been there for us momma. You shoulda stopped him." He said quietly.

"How? He beat me too."

"Don't matter, we was just kids and you were 'sposed to take care of us."

She had nothing to say. She'd been broken too.

"That's what a mother does."He stated his voice had the soft gravel tone of disappointment. He looked at her, longing for her to understand. He turned away, feeling sorry for her, angry at her, missing her. "You shouldn't have left us neither." He added. He stepped over his father's slumped body and crouched in front of the little boy.

"Hey, you're okay little guy, ain't ya?" He picked up the boy, noticing he wasn't crying. The kid nodded and put his hand on Daryl's cheek. "C'mon. Let's get this kid out of here."

"Daryl…" Danni started, but he walked out on the porch. "Daryl, wait. Don't you know who that is?"

He turned. "Should I?"

"It's you. We're here, we're back so you could make it right."

"I know we're back, I know it's some crazy psychic stuff, but you ain't sayin '..." Then his tears tried to escape. Before he could swipe them away, the child in his arms brushed his small hand across Daryl's eyes, doing it for him.

"Dixons don't cry." He said seriously, pressing his little lips together and wincing.

"Merle tell ya that?" Daryl asked.

The boy nodded.

Danni stood back struck by how natural he looked holding the child. She approached and leaned against Daryl, stroking the little boy's hair.

"Dixons smile though. Did you know that?" She asked. He shook his head but then smiled at her.

'Like that." She kissed his forehead.

"We just leave him here?" Daryl asked.

She nodded. "He's gonna be okay now."

Daryl had acknowledged his enemy and fought the battle. Finally, the wounded heart that cried out for solace and hope was heard. Shame and contempt can no longer keep his soul frozen and the warmth of life at a distance. He slayed his demons. At least some of them.

As they rounded the corner of the porch, Daryl noticed the honeysuckle bush his father had torn from the ground starting to grow new roots. The only thing that had made his mother happy. He imagined the door to a sad, empty room closing with a faint click, never to be opened again, and that comforted him a little.

"Danni what the hell just happened?" Daryl asked as they walked down the deer path into the trees. "This seems like a dream, but I'm awake, I know I'm awake."

"There's this thing Stephen told me about once. Chronesthesia. It's mental time travel. But its through memories, really strong memories that can put you back in your past or into your future. But it's only in your mind, just through the memories; at least as far as research goes. I feel like we actually went back physically. I don't know how we did it, but there's a lot of stuff about us I can't explain."

He snorted a laugh.

"It felt good though, didn't it?" She asked seriously.

He stopped and pulled her to him. "Yeah, it did." He nodded into her neck. "Real good."

She grasped him tightly and wondered if they could do it again. She had a few loose ends of her own she'd like to tie up.