"Come then child." Brigid stood with a determined look on her face. "Let's gather the aunties and I'll need my recipe book." She meant business. She seized Danni's hand and smiled mischievously. "I worked too hard to bring the two of you together. I'll be damned if he loses you now." She shook her fist at the sky and shouted in Gaelic. "Go hIfreann leat a shlíomadóir lofa Donn!"
To hell with you, you rotten bastard Donn! Danni translated in her head. Then they hurried through the grassy yard toward the back door.
The kitchen seemed frozen in time. Danni's senses welcomed the familiar peppery fragrance of the herb garden on the windowsill and the song of parakeets chirping in their cage. Lace curtains fluttered in the open window while the music of the Pogues, Clancy Brothers and Van Morrison played in the background. Brigid and her two sisters rummaged through the white, glass fronted cabinets among the magic bottles and mason jars full of Nan's "special ingredients."
From behind her came a familiar voice.
"Danni.'
She turned. "Mairead."
The cousins stared at each other for a moment. They hadn't seen each other since they were teenagers. Mairead's hair was as red as Danni's raven her eyes as blue as Danni's green. Mairead was born jealous of Danni's position as their Nana's favorite and never let her forget it. She hadn't come from a broken home or suffered abuse. She'd won every Irish step dancing competition that Danni lost, but she didn't have the Gift. She wasn't a witch, and Nan knew it.
"So Nan called us all here to help you get a husband or something?' Mairead asked dismissively.
"I have a husband, I have to get back to him."
Mairead smirked. "Knew you couldn't keep a fella."
"And are you still working at the carnival? Scamming people with fake fortunes? Never did have it did you?" Danni couldn't help herself. She looked at an unlit candle on the table between them. She concentrated and blowing on it made a flame promptly flare on the wick. Danni smiled at her cousin. She used to do that when they were kids and infuriated Mairead.
"Scab." Mairead hissed
"Scanger." Danni shot back, then "Goodie two shoes!"
"Witch!' Mairead finally shouted.
"Now girls, mind yourselves. No time for this. Mairead if you want to help get me all the dried yarrow in the cellar. If not be off with ye. We have work to do."
Brigid's sisters giggled.
"And you two…" She scolded.
"Get the bird," Great-aunt Ava said in her heavy brogue removing a mourning dove from its cage.
"Get the book." Added great-aunt Maeve flipping through the Book of Shadows as she handed it over to Brigid.
Danni gazed with admiration at the three sisters as they sat at the ancient oak table with their long wild red curls flowing over their shoulders and down their backs. Their clothing was only 30 years out of date. They dressed like fabulous gypsy hippies in flowing skirts of velvet and patchwork, silk blouses, and Victorian shawls. When they moved so did fringe and lace. The material flowed and rustled with every movement enhanced by pretty tinkling metal from bangles piled on their wrists and large ornamental earrings with semi precious stones dangling and twisting into their unruly hair. Black cowboy or lace up boots on their feet. Their large and knowing eyes heavily rimmed with Kohl They looked like the three witches from Macbeth had Stevie Nicks for a stylist.
They were doing this for her. She loved them. She idolized them, she supposed.
Brigid read aloud "Yarrow is used in tea or tincture form for bleeding ulcers, heavy menstrual periods, uterine hemorrhage the long-standing use of yarrow to cleanse wounds and to control bleeding from lacerations, puncture wounds, and abrasions." She turned a few more pages then began instructing.
"Maeve boil the water until it bubbles the size of crab eyes."
"Mairead run the bath."
She sorted the yarrow flowers and other ingredients out on a wooden chopping board.
"Athame." Brigid requested from Danni.
She brought her alter knife and knowing what had to happen next looked away. While Ava grasped the fidgeting dove, Brigid narrowed her eyes and pierced the dove's heart with the sacred blade. The bird went limp in Ava's hands.
"We thank you for your sacrifice sweet bird. Life for life." Brigid said.
Maeve added one full spoon of yarrow flowers to the boiling water and let it infuse for 1-2 minutes. As the tea infused, the sisters began the incantation.
"Goddesses of old hear the plea of a loyal priestess on bended knee," Brigid began.
"Heal this child's illness in good time." Maeve continued.
"I ask of thee, gods divine," Ava added her part and Brigid closed the prayer. "So mote it be!"
Each of the older women took turns and kissed Danni's forehead as she dutifully drank the tea.
... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ... .
"Herschel!" Daryl called again.
"What happened" Herschel rushed in.
"She just ...stopped…"
He immediately gave Danni CPR. He compressed her chest and breathed for her until she coughed and expelled loud, ragged air from her chest. She started breathing again. She didn't wake, but she was back. Daryl grasped her wrist grateful for the feeling of her gentle pulse throbbing against his fingers.
... ... .. . .. .. .. .. .. .. .
As Danni soaked in the warm yarrow bath and continued to drink the tea, Brigid sat on the edge of the old clawfoot tub. "We'll heal your body this way but I need your help with the intent of the spell."
"Now tell me your favorite things about him."
"Why?"
"Intent dearie. It's very important, I need favorite things and then your most treasured memory."
"He's honest, he stands up for what he believes, he doesn't say a lot but when he does talk it's important, he's fearless."
"Yes, yes but how does he make you feel?" Brigid raised her eyebrow.
"Um, I don't know...happy-"
She coughed. "Spare me…He's a fine bit o' stuff and you just had his wee babbies so I'm thinking he's a good ride?"
"Nan!"
"Don't be such a prude dearie and don't be so modest." She winked. "He is isn't he?"
"Well, yeah he is. But..its like he heals me, takes the pain away when he..well you know...is that that silly?"
"That 's what I wanted for you. Sex bound with love."
Danni nodded her body suddenly longed and ached for Daryl. "I trust him Nan."
"Look my treasure I know what happened to you and I wish to the Goddess I was there to stop it. That ma of yours, I would just wring her out….but I wanted you to know it's not supposed to be that way. Wanted you to heal so Daryl needed to be perfect for you and I'm hoping he is. That's why you are his first." She hummed and smiled mischievously. "I love that part I must tell you."
"How much control did you have over all this anyway?" Danni finally asked when she was able to speak.
"In taming a lion you will get scratched a few times." She winked.
"Oh, Nana." Danni whispered.
She looked at Danni with love. "I'll say this, Charlotte Dixon was a grand woman with the gift. She hid it; was frightened by it until she met me. Summers the clan spent in Georgia, I worked with her. She was a lovely, good girl, so beautiful, but not strong enough to stand up to that bastard she married. I know he broke her in the end. Literally broke her body and her mind. But not before she promised her second son to me for my granddaughter. We agreed; though it was a long journey the two of you were destined. She loved her sons and wanted what was best she just... Shame really. She was powerful."
"Tell me more about her."
Brigid waved her off. "Enough for now. Back to you. We've got more work to do."
"The memory now. If you had to choose one that is most important to you that you'd relive what is it? Think of it and visualize. Place yourself right back there. See it, feel it, smell it and taste it."
Danni nodded. She closed her eyes and remembered: The sun's warmth was temperate not sweltering for a change, the grass as soft and cool as a carpet. She lay on her back stretched out looking at the fair weather clouds above them in the blue sky. Her body felt happily spent, her mind finally at ease after telling him she was pregnant.
"We don't really know each other." She'd said
"Know enough." He leaned back against the thick knotted tree trunk.
"You don't even know my last name."
"Doesn't matter."
"Its Doherty. My full name is Danielle Brigid Doherty."
"Okay." He smiled. It always surprised her when he did; his face opened up.
"If we carved our initials into this tree they'd all be Ds." She observed.
She thought about the strangest things, he said to himself.
He pulled his knife from its holster and turned to the area of bark behind his shoulder.
He started on the first D.
She sat up, not believing it. "Thought you weren't a bitch. You gonna carve a heart around it and everything?" She teased.
He shrugged, then nodded. "Yeah I am, you gotta have a heart on these things. You best keep it to yourself though." He warned.
"Can we do this?"
His sandpaper voice became dusky, docile and slightly affectionate. He rarely spoke like this, even to her, but only to her. He continued to look at his handiwork on the tree.
"I never found anyone I wanted to be with the way I want to be with you. That should count for something. I'm not going anywhere."
He'd finished carving their initials inside a heart. He wiped down the knife's blade with the red rag from his back pocket.
"Is that a yes?" She asked, almost wanting to cry at his gesture studying the DD +DD thinking of how innocent it seemed.
Brigid nodded. "He is there too, right now. Keep thinking on it." She held up a towel and gestured for Danni to come to her. She enveloped her grand-daughter in the soft cotton and her softer embrace.
"Black as night, erase death from our sight. White as light, Mighty Hecate make it right." Brigid said aloud.
.. .. .. ... ... .. .
Daryl sat on the edge of the bed, anxiously watching her chest rise and fall with each precious breath, Suddenly he was overcome with the memory of that tree... their tree. The initials he'd carved. He heard her voice "Thought you weren't a bitch. You gonna carve a heart around it and everything?" He couldn't help but smile. Then he heard her say, "Put the Jasper in my hand, put the stone in my hand." He shifted and took the green stone from his pocket, placed the rock in her palm and curled her fingers tightly around it. "Okay?" he whispered. "That what you want?"
... ... ... ... ... ... ... .
"He did it" Brigid assured her. "Good, it should be the final element to healing you. Green jasper stones are used to heal any women's diseases, it was believed that the mineral stops bleeding and reduces pain during childbirth. Should do the trick."
"I didn't know he had it."
Danni and Brigid sat alone, holding hands across the kitchen table. Brigid had a ring on every finger and Danni gazed at their sparkle. The Great aunties sat outside on the porch drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"Comin Brigie?" Maeve called in the window.
"In a minute dearie, save some o'that for me. Still a lush." Brigid clucked. "He's carried that stone in his pocket from the first day he spoke with you."
"And he just happened to need it...today? Nana how-"
Brigid changed the subject. "There is something you must do for me. You're to call my wee grand lass Kiera. It was to be your name, means little dark one. It's the feminine of Kieran your da's name. Your ma named you Danielle to spite me, the cold-hearted bitch."
Danni nodded." I will."
"And the blessing you must do the saining as soon as you can. Those faeries, the little people, are just waiting to take them with their changeling spell."
Danni smiled and nodded.
"And lessons; you keep them up good for both wee babbys. They have it, the gift and I don't want them waiting thirty years to accept it." She scowled at Danni with an affectionate curl of her lip. "Darlin girl you are so powerful. I am so proud of you. And you've got a family waiting on you. You must fulfill your destiny."
"It's so hard sometimes."
"Of course it is! But, you have all the tools you need. Macha is with you, she is in you. The crows."
"You sent them?"
She smiled again. "Trust yourself you will know what to do."
"Nana I still don't understand how you gave me Daryl?"
"You don't need to. All you need to know is you have always been a part of each other, mo ghrá, mo laoch, mo chara."
Danni translated aloud "He is my love, my warrior, my friend."
Nana I love you. Thank you."
"Danni, I am always with you too, Cuisle mo chore, pulse of my heart."
... ... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .
It had only been a day since Herschel resuscitated Danni and she'd remained stable, but to Daryl it could have been weeks or months. He wasn't sure of time anymore as he sat by her side talking to her. He was aware of daylight fading into darkness. He was aware of Beth coming in every few hours to help him feed the babies and then change them. He was aware of Merle bringing him food that he couldn't eat. He'd kept repeating his memories of her over and over until his voice was hoarse. Scout and Ryder were nestled in his arms most of the time and they'd been quiet. On his knees lay Danni's open journal. He missed her so much reading her thoughts and words made him feel connected to her. Somehow he knew she wouldn't mind. Her private thoughts were for him. Even her handwriting comforted him as he read:
What is the scent? Angelica archangelicaa rich, earthy-herby, woody characteristic with a musky, animal-like undertone. Amber and honey? I'm starting to think he has a scent like I do. It comforts me more than anything it always has. It starts off very woodsy-like a damp forest. It lightens up a bit but remains a dark, wet scent, fresh and green, I always get the image of a dark forest when he is near but with a hint of spiciness; his scent surrounds me like a security blanket. It reminds of hugging a clean wild furry animal and laying my face on its shaggy warm neck; musky, smoky masculine... tempered by something green and herbal… I have a strong visceral reaction-my pulse quickens, and the dull throb of lust surges through my body when I smell it. I've never felt this strongly about a fragrance before. Is it Angelica? Its Sacred to Camulus God of war and sky. He is fearless and the wings...wings...
He turned the page and saw a list of girls names with meanings beside them. Ivy: Faithfulness, Branna: beauty with hair as dark as a raven, Roisin: little rose Kiera: little dark one.
"Maybe Scout wasn't her first choice." He looked down and whispered to his baby girl with a shock of black hair pretty as her momma. Little dark one that's you alright.
He leaned back and stretched out his legs. He flipped the pages back to an entry he'd read when they'd been at the farm the day he thought he'd lost her.
After almost losing him, I know how real this is. I never worried about him before yesterday. I forgot how much it can hurt to love someone this much.
Somehow, the world had to end for me to find my soul mate. I never wanted to live as much. Now that death is so close every day. And its him. It's all because of him. I never needed anyone before, but I need him. I want him. I trust him. How did this happen to me?
He kept flipping to random pages desperate to feel connected. He'd do anything to hear her ramble on about something. Anything. The he saw a poem.
"A Mouthful of Forevers"
I am not the first person you loved.
You are not the first person I looked at
with a mouthful of forevers. We
have both known loss like the sharp edges
of a knife. We have both lived with lips
more scar tissue than skin. Our love came
unannounced in the middle of the night.
Our love came when we'd given up
on asking love to come. I think
that has to be part
of its miracle.
This is how we heal.
I will kiss you like forgiveness. You
will hold me like I'm hope. Our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. I will write novels to the scar
of your nose. I will write a dictionary
of all the words I have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
And I will not be afraid
of your scars.
I know sometimes
it's still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it's the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
-Clementine Von Radics.
She didn't write it but he bet she could have. Was she thinking of him when she copied the lines? He felt his heart swell and rise to his throat as he read Our love came when we'd given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle.
The twins were unusually quiet and still for newborns. He figured they knew what was happening with their mother. So tonight Daryl was surprised when they began to fuss and cry. They started mildly expressing discontent bur soon were full out bawling and wailing. He was afraid they'd wake everybody in the cell block.
The poor little things looked so upset and so helpless, and he felt helpless because he could usually settle them but nothing was working tonight. We all miss her, he thought. He remembered the devastating loneliness he'd felt as kid so often and remembered that Danni's voice singing to him always calmed him and gave him peace. He cleared his throat and half speaking half singing he began, "For you, there'll be no more crying, For you, the sun will be shining…" He stopped feeling self-conscious but hell, no one could hear him over the babies crying, so he became louder and tried to keep a tune hoping the little ones would settle. "And I feel that when I'm with you, It's alright, I know it's right" His voice was low, soft, soothing and coated with scratchy tenderness. "To you, I'll give the world to you, I'll never be cold." And just like that they did quiet down. They settled into his warm tones. 'Cause I feel that when I'm with you, It's alright, I know it's right. And the songbirds are singing-"
"Who the hell ever said you could sing?"
"Shut up, just cause you-' He froze realizing she had spoken. "Danni?"
"Voice like that could bring somebody back from the dead." She giggled.
He placed the babies in their beds and in a blur was beside her on the bunk grabbing her tightly and picking her up from the bed in his strong grip.
Crush me, crush me into you...Danni thought Just crush me…
Daryl buried his face in her neck and smelled the honeysuckle stronger than ever. He decided he wouldn't ever let go and they'd just stay in this hold forever. She smelled the dark verdant forest and breathed against his warm, solid chest; musky, smoky masculine tempered by something green and herbal. Safety
Danni gently stroked his hair and kissed his forehead as he pressed himself into her. She picked up where he'd left off singing softly to him, comforting him as she done so many times before. "They know the score, And I love you, I love you, I love you, Like never before. And I wish you all the love in the world, But most of all, I wish it from myself. And the songbirds keep singing, And I love you, I love you, I love you."
She pulled her face back to get a good look at him. She knew he hadn't had a moment to himself since the birth. "God you look so tired."
He shook his head and looked away.
"You are filthy. An exhausted, dirty mess aren't you? Tomorrow I'm cleaning you up."
Instead of telling her to go to hell as he usually did when she mentioned his hygiene or appearance, he said, "Whatever, whatever you want Danni."
"Now what's this about my babies needing their momma?"
He didn't want to let go of her, ever. But reluctantly drew his arms from around her torso. When she started to stand, he gently grasped her arm. "Are you okay? To be up?"
She nodded. "Daryl I'm fine now. It's over. There's so much to tell you, but right now I need to see them and hold them."
She looked down at the sleeping babies. Immediately Ryder stirred. He opened his eyes and instantly locked his gaze into Danni's. Daryl noticed.
She bent down and picked him up. He was a small precious weight in her arms. She breathed him in. Daryl retrieved Scout and Danni took her from him. "My babies, my babies, my babies..." was all she could say holding both precious bundles secure in her embrace, all three of them safe in Daryl's encompassing arms.
... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .
After feeding the twins and getting them back to sleep, Daryl and Danni lay entwined in each other's arms on the small cell bunk. They'd move back upstairs in the morning.
Danni relished the feeling of pressing her body completely into his without her huge stomach between them. After the birth, it had reduced in size quite a bit, back to the fifth month size, small enough for more closeness. She hoped the swelling would go down quickly.
"Hey I wanted to ask you," she began, "are you okay with the name Scout? I mean maybe you want something more girly?
"Girly?"
"Yeah, I kinda didn't really give you a chance to suggest any names. You know how I am... Scout could be a nickname. In the book, Scout was a nickname."
He shrugged. But he pressed his lips together seriously.
"You have thought about it, I can tell."
"How 'bout Keira?"
"Keira?" Danni was more than thoughtful.
"Just think it's a real pretty name." The words were extra soft in his sandpaper voice.
"It is, it's beautiful; it means little dark one."
"I know." He looked at her sideways with narrowed eyes. "I read it in your list."
"You saw that? It was supposed to be my name. My Nan was pissed when my mother didn't use it. "
"Keira it is." Daryl stated. "I'm figuring we owe that Nan of yours a lot, least we can do, huh?"
"The least, yeah." Wait until I tell you everything.
Danni looked down at the sleeping infants. "We did it, we...made them. It feels so...you love them right? I love the so much-"
"Yeah I love 'em." He hesitated then added "Thank you for going through all that. I didn't get to say it, but man, you were strong."
"I couldn't have done it without you. And don't forget Merle. I have to thank him. I don't know how he knew but-"
"I'll tell you about it. Tomorrow okay?"
"Hey." She whispered, "Would you do something for me?"
"Anything, you know that." He answered softly.
"Lay on me, on top of me. It's been so long and I just want...need you to cover me. Please."
Without a word, he shifted and rolled his body onto hers.
"It's ok" he whispered calmly, holding her tightly. He knew she wanted his strong arms around her. She returned his protective hug with a squeezing grasp of her own.
"You took such good care of them and you didn't give up on me." She dragged him down on top of her, wrapping her arms around his neck, "I'm so proud of you." Danni kissed him gently, holding the front of his shirt so he couldn't move even an inch away from her. She ran her tongue over his lips and snaked it inside, meeting his and as an extra measure, she wrapped her legs around him. She felt her cheeks flush, the growing weight of blood rushing and the pain-diffusing heat of adrenaline coursing through her. When she felt the warm, wet scrape of his teeth across her collar bone, her sighs grew shorter and hoarser. He stole a glance up and her face must have given her away. Judging by the way Daryl stopped, moved his lips to her cheek, and brushed her hair aside, lightly caressing the side of her face, the way he always did when she was upset. Danni tucked her chin in, hiding her frown.
"I'm sorry, baby," she whispered remorsefully. "I want to, I just can't; not yet."
Daryl knew exactly why she was apologizing. "Nothing to be sorry for," he whispered, lightly lifting her chin with two fingers, coercing her to look back into his eyes. "Plenty of time for that."
Matching his gaze carefully, she said, "My mind wants it, but my body, well it's not up for anything down there if you know what I mean. ...it's probably gonna be weeks-"
"I just wanna be with you. it ain't always about sex." He sighed, amused. "Think you care more about it than me, sometimes."
He rolled off of her so they were side by side.
"I do, what of it?"
"Nothin'."
Very carefully, she opened the top few buttons of his shirt and placed one hand underneath to feel his bare chest. She continued to lightly run her fingers through his hair and then wrapped a leg over his. He pulled her in closer. Danni kept her head upon his chest, her fingertips alternating between stroking his hair and lightly grazing his skin across his forehead and down to his cheek. Instinctively he nuzzled his face against her hand. "There's no way I'm ever letting you go again."
"Good," she whispered, pressing her own cheek against his. "Because I'm never letting you go either. Looks like we both get what we want."
Daryl knew the balance would be difficult in these dangerous times; to love and protect while knowing they risked their lives on a daily basis.
Danni remembered something Daryl had said the first night they' d been together. "When you start caring you start making dumb ass decisions. Better on your own looking out for yourself. Like us. Not attached; nobody else to worry about. Just kill as many of those damn things as you can and survive. The lighter you travel, farther you go."
Daryl carried more weight than he ever had before in his life. A wife, children, and a brother; a real family and on top of that the group. He was caring now and part of her feared it could make him vulnerable. He might start to hesitate in dangerous situations or worry about himself not being there for them and then...She refused to let herself go there. He was tougher than that. She'd make sure he never weakened because of her.
Daryl let his hands drift down to caress her forearms, then he slipped his hands into hers and their fingers intertwined and laced together.
"My love, my warrior, my friend," she whispered before drifting off to sleep with him; together as they were meant to be.