'Maybe the prince, the dream. Everything I've ever wanted, really doesn't exist. Maybe I really was making it all up in my head. Maybe, just maybe- Phil was right, and life is just life. You grow old, you die and that's about it. Some people are given better deals than other. Some people are meant to be used to help someone else and maybe that's what I'm supposed to do. It's completely unfair, but it's reality. And sure reality is a lot harder to deal with than a fairytale, but it's real and it means something. People get given the worse deals and still live on with their lives. How can they do it? Surely if it's so bad they couldn't. What's worth living for if it's all for nothing?

I'm starting to learn that Phil is one of these people who have it bad. He's had it awful, so much worse than me. He was forced to marry at sixteen by his father after his mother left. How did he deal with it? It seems crazy to think such a sweet man could have gone through all of that. His husband and his father passed away in the same year. That's crazy to think of. How could you even live through that?

How did Phil survive losing his husband?'

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"Hey Peej…do you know anything about Phil's husband? like how he died?"

"Not really" he flashed a small smile at Dan before continuing "If I did know, I don't think it would be my place to say anyway. Why don't you just ask him?"

Dan sighed, uncrossing his legs from his position on the couch and slouching down slightly "I could never just ask him"

"Why not?"

"How could I ask him that? It's not like it's a casual question"

PJ shifted in his seat slightly. A definite habit he'd picked up that he did when he was uncomfortable. "It's been two years Dan. Although it's a really horrible thing to happen and sure he's still got to be hurting, I'm sure he can talk about it" PJ caught Dan's eyes as he sat up a little more in his seat across from Dan "I mean, if he wasn't over it then why would you be here?"

"What?"

"He's married to you Dan. I know you don't like that but at least that means he's moved on enough to at least try be with you"

Dan averted his eyes to the ground as his face flushed slightly. Phil wanted to be with him. His brain still didn't seem to understand that properly. "It's weird though…I mean, you'd think there would be pictures of him up in here. When someone dies you keep pictures up because you want to remember them"

A look of pure sympathy crossed PJ's face as he looked at his friend "Maybe he doesn't want to remember. It's a horrible, painful process. I mean, you know how hard it is-"

"PJ…" Dan murmured an edge to his voice that almost made him sound a little bit threatening.

"I know how much you miss her and-"

"This isn't about my pain PJ. Sure I've had a pretty shitty life but Phil's has been so so much worse." he sighed again, running a hand though his hair "But maybe you're right. Maybe that just is his way of coping with it"

There was a small silence for a moment before PJ broke it "…Maybe he took the pictures down for your sake"

Dan's head snapped up as he gave a look that was almost a glare. It's not that he didn't like Phil. He just didn't like the idea that he was his husband yet. So to think that Phil would take down pictures for his benefit made him sort of angry. Angry at himself more than anyone else because he'd interrupted Phil's grieving process. Phil was lovely and Dan hated that he'd come into Phil's life when Phil shouldn't need him.

"That does make any sense to me Peej" he said, his anger boiling down slightly "It's not like we're in love or anything. Why would I be hurt by seeing his past husband?"

"But Dan- I think Phil Is looking for the real thing with you here. Can't you see, he didn't just agree to marry you to help your family, he really likes you. I know you can't see it, but believe me. The way he looks at you, you can just tell"

"No he doesn't" Dan didn't mean anything he was saying now. It was just spilling out and he couldn't stop it "I don't want him to like me. I don't want him try to pursue this stupid thing we have going on. If he thinks I'll ever fall in love with someone like him, then he's wrong. I want nothing to do with him at all!"

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"Hey, Phil. Dinner's ready"

Only silence filled the room as he stayed in his seat. Phil was just sitting there staring straight out of the window. It was almost as if he didn't realise Dan was standing there in the doorway looking in at him.

"Are you coming down for it?" Dan asked, a little louder than before in some sort of attempt to gain Phil's attention. There was another silence before he heard Phil answering him in a small, quiet voice.

"I'm not hungry"

That's when it clicked in Dan's head what was going on.

"Oh…okay. Yours will be in the fridge if you want it later, okay?"

There wasn't even a reply of words that time, just a sort of sound of slight recognition. Dan quickly left the room and made his way downstairs, a feeling that he didn't quite understand making his stomach twinge as slight worry rose is his chest.

"He's not coming" He announced as he walked into the kitchen. PJ look confused, obviously urging Dan to explain further what was going on.

"He's not?" PJ asked eventually, looking even more confused now as Dan quickly set about to the job of placing Phil's plate into the fridge.

"I got this weird vibe from him. Like, that he didn't want to be around me."

"What do you mean. Why would he not want to be around you?"

"I…I think he might of heard what I said earlier…"

"Oh…You feel guilty then?"

Dan slumped down at the table, looking at the pasta in front of him before pushing the plat away slightly. "No, I mean yes. I mean…I don't know"

"Well, did you mean what you said to him?"

"I don't know if I meant it. I mean, I didn't expect him to hear me. I…I don't know"

"Oh…well" he paused, looking at Dan with a look Dan had never seen his friend use before "If you really feel that bad about it, you have to talk to him. He understands you're a reckless teenager and you didn't mean what you said"

"I should but I…"

"You're hurting now, because you hurt him. Isn't that enough Dan? I just wanna see you happy and him being unhappy is making you unhappy."

"I'm not unhappy-"

"Yes you are. You can't lie to me, I've known you for so long I know just from the way you sit slouched over like that, that you're not happy." He smiled, catching Dan's eye before continuing "Talk to him. It'll make everything okay again. I promise"

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It had only been about a week since Phil had completely stopped recognising Dan's presence. Of course Dan thought maybe it was a gift in disguise, but was finding it was only making him more and more unhappy. He wasn't ready to admit it to himself but maybe Phil really did have an actual impact on his life now. He just felt hurt and lonely now. He never thought having someone he was forced to like ignore him could ever make him feel this way. Just the fact that they didn't even exchange smiles when thy passed each other in the house made Dan's heart a sink a little. He knew he needed to take PJ's advice and talk to Phil, yet he didn't want to. He wanted to change this whole situation but that in itself meant admitting to himself that he'd done something wrong and that he really did need Phil.

Phil interrupted his thoughts by walking into the kitchen and making his way over to the fridge. Dan wanted to speak up and say what he was feeling, but honestly he was scared. As much as he started their arguments he hated the actual arguing part. He didn't want to completely ruin this thing that they had but also was too afraid to fix it.

After just watching Phil snack from various foods from the fridge Dan finally managed to speak up, only loud enough so Phil could just hear him. "You, um. You missed dinner again tonight"

"I wasn't hungry"

There it was again. That snappy comeback that Phil has used every time Dan had tried to approach the problem. "Not hungry enough to be eating just now?"

"I wasn't hungry then. I am now" he said in that same monotone voice, making sure to completely ignore Dan's presence as usual. He closed the fridge door, keeping his eyes fixed on the door way of the kitchen as he moved.

Dan knew then that he had to do something now or- he didn't really know what would happen. "What is your problem?"

Phil stopped in his tracks, trying to look at Dan for the first time since this has started. He all but glared at Dan as he spoke. "Do you really have the right to ask me that?" the usual cheerful tone was completely gone. Dan knew then that this was a lot more serious than any of their petty arguments so far.

"You heard what I said the other day, didn't you?"

"Yes I heard what you said" his anger seemed to fade away slightly as he properly turned to look at Dan now. His face portrayed more of a sad look than anything else. "I thought things had changed between us Dan. After the train station I thought that maybe things would be okay. I…I thought you were actually going to give me a chance"

"I want to try give you a chance, but I can't" he sighed, looking at the ground "Everything is fucked up and I don't know how to fix it. I'm just some stupid kid who could never sort this"

The silence that followed made them both incredibly uncomfortable. Dan was close to tears and was just trying to tell himself not to cry. He was weak and stupid enough already without letting himself cry once again.

"You could try" came Phil's quiet response eventually. "You could try your hardest like I am, and maybe eventually it'll be okay again. I know you're hurting, but so am I. Don't you see Dan. We need each other to survive. Relationships take time, they need care and tending or they'll never grow"

"But…I can't" Dan whimpered, the tears now rolling down his cheeks "I'm just some stupid kid who doesn't know what he wants anymore. I…I just don't want to hurt anymore…I don't want to hurt you"

"Dan…You don't need to hurt anymore. You don't need to hurt me either. I'm here for you, and maybe you don't like that but it's the truth. I'm trying my hardest to make this work here…is it really too much to ask that you try too?"

"But I can't. I can't do anything because-" Dan didn't even get to finish his sentence before Phil wrapped his arms around him tightly.

"I understand how much you're giving up for this, but please just try. If not for me, then for yourself. We could make this work Dan, you know we could. So please…Please just try"

Dan couldn't stop the tears then. He felt stupid for crying and shaking just because of something that wasn't even an argument. He felt so incredibly stupid for crying just because Phil had actually said something nice to him. He felt stupid and weak and like everything was going wrong. Yet there was this small feeling inside of him that seemed to be blossoming by the minute and wiping away those negative feelings.

Hope was making Dan feel as if he could do this. That he could in fact sort this.