*I appreciate you all for sticking with me! Every follow fave makes my day and I want to say a special thanks to all of you who have been with Note for a while now and since the beginning. You guys are my tribe and I treasure every one of you :)
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Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky
"Now I don't want to impose on you good people. " Kieran said retrieving his lone backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. "Wouldn't be the first time I've been on my own-"
"You're not. Of course, you're coming back with us." Danni interrupted, moving out of Daryl's embrace but continuing to grip his hand tightly.
He nodded. "Alright then, lead the way," and picked up a cardboard box full of books salvaged from Woodbury. "The others forgot this. The kids need to keep up their reading."
"So do I, anything good in there?" Danni asked. "Books are scarce and-"
Daryl began walking, ending their nervous chatter with a gruff "C'mon."
"So how long have you been with my daughter?" Kieran tried to make conversation as Daryl led them through the woods toward the road. He was silent, but the other man continued his inquiry over the sound of their footsteps moving through the leaves and brush. "And what is it you did before all this?"
Danni realized she had never asked Daryl that question herself. Aside from the few stories he'd told her about Merle and his dad he never talked openly about his day to day life. It was mostly childhood memories. Looking up at his stony expression, sweat forming above his brow, she took in the face she loved and found she didn't care what he'd been before. She only cared about what he'd done since they'd been together. Daryl was like an animal she'd tamed. She'd gotten through his defenses, fed him so to speak and she knew he'd follow her anywhere. She also knew he 'd protect her at all costs and that's why this was coming out now. He may be tamer, but he was still all lion.
"What do you care?" Daryl finally rasped.
"Just trying to make conversation lad, it's what people do."
"I wasn't out pulling bank jobs or leaving my kids to-" Daryl began to mutter through his teeth.
"So da-" Danni stopped. She wasn't really sure what to call him. "I have to ask how come you are down south, I mean in Georgia. It is pretty strange to run into you…although stranger things have happened."
"Not really." Kieran winked. "It's your Nan's doing, I'm right convinced of that. You know what I'm saying right?"
Danni nodded. "She's been playing games lately that's for sure."
"Games, yeah...If I told anyone they'd think I was crazy, but you have it too. Well, lets' see. I was in New York trying to fly out to Dublin. Uncle Jack, God rest his soul, and I thought maybe things were safer in Ireland. The flight got diverted to the airport in Washington DC. By then we knew something was going on. Some people we met there were heading down here to the Atlanta CDC. We joined them for when winter comes I'd prefer to be in a warmer climate as I did when I was young; the clan came here. Not my first time in the south. We'd been on the move for a while when we found Woodbury. Only there a few weeks before we had to leave."
Daryl remained silent during Kieran's story so he pushed his son-in-law a bit more. "So how did the two of you meet?"
Danni wished her father would stop trying to bring Daryl into the conversation. If Daryl didn't want to talk, he didn't want to talk. She was about to change the subject when Daryl surprised her by answering. "I saved her life. Twice."
Danni held back a giggle. She couldn't help it. The whole situation and immense tension suddenly seemed absurd.
"Well then, she's in sound hands." Looking at Danni Kieran realized he and his daughter were in for more than small talk. Much more. "I guess we have a lot to catch up on. There will be a better time I'm sure."
She nodded relieved. Neither was sure just how much the other knew about their missing years.
... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"Twins?" Kieran beamed "You know the women in our family have always had twins. Your aunts Mary and Siobhan. Katie too."
Danni nodded. 'In the genes. That's why I didn't freak out."
He raised an eyebrow.
"Much." She added.
Kieran rolled up the sleeves of his faded, black button down shirt. "The Doherty's have always had strong, healthy babies, that's in the genes too. And beautiful. Look at those wee babbys. Would you just?"
Daryl stood back feeling helpless as this guy tried to act like he knew Danni. Acting like a daddy all of a sudden, like he cared about her? He bristled when Danni handed Kiera to her dad.
"So beautiful, wee babby. Both so beautiful." He said again.
"This is Scout, well Kiera actually. She 's named after you."
Daryl noticed Danni was calling the little one Scout more again. He wondered why. Maybe it was nothing.
"That was supposed to be your name." He said softly, smiling down at his granddaughter.
As soon as Kiera made the tiniest noise of discontent Daryl surged forward and took his little girl from Kieran. "She aint good with strangers." He said holding her close and turning away. Kieran shot a look at Danni that said 'its okay.'
After Kieran's introduction to his grandkids, Carol called everyone over to the common table. She and some of the other new members had made a large dinner to welcome the newcomers now that Kieran was here with them.
The atmosphere had an almost a festive quality, the surreal normalcy that always struck Danni when mundane life situations occurred in a time that was anything but mundane. Her father was a talker that was for sure and so was Merle. Between the two of them telling stories no one could get a word in edgewise. Carol and Lori told the men to watch their language in front of the children especially when the two compared scrapes with the law or bartenders.
Rick coughed a few times and interjected how he'd never fallen for some of the stuff Merle and Kieran pulled.
"Let's change to something more appropriate for supper talk." Herschel finally interjected.
"Is that all your eating?" Kieran looked down at Danni's dinner. "You're nursing love, you need the fuel supply. Here," He put more food on Danni's plate.
"I'm fine, don't-"
"Don't worry about my wife's fuel supply." Daryl growled. Treating him like a damn guest of honor. Even Merle acts like he likes this guy.
The rest of the group felt the undeniable tension. Rick worried about Daryl's focus. He had yet to sit down with the newest group member himself and really get to know him.
"Really, I'm not too hungry." Danni went on. "I've been feeling kind of queasy lately, not much of an appetite. So much going on I guess."
She didn't realize until she said it aloud she'd been feeling like that for a while. And tired too. She didn't notice Carol's raised eyebrow or concerned look.
When Ryder started to wail, Danni stood up. "Sorry guys...he's probably wet."
"Old fashioned mothering." Kieran commented.
"Yeah you can't leave them upstairs and listen on a monitor the way we could." Carol agreed nudging Lori.
... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
It was funny how as Daryl's wife Danni commanded a certain reverence around the prison. It was the same with Lori.
"You seem pretty important around here." Kieran noticed as he joined Danni on her morning walk. He observed how many people waved to her or stopped to say hi and admire the babies and tell her to thank Daryl for all his hunting and supply runs.
She shrugged. "Carol calls Lori the first lady. I don't know about my importance, but I'm glad Rick and Daryl are leading more officially as a team."
"You're husband does a lot for these people doesn't he?"
Danni nodded. "He cares about the group. About making this a safe place to raise our kids, yeah. It's funny before we found this prison it came to me in a dream. I thought of Fionn's castle Almu where he was safe with Sadhbh. It's the best we've had so far."
"You loved that tale of Fionn mac Cumhail, didn't you?"
"Yes, you know it's my favorite." She smiled up at him under her dark bangs and for a moment, to Kieran, she was five years old, looking at him like he was her hero like he could do anything. He felt the pangs of regret begin to stab his chest.
They sat on the grass and Kieran took Ryder from her. Danni kept talking. "Herschel wants to create a council. With so many more people here it will help with decisions, improvements. I'm thinking of starting a reading group with the kids here. Carol and Lori try to keep up school work as much as they can and I think story telling, reading maybe even creative writing would be good." She knew she was talking about everything and anything but their relationship.
"You know love, he doesn't have to like me."
"It takes time for Daryl to trust people. A lot of time, that's all."
"And you...you don't have to like me either."
Danni looked surprised.
"I know I hurt you Danni. I'm not thick as I look." He pointed to his head. "And It's been a long time. We can try to get to know each other. If it's what you want."
"Is it what you want?"
"Yes." He added, I read something once, 'A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it'. Since the world has changed, I've thought that way ever more."
Danni realized she had too. She needed to ask the hard questions, get difficult answers, tell him what her life had been like. Tara? Did he know about Tara? But when she opened her mouth she began to ramble about her mother. "Growing up I remember mom always looking for a new dad for us, so I never saw much of her. When I did she was applying lipstick or too much perfume or needing to be zipped up. And when she did talk she said things like "Danni you only live once or don't envy the rich and, of course, your father's a bum."
Kieran laughed. "She called me a bum before I left too. She'd say if you like something buy two, and if you don't like something throw it away." Kieran remembered his ex-wife's many adages.
Danni nodded "Thanks to that advice I threw away a lot of report cards she never saw."
"That woman always had so much to say." Kieran rubbed the scruffy beard on his chin wistfully.
"I'm nothing like her. Nothing."
He nodded. "Is that a question?"
"Not anymore." Danni paused looking at the prison thinking more of Almu. "So what do I call you?"
"What did you used to call me?"
"Daddy."
"How does that feel?"
"Weird, but maybe I could get used to it... in time."
Daryl watched from a distance as Danni sat on the grass talking with her father. Every time she smiled he felt uncomfortable. He was worried about what she hadn't told him; what her father didn't know. He was also worried that she might get attached. What if the son of a bitch left her again? What would that do to her?
His gaze shifted and he noticed Sophia wasn't playing with the other kids. She was sitting at one of the picnic tables set up in the courtyard, focused on a book. As he walked by she stopped him. "Daryl, do you like having all these new people here?"
"Sure."
"Me too."
He sat across from her and returned his focus to Danni and her father with the twins.
"You don't like him." Sophia said decisively.
"No. I don't. You?"
Sophia shrugged. "One time Danni told me she had a lot of bad dads, but Kieran seems okay."
"What you reading?"
She held up the book. "Huckleberry Finn. Did you ever read it?"
Daryl felt his gut clench for a second before he snorted and said "No, never did." He lied.
For some reason, Daryl wasn't falling asleep in English class today. He watched notes being passed back and forth furtively between the rows of desks, smelled the girls in the back row painting their nails, heard the crinkle of a packet of chips being eaten secretly somewhere nearby.
"Now we clearly see that Huckleberry Finn's father, Pap, exhibits the characteristics of an alcoholic parent. He is regarded as a drunkard in his town, and he is very abusive toward Huck." Mrs. Barrow, Daryl's eighth grade English teacher, paced the front of the room as she spoke.
"Tom Sawyer's Aunt Polly calls Huck a poor motherless thing."
Daryl started chewing on his thumbnail.
"We know Huck confesses to Tom in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer that he remembers his mother but mostly he recalls his parents' relentless fighting that only ended with her death. Huck is left alone with his father. Pap Finn's only method of parenting is physical abuse. Pap lacks of education and civilized living, but has such resentment for his son that he seems to be jealous of Huck and is infuriated that his son would try to amount to more, and live in better conditions than he did.
Daryl shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"Furthermore, the effects of Pap's alcoholism can be seen through the demeanor and actions of Huck himself. He is a product of his upbringing. Child abuse by an alcoholic parent is common and Huck is often abused by his father during Pap's alcohol-induced rages. Thus, Huck is regarded as "vulgar" and "lawless" by Mark Twain. We would refer to him as anti-social. These characterizations are examples of Huck's externalizing behavior. Pap's alcoholism coupled with the absence of Huck's mother contributes to Huck's behavior. Huck's experience of a lack of warmth and sensitivity from his mother was only exaggerated by her complete absence due to her death. Huck's situation is more severe because he was entirely deprived of warmth and sensitivity from his mother."
Daryl heard the laughter. It was raucous, relentless, bitter and drowned out Mrs. Barrow's lecture. It was only when she called his name that Daryl realized he was the one laughing. He had never said one word in that class all year and now he was loudly laughing. He was sent to the principal's office for his disruption. On the way to the office, he tossed the paperback copy of Huckleberry Finn into the trash can. Merle was right, school was a waste of time.
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Daryl was looking for that picture Danni had shown him of his mother. He checked in Danni's bag, then in her pile of books. He looked in that spell book she was always reading and writing in, but couldn't locate the old Polaroid. Her journal called. He didn't mean to let his eyes linger on the pages, but he could never stop himself from reading. Today was no different.
"Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light." – Theodore Roethke. Yup, a quote his lip curled into a half-smile. Her familiar handwriting comforted him as much as her voice in his head as his eyes scanned the page.
Why is life such an ironic and dramatic display? Never just simple. We are always a moment too soon or too late. We are always falling for the wrong ones, or the right ones in the wrong way. We are in the wrong place at the wrong time or the right place at the wrong time. We are constantly fucking up but coming back to try again and again and again. And isn't that the definition of insanity? To keep going through the same tired, overdone motions again and again expecting different results? But we hold on to that precious glimmer of hope, that light at the end of our tunnel. And that's the point of the whole journey isn't it? To find the light when everything is so dark. That's why this is important for me. Why aren't I mad? I guess I spent so many years being angry and hurting myself that I have to do it differently this time. I want answers.
The other day Daryl lied to me. First time ever. I know it was to protect me, but he blocked me. I should have been able to hear him, to know. Still, I look at him and love him as much as the first day I realized it. When I feel him, shuddering against me with desire, his breath coming out in warm hisses and moans of ecstasy and I smell his arousal and hear the gruffness of his voice, thick with need, as he says my name pulling us closer to that place where nothing else matters. Everything falls away except the two of us. Like being underwater. People talk about the sensation of falling in love. I think it is like drowning. You claw and fight your way back to the surface, futilely, all the while your lungs burn and ache with need. In a moment of desperation, you will latch on and drag him down with you. Yes, love is exactly like drowning. Our lips fit perfectly together. I think that is what makes every kiss euphoric and addictive, from the quick shy sweet pecks to the impassioned ones, full of a deep and primal longing. I can feel his lips pressed against mine now, even as I am sitting by the light of a candle writing all this. The gentle brush of skin against skin, even while the rest of our flesh is a blaze of passion. Last time he was rough with me and I loved it. He kissed my swollen lips making me wait before he nearly snarled "Come for me." Some part of me loves these hot, aggressive almost uncomfortable moments most of all. When he kisses me like he is dying and takes control. These all-too-brief moments where I feel like I am the antidote to some rare ailment he is tormented by. Exorcising a demon.
He supposed she was.
Why did he block me, silence himself the other day? That scares me.
The picture slipped from the back cover of the book. The old Polaroid was faded, but there was his momma, sitting beside Danni's Nana. Her smile lit up her whole face like Danni's did. Her dark chocolate locks spilled over her face and onto her shoulders in the wavy, feathered style of the time. Silver necklaces and bangle bracelets adorned her neck and wrists. She was beaming with pride, holding Daryl, who couldn't have been more than a week old. When did it start? Hearing her in his head, the way he heard Danni. Daryl swallowed hard admitting to himself that he had the same kind of connection to his momma. He couldn't remember when it started, but he remembered when it stopped.
As he stared at the photo of his momma holding him, he found himself asking the same question. Why did she block me. Why did she give up on me?
Daryl's triggered memories were always very strong, vivid and took over with great detail and emphasis. They were downright overwhelming and today was like a perfect storm.
He had an extra good hiding place but after a while Daryl wondered why she hadn't come close to discovering him. He was good at hide and seek, but his momma was better. She always looked in the shed after a while. She should have found him by now. He crouched between two wooden fruit crates. Every time he shifted to stop his foot from a going numb and falling asleep he caused the glass jugs to make a slight clinking sound as they tapped each other. He held his breath He knew how careful he had to be in here in his dad's shed where he kept his home brew. Daryl had only just turned eight, but he'd already had his first taste of the nasty stuff. Merle stole jugs for him and his friends all the time. Daryl tried it to impress them and had been sick for two days after. If he broke any of these jars, there would be worse hell to pay than usual. Then he heard her, not out loud but in his head. "Stay where you are baby, just stay for now okay? Momma will come get you, later, just stay okay?" Daryl knew his dad must have come home early, in a bad mood. He'd always been able to do that, hear her in his head ever since he could remember. Their games often ended like this. Momma would make him stay in his hiding place until dad fell asleep so he wouldn't hurt Daryl. Then she came to get him and he'd notice her bloody lip and battered face and somehow know she looked that way so he didn't have to. Daryl felt like he wanted to protect her...but she was protecting him… it wasn't right. He should be a man not a pussy like Merle always said. That particular day he felt his cheek burn worse when his dad belted momma across her face. He heard her crying real loud in his head. All in his head. He didn't know how long he'd been in the shed, but it was getting dark. Then he heard her say "Run, baby run. Get to the woods. He's coming, hide in the woods!" Daryl stood but was too late to notice his dad standing behind him with a big stick of stovewood in his hand. As Daryl turned, an agonizing pain suddenly tore through him. Will struck him hard on his side with the plank, grunting with the effort. Daryl landed hard against the wall, striking his head on a low shelf as he fell. He slumped to the floor, grabbing at the shelf to break his fall. An old Gulf oil can lived on the shelf under a fine layer of dust. It held a dozen or so rusted, but sharp twenty-penny nails and wood staples. An aged railroad spike lay on the shelf next to the can. The can teetered on the edge of the shelf and then fell, spilling its contents onto Daryl's helpless face and landing bottom-up on his head. The railroad spike slid off behind the can and landed on his chest with a hard thump. Daryl instantly started screaming and flailing, slapping the can away from his face. His old man laughed at the sight of the boy as he squirmed and yelled, blood pouring from several small cuts and punctures peppering his head, face, and neck. Several nails were embedded in his scalp and one had pierced his left ear. Two lanced the skin of his neck, oozing blood in a bright red trickle. Will looked amused as he watched Daryl fumble blindly along his face and neck, snatching the nails out as his hands encountered them. His hands were slick with blood and spotted with flecks of rust and filth. His groping hand found a nail jutting out next to his eye, and he cried out in pain as he pulled it out and threw it aside. A high pitched noise filled his ears and his head felt like a ringing bell. The world seemed to sway before his eyes. Daryl knew pain, but not pain like this. "That'll teach you to sass me boy." The man grunted. Through a haze of red, Daryl looked up to see his old man standing over him, stinking of booze and smiling a drunkard's smile. He grabbed the railroad spike from his chest and rose to his feet, his legs shaking and threatening to give way under him. He faced the old man, the blood coursing down his face. He was stinging and aching from head to toe, and he was scared as hell. He felt an odd, numb sensation all over his body. As he stood there gripping the spike so tight that his knuckles turned white, he realized that wasn't just scared he was angry. He held the railroad spike tightly, clutching it like a weapon. The anger was huge inside of him, unlike anything he had ever felt. Daryl felt somehow detached from himself, almost as if he were watching himself from some far-off place. "I didn't sass you." He said, barely able to breathe.
"Don't you talk back to me, boy." The man barked, holding the stovewood up to strike his son again.
"I told you to quit pickin' on me!" Daryl yelled defiantly as he could.
"Huh!" The man snorted. "Your mama ain't here to watch over you now boy. You don't talk to me like that!"
"No!" Daryl growled. "You don't talk to me like that! Can't you just leave us alone? Just let us be!"
Suddenly the man snarled and swung to hit his son again. It was a mistake to talk back and Daryl knew it. He braced himself as his dad struck him with the wood. He staggered back two steps and fell.
"And my name ain't boy." He panted. Even as he said it, he knew it was another mistake. That's when the wood hit the side of his head hard. He was breathing fast, the numb sensation was much stronger. He realized his vision was going dim, the world suddenly swimming in shades of gray and black before his eyes as he lay on the floor. As darkness took him, he heard the faint sound of approaching footsteps. The last thing he remembered was his mother's voice. She was screaming. He'd never be able to protect her if he couldn't protect himself. He'd never be any good to anybody. Nobody could or would ever depend on him for nothing.
It was after that night that her voice in his head began to fade. She was always quiet and then she started drinking like his dad. He couldn't hear her anymore. When he asked her about it, she got angry, yelled at him for the first time ever and told him never to talk about it again. Never. His wounds always healed the bruises faded but so did her voice and her love. She stopped loving him. He figured it was because he was so weak. He couldn't protect her, couldn't take care of her. After studying his mother's face, Daryl put the photo in his breast pocket. "I'm sorry momma. I couldn't protect you." He said aloud and blinked back tears.
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Danni hadn't been able to finish the conversation with her dad. There was so much more she needed to know, but she felt too exhausted and queasy. He understood. He had a lot to do to set himself up in D block. She retreated to her bed with the twins. She'd been feeling that fatigue and nausea every day lately and nervously recognized the symptoms of pregnancy she'd had the first time around. She opened her journal to check the date. She'd been regular again since three months after the birth. Her next period was due yesterday. She wasn't unreasonably late yet. Who am I kidding. Dates don't matter. They'd had unprotected sex too many times to ignore these signs. She felt the panic rise in her chest but didn't have time to dwell as Daryl noisily stomped up the stairs to their perch. He tossed his pack into the corner and put his crossbow on the mattress, then lowered himself to the floor. He sat, knees up back against the wall. He was acting like an agitated, petulant kid. Having her dad here was harder than she thought it would be. Danni knew she should try and soothe him, but at the moment she was feeling the need for some soothing herself.
She started out neutrally. "Thanks for having him back here. My dad. I know it's not easy. It means so much to me, you giving this a chance."
"Didn't tell him did you?" Daryl asked sharpening the tips of his remaining bolts. He was running low and would have to find more soon. He could only salvage what he had so many times.
"No." She answered beginning to pace.
"You ever gonna tell him?"
Danni knew he ws talking about the abuse. When she didn't answer he added, "I got a mind to say something."
She jerked her head toward him. "No, I'll do it. Hasn't been the right time. Daryl I need to tell you something."
"Uh huh" he grunted still focusing on the bolts.
"I'm pregnant."
He looked up and swallowed before turning to face her anxious expression. "You sure?"
"Pretty sure. I know the signs. This is bad. Daryl this is really bad. This is what I was afraid of. We were stupid and careless…."
He shook his head and let out a noisy breath as her voice rose in pitch and she began to rant. "How the hell are we gonna handle another baby? I can hardly deal with two. Three? Do you know how insane this is right now ?" She stood up and started pacing. "With the way things are? And going through this again. I just got my body back, shit, we still don't sleep through the night. Nine more months and then labor and its just….I can't believe I let this happen, no wait I can... I can believe it." Danni was breathless.
"You done?"
"Yeah."
After a long silence, Danni finally asked, "Why aren't you saying anything?"
"Wanna know what I was before all this?" This Walker shit?" He looked up thoughtfully.
She nodded.
"Before, I just drifted around following Merle, doing whatever it was he said we was gonna be doing that day. I was nobody." He looked at her sideways. "Nothin'. A redneck asshole with an even bigger asshole for a brother."
"No-"
"Yeah, Danni I was. You saw where I grew up. I told you about Merle, my dad, and mom. Hell, I ain't never been out of Georgia. Never been on vacation, never... Face it I was a loser. I never had a pet. Not even a damn goldfish. Never got nothing' from Santa Claus. Never relied on anyone for protection before. Hell, I don't think I ever relied on anyone for anything. And nobody ever relied on me or looked to me for anything."
She listened, his voice was steady and introspective.
"But with you none of that matters no more. I am somebody to you. You..we made them kids. I did that. I'm a dad. That's not nothing."
"No, it's not nothing." She murmured beginning to understand.
"It's the only thing I ever done that I feel proud of, real proud of. So you saying being pregnant again is bad is-"
"Is like putting you down."
"It ain't bad Danni, don't say it is. We can do this." He noticed how small she looked; how frightened. She usually hid her fear. "Come here."
She joined him on the mattress and lowered herself onto his lap into his arms. "Now 's the time to do hard stuff. You said once that nothing's ever been easy for us, remember?"
"Yeah I remember."
"You know Merle and me...we was gonna rob that camp, the first one by the quarry."
"You didn't."
"Cause he got left on that roof. What I'm trying to say is back then, I probably would have done it. Cause he told me to. Cause he'd call me a pussy and try to beat the shit out of me if I didn't. But it's different now. All that time without him showed me I can't do shit like that anymore. What I say, what I do...it means something. No time to fuck up anymore."
"Its about who you are, not who you were." She added realizing that If the Walker shit hadn't happened, if she hadn't happened he might not be this guy. She was watching a grown man realize he's a man.
.. ... ... ... ... ... .. ... ... .. . .
Night had fallen and the prison was silent. The babies were finally quiet and settled. After snuffing out all the candles but one, she turned and walked toward Daryl. She heard his breathing quicken and felt the tremor in his large hand as it slid across her cheek, pulling her face closer to his. His warm lips covered hers, as an audible gasp betrayed her throat. She ran her arms up his torso, anchoring herself to his shoulders. With his free hand, Daryl pressed his body to hers. He parted his lips and used his tongue to gently pry hers open. He hungrily probed her mouth, growling as she put her hands under his shirt and raked her nails across his chest.
"Yeah?" he asked.
She nodded her okay. "Please. I need you."
He pulled her shirt off and kissed her neck, unhooking her bra.
"Wait." She breathed and took his hand leading him to the mattress.
She needed him to take her to that serene place, away from all of this. She needed him to make her feel at home, secure. She lay down and he kneeled before her coming to rest between her legs. She grasped his biceps as he kissed and licked her belly button. He lapped at the skin of her stomach, leaving a slick trail. He licked up to her chest and palmed her right breast, squeezing the nipple between his fingers as he sucked greedily at the slope of her left. Her breath came in a slow, heavy rush with each touch of his tongue. Kneeling at her feet, he was gifted with a view of just how beautiful this woman was to him. Her eyes were aglow with that almost supernatural quality in the low light of the room. He placed his left palm between her thighs and let it rest there as he drank in the delicious skin of her breasts. He teased her nipple with his tongue, resting it gently against his lips and sucking at it sweetly. He bit the nipple gently, relishing her response. She inhaled suddenly then exhaled slowly as she ran her hand through her hair. Her mouth was half open, exposing that damned sexy chipped tooth he loved. The anticipation was growing between them. He removed her tight pants. He lingered at the moment, memorizing each inch of skin revealed as he pulled them away. The cut of her black panties was narrow, barely covering her. He reached around her waist and pulled her up to her feet. She stood over him, not quite knowing what to expect.
"I'll take care of you." He said, then bit the seam of her panties and placed both hands on her hips. With a slow solid motion, he gingerly tugged at her panties with his teeth, pulling them down from the sides. The scruff of his chin grazed her thighs. He could smell her sex as he peeled her lingerie away. He savored the sight of her bare legs, kissing them as he pulled her panties down past her knees. She lifted one foot then the other. Her panties landed unceremoniously in the corner where he tossed them. Kneeling before her, his face was just inches from her and smell of her arousal made him feel oddly drunk. He touched her clit with the tip of his right index finger and teased. She took his hand away and pulled him down on top of her.
"Are you ready to give in already and just fuck me like we both know you want to?" Danni asked knowing it would push him closer to his edge.
"Not yet."
"You sure about that?"
"No..." he rasped, leaning forward to capture her taunting lips with his. His hands begin to wander down her body between her thighs, to the wet warmth of her core.
"No, sir." She teased swatting his hand away playfully. "You don't get that until you fuck me." And he did. The force of her climax was enough to bring him with her. He was rying to catch his breath while his vision blurred. She was speaking lost words to him, his senses heightened and heart racing. With an immense effort, he tensed and slowly withdrew from her. He moved off her and she watched him fall unceremoniously onto the mattress. Danni lay beside him, resting her hand on his chest. He could see her fingers dance on his skin as his heart pounded. He put his head on her shoulder. They were breathing heavily, slowly recovering their strength.
"Should we talk about it more? I mean it's a pretty big thing."
"You scared?" He asked.
"A little yeah, it's stupid not to be right?"
He shrugged and let out a deep breath. "I want this Danni."
She nodded into his neck. "You make it seem easy, like it's just that simple."
That's exactly what he wanted to do for her. The last things Daryl remembered as they slid off into slow deep oblivion were the faint scent of honeysuckle clinging to her hair and the sense of purpose he felt.
"Hey," Danni said sleepily as she rose to the crying babies wanting breakfast. "How long have you been up?"
Daryl was already awake and dressed. He was standing by the small window gazing out over the prison yard watching every inch become light with the onset of dawn. He recalled his memories from the day before. He touched the picture of his mother in his pocket. He hadn't been able to protect his mother, but he'd been able to protect Danni and damned if he'd ever stop.
"A while."
"Are we going out today? I'm probably ready to learn how to use your crossbow. The snares are so easy now. Oh and…"
"Nah, not today. Just me."
"But Carol's gonna watch the kids. We planned it remember?"
"You slow me down. Got too many mouths to feed around here, don't have time to play school."
"Ouch. I'm not that bad anymore. You said I was getting good. We had an agreement I need to learn this stuff."
"Said no. Not today." He grabbed his bow and headed to the stairs.
"Is it because I might be pregnant? That's the point, I need to learn this stuff for the kids, so I can take care of them of myself. Like we talked about."
He didn't answer. He wanted to tell her about his mom and try to explain how empty Kieran's presence made him feel. Angry but...empty too. He felt these things, but he wasn't sure he understood them himself yet. He needed to think. to process
Where was that guy from last night and why was he always so elusive? Danni wondered. She should be used to this by now and she supposed she was, but it wasn't any less frustrating.
"Daryl what's wrong?"
"Nuthin'."
When he said that Danni heard 'what I don't need is another me. If you can do everything I can do, you won't need me anymore.'
"Deer won't wait. See you tonight." He offered as goodbye.
He was already at the bottom of the stairs when Danni reached the railing and shouted "We are not doing this again!"
He lowered his head and hunched his shoulders shooting sidelong glances to see if anyone else was awake to hear her. If so, they were too polite to move out of their cells or say anything.
"Daryl we're past this! You can't shut me out anymore! I won't let you, you know that!"
"You're waking up the whole damn place!" He couldn't help himself and shouted back.
"Get back here! Talk to me! Wait!" She was about to follow him when the babies started crying. "Shit." She breathed. Tears started to roll down her cheeks making her angrier. Why couldn't things just be calm for a little while.
Doing the same things over and over expecting different results was the definition of insanity remember? Danni felt irresponsible but also crazy for being pregnant again. That and Daryl still shutting her out like this, after all this time, felt like tired old plot devices from an uninspired author. But no, this was her life. How could we end up back here again after we've come so far? Love is like drowning alright. She picked up the twins and could hardly make out their faces through blurred vision.
"Hey, who's the bastard that made you cry? Want me ta fix him?" Kieran's voice came from behind her.