Finally, Rick broke the uncomfortable silence. Daryl was always quiet, but since their brawl, he'd been even more distant. Rick fingered the bruise on his cheekbone and realized he'd have to be the one to break the ice. That's how Daryl worked and he knew it by now. The two men were at the fence assessing the strength of the front gate. It kept out Walkers, but it wasn't gonna survive an attack if the Governor decided to drive his trucks through. They'd have to reinforce it. Somehow.
"Look Daryl, when I met with the Governor and he offered me that deal, he said he would leave us alone if I gave him Danni and Merle."
Daryl's eyes narrowed. "I know. Just wish you told me before."
"You're right. I should have told you right then and there. Trouble was, I wanted to believe him. And I was thinking about doing it. Thinking...to keep us safe. But I couldn't ever go through with that. Thinking and doing are different things. Still, I'm sorry Daryl. I'm being honest with you." He paused and looked at the other man sideways. "It was wrong not to tell you what I was thinking. Not to ask for your help figuring all this out. I'm sorry, sorry it even crossed my mind...Danni…she's a part of this group. But somehow she's more. She's well, more. I know it. I'd never let her go."
Daryl was silent processing Rick's words. His initial anger had been quelled by his talk with Danni. Hell, even Merle pointed out Rick would never give over Danni. Rick went on, speaking thoughtfully. "I'll never keep anything like that from you again. You know Daryl, what we do, what we're willing to do, who we are, it's not my call. It can't be. I couldn't sacrifice one of us for the greater good because we are the greater good. We're the reason we're still here, all of us working together, not just me. This is life and death. How you live, how you die, it isn't up to me. I'm not your Governor. We choose to go. We choose to stay. We stick together. We vote. We can stay and we can fight or we can go."
Daryl nodded. "Looks like we're stayin' don't it?" Wiping a sweaty strand of hair from his forehead he looked over to see Maggie jogging down the dirt path, almost out of breath.
"Merle and Danni, they're gone!" She shouted.
"What do you mean gone?" Daryl asked.
"I mean gone. Not here, not anywhere in the prison. Beth has the babies and she needed Danni for something. So I looked everywhere and Daryl, she's gone. I thought she was out in the woods gathering up plants, but I couldn't see her in her usual spot. Then I realized Merle is not here either."
"Oh no! No, they didn't, stupid son of a bitch!" Daryl roared. He headed to the gate but stopped short and spun around again "The babies, you said something about them, they okay?" He almost sounded panicked at the mention of the kids.
"They're fine" Maggie assured him. It was nothing serious something about a toy or a blanket or something. Don't worry, Beth handled it but now we know Danni's not here. They are gonna need to be fed soon."
"Come on." Daryl crouched studying the prints around the gate. "Yeah, they both left through here….but looks like he got a head start on her. Goddamnit!" Daryl knew then Merle hadn't taken her with him. She'd chased after him thinking she could save the world. Danni you can't do shit like this.
"She went after him," Daryl muttered
"Damn it! I'm going to find them." Rick announced.
"You can't track for shit."
"Then the both of us."
"No, just me."
"I said I'd go and I'll go."
"You know it don't matter whether that Governor prick gets them, he's still coming here. You need to be ready. Your family is here. They need you."
Rick opened the gate and as Daryl headed out he asked. "We okay?"
Daryl nodded as Rick locked up behind him and watched him head out on foot.
Then he said quietly to himself "I'm coming Danni, I'm coming."
.. .. ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"You know, by now, I should be halfway through that bottle of bourbon you made me leave back there on the road queenie."
"But you're not. You don't need it."
He tilted his head. "Okay, you know I should be taking you back to the prison right now."
"But you won't."
Merle took his eyes off the road to look over at Danni, who was flipping through the CDs she found beneath the seat of the car. She was anxious though she wouldn't admit it and needed something to do with her hands.
"Daryl ain't gonna be too happy with me."
"That's nothing new, though."
"Touche' queenie."
Merle looked over at the woman sensing her nerves. "Look why don't you just wait for me. You don't have to do this."
She put in ACDC and turned it up to drown out his words.
"You know this was Daryl's favorite when he was a kid!" Merle shouted over the opening to "Back in Black."
"I know." She smiled. I keep looking at the sky cause it's gettin' me high Forget the hearse cause I'll never die I got nine lives cat's eyes using every one of them and runnin' wild...
Soon they'd reached the woods by Woodbury's barricade. Merle had the idea to surprise the Governor in his home. They left the car on the side of the road. The only sound in the forest was the breeze swishing through the tops of the tall pines. The thick mat of pine needles was like a soft, spongy carpet that cushioned each footstep as they trudged closer to the barricade. As they made their way between the tree trunks, each step was as silent as if tiptoeing, and the music of the pines was like the background score in a suspense movie. Then a bullet slapped into a tree about four feet from their heads with a cracking sound, followed by the bang of a rifle in the distance. Merle instinctively pushed Danni onto the ground and rolled up over her to shield her from harm. Danni struggled a little, and he whispered, "Stay down queenie I got this. You stay where you are." He rolled off her and reached over to his backpack, lifting the flap on the side so he could pull his pistol out of it. It was a 9mm, loaded with thirteen hollow point cartridges in the magazine and one in the chamber.
Jack approached and stopped just beyond the first tree.
"You again." Danni muttered.
In his right hand, he held a 30 caliber bolt-action rifle with a scope, pointing down at the ground. He looked them over and said, "well look who we have here. Just who the Governor was sending us to find."
Danni and Merle were separated in the fight that ensued. After Jack had grabbed her, more of the Governor's men converged on them. She wasn't sure if Merle had escaped or not. She had a feeling he'd gotten out; there was so much gunfire as Jack dragged her off.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
For Daryl, childhood memories had always been elusive creatures. At times, he'd struggle with a memory, trying his damnedest to bring it forward but nothing happened as if his subconscious was trying to protect him. He figured not much of his childhood was worth recalling. But he wanted to remember the memories Danni was talking about. About him being with her, coming to comfort her when they were kids. Sure she'd come to him, he'd nailed down those recollections but, a first kiss? That was digging at him.
Occasionally though, something would happen at random and a memory fixed in his mind in striking clarity. Some unknown visual cue, smell, or sound triggered a recollection so powerful he'd have to stop whatever he was doing. Today it was strawberries.
He followed Merle and Danni's tracks. They had gotten a head start but he was a fast walker and since he knew they were headed to Woodbury, he didn't have to spend time studying the ground before him.
The breeze picked up and he caught scents in the air almost like a dog. He cut through a section of woods to get to the high road when he noticed the light, sweet smell of strawberries, from a nearby patch.
She tasted like strawberries. Her lipgloss was sweet and slightly sticky on the feathery lips of a twelve-year-old girl. His first kiss in the playground. It happened the summer after his momma died. I remember Danni, I remember now. The summer he turned thirteen. His mind drifted back to that day.
On a new stretch of road, he felt a mild sense of exhilaration that his adolescent self didn't quite understand. The area was unfamiliar to him. He'd just moved to this side of the hollow with his daddy into a trailer. It wasn't all that different but instead of being surrounded by mountains and woods this side also had endless fields of cotton with a ruler-straight line dividing them in two. Something about exploring enlivened his senses, like hunting, did. It gave him a sense of hope and made his mind race and wander. Daryl Dixon lived for the sense of escapism, in one form or another. The house was gone, his momma was gone, Merle was gone off to the army. What else did he have?
Matter of fact, many people in town had already gotten into the habit of calling him 'not all there' ' not right in the head' or 'dumb mute'. He both resented and understood the nicknames and often times he wondered what it might mean for him in the future. His daddy called him dumb all the time. Merle warned him about always being off in his head. When she was alive his momma asked why he didn't talk to people more, why was he so shy? He didn't like being around others, never knew what to say. His reputation for being weird and quiet gave him a wide berth from other folks and the solitude that he preferred. He always walked to school since the buses tended to be full of rowdy hellions who'd always pick fights since he was the smallest, poorest and quietest. It made him a target for bullies. He never backed down from a fight, of course, he was scrappy, Merle had made sure of that but most days he just didn't want to deal. There were two ways to and from school. He always took the longer route, mostly because taking that route meant he would have to invest less time in avoiding the old man once he got home. Since his momma died a few months back and they'd moved to the run down trailer, he avoided 'home' as much as he could. Maybe momma was always drunk, but she was there and sometimes when he sat with her or cleaned her up after she got sick from the booze, she'd say she loved him. It was rare, but it happened. Once or twice. Now there was no chance of anyone ever caring about him again. As much as he had wanted momma to love him, he hated her for leaving him.
The long way home took him past the clearing in the woods where he'd go to lick his wounds and get peace after the old man's beatings. It was here she'd come to him. The girl who'd sing songs to him listen to him talk about how much he wanted to get out.
He was making a concerted effort to enjoy the trip home as much as he could, pacing himself so that he would arrive home just after dark. The old man would be in bed by then, and that was a driving force in his life. Avoid his daddy at all costs. Will was three times his size and quick with his fists, and his propensity to crawl inside of a bottle every chance he got only made it worse. Daryl had plenty of bruises and scars thanks to him, so he played a tactical game of avoiding the old drunk at every turn.
Later that year, in the middle of August, in fact, it was Daryl's birthday he was outside digging a ditch. About right, he thought. The heat was unforgiving and miserable. The old man put him to work with a narrow shovel toiling away at excavating a sewage line that ran from the back of the trailer to the end of the property. It had become congested with years of roots and debris, and the time to remove and replace them with modern plumbing had finally come around. Daryl had been making good progress, taking short breaks and working through the hottest part of the day. He guessed he was concentrating too hard on the job at hand, or maybe the heat was taking its toll on him because as wary as he usually was he didn't notice his father standing behind him. He didn't know how long he had been there watching him until he spoke.
"You're throwing the dirt too far from the hole, pussy bitch." Will grunted.
Daryl heard his voice, and instantly his blood was boiling but was also shivering with fear. He looked behind at the long trench he'd dug, and then looked down at his raw, blistered hands. He supposed the old man could see the anger in his eyes. Before he could speak Will reached down and grabbed Daryl's left ear, turning it painfully and pulling his face close to his. He smelled of sweat and copper and his breath was heavy with the stench of rotgut.
"I said you're throwing the dirt too far from the hole!" He barked, and that was when Daryl's anger got the best of him.
He tore away from him, stinging pain erupting from his ear as he pulled back. He raised the shovel and struck his daddy across the knees as hard as he could. His legs buckled and then he fell face-first into the narrow ditch, almost comically. If Daryl weren't so scared at the moment it would have been funny, watching that big bastard squirm and flail in that narrow ditch, not knowing exactly what the hell had just happened. Daryl touched his torn ear and saw blood on his hand. He crawled out of the ditch and stood over his father as he fought to right himself.
"Who's the bitch now?" He spat at him, then threw the shovel in the ditch and walked away. He forgot how fast the old man was even drunk. He hadn't gotten far when suddenly pain bloomed in his right side and his breath was knocked out of him. As he fell to the ground, he felt more pain exploding on his left side. As he lay there on the ground, writhing and gasping for air, he could see a boot inches from his face. Will hooked a toe under Daryl's midsection and rolled him over onto his back. He lay there helpless, his kidneys screaming in pain. The setting sun was behind Will as he stood over Daryl, who could hear his voice but couldn't see his face for the blinding glare. "Next time I'll kill you boy." He hissed, and with that he walked away.
Daryl remembered feeling relieved that he walked away because he didn't want him to see him crying. He also knew that it wasn't over. There would be another episode between them, there was no way around it. The were more frequent and more violent since momma died no matter how good he was at avoiding the bastard. That night when Daryl lay in the clearing in the woods, looking at the stars his own tears long dried and his pain subsided, he heard the girl crying. When he stood, he saw her lying on the rusted red merry go round.
"Hey, you want a push?" He asked.
"No."
"How come? You always want a push?"
"I'm sick of going around and around and never getting anywhere. Never getting free. It's never gonna get better."
"Feels like it never does." He paused. "What about the swings? It's like flying, you could fly away somewhere."
He was proud she took his advice and walked over, settling herself on the wooden seat. He started pushing her, watching her long, unruly, raven hair flying out behind her as her feet nearly touched the treetops.
"You're still crying." He said as he stopped pushing and the swing came to a gentle halt.
"No-" She protested. She stood and turned.
She started to cry harder and he knew she was ashamed.
"Hey," he spoke gently, understanding her pained expression.
"Hey," She responded with difficulty. "I want to be alone right now."
She peeked up at him from under her dark bangs and he saw her huge eyes.
They were the mixture of a deep emerald mixed with a chocolate color surrounding the pupils. They mesmerized him and he could get lost staring into those eyes. Her face was very cute, still much like a baby's face, but it was starting to narrow a bit like faces do when they mature. So pale, so delicate. She had on denim cut off shorts and a Minnesota Twins T-shirt. Her Converse sneakers were worn and full of holes; he could tell they were the kind of shoes you'd loved so much you'd wear them till they were nothing more than tatters. He liked that.
He was confused as his body seemed to take over despite his mind. He moved closer behind her, hindering her ability to turn to face him. With a surge of protectiveness and bravery, he didn't know he had, Daryl ran his hand up and down her shoulder, not in a sexual way but as a reassuring gesture. She seemed okay with it so he tentatively reached his other hand up to her opposite shoulder and slowly massaged her neck. He wasn't afraid to touch her. He felt like he knew her. He wasn't shy, not with her.
"I couldn't not come. I know about the thing." He knew it was the worst thing you could do to a kid, violate her body that way. He didn't want to name it that's how mad it made him. But she didn't need him to be mad, just to be...there
"And you don't exist."
"You're scared, I know." He placed his hands on her shoulders and drew her towards him.
"You're teasing me by being here." She muttered. "If you really cared about me, then you wouldn't be here."
He breathed against her neck and rested his chin on her shoulder. Honeysuckle assaulted his senses. He felt her close her eyes and bite back more tears as if his touch was torture. He moved his lips to her ear and whispered gently, "Don't cry. I'm here. I always am."
She kept her face away from his soft lips. He caressed her cheek and held her chin gently, forcing her gaze to rest upon his face. He saw her deep wet eyes asking for something. She raised an arm around his neck and laid her forehead between his collarbones. He wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her close to him. When she tried to pull away, nervously, he gently took the side of her shirt and tugged her in closer to him. "You have no fucking idea what this world is about to do for you."
When the girl gasped for breath, he felt his heart begin to race with her thoughts.
Then it just happened. They both came together and kissed. Strawberries. She tastes like strawberries...lip gloss...whatever. More... tastes sweet...more...His brain was addled; had he said those words or thought them? He put everything he felt for her into that kiss, all of the protectiveness, fear, hope, and longing. They brought their souls to bear in this kiss. He loved her so much. He felt the familiar warmth in his chest; the feeling he got when she came and sang to him, except now it was so much stronger.
I can feel it all over my body. I realize that nothing else is as important to me as this girl. It's like everything else that binds me to this world has fallen away.
And he knew she felt the same thing he did. Because she was his soul mate. After a few more seconds, they broke apart. Now Daryl felt weird; his heart was beating real fast and he was sweating a little. Where had that forwardness come from? He felt his cheeks redden. He shook his head a bit to clear it. He opened his eyes to see her staring right back at him with a look in them he'd never seen before. Those eyes were very wide and she seemed happy, very happy. He nodded and felt responsible somehow.
Not sure what to do next, he just looked at her. Her deep hazel eyes welled with excitement, as she blinked away tears. Her wild black hair, a bit windblown, framed her face so beautifully, he wanted to touch it, but instead burrowed his hands deep in his pockets.
When she smiled, her face lit up in a way that made Daryl's knees weak. Nothing had ever made him feel that way before. But he knew this moment couldn't last. It never did. He needed to break the silence that was inspiring melancholy.
"Hey," He said. "What dog can jump higher that a building?"
"What? I don't know?"
"Any dog. Buildings can't jump."
"That's a terrible joke." She said.
"But you're laughing."
"Cause it's horrible." She shook her head then asked "What do I do?"
He heard her plea and he simply said "Wait for me." But as the words left his lips she was gone and he was back in the clearing talking to the damn pine tree in front of him.
Had it been a dream? It sure hadn't felt that way, but he licked his lips and tasted strawberry. At least one good thing had happened on his birthday.
The smell of strawberries grew faint as the memory faded. "I do remember the kiss Danni. And I'm not gonna be too late." Daryl kept walking and continued to gain on his brother and his wife.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
She was brought into the Governor's small house. She remembered him. Tall. He was tall. Black clothing. Dark hair. Dark eyes.
"Please call me Philip." He said. "The last time we met I think you referred to me as Governor and that's a little formal. It's okay If I call you Danni isn't it? That's your name."
She didn't answer, feeling sick looking at this man who caused Stephen's death. His senseless death. "Where's Merle?" She finally asked.
Philip tilted his head. "Merle." He sighed. "Merle is gone sweetheart."
Danni looked skeptical.
"That's right, he took off, traitor that he is. He left you behind."
"He wouldn't do that."
"So you want to save Merle and he wants to save you? How sweet." Philip said his voice dripping disgust. "Well tell me then, is Merle worth your life? Cause he just sold you out."
Philip nodded to Jack, who began to pat her down. Danni despised his touch, but she knew she had to endure it. He smiled as he felt her up and patted her ass several times. The governor laughed.
"Hey, the chick's packing," Martinez said, disgusted at this waste of time and the sick laughter his boss and co-worker were sharing. He had a job to do and he'd do it, but he didn't have to enjoy it. He was a soldier, not a sadist. He took the gun from her holster. He paused and looked at her face. Their eyes met and he quickly looked away, knowing what his boss had in store for the poor girl. Martinez didn't bother to check her boot. Danni wondered if it was on purpose; something in the guy's gaze said it might have been. She was thankful either way. They didn't find her knife.
Caesar Martinez did what he had to do to survive since the biters took over. He was the Governors right hand man since Merle left, and he'd done a lot of stuff he wasn't proud of. Killed many people, hurt even more, but he couldn't get behind the mindless exploitation of women. He had a family once, a wife and children. Jack was an animal. He was out of control most of the time, more trouble than help.
When Danni felt Jack's hand on her ass one too many times, she turned and kneed him in the balls. Martinez saw it coming and didn't grab her to stop her; it was his turn to laugh and he let her go when she bolted for the door. There was no way she could get out of the house. Besides he would not fix Jack's mistake.
"That's what you get for fucking around," he said almost more to the Governor than Jack.
If Philip realized it, he let it go.
Danni fled down the hall and slipped into the first door she came to. Inside was a library or an office. She headed to the rear of the room hoping to find an exit. She was stopped in her tracks by the blue iridescent glow coming from a wall of fish tanks. As she got closer, her mouth dropped open. She stared at the tanks and the decapitated heads in horror, trying to understand what the hell was going on. Who were all these people? They weren't Walkers, they had been human when their heads were removed. She backed away, still mesmerized when the office door opened and she dropped to the floor and crawled behind the desk. She snuck a quick peek and felt her heart sink.
"Give it up, Danni." She heard his deep chuckle, his footsteps growing closer as he neared the desk.
"We both know you're in here, that you don't have a gun, and that I've won this round. Just put your hands up and make this easy on yourself."
"In your dreams," She muttered under her breath, prompting another laugh from him. She pulled out her knife and waited, crouched against the desk, for him to come close enough.
A shadow moved in her peripheral vision; she leaped, quickly and silently, and drove the blade through...leather? In horror, she realized she was stabbing a black jacket hung on a coat tree. Stupid! How could she have fallen for that trick?
The Governor appeared from behind the coats, smirking, "Easy, Danni," he said, holding his hands up. "Look, maybe I underestimated you, but all I wanted to do was talk. Can you put that thing away for a second?"
"No way," she said. She realized without Merle she'd gave to kill him herself. She could do it. Daryl had told her a long time ago. You don't hesitate. She was protecting her family, her home.
She raised the knife and prepared to pounce on him when something tugged at the low waist of her skirt.
As she burst forward, she felt herself yanked backwards, landing on her tailbone hard enough to force the wind from her lungs. The knife clattered out of her hand. As Danni convulsed, desperate for breath, she felt someone's knees drop heavily onto her shoulders and pin her to the ground. Her arms were still outstretched, and even as stars danced before her eyes, she could just feel the knuckleduster handle at the tip of her fingers.
"Underestimated you, maybe," said the Governor drily, bending over her to start moving his hand up her thigh.
Perfect. Distracted by the goods. She finally gasped in a lungful of air, and her hand closed over her weapon.
Danni almost smiled in anticipation of stabbing them both when the foul-smelling cloth clamped over her mouth and nose.
... ... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .
"Merle!" Daryl hissed a whisper. Merle turned from his crouching position to see Daryl approaching from deep in the trees. "What the hell? I have been tracking you and Danni all damn day." He looked around and his heart dropped to his stomach. "Where is she?"
"Now Daryl, don't lose your shit but she's in there." Merle explained.
"In there? Alone? What the hell?"
"Look I'm gonna get her out."
"What? How? How did she end up alone in there in the first place. Merle?"
"Man, you never change. You started asking questions when you were four or five. Why does daddy whip us, why don't momma care, what are we gonna do, where are you going-"
"Don't change the subject."
Merle ignored Daryl's plea and his voice took on a low gravel tone. "I wanted you to be a kid a while longer; to protect you keep you safe. It was my responsibility. I had one job and I screwed it up. I blew it. I'm sorry, I guess that's what I do. I let down the people who count on me and now I let you down again. I lost her. I'm sorry. I didn't want queenie to come. I left her and I shoulda known she'd come after me. She said she had a dream or somethin', she was sposed to come, so I didn't send her back."
As upset as he was Daryl knew Danni too well to put all the blame on Merle.
"It's okay Merle. Ain't all your fault. She does stuff like this, she knows things are going to happen. If I didn't beat on Rick, she wouldn't have felt like she had to go off on her own."
"You said she knows stuff. Like momma did, huh?"
"Momma didn't want to know."
Merle sat back against a tree trunk and sighed. "Two kinds of knowing. The stuff she could see-"
"Made it worse Merle. That she knew how it was gonna be, not just how it was."
"I know. Look I told her that I was ashamed of her, ashamed of our family and ashamed of the old man and how she had let him hurt us all. You were a good kid dammit and I didn't understand why she let him do the things he did. She started crying... he done broke her you know. Broke her even worse than us I reckon." Merle shook his head. "Daddy was always bad, but little brother, when you were born all hell broke loose. I guess you was about a year and a half old, maybe two when it happened. The old man wanted to punish momma for her "ways" he called it. Devil worshipping. He took you and left."
"You never told me that."
"Never thought much about the old days 'till queenie started stirring shit up here in the old noggin'. Stuff about Momma and Brigid and her people. Back then, folks didn't go running to the police over family disputes. I can't imagine the cold terror momma felt, not knowing where you were or if he was going to ever bring you back. He brought you back the next day, though. After that, she never saw that Brigid again. She buried all her plants and powders and stuff in the yard."
"That when she gave up?"
"Yeah and it made me hate him even more. He broke her bad. You know I had to leave don't ya? I'd a killed him if I didn't."
Daryl had heard that before, but it didn't make him feel any better. And every time he said it himself Merle knew now it had been wrong. It haunted him. Merle remembered waking to screams so often he never had experienced that deep sleep that only a child could fall into. Now, thinking back on things, he couldn't remember the last time he slept like a normal person. He might sleep for two or three hours on an exceptionally good night, but most nights sleep didn't come much at all. When he did sleep, it was disjointed and broken by constant waking, or random incoherent dreams. All the drugs and drinking did nothing to help his insomnia.
"I have this dream over and over. I'm at the old man's grave, just that big plain old slab of marble with his name and date of birth and death chiseled into it. In the dream, I'm standing over it. I got a huge sledgehammer in my hands, gripping it so hard my knuckles are white. I come down hard with the hammer and smash that stone right where his name's carved into the big gray slab. Breaks in a million places. Now I'm feeling mighty powerful at that moment. I was about to walk away and take my triumph with me, but I looked back down at his grave. I should have walked away and taken my victory over the old man with me, but dammit I just had to take one more look. His name William Dixon stared back at me, intact and defiant. That square of marble with his name on it was still whole. The old man was still there."
It didn't matter that he'd left, he'd never actually gotten away. Merle figured he'd always have dreams about their father. His grave will probably be a permanent fixture in his sleeping thoughts. He doubted he'd ever lose his desire to punish him, to right his wrongs or heal the wounds he left open.
Daryl finally said, "Some days, I'm still afraid I'll be like him. If my temper gets the best of me or when I feel like I failed and I don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. But then I look at Danni. I look at my girl and she reminds me that I m not an alcoholic, I'm not a wife beater and my kids will never hate me."
Merle was silent.
"We gotta let go of him. Merle, he can't control us no more."
"I was wrong when I said you wasn't daddy material."
Daryl looked at his brother almost open-mouthed at what was probably the first compliment he'd ever given him in his life.
"Queenie has a way don't she? Lucky you found her."
"Wasn't luck." Daryl said quietly.
"No guess it ain't at that. A lot more to it, huh?"
... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .
Something's not right. I can't move. Why can't I move? Okay, okay don't panic. Just open your eyes and see what's going on. Just open your...I can't see anything! What the fuck is going on? Alright, focus. Why can't I move? My hands and my feet. Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. There's something on my face too. A cloth- that must be why I can't see. Fuck!
Danni wanted to wake up. She knew it must be a dream. It was too terrifying to be real. She couldn't remember anything. She dreaded the next horrible moment her subconscious would conjure. And then, almost as if she'd brought it on with that terrifying moment of self-awareness someone pulled the cloth sack off of her head and stepped back into the pitch of the shadows before her.
If this was a dream, she tried to change it. Go somewhere else. In her dreams, she did that sometimes. Became conscious of her power to alter the setting, the action, the plot. But nothing was happening.
He came closer. Yes, it was a man. His shape, his walk. A man.
She tried to shift her stance, but her legs wouldn't coöperate. They had been immobilized. She was sitting, she could tell but her wrists and ankles were strapped to the arms and legs of a chair. Danni rarely wanted to awaken from her dreams. Her dreams were like intense alternate realities which she valued, no matter how beautiful or ugly they gave her important information. But now she tried to wake herself up. This was no dream.
"Good. You're awake. You'll be alright in a few minutes. The drugs wear off fast."
Her memory of those last few seconds before being drugged was blurry, but she had a faint impression of flailing and trying to stab backwards as the Governor laughed. She felt rage boil up inside her again as she pictured it and wanted nothing more than to kill that smug bastard.
"You can hear me alright, can't you?"
"Yes," she heard herself mumble, which was confusing because she hadn't meant to answer.
"Thought so. Your eyesight and your muscle control just take a little longer. You'll be yourself in another minute or two."
He brushed a soft hand over Danni's wrist to find her pulse. She instinctually tried to pull her hand back, but it was strapped the arm of the chair. She noticed a bruised needle mark on the inside of her arm. "What did you give me?"
His voice was calm. Cool. Detached. She tried to make her eyes focus. "Something to make you more compliant that's all."
"What the hell is this? Where am I? What are you up to?"
Now she felt him against her. His fingers combed through her hair and he began talking to her in a soft voice. "In a moment you're going to realize what's going on. And you're going, to be scared. So listen to me. I brought you here for one thing. I'm going to hurt you. You took advantage of me. Of my kind generous nature. But most of all for my love of children. I am going to do painful, cruel, degrading things to you. And when I've done those things, I'm not going to let you go. I'm going to kill you. Do you understand?"
"Keep your hands off me you pig," Danni snapped.
He laughed and said, "Now I don't think you're in any position to be giving orders."
"Fuck you!" Danni snapped again.
He backhanded her hard across the face and she tasted blood inside her cheek. She tried to wrench herself from the chair. Her wrists ached. The straps that bound them to the armrests were too tight. She strained to see more in the dusky shadows.
Suddenly a fluorescent overhead light turned on with a buzzing. She blinked in the harsh glare finally able to see clearly.
She was in some sort of torture chamber. The central item in the room was a mid-twentieth century antique dental chair in which she was sitting.
"Welcome to my workshop." He walked slowly back and forth before her, whistling. "I have a large and varied collection of tools. I'm somewhat of a connoisseur. Here we have a deer saw for cutting bone away, some scalpels and tools for the slicing of veins and to cause arterial bleeding." She heard the excitement rising in his voice. "Ah my pride and joy, this is a nineteenth-century antique bone saw. And more knives for chopping." His voice had the proud measured tone of someone showing off their stamp or antique coin collection.
He continued the litany. "Some needles, suture, an electric bone saw. This funnel here is to force someone to drink water so they don't die from dehydration while I work. A catheter, and pills. And this. You must have seen one of these before? A speculum, it's a medical tool used for investigating body cavities." He looked back at Danni. "Human anatomy fascinates me, dissection and even taxidermy. A hobby of mine."
She knew he wanted her to watch him and to see every tool she was about to be tortured with. He wanted to hear tearful cries of, "Oh god, please no...anything but that." He paced in front of his table, his toys and tools laid out, contemplating them. He glanced over his shoulder at her, as her eyes followed him. He took a scalpel and held it up gazing thoughtfully at the glinting steel. Danni's gut tensed. She strained a little against the restraints but found that she couldn't move them at all. She felt herself panicking and tried to calm down. Daryl. She thought of Daryl. He'd know she was gone by now, he'd be looking for her. Woodbury. I'm here in Woodbury. Come on please Daryl. I'm in a room, a really scary room, I need you, please . She tried to visualize; send him a picture. Send him direction. The Governor's voice kept getting in her way and whatever drug he'd knocked her out with made her head fuzzy. She wasn't sure she was getting through to Daryl. Why had they lost the connection in the first place, the ability to hear each other come to each other's aid as kids? It was when she stopped believing. When Nan died Danni rejected the Gift. She closed that door in her mind and the boy never returned. Not until she met him again in person last year on a deserted Atlanta highway. She needed him to hear her now.
Daryl I need you. I'm in a room it's all concrete walls, It's like a horror movie...tray with knives and medical shit and I'm in this chair and I'm strapped and …
Shit!" Danni cried out as the cold blade stung as he slashed hr cheek.
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"Shit!" Daryl winced in pain and brought his hand up to his cheek. "What the-?" It felt like something had cut him, but there was no blood.
"What?"
"Nothing. I just felt …" Daryl shook his head. Weird. " Its Danni...she's hurt..."
"Hey, best if you stay here lil brother, let me handle this like I planned. You keep it clear out here for when me and queenie get back." Merle did not want to chance Daryl seeing her if it was too late.
"Fuck that I'm going with ya. I know where she is. A room, concrete, strapped into a chair…he just cut her Merle!"
He knew things, just like momma did. Merle gritted his teeth. He was right about the Governor's sick plans. "Well, c'mon then if ya coming." He knew he couldn't stop Daryl. "I know the place you're talking about."
... ... ... .. ... . .. .
"You're fucking insane," She spat, blood from her cheek dropped to her chest. He approached and grabbed her hair roughly yanking her head back. "You are a conniving, deceitful little bitch. A lying whore."
He had all the advantages on his side: gravity, her bound wrists, his painful grip on her hair. He took a larger knife and cut down the center of her t-shirt, exposing her bra. Then he slid the tip of the blade under the waistband of her skirt. She held her breath trying to stay still, afraid he'd slip and-
"Ever been fucked with a knife before?" He asked, sliding the cold steel further down beneath her panties now over her delicate center. "Answer me whore."
Whore? It always came back to that. Fuck him.
"I'm a mother." She whispered, her voice hoarse, as she wrenched her eyelids open. "I am a wife, I am a woman, I am a witch. I am not a whore."
"Answer me!" He slapped her. "Yes or no." He grabbed her throat and squeezed with one hand. Danni's lungs burned from the lack of air as he pressed harder.
"No!' she coughed out when he finally released his grip and she desperately sucked in oxygen.
"Well, you are going to be tonight. With a knife and some other things." He leered.
She whispered her new mantra to herself through gritted teeth. "I am a mother, a wife, a woman, a witch. Tears escaped and ran down her cheeks as she fought back the tide of fear and confusion that was trying to take over. Danni would not let him take her dignity; not this monster, this son of a bitch.
"You are going to be crying a lot harder than that before I'm through with you bitch. Begging me." He sneered. He released his grip on her hair and threw her head to the side. He pressed the knife harder so it pinched her inner withdrew it and she let out a sigh of relief but he hit her again.
"Let's really get started. I've been waiting for this for a long time." He rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .
Daryl followed Merle around the back of a warehouse building at the edge or Woodbury. Just as they reached the door, Daryl sensed a presence behind him. He turned in time to see Jack with his knife out and he swung it in a wide arc, keeping it at chest level. Daryl smoothly stepped aside and blocked Jack's arm with both hands. His right hand flashed out quickly and caught him in the cheek with the back of his fist.
"You okay brother?" Merle called back
"Yeah, I got this!" Daryl said, "Just go. Merle go!"
Daryl hit him again stepping under the man's arm, grabbing his wrist and turning it in. Jack dropped the knife with a whine and Daryl gave him a roundhouse kick to the ribs. As the man doubled over in pain, Daryl stepped in and finished him off with an elbow strike at the nose. He was rewarded with a loud breaking sound and a cry of pain as the man dropped to the ground.
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"I'm a woman" she hissed, her breath turning to a gasp "I'm a witch."
Morrigan, Morrigan, three times three,
Hear the words I ask of thee.
Grant me vision, Grant me power,
Cheer me in my darkest hour.
As the night overtakes the day,
Morrigan, Morrigan, light my way.
Morrigan,Morrigan, Raven Queen,
Round & round the Hawthorn green.
Queen of Beauty, Queen of Art,
Yours my body, Yours my heart.
All my trust I place in thee,
Morrigan, Morrigan, Be with me.
"I promised myself that I was going to do a painful, cruel, degrading things to your body, and now you get to see that my promises come true." His voice brought her back.
Her gut wrenched in panic, She tried to fight as hard as she could. She bucked and tried to kick. She screamed. Her bound hands flailed ineffectually against the chair as she writhed under him, desperate to keep him from fulfilling his threat. Her confidence, her hold on herself, all of it was on the line. She couldn't let him win.
Everything will be okay. She heard Daryl's voice loud and clear in her head. She just nodded and knew it would be.
That's when the door exploded open and she heard Merle. Merle had seen red plenty of times before in his life but never as dark until the moment he saw Danni strapped to that chair, her shirt ripped open as she struggled beneath the Governor who had pinned her down, one hand over her mouth and the other at her throat. His instruments of torture were laid out at the ready.
Merle had that bare-knuckle boxer type stance as he flung his solid body at his former boss driving his shoulder into his gut. He was off his feet and flying back with him to the wall, crashing against it, the force driving his head into the concrete. Merle's head spun, but he felt no pain only adrenaline coursing through him. He bent down and picked Philip up, twisting one arm behind his back. His other arm was around his throat in a chokehold, which was making it harder for him to catch his breath. Merle didn't give a shit whether he caught his breath or not. Merle looked at Danni bound to that chair and hoped he wasn't too late. She looked out of it like she'd been drugged.
"Danni? Come on, hon, you've got to talk to me now!" He yelled, holding tight to the struggling Governor. "Danni are you okay? Did this motherfucker hurt you?" She looked over so flooded with relief she couldn't speak. As she shook her head no, she realized it was the first time Merle had ever called her by her name.
"Good! Now, what do you want me to do with Mr. fuckhead-wannabe-rapist here?" He taunted. "Do we make him promise to be a good little boy and let him go?" He turned his head more to Philip. "And he will be a good boy, or I swear to God I'll end his sorry-ass life quicker than I just took him down. Are you straight enough to understand that, jackoff?" He increased the pressure on Philip's arm and around his throat, so he couldn't form words, but moaned and nodded that he understood.
He turned back to Danni. "Oh wait what am I saying. I'm here to fucking kill him anyway!" Merle didn't think he could get angrier, but he twisted his arm behind Philip's back higher and higher. "You understand that, don't you needle-dick? Huh? You like torturing women? I'm gonna kill you right fucking now and get it over with." He heard a wet snap and Philip screamed in pain. He released the pressure but kept a hold on him "Holy shit, I broke his fucking arm!" He turned back to Danni with that shit eating grin.
She got a look of puzzlement on her face and allowed herself the tiniest of smiles. "You didn't-"
"He broke my fucking arm, you stupid bitch! Philip screamed, "Are you happy now? My fucking arm's broken!"
"Oh no," Merle said, choking him tighter, "You don't get to call her a stupid bitch, fucknut. So what's it gonna be, Danni? We let him go?" Merle joked giving Philip false hope.
She shook her head. "We came here to end it Merle."
Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in the back of his eye, and Philip felt the blade slide back out. Still screaming, he tried to look around with just his right eye but found himself to be totally blind. Merle had pierced his eye with his bayonet.
"You bastards!" he yelled "You bastards. I'll kill you! You can't do this to me!"
"No looks like I'm the one gonna kill you!" Merle drew his arm back about plunge it into Philip's heart when Daryl pushed through the door. Seeing Danni in the chair he had no words. He saw Merle struggling with the Governor. But all he could do was rush to her. Merle's distraction enabled Philip to be able to push the blade away from his chest. Merle slammed him back into the concrete wall.
Daryl sliced through Danni's bindings with his buck knife and pulled her up. "Can you walk?"
"I'm just dizzy." She managed.
Martinez burst in and Merle and Daryl knew they had to get out.
"Hey, Caesar long time no see." Merle pushed Philip down where he proceeded to writhe in pain and shout for Martinez to kill them. Merle kicked Philip in the ribs and continued to aim his gun at Martinez's head. "Go on Daryl get her out of here!"
Daryl grabbed Danni by the waist and pulled her along with him as if she were a part of his own body, aiming back as they went. He wouldn't let her go. She held on tight not wanting him to. As furious as he was, Merle had to leave Philip for another time. Danni and Daryl were more important. He shot at Martinez before the other man could shoot him and they exited through the door heading for the barricade. Once out in the woods, close to the road Daryl finally let Danni go and she stepped back, still shaken.
"Your face," Daryl cupped her chin in his hand and traced his finger along the slice in her cheek. Danni looked away, knowing it would scar. "Sorry…" she whispered. He gently touched her split lip and the swollen bruise forming on her eye. She'd been beaten up too many times since he'd known her, he'd let her get hurt for the last time.
"Bastard!" He stepped back and clenched his fists.
She tied the front of her t-shirt closed in a knot over her bra. "You loved this shirt." She muttered awkwardly, feeling guilty for all the trouble she felt like she'd caused. She felt like a fool. She felt violated. I made a mistake. Nana you were right.
"Danni, you can't do shit like this anymore! You just can't!" Daryl shouted as he paced in a small circle. He was torn; he was angrier with her than he'd ever been but also relieved that she was safe.
Merle stepped back, knowing his brother had to get this out.
"You can't do this to me Danni!"
"I'm sorry I messed up, but Merle needed me I had to-" She began.
"Merle doesn't fucking need you. I do! I need you! What do I have to fucking do to make you see when you risk your life you risk mine too? Damn! I can't live without you anymore don't you get it? I can't lose you, but you keep trying to get yourself killed or taken from me. It has to stop. I never asked a whole hell of a lot from you, but I'm asking this." Daryl's voice had no touch of gruffness, no rasp. It broke with emotion. "Stop. Just stop."
Merle felt a lump growing in his throat. He'd never heard Daryl like this. He walked further away, feeling intrusive.
"This ain't how you show you love me. It just, ain't." Daryl turned away swiping at the tears threatening to escape. Damn it, Merle is seeing me like this. Shit. He turned back around.
"I love you. I fucking love you okay?" He grabbed her and pulled her so tightly to him she couldn't breathe. He lifted her off the ground and she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. She felt her entire being meld with his. She couldn't stop the tears when Daryl said "I remember. I remember the kiss that night in the playground. I loved you then, ever since then." He sobbed aloud, letting more tears fall and emotion out than Danni had ever seen from him.
"Hey, I love you too. I've always loved you," She sniffled and cried and gently stroked his back, still settled in his arms. "You are my warrior, my love, my friend. I'll never leave you again. Never. My Anam Cara." They held each other like a lifeline.
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Anam Cara: Soul Mate