*I hope that as heavy as some of this chapter is, it leaves you guys feeling hopeful and uplifted.
*I love all you guys so much for being here. You are the best readers on FF net: silent readers and vocal ones alike! My own little tribe. Many of you tell me you re-read the story and that makes my heart soar! I wanted to create somewhere to go, a real escape and many of you say Note is that for you. I think you guys are all the best and am so grateful for the time you give to read this story. Every follow fave and view are true gifts!
Okay enough gushing! Hope you enjoy...
xx
... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"If happy I can be I will, if suffer I must I can."
― William Faulkner
Merle lost sight of Danni when Walkers breached the fence and interspersed with the Governor's army to converge on the yard. He sliced through the skulls of encroaching corpses, on alert in combat mode. Turning to survey the chaotic landscape, he zeroed in immediately on the Governor and Rick tangled in a fist fight. Rick was losing. Merle scoffed, not surprised. He charged forward, pulled a leg takedown and delivered a knee strike to his former boss' head falling away from Rick. With one swift, sweeping motion Mere pierced Philip's abdomen with his bayonet. The Governor felt a blinding white pain in his stomach. Before darkness took him, Philip saw Merle looming over him, covered in a sheen of sweaty grime, his tan work shirt half tucked in. He pulled his revolver from its holster. The rage he felt was clearly etched on his face as he thought of the loss of his brother and Danni being taken. He was breathing hard as he remembered the Arena in Woodbury and the Governor's attempt to torture and murder Danni. The prison had fallen before his eyes, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. But this he could fix. A feral torm started brewing in his eyes as he looked down at this man he had sworn to kill.
"Do you know what today is?" Merle asked.
The Governor didn't respond with anything more than a silent plea as he lay there in a growing pool of his own blood, Merle's foot pressing down on his throat.
"Today is a good day to die," Merle answered his question. "This is what happens when you fuck with the Dixons," Merle said solemnly. "This is what happens when you fuck with me."
Philip's eyes grew wide, and Merle relished the fear in them. Finally, he gurgled "please...no-"
Seconds later a gunshot rang out. He spit on Philip's lifeless form. He didn't linger over his vengeful victory or even look for Rick. He set out to find Danni. He had another promise to keep.
He gave one last gander and noticed one of the crows that had been hanging around lately, resting on the Governor pecking out his one good eye.
... ... .. .. .. .. .. ...
"What's wrong? Why are you just standing there?"
Daryl hardly heard Beth's question. He trained his eyes on the corrupted terrain at the edge of woods where the Governor's army and Walkers had trampled through the fence. He and Beth had trekked to the last place he'd see Danni and what he found filled him with a sense of hopelessness. It had been a slaughter, and he was too late. Bodies lay in the dirt, the abandoned vehicles bullet-ridden. He took slow, dejected steps toward the trees.
"C'mon, we should do something!" Beth called to his back. She jogged to catch up. "We aren't the only survivors." She prodded, expecting an answer. "We can't be. Rick, Carol, they could be out here. Maggie and Glenn could have made it out of A block. They could've. And Danni, we came around all this way to the front to find Danni."
Daryl shook his head and sank to a sitting position on the ground in front of a tree.
"What are you doing?"
He began plunging his knife into the dirt.
"You're a tracker."
He ignored Beth.
"You can track. Come on. The sun will be down soon. If we head out now, we can-" She paused and clenched her fists in frustration. "Fine. If you won't track, I will."
Daryl watched her walk a few feet, and then pulled himself up with a sigh. "Tracking's shit in the daylight!" He called out to her.
Daryl crouched and gently fingered the broken twigs and bent blades of grass putting the patterns together figuring out the direction he hoped was Danni's. Someone had stumbled through the edge of the trees on unsteady feet and fallen to their knees. Then back up to their feet. He was pretty sure they were Danni's tracks from the size and tread of the boot prints. Those boots. But it didn't look good.
His worry and frustration manifested in gruff impatience. The fear he was burying led him to make unfair comparisons. He had to keep looking back to make sure Beth was okay. It wasn't the same as when he was with Danni. He'd always look back to check, but he knew he didn't have to. But Beth stared back at him wide-eyed and anxious. Beth was slower than Danni, she made more noise than Danni and that put them at risk. She needed him to protect her. And to top it all off, she kept asking him questions and trying to make conversation. Maybe it was the girl's nerves but he felt she was slowing him down and breaking his concentration trying to find Danni. Daryl answered her in grunts, and head shakes.
"Finding something?" Beth asked.
"Maybe." Daryl muttered. "Some prints here."
"Could be Danni's. Or Maggie's. Whoever they are, it means they're alive."
"No. This means they were alive four or five hours ago."
"They're alive." She tried to sound convincing.
"They picked up the pace right here. Got out in a hurry. Things went bad."
"Wouldn't kill you to have a little faith."
"Yeah, faith. Faith ain't done shit for us. Sure as hell didn't do nothing for your father."
Beth reeled as if he'd hit her. Daryl wanted to be sorry, but his sense that he'd lost Danni forever was overtaking him.
Beth immediately turned and began picking edible berries from a nearby bush. "They'll be hungry when we find them." She prattled on trying to forget what Daryl and said. She wouldn't let him destroy her hope. Daryl sighed and handed her his rag to contain the berries. Her face was as dirt-streaked and weary as his own. He crossed his arms over his chest and winced hoping she'd sense he was sorry. He couldn't form the word.
He turned back to the trail and sighed.
"What? What is it?" Beth asked.
"That is not walker blood. The trail keeps going."
"She, I mean they, they fought them off."
"No. No. Got Walker tracks all up and down here. At least a dozen of them. Shit"
Daryl furrowed his brow and kept following the blood trail with growing apprehension. He pushed the sweaty hair from his forehead. Then he saw it. Danni's bandana soaked in blood. Too much blood. His insides turned to ice and pain morphed into his old friend anger. He always said he'd keep Danni safe. He'd promised her. Staring at the bloody bandana, all he had left of her, old demons circled him trying to pull him to that dark place he'd been in before Danni. His mind played the old tapes. He heard his father's voice, Merle's voice and his own voice. You're good for nothing. Can't protect your family. You failed. You failed Danni. You failed Brigid you failed your mother. She's dead because of you and so is Danni. Just a fuck up can't do nothing right. You know you're gonna let your kids down too. You are not daddy material, face it. You are weak you couldn't protect anybody. They were right all along. He snatched the bandana from the dirt and paced in a circle wanting to take his rage out on something.
"Daryl what is it?"
He didn't answer. He rushed toward the nearest tree and struck his head against it with brutal force; he repeated the actions, feeling the pain, needing the punishment. He hadn't been able to stop the attack. The Governor rolled right into his home, and he didn't do a damn thing. He smashed his head against the tree again and agin until Beth grabbed him and pulled him back, screaming for him to stop. He was frightening her. He turned and sank to a sitting position against the tree. Then he saw it was their tree. He looked at initials he'd carved for her. He blinked back tears and ignored the blood streaming from the wound he'd made on his forehead. He drew his knees up and began to stab his knife into the ground viciously. He shut down, and there was only silence. Dead silence.
... .. .. .. .. .. .
"Well, hey there. Whaddya know. Little queenie. Sight for sore eyes girl." Merle tried to mask the combination of elation and consternation he felt at seeing Danni looking so helpless on the ground. He was almost afraid he was too late when she slowly lifted her head with difficulty. "Merle? "
"The one and only." He replied sarcastically masking his relief at seeing her alive.
"You… Are you real? "
"Real? Hell, I must be, or I wouldn't feel like I got ate by a bear and shit off a cliff. I have been tracking you for half a mile."
"Daryl? My babies?"
Merle shook his head, his face like stone. "I lost him. I'm sorry. Last I knew Beth had the kids inside. And Daryl, well he was looking for you but I told him to get the kids. That's what he done. I tried to keep an eye, but there were too many biters too many damn attackers."
They could all be dead. Danni didn't say it aloud, but Merle read the fear on her face clearly.
"Daryl's strong. He made it. And if I know my brother, he's got those kids too." Merle was trying to convince himself, as well as Danni. "Now come on let's get somewhere we can hole up and figure this shit out."
"But what if he didn't make it what if-"
"Hey, we're gonna meet him at that house. You know that plan the two of you cooked up? Well, Daryl sticks to his plans, to his word. Did he say he'd meet you there? Bet the son of a bitch promised ya didn't he?"
She nodded.
"Then he will. We better get a move on so you'll be there when he shows up. With those kids." Merle was on edge seeing her so emotionless. She was numb. "Well, let's get you up off the ground okay? Not the safest place." He scanned the vicinity for Walkers.
Danni was in shock as Merle bent down to pull her up to her feet. "Wait, you okay? Where's the blood from? Are you shot? You ain't bit right?" He noticed the dried blood on her hands and crimson staining the hem of her white t-shirt.
She shook her head, and she reached for her bandana she'd been using it to absorb the blood, but it was gone; she must have dropped it.
"I..I lost it...I lost the baby." Danni's voice was hoarse, and she began to cough at the dryness. "That's what this is." She motioned down. She couldn't look at Merle."
"You mean you were-?"
She nodded. "The Governor kicked me. Herschel told him I was pregnant. He knew what he was doing. He knew! It was on purpose. Oh God, Herschel! What he did to Herschel?"
Merle felt like someone sucker punched him. Damn Governor. He'd killed him but not soon enough that he hadn't done more damage to the Dixons. He didn't know what to say so went into action mode. He pulled a bottle of water from a pack he'd taken from one of the Governors dead companions and held it out to her. She was groggy, but took it and sipped slowly. In fact, she felt like everything was in slow motion.
Merle knew how weak Danni was and that he had to get her some shelter. She needed some more water, rest and food.
"C'mon, let's get you fixed up queenie." He had a promise to keep.
"Fix what up?" Danni suddenly turned on him, his encouraging tone rubbing her the wrong way at the moment. "There is nothing about this that you can fix! Can you bring my husband back? Or my kids? My family? No, you fucking can't! So there is nothing to fix! I have nothing left. Can't you see that I lost everything. I lost my baby..." She was sobbing now that the numbness had worn off.
Merle grimaced. "Can you walk?" was all he asked gruffly. She nodded and let him pull her up.
"But what's the point?"
"To get the fuck outa here before any biters show up. Jesus!"
He forced her to move. They hadn't traveled far when Danni stumbled. Merle caught her arm. "Let's rest a minute." He suggested.
She sat gratefully, feeling lightheaded. They had walked in silence, Danni ruminating on her losses. Finally, she couldn't hold back anymore.
"They're dead Merle! Everybody we know its dead. You should have left me. I should be dead too. We are never going to see them again. Never going to see my kids or Daryl. You are never going to see Daryl again; shit don't you care?"
Merle bit his tongue and took deep breaths for a few seconds then exploded. "You're right! Let's sit around, be miserable, and make everything worse!" Before she could respond, he shifted, turning so that his back was to her. She would have apologized, but the sight of his back only made her fume.
"You should have left me."
"First off don't tell me what I should have have done." He faced her again. "And second, do I hear you right? You saying you wanna be dead? What happened to that fight in you? Where is that stubborn bitch I couldn't stand most of the time cause she never let up for one goddamn minute! Where she go?"
Danni glared even as a tear trailed, and she gave Merle the finger.
"Daryl is alive. We will find him. But if he ain't, and I said IF, we have to keep going. Dixons don't give up on family hear me? You queenie are family. You may be all the family I got left like it or not. I ain't giving up on you so you better damn well get your head out of your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself and help me!"
"Fuck you Merle. You don't understand."
"I don't understand huh..." he muttered, then shouted "I don't understand? I cut off my own damn hand to stay alive and find my brother. So don't you tell me i don't understand! Never thought I'd see you act like such a weak ass little bitch. One of them pathetic, stupid, cry baby females. Weak women. Can't stand 'em. Now, what the fuck you think Daryl would think if he saw you like this? Huh? He'd be disgusted, I tell you what!"
The thought of Daryl made her wish for him with an ache that was unbearable. She wanted to be infuriated by Merle's criticism, but she began to shake again and not stop the raw sobs that rippled through her entire body.
"Don't do that shit!" Merle snapped, only motivated by his anger now. "Go find some other place to cry so I can try and think this shit through. You know what? You'll be lucky if I don't leave your ass here after all."
"Fuck you Merle! You are such a bastard!" Danni murmured and rested her head on her drawn up knees.
At that moment, a Walker stumbled upon them from the bushes. Merle stood up and stepped back. He remained stock still, his eyes moving between Danni and the intruder. She made no attempt to stop it from cornering her. Merle waited. Just as it grabbed her arm, she let out a frustrated, pained howl and adrenaline finally pulsed through her nervous system. She leaped to her feet and stabbed its neck pushing it to the ground. She fell to her knees stabbing the skull repeatedly, letting out her pained rage. She finally stood and stepped back, out of breath.
"What the fuck Merle? Why don't you help me?"
"If you wanted to be dead right now sugar, you would be."
... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
The small, updated farm-house was in an eery state of disuse. Danni stepped onto the wraparound porch and noticed the rocking chairs and wind chimes. Overhead, hanging baskets containing dead plants swayed in the breeze. Kids toys littered the yard. A bicycle lay overturned in the gravel driveway as if its owner just ran in the house for a minute and was coming right back. Signs of the mundane disrupted by the Walker horror always made Danni's gut churn painfully. Seeing dead bodies and true destruction was easier now than seeing someone's everyday life on hold. Stalled out forever.
She followed Merle around to the back door, and they entered the kitchen. It looked as if the family that lived here hadn't finished their morning routine. Dishes and boxes of cereal sat atop the large table. Backpacks were slung over the chairs as if the kids are just rushing breakfast before heading off to school. Daily life abandoned in an instant. She ignored Merle's request to help clear the house. While he did his sweep, she sat and gazed at the refrigerator. Kids drawings and a test or two with A+ were proudly displayed along with some magnetized family photos. She felt that pang of loss for her childhood. Imagine growing up like this? She looked around the homey kitchen feeling empty. All she wanted was to raise her own children the best way she could, with Daryl. To show them love and support. To display their drawing or writing in her own kitchen someday. She felt defeated as if that dream had been destroyed. How many times can the rug be pulled out from under me? She wondered.
Merle strode into the kitchen and began opening cabinets. "Well, look we got here..peanut butter and jelly, some other canned shit. You are Miss Peanut Butter if I remember right." He chuckled trying to lighten the mood.
Danni felt a pang remembering Daryl's gift. She made herself busy rummaging in drawers for anything useful. She found candles. Good thing, for the sun was setting.
"Running water…for now." Merle observed turning on the kitchen sink's tap. "This place will do for the night." Merle shifted uncomfortably. "You ever gonna talk to me again? Shit, I never thought I'd ever say this but dang I miss that motormouth of yours."
When she didn't answer, Merle sighed. "I killed him. I killed the Governor for what he done Danni."
"He's-" she began.
"Yeah I gutted the piece of shit and looked him in the eye when I did. I said it was for the Dixons. You don't mess with the Dixons and get away with it. I know it don't change what happened. " He looked at her stomach. "But he paid Danni; he paid with his life."
She remembered what Philip had said about not fearing Merle.
"Good. I …I have to get cleaned up." She slowly turned away and said "You called me Danni."
He nodded and she headed upstairs.
She couldn't cry anymore and after the events of this day, she couldn't bear the pain anymore. She needed out. She simply couldn't be here in this world without Daryl and her children. How much pain can one person take before breaking completely? Danni didn't know the answer, but she realized if she were here any longer she would find out. She walked to the bathroom and started running the water in the claw foot tub. She opened the medicine cabinet and found prescription sleeping pills and a razor blade. She peeled off her clothing and lowered herself into the lukewarm bath water, goose bumps running over her body. She placed the pills and razor on the edge of the tub and began to scrub the dirt, blood and grime from her defeated, abused body. Then she stopped.
She opened the jar of sleeping pills that she had retrieved from the medicine cabinet and swallowed the contents of the bottle. After Danni had thrown it to one side, she reached for the blade that she had also gotten from the cabinet. She left the tap open, and as she drove the blade into her wrist she felt the emotion drain from her with her blood. The tears in her eyes blurred her vision as she repeated the act on her other arm. Blood ran and mixed with the red water she was laying in. The world turned black as Danni's body went limp.
Water started running down the stairs. Merle ran to the second floor, found the door locked and heard water running. With one swift kick, he broke down the door and ran into the bathroom. The white floor was covered in red water. Merle looked over to the bath, there Danni lay, her body limp and submerged in water. He closed the taps and pulled her lifeless body from the water. Danni had turned a pale, deathly white with a hint of blue surrounding her lips. Merle opened her eyelids, and they revealed almost lifeless pupils.
She opened her eyes and was disgusted with herself for thinking that way. Fuck that. I won't give up. Too fucking easy to give up. Killing herself wasn't going to do one damn bit of good. Hold Fast. She looked at her knuckles. Hold Fast.
"You never give up." She said aloud. Tara told me that.
She pulled it together. She continued washing her body; then she put her clothing in the tub as she got out and scrubbed her filthy, bloody garments. She wrung them out to dry over the shower curtain bar and headed into the closest bedroom looking for something to throw on. It must have been a teenage girl's room. "She had good taste." Danni murmured aloud in sarcastic surprise reacting to seeing her image gazing down at her from the wall above a small desk. A laugh escaped Danni's lips as she realized it was a promo poster for her band. Her face in full makeup startled her. It had been a long time since she'd seen her eyes lined with kohl and lips enhanced by deep red lipstick. It was a part of her. That defiant girl she'd almost forgotten. She'd been through so much since then. "I'm still here." She'd never stayed down. Never. Looking at the nightstand by the twin bed, she saw a cd of her band's last album. She felt that Nan interference at work again. What are the chances I'd be in this house in this room facing my past? She rummaged in the bureau drawers for clothing and surprised, pulled out a Drunken Angel T-shirt. It was the one that had the bands logo on the front and wings screened on the back. She gasped remembering this old design. The wings. She'd never put it together with Daryl until now. Since being with him, she hadn't thought about her past with the band much or at all. She pulled the T-shirt on as well as a pair of worn jeans that just fit.
She lay on the bed for a while, thinking about her kids and what they would have been like as teenagers. What could this world offer them for a life? She recalled the smell of pink, the smell of her babies. She began to talk softly to herself.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you." She said placing her hands on her belly. "So sorry. Daryl I'm sorry." She whispered. "The world is a scary place. Life or death all the time." She tried to have faith that everything happens for a reason, but losing the baby was not going to be easy to accept and at present she had little time to process.
"Don't get distracted by the high stakes. Concentrate on what is in front of you. All I have is now. And that may not feel all that great, but I have this moment." She said the words aloud, wishing she could write them in her journal. Finally, she headed down stairs.
Danni noticed Merle drinking from a bottle of whiskey he'd found. He was stretched out on the couch, so she sat across from him on the floor her back to the fire he'd started in the fireplace. Silence weighed heavily on them until he finally asked "You gonna tell me to stop? Cause you can be 'bout as much fun as a warm bucket of calf slobber."
"Give me some."
He raised an eyebrow. "Whiskey? Yoou don't want-"
"What do you call it, a little vacation? That's what I need now."
He got up and poured some into a mug and handed it to her.
"Doesn't matter now, nothing matters." She referred as much to the miscarriage as anything else. "No breastfeeding, no baby in me why the fuck not get drunk." She knocked back a swallow with hardly a grimace.
"Go easy girl you got an empty stomach."
She followed the first with a second to combat the wave of nausea; old habits die hard. She still had it. "Good, it'll work faster."
"Never seen you like this queenie."
"Yeah there's a lot of me you haven't seen."
"We might have had some fun back in the real world."
"I could keep up I'll tell you that. Hey, I got an idea. First I say something I've never done, and if you have done it, you drink, and if you haven't, I drink. Then we switch."
"I never needed any game to get lit before." Merle snorted.
"Yeah, it's kind of stupid, but me and the guys in my band we used play it on long drives in the van on tour."
"Whatever, we got nothing but time and a whole bottle of whiskey to kill."
"Okay, I'll start. I've never built a motorcycle from parts."
"Hell, I done that a couple times."
"So, okay, you drink."
Merle did. "Ain't much of a game."
"That was a warm-up. Now you go." She instructed.
"I don't know, I ah, never been to Disneyland."
"Me neither."
"Um…I've never been to college.'
"Me neither."
"I get another drink! I like this game." Merle chuckled. "I think I'm winning."
"This is boring you're doing all the drinking. I got a better idea; how about we make it I did instead? When one of us says something, we've both done, the other drinks."
"I been in jail." Merle challenged.
"Okay, good one. Me too, so down the hatch without a scratch " Danni took a large gulp.
Merle raised his eyebrow
"Drunk tank. Home away from home for me back in the day."
He chuckled.
"I've been drunk and did things I regretted." She stated.
Merle took an extra large swig, nodding vigorously. He took his turn. "I hurt Daryl."
Danni drank then countered his statement. "I love Daryl."
Merle hesitated, looked hard at her and drank. The mood turned dark. "I gotta take a piss." Merle stood suddenly, interrupting the silence.
"It's okay you know, to admit it. You love your brother so what? " She slurred a bit as she called after him.
"Fuck your games!" Merle growled stumbling through the back door.
She nodded "Fuck all games."
Danni felt dizzy and then despair took over. The alcohol was making her depressed. She curled up on the couch and wondered what the hell she was doing. What was she trying to prove? The sense that she'd lost everything took advantage of her weakened intoxicated state and threatened to overcome her again. She closed her eyes and willed sleep to come she needed to sleep it off. It was stupid to drink. She awoke some time later to Brigid's voice.
"Tsk Tsk...girl. I never thought I'd see the day."
"Nan? Are you here?" Danni sat up. Her head was clearer after sleeping.
"Always."
"Then help me! Fix this. Make it all right. I lost everything...its all gone-"
"Danni, have I told you the story of the caterpillar?"
Danni took a deep breath knowing she would hear the story now whether she had before or not.
"Before the caterpillar becomes the butterfly it reverts to nothing but ooze, then reforms. Soon the cocoon is going to split, and the butterfly will come out. Now when the cocoon splits and the butterfly tries to emerge and is beating its wings to get out of its shell it is tempting to want to open it for the creäture but it is important not to help the butterfly by breaking the cocoon apart. It must do it on its own. You see, when the butterfly comes out of the cocoon, the only way it can strengthen its wings is by beating them against the shell so it's muscles will grow strong. If you help it, you prevent it from developing the muscles it would need to survive."
"But Nan, I-
"Danni everything you have been through in your life so far has given you strong wings. And you've done it on your own developing the strength you need right now. I couldn't risk you not developing strength. Do you understand? Now you can fly. Don't underestimate yourself."
Nan's final words hit home.
Danni wandered out to the front porch and looking up into the cool, illuminated night sky felt positive for the first time since her nightmare had begun. Her shift in mood could have been due to her talk with Nan or the bath and rest but ultimately she knew it was Madame moon's protective presence. Always look at the moon. At that moment, she knew in her gut Daryl was studying the same moon, feeling the same hope. He is out there.
Merle rounded the corner of the house surprised to see Danni outside.
"I'm not giving up." She stated with steady determination. "Daryl is alive. My kids are alive. They're out there, and we are going to find them."
"Now that's the queenie I know." Merle couldn't hide the relief in his tone. "Welcome back kid." He winked, and she nodded with purpose her eyes flashing life once again.
"Merle, when you find people that make you feel safe and loved, feel like you belong, you don't walk away from them. You fight for them."
Merle leaned on the railing.
"The world is a scary place" Danni went on. "Constant destruction and death. A person sees enough of that, and maybe they decide they don't want that much responsibility anymore. You know, a person might think walking away or checking out is the only way."
Merle raised his eyebrow.
"Okay, not a person," she admitted. "Me."
"Uh huh."
"I almost gave up. I mean life or death all the time, it was too much. But as a wise woman recently told me, you can't walk away from your truth. So I'm back."
"So's that motormouth of yours. Am I gonna get any peace with you around?"
"Probably not. "
"Ah, tongue enough-" Merle began
"For ten rows of teeth." Danni finished. "Merle thanks. Thanks for not giving up on me."
"Anyone can fly sugar. It's the landing that will get you every time."
... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .
Daryl hadn't said a single word to Beth since they'd come across Danni's blood soaked bandana. They'd walked in uncomfortable silence until the sun lowered enough that Daryl announced. "Making camp."
Beth followed him to a small clearing. Daryl immediately began to gather wood for a fire. He wanted to get it going before dark fell completely.
He stared into the dancing flames, going over everything that had happened. Everything he'd let happen. Maybe if he'd listened to Merle...
"You look tired, you should get some sleep." Beth suggested.
"Don't sleep." He muttered, pulling his knees up and leaning his forearms on them and staring into the fire avoiding Beth's gaze. "Somebody's gotta keep watch."
"I'll do it."
Daryl snorted.
"What you don't think I can?"
He didn't say anything but a grunt escaped him.
"Fine." Beth looked away. She wondered how in the world Danni could handle Daryl when he was like this. He was infuriating.
"But I never expected this of you, of all people, Daryl."
"What?"
"To give up and just fold like this so easily."
"You don't low nothing about me."
"I know you didn't give up on your babies, you didn't give up on getting me out back there at the prison. So why are you giving up on Danni?"
"Shut up!" Daryl couldn't hide his anger at how close to home Beth's words cut him.
"No! You are acting like an ass! And you aren't giving Danni any credit. She's tough, and she's strong and you should believe in her! She could still be alive, still be out there. If anyone could make it its Danni and you know it."
Daryl looked in Beth's eyes seeing the same kind of hope Danni had in her own. Danni was strong, he knew she never gave up. Beth was right he shouldn't give up on her either.
"So stop...stop feeling sorry for yourself!"
His voice softened. "Okay."
"Yeah?"
"You get some sleep Beth. We got a lot of ground to cover in the mornin'."
He closed his eyes. He hadn't meant to, but soon there sat a vision that stopped Daryl's heart. Her black silken hair was glistening, falling over her shoulders, her eyes nearly closed as if in a daze. He knew instantly it was from her joy and pride as the tiny infant in her arms suckled contentedly.
A nervous glance at her face told him he had been caught staring, but her smile was anything but accusing. "He's ours...come here meet your son."
"You okay? He okay?"
"Now he is." Danni's voice was pained and then the baby was suddenly gone from her arms.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I tried Danni. I failed you and me..."
"No. Let yourself off the hook baby. Be smart. It's not your fault what happened. Promise me you'll stop blaming yourself."
He nodded. She put her hands in his so he could read the script on her knuckles. Hold Fast.
"At some point we all fall. And when what we love is taken from us, we will be tested. It's time to look inside ourselves. Daryl, what are you gonna do?"
"We're fixing to find out and we little brother?" Merle's voice roused him with a jolt.
He awoke out of breath, the blood hammering in his groin with a ferocity he hadn't expected. Taking several deep breaths while trying to cling to the dream, he glanced up to see the moon bright above him. He knew why he was so struck by his dream. Danni was telling him not to give up.
They were both looking at the same moon. They were both out here; he felt it. "I'll fight for you, Danni. No way in hell, I'm giving up." He said to the moon. "You got to stay who you are, not who you were."
... ... .. .. .. .. .. ..
"What are you doing, wanna play some poker?" Merle asked Danni as she shuffled the pack of playing cards she'd found in one of the kitchen drawers earlier. They sat on the couch staring into the fire, neither able to sleep due to the aftereffects of the alcohol and stress of the day.
"Not exactly."
She'd lost her tarot cards back at the prison, but playing cards worked as just as well in a pinch. In fact, her Nan had originally taught her tarot on a simple deck of playing cards when she was seven years old. Wands were diamonds; cups were represented by hearts, swords by clubs and pentacles by spades. She held out the deck to Merle. "Shuffle them."
He sighed. "What for?"
"Now pick one and lay it face up on the table."
He did as she asked, slapping the card on the coffee table in front of them.
"Six of clubs. " She thought for a moment. "This is a partnership card. Success based on mutual goals and friendship. Working together with someone, you get what you are going for. You reach your goal."
Danni then shuffled and picked her card. "Two of Spades. A complete and forced change. The sudden change of location, relationship or even death. But it's bound to make a big difference in the coming months and will lead to renewal and fortunate times. "
After a moment, Danni smiled brightly at Merle. "Looks like you and me are gonna go on a little road trip to get our fucking family back. And we will get them back. "
He looked at her like she was crazy but didn't say anything except, "Time for some shut eye, sun's gonna be up 'fore we know it. Good to get an early start."
"Merle how come you didn't give up on me and leave me back there?"
"I made a promise to Daryl I'd find you and get you back to him safe and sound."
"You're a good brother," Danni commented quietly.
"And," He hesitated. "You never gave up on me."
Danni cleared her throat. "Yeah well, for Daryl's sake, you know-
"I know what them others thought of me back at the prison. I was the devil."
"Well, I did my time in hell too Merle. Everybody deserves a second chance. "
"Queenie you are something else you know that?"
"So are you Merle."
... .. .. .. .. .. .. .
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good." Sophia giggled quoting from Harry Potter.
Kieran turned his eyes from the road to smile fondly at her. She was an incredible, brave kid. A lot like Danni, he realized as they drove. He was doing his best to keep her from worrying about her mother.
"Tell me lass have you ever heard the story of the greatest warrior in Ireland's history? The Great Cuchulain? "
"Yes, Danni told me the story. She told me lots of stories. Do you know as many as she does?"
"I should hope so." He chuckled.
"Could you tell me the one of Fionn and Sadbhb? It's my favorite."
"Oh is it now? I knew another little girl who preferred that one to my Cuchulain." He shook his head with a sly grin.
"Danni?"
"Yes love, my Danni."
"Will you tell it Sirius? Please."
"Aye, if you ask that earnestly." Kieran said then cleared his throat with extra effect. His voice took on a dramatic, oratory tone as he began, "So, not long after the twin wolfhounds, Sceolan and Bran came to live with Fionn, they went out hunting with their master and the Fianna."
"They came across a young deer and chased it but, the deer was too fast and outran most of the men." Sophia couldn't help but add.
"You are right. And then When Fionn drew close to the dogs, he saw that the deer had stopped and was resting quietly. The dogs were laying beside her, resting their heads on her soft hide. Fionn looked on with amazement for Bran and Sceolan were the best hunters ever seen, but now they protected the deer..."
As the car sped to its destination, Ryder and Scout slept soundly in their car seats, the cat Fionn nestled between them. The moon shone down on the car into the back windows guiding them in the night.