All time seems to stand still. The panic that surges through me numbs my body as I sit there, motionless. My brain fuzzes and any coherent thought that might urge me to move leaves me. It's like the cabin shrinks until the walls closes in on me and suffocates all the air from my lungs. My eyes can't see except the splatters of blood collecting on the floor into a puddle. I hear a low voice but it feels distant and muffled. All I can think is that I am Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire, victor, hunter, and I could not save them.
Rough hands are on my shoulders, shaking my body back and forth. The hands are pulling me up until I am forced on my feet. I am spun around and before me are the gray eyes I know to be Gale's. His lips are moving and though I can't hear his words I see my name leave his lips. A loud thud creeps into my ears from behind me. There 's a sensation of tingling that rushes from my head and down my body. The head rush must have cleared my ears because that's when I hear the dead people from outside growing louder. No wonder Gale is rushing me. The commotion must have attracted them in our direction.
"Katniss, we need to move. Now!" There's an urgency in his voice that I've never heard before.
"What about them?"
I turn to look down at the dead bodies of Bonnie and Twill and take a sharp inhale of breath. No, I can't let their deaths consume me now. I look to Gale instead who is tossing the game bag over her shoulders, knife in hand.
"We don't have time right now. We have to leave them," he says.
I silently promise to come get them when it's safe and properly bury them. I barely knew them, but I know that no one deserves to die like that and be left to decompose. But right now they are both dead, Gale and I are not. It's just the way it is.
"How do we get out of here?" I whisper.
He furrows his eyebrows and clenches his jaw tight. He moves towards the dusted window and peeks out.
I walk the few paces towards the bodies to retrieve my bow from the floor. A few arrows had scattered across the floor in a small pile. My knees bend and I'm hastily tossing the arrows together. The scratching and pounding against the worn wood seems to be increasing. They know we're in here and I don't know what they're capable of, and that's what scares me. Death is inevitable and is just a matter of time, but a violent, painful death scares room feels like it's spinning beneath my feet.
The shatter of glass pierces my ears. I spin around and see Gale slam to the ground, hands covering his head. Shards of glass fall to the floor all around him. I see pale, deteriorating hands reaching inside. Their hands scrape the remaining shards of glass on the windowsill. Blood trickles down their hands where the glass is cutting them. Even the blood, darker and thicker than mine, looks dead. The sound of Gale's boots stomps about the room. I see his knife in his hands as he grips an old pot in the other.
"Katniss, when I say, open the door and run if it's safe," he screeches. He looks at me for a split second.
"But-"
"Now's not the time to argue. I'll be right after you."
There's not much time to consider other options. More bodies are moving towards the broken window now, threatening to shatter the entirety of it. The thuds and clawing at the door sounds to have ceased, but I can't be sure. I take in Gale, where a look of panic but reassurance passes over his face. It's a look I've only seen the day of the reaping. "Do I trust him?" I ask myself. I only nod my head to him.
I walk closer to the door, keeping my eyes on him for his signal. I inhale deeply, preparing myself. Suddenly a hand grips my ankle over my boot, pulling me roughly. I think I might actually suffocate when the wind knocks out of me.
I fall straight forward as my feet sweep from under me. I slam hard to the floor, landing head first. An intense pressure surges through my head as pain wells up in my nose. Drops of blood splatter to the floor while my nose gushes out blood. My head feels like it's throbbing.
I slide across the floor briefly before I realize that it's Bonnie's hands that are pulling me towards her hungry mouth. My feet kick and thrash around until I'm finally free of her grasp. I flip myself around, seeing her hands outstretched, reaching for me again. She's crawling forward and I tumble backwards onto the floor, small shards of glass cutting my hands.
Gale is holding his game bag in front of him, arms outstretched. He leans forward and I see more hands gripping and grabbing, trying to overpower him through the window. Even if he has heard the commotion he can't help me if we both plan to walk out of here alive.
Bonnie latches onto my boot so tightly that I can't shake her off. The more I try to wiggle myself free of her grasp, the tighter she latches on. I try to force her away with my feet but somehow she's clawing her way up my leg. Her mouth is open and horrible, vicious growls bursts from her. She leaves a small trail of blood up my pant leg that leaks from her open mouth. All I can manage to do is hold her from close contact to my flesh.
She is closer to me now hovering above my body. I latch my hands onto her shoulders holding her at arms length above me. She writhes around uncontrollably. She inches her way closer to my body. My arms are lightly shaking, my muscles threatening to give out. I groan and grind my teeth, dragging my knee up between us to steady her. I imagine Snow would be chuckling to himself in amusement if he could see me now...
I fight his face from my thoughts. Prim's face flashes in my mind, smiling her innocent smile. I hear the small laugh, the only laugh that can lighten my mood. The one person I always promised to fight for. How she must be with Peeta right now
learning
to frost from the very person who's cakes she greatly admires. How she'll be waiting to show me...And Peeta, never receiving an answer from me.
There's something bubbling inside of me and whether it's strength or fury, I don't know. One of my arms stretches out searching the floor. Finally my hands feel the smooth surface of one of my arrows. I grip it in my hand and crash it to her head with all my strength.
In an instant all I hold is deadweight above me. I roll her off of me, pushing her to the floor. When I look at her, there are no traces of the human left on her face. The thought it unsettling.
"Go!" Gale shouts.
I pick myself up, holding my bow and arrows close to me. Through the corner of my eye I see the white Peacekeeper gun that Bonnie had. I make sure to grab it on my way out. I fling the door open and hear clanking coming from inside. I see Gale has the pot in his hand once more, pounding it against the windowsill. His feet are planted on the floor, but I hear them dragging backwards.
"Now!"
My feet fly across the rough terrain of the forest. I sprint until I hitch over from a pain in my side. My body is sleek and moist with sweat and I struggle to control my breathing. I search for any sign of Gale behind me but all I see are trees. I wonder if it was my fear or desperation to see Prim that has forced me to come so close to home without waiting for him to be by my side. I am so selfish.
I backtrack and keep my eyes open. I try to climb a tree to get a greater view, but with the cuts on my hands I know it will be in vain. I try to force my worried fears far from my mind. Tears sting my eyes but not from pain. What if I left him to die? How could I live with myself?
I lean against a tree and let my head fall back against the bark. Despite every sense in my brain telling me no, I let my eyelids close. That's when I feel a pair of hands upon me. I shrug them off violently on instinct.
That's when I see Gale. I fling my arms around him. The relief washes over me and I relax into his embrace.
"You're okay?" I question. "I thought-"
"C'mon," he grunts and tugs my arm forward. "They'll catch up if we stop."
I stay beside him until the old fence comes into our view.
He tosses his game bag over the fence as we come closer, along with his knife and the Peacekeeper gun from my hands. I toss my bow as gently as I can and it lands atop the game bag. When I'm about to shrug myself under the fence, I stop. There's a soft hum that roots me to the spot. The fence is alive with electricity.
"Gale, listen," I say and point to the fence. He is still for a moment before he flings his hands to his hair, tugging the dark locks. He spins on the spot cursing under his breath words that I'm sure would have his mother scolding him.
The only way I can think to get out of these woods is to climb the closest tree to the fence and jump down over it. I fear my hands might not be capable of hoisting myself up but really, what other choices do we have? I relay the information to him.
He's lifting me up, holding the majority of my weight. Though every moment against the rough bark stings my hands, I force myself to move forward. Gale climbs up after me, his heavier weight slowing him down. He struggles more than I do from lack of coordination.
I inch my way to as far to the edge that won't break under my weight. I peer down and take a deep breath. It looks maybe 15 feet high, but I know the fall will be farther than I can judge.
I lower myself so I'm hanging by hands and let go. There's an unpleasant sensation and it feels like my stomach has jolted right up to my throat. My feet slam hard into the ground. I stifle my yelp of pain and fall back, gripping my foot. I'm not sure I'll be able to walk.
Gale lands close to me and I see him roll over the instant his feet hit the ground. He releases a grunt and inhales sharply but otherwise seems to be okay. He begins collecting our thrown items and places the arrows on my shoulder and bow in my hands.
He wraps his arm around my waist and half carries me as I wobble and hop on my good foot away from the fence. We're lucky that the sun is setting low in the sky. We might stand a chance of sneaking into town unnoticed. Surely with my bow and a full game bag, Peacekeeper gun in hand, we'd be publicly whipped then sentenced to death for conspiracies of rebellion. I'm sure Snow would want to make a special example of me.
We stash the gun, my bow and arrows, and his game bag in my old house on the outskirts of the Seam. I wish I could stay, but I know I need to get to Prim and my mother.
We continue our way into town cautiously. As we approach the town Center, I realize that something is odd. We have not seen one Peacekeeper on our journey through town. Not one white uniform in sight. Though I should just consider it luck, it doesn't sit well with me.
"Thank you for saving us," I say.
"It's what we do."
Gale leads me through the Merchant area. "We need to get you to your mom," he says. But I won't have any of it, insisting that I'm fine. I need to get Prim and figure out what the hell is going on and what we're going to do.
Prim...Primroses...cookies...Peeta...The bakery. That's where I need to go first. I direct Gale to turn us in the other direction.
"No way, Katniss. We need to get you fixed up," he urges.
I look him up and down and bring my arm from around him. I'm unsteady and off balance on my one good foot, but I won't back down. "I need to get Prim first. I won't go anywhere until I know she's okay."
He sighs heavily and helps me towards the bakery. We walk in silence. We both have a mutual understanding to not discuss what just happened beyond the fence. There's no need to discuss it, not now.
"So how do you know Prim is there?"
"I just do," I tell him. He looks at me expecting more and I don't blame him. I would need more information from him too if it were the other way around.
"Prim mentioned they were going to frost some cookies," I add. Well, it's really not much of a lie if I just overheard them talking about it.
"What's going on with you and him?"
"Nothing," I say instantly. He looks unconvinced. This is not a conversation I want to have now, or ever really. Any sort of relationship or friendship, feelings or non-feelings conspiring between Peeta and I somehow feels wrong to discuss with Gale.
"I thought we were past lying to each other."
My mouth can't form any words. Was I lying? I haven't really considered it. I just want to get back to my old self, before the Games. Before more complications that I can't handle. Before, my priority was feeding my family. We didn't have money, so I hunted. It was a simple solution, even if the act of doing it wasn't.
He seems to take my silence as confirmation. "What the hell. I don't get you anymore. You tell me you don't ever want a relationship or marriage, nothing. Then I watch as day by day your mouths are attached together every second. You claiming your undying love for each other." He keeps his voice steady but strong, but I can sense the anger bubbling beneath the surface.
"You weren't there!" I retort. "You don't understand."
"So there is something with him." He states it plainly, like a fact.
"You said yourself, all they want is a show." And now, he and I are in deep shit. At least I am. We're to be getting engaged and I'll be married because of the Games. My life has spiraled into everything I didn't want it to become.
"It's not a show for him," he states. Had everyone figured that out except for me?
"Maybe not," I admit. I really wish the ground would just swallow me up right now.
"How about for you, Katniss?" He has stopped us now, a block away from the bakery, and searches my eyes for answer. I look away.
"I don't know," I say to my feet. "I can't let that be my life. I don't want it."
"Notice how you didn't deny it."
My frustration of the situation builds more inside of me. Doesn't he know I care about him? That I trust him unconditionally? Isn't that enough?
"Why can't we go back to the way things were? Just me and you hunting in the-"
He has his hands on my face, pressing his lips against mine. I don't back away but I can't respond or move from shock. He presses our lips together more firmly and I feel the heat radiating off his body. It's not unpleasant but somehow feel wrong, like betrayal.
"Gale, I can't." I break us apart, feeling my cheeks flush. "I love you, but I can't. Not in this way."
"But for him you can?" His brows furrow together, leaving a crease in the middle. His voice is rougher than it's been the whole conversation.
"I don't want to love anyone like that," I say. It's the truth, but I still feel tears brimming the corners of my eyes. I don't want to hurt Gale. He's my best friend, my ally against the world.
I begin stumbling my way forward, shaking him off when Gale tries to assist me. He sulks behind me silently fuming. He really wouldn't have a problem making any girl he wants fall for him. He's strong and protective and can easily provide for a family. If someone needed more than that, he even has a handsome face. I wonder if he even knows it himself.
I see the bakery coming into my view. The block I half walked, half hopped here really has taken it out of me. The whole day feels to be rushing back to me, taking every ounce of energy I have left. Peeta's blond hair is visible through the window. I see another head of blond hair standing right next to him.
My pace picks up at the sight of them. When I reach the door, I push it open and hear a bell ring from just above the doorpost. They both turn their heads and a bright smile forms on Prim's face. Peeta's face contorts into concern. Prim's follows suit soon after.
"Katniss, what happened?" Prim asks.
"What do you-"
"There's dry blood on your face. You look like you did when..." Peeta trails off, moving towards me.
I must look a mess. I don't know how I could have forgotten. My hair has probably fallen out of its braid, I was tumbling around the floor, the glass that cut my hands, all the running...
I hear the bell ring again and see Gale stalk inside and lean his shoulder against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks like a different person as he sends glares Peeta's way.
"I'm okay Prim. Promise." I try my best to form a smile, but I'm afraid it looks more like a grimace from the look on her face.
"Let's get you guys cleaned up," Peeta says. He reaches his hand out to me and my hand instinctively reaches out for it. His hand is soft against my rough, callused one. He gives it a gentle squeeze but I don't allow my feet to move.
"Don't worry, she's not here," Peeta says. Right. His mother. I don't think I can handle another complication today.
He gives me a questioning look, clearly wanting to know what happened today. I try to convey that I'll tell him later, but I don't know if he understands.
I see his father moving around in the back where the kitchen is. He smiles as we pass. Peeta guides me up the stairs to where his family lives above the shop. Having the majority of my weight on him instantly releases most of the pain on my throbbing foot. Prim follows right on my heels and Gale reluctantly follows behind her.
He leads me to the small bathroom in the corner of the hallway. The room is simple and old, but well kept and clean. I turn the faucet of the sink and rinse the grime away from my face. I see the water turn a grayish color with flecks of red that I know to be my blood. Prim unfastened the loose end of my braid and runs her fingers through the knots when I sit on the edge of the bathtub.
"What would I do without you?" I ask her. My tone is lighter and not weighted with anger or emotion. It must be the first time I genuinely smiled all day. It's now that I realize how badly my hands sting and my body aches. I can't let Prim see, so I force my fingers to begin braiding my hair.
She giggles and tells me about watching Peeta bake the cookies. He calls her his "happy helper" and let her mix the ingredients. They frosted the cookies and she boasts about Peeta's beautiful primroses. They've been eating them and she swears she's never had anything as sweet.
"You have to see them! We saved you some," she finishes.
"Yours are the most pretty," Peeta says to her. I see a hint of a blush in her cheeks. Peeta Mellark confuses me more than anyone else. Or rather, he confuses all the emotions I carefully learned to hide inside of me all these years. He's bonding with my sister and that's one thing I'm helplessly weak against. I know I can't keep him at an arm's length for long.
Gale hasn't said one word the entire time and hovers at the doorway. Peeta approaches him.
"You're welcome to clean up too, if you want."
"No, Mellark," he says coldly. "Not all of us need your help." Gale looks at me briefly during his last words.
"Oh. Alright then." Peeta brushes past him and walks to the stairs. Prim and I instantly follow and I make sure to send a glare at Gale when I pass him.
"I was just about to walk Prim home anyway. Looks like you should see your mom," he says when we reach the bottom of the stairs. Peeta bags up the cookies and bids his dad goodbye.
Peeta hold open the door for all of us as we pass. Dusk is in the sky now, the last rays of sunlight descending into the horizon. I begin limping when Prim rushes to my side to balance me. With her small frame she struggles to support me. Peeta comes from behind and wraps his arm around my waist. I become stiff for a moment, but quickly ease into his support.
We all make our way towards the Victor Village. With my waddle and Peeta still adjusting to his prosthetic, we must look like a broken pair. Like in the Games...When I see Gale, he looks like he's turning around towards the Seam.
"Gale..." I say carefully. "I think we need to talk to Haymitch."
He raises his eyebrows at me. "Together," I add. The curiosity must get the better of him because he doesn't leave. If there's one more conversation I want to have today, it's to see if there's anything Haymitch knows.
My house comes into view and Prim quickly rushes to the door and swings it open. I nearly lose balance and bring both Peeta and I tumbling down at the sight of Haymitch sitting on my couch.