The Dixons had walked most of the next day and as the afternoon wore out the sky was starting to fill with purples and reds. They neared a house visible from the top of the ridge above a creek that wound along the back of the property. Both men brought up their weapons and scanned the area.
"Well, this sure looks familiar If I didn't know any better I swear we lived here." Merle said taking in the rundown house.
"But look did you have those?" Danni pointed to the blue bottles hanging from the branches of the few trees in the trash-strewn front yard.
"Matter of fact yeah we did."
"Your mom. She knew about these."
"What about em?"
"Witch bottles."
"She knew that there could be a spell put in trees, and she was familiar from the time she was born with the way bottle trees kept evil spirits from coming into the house — by luring them inside the colored bottles, where they cannot get out again." The line from "Livvie" by Eudora Welty came to her mind.
Danni knew from Nan's lessons that while in Appalachia and American South, especially in rural areas you may get a glimpse of the phenomenon known as the bottle tree. The spirits would become mesmerized by the play of the sunlight through the colors of the glass and become trapped inside the bottles. The bottles were periodically corked and thrown into the river to wash away the unwanted spirits. In some areas, the bottles are hung from the tree with twine the way they were here, but in most places, they are actually stuck right on the ends of branches.
"Evil spirits are attracted to the light in the bottles so they enter and get trapped. Then they can't get into the house."
"A fucking lot of good it did her then. The old man was an evil motherfucker if I ever know one and he never left the damn house. I thought she was just decorating the place to drive him crazy." Merle muttered.
Daryl nodded but when Danni talked like that he felt a surge of pride. He knew when they finally got settled she was going to be able to put everything she knew to use. The sagging porch creaked as they ascended. Merle kicked open the front door and knocked on the frame. Daryl whistled and entered, his bow was poised and ready. The place only had three rooms so they cleared it quickly. Danni scanned the run down interior; it looked a lot like being poor and small. It pulled on some of her own memories.
"Who'd go into a store and walk out with this?" Danni picked up a hideous pink planter shaped like a bra, too distasteful to be kitschy.
"My dad, that's who." Daryl offered with a wry smile.
Merle chuckled bitterly "Oh, he was a dumbass. He'd set those up on top of the TV set, use them as target practice."
"He shot things inside your house, huh?
"It was just a bunch of junk anyway." Daryl answered. "You got your Dumpster chair. That's for sitting in your drawers all summer drinking. Got your fancy buckets. That's for spitting chaw in after your old lady tells you to stop smoking."
Merle fingered the rabbit ear antenna on the boxy TV and held up a yellowed newspaper. "You got your internet."
"Place is a shit hole." Daryl grumbled obviously less amused than Merle with the memories it stirred up. "That shed out there, our dad had a place just like it."
"And speaking of that shed out back-"
Daryl hissed and spit through his teeth. "Home brew? "
Merle nodded. 'White Lightning. The easiest thing to make with the least amount of supplies. Will's specialty. I'd start slow if I was you. Your stomach's probably emptier than you think."
"Nah I ain't getting lit now Jesus Merle…sides I'm a dick when I drink."
Danni raised an eyebrow.
"All right. Don't get all righteous on me little brother. Queenie 'll join me won't ya darlin. Little celebration in order."
"I-" but before she could answer Merle headed out for a bottle of the moonshine.
"You know I ain't letting you drink that shit right?" Daryl told her.
"Letting me?" She bit her lip, then leaned against him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
He tilted his head. "Turn in?"
"Yeah, in a minute.' She answered.
"No, now."
"Daryl-"
"Fine You better not get wasted."
"I won't."
He shook his head and headed back to the bedroom.
"Four times." Danni said as Merle sat down across from her at the battered nineteen fifties Formica kitchen table.
"What?" Merle said pouring her a mason jar full of the moonshine.
She pushed it aside. "You saved my life four times."
Who's keeping count. " He took a drink and winced.
"I am."
"Why?"
Because….its …you're a good man Merle. A good brother."
"Ahh..." He waved his hand at her. "Just returning the favor is all."
"What?"
"I said I'm returning the favor." You saved my fucking life queenie "And it ain't all me. Daryl heard my hunting call. You wear your calls like your own blood."
Danni nodded.
"So do us all a favor and go in there and fuck my brother. He's acting like his dog just got shot. That's what you two need to be doing right now. It's all you need to be thinking about. So go. I need to get good and drunk." Good man? Good brother? Harder to swallow than the first shot of moonshine.
... ... ... .. .. .. ..
Daryl lay back on the bed, squeezed his eyes closed and rubbed his temples. This house was fucking with his head. The place was too much like where he'd grown up causing him to fall more easily into self-doubt. Childhood was where being good soon turned into being good for nothing. This was the house where he learned not to want. He'd never get what he wanted that was beaten into him so he stopped wanting anything. Until Danni. And now he was being shown he didn't deserve her. One more desire cruelly crushed like a June bug on the windowsill.
When Danni slipped through the door, he watched her move to the window and gaze out at the moon. He remembered how until her he'd never feel right when was with a pretty girl. How he couldn't help but feel, she could do better and that made him feel like shit. She'd changed that for him, but now the idea that he didn't do enough to protect her gnawed and released old feelings. Damn house. He noticed her moving, but not to go somewhere..moving just to move. She walked seductively without even trying and he could see the perfect way in which the material of her thin t-shirt clung her body as she removed her hoodie.
It was surprising how even with the acts that they had done together already Danni still got butterflies in her stomach as she caught Daryl stealing glances at her body. The dim light from the candle cast a faint glow over her, making her look angelic. The more he kept looking at her, the more she fidgeted. She smiled softly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked quietly. The smile was gone. "You didn't seem surprised and then you said you knew …that the baby wasn't meant to be. What did you mean? How did you know? You wanted it so badly."
He was silent and held his lips tight. Danni tried to figure out what he was thinking. His expression looked pained as he glanced at the floor trying to hide it. It nearly worked but he wasn't quick enough. She realized that he was hurting more than she'd thought.
"Brigid. She told me. That night with the rainstorm. She read my damn palm."
"And you didn't tell me?"
"I didn't want to worry you and I didn't want to believe it. Like maybe if I didn't talk about it, it wouldn't happen." He grunted with disdain for himself. Despite her own pain of the loss like a stone in her gut, she wanted to comfort him.
Danni nodded and waited for him to go on. Instead, he pulled out his knife and began cleaning beneath his fingernails. After several minutes, she called him out. "Uh uh."
"What?"
"Cut that shit. You don't get to do this anymore."
He scowled and ignored her words.
Danni leaned against the broken window frame. "Can I tell you something?"
"Can I stop you?" He muttered.
"You know what? Fuck you."
Her words felt like a punch in his gut. "Sorry." He said quickly. "Tell me, g'wan."
She took a deep breath. "Something Stephen said to me a long time ago but I never forgot. He'd had it with me... again...I don't even remember what it was that time." Her voice became wistful but took on a scolding tone. "It's like a pattern with you Danni. Always leaving. Always running, never staying cause then you'd want it. Need it and you might get hurt." She paused and twirled a strand of hair around her forefinger noticing Daryl chewing his dirty cuticle. "And he was right. It's terrifying to want something when you've been told your whole life you don't deserve anything. But if you never stay in the end you lose everybody." She let the hair unravel. "You're the first person I haven't run from Daryl. I let myself want you even if it could hurt. You were worth the risk."
Daryl shook his head and stared hard at the gleaming blade.
"Shutting me out is like running away Daryl. That's how you leave me alone. After all this? You're just gonna go away? Wasn't I worth the risk?"
"You know you're still perfect to me right?" He tightened his jaw and took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter that we can't-"
"Did she say ever? No more kids ever?"
"Danni," he said but didn't know what to say after that. "Danni." He just needed to say her name. The name itself was nothing to him until he met her. Now it had all manner of associations; comfort, family, home.
"I'm here. What's wrong Daryl?"
"I couldn't protect you. The baby. I should have been there. You shouldn't have been alone with that... with any of it. I took better fucking care of Beth!" He shouted and threw the knife into the door frame.
Danni didn't flinch at his outburst. "What? Is that what this is about? Cause I won't let you think that or believe that. "
"Danni I didn't meant for this to happen. I didn't want you to go through that alone." He voice was stilted and the firestorm of pain in his eyes spoke more than words ever would. He needed her. He needed her to heal him and clear his mind. "I couldn't stop him. Maybe if I kept looking, listened to Merle...the Governor rolled right in and took you and destroyed it all...I didn't do nothing."
"That's not true. You did everything you could. Daryl you saved our kids. You got the babies out of there; you stuck to our plan."
"Shit. Come here." He patted the mattress beside him needing her close. When she was near enough, he caught her hand and pulled her towards the bed. She moved to his lap and pulled his face to hers. "Remember what I said. You don't get to do this guilt thing."
She thought of Merle's instruction go fuck my brother and sly smile crept across her face.
"What? Why you smiling?"
She landed against his chest, her mouth inches away from his. He held her close and rested his chin on top of her head. She'd gotten him to talk. She knew he needed it.
"You found me. Get that straight," she whispered huskily. "Number one you didn't lose me and two, you found me."'
When she tried to kiss him, he pulled back. "I know what you're doing."
"Good. Then shut up and let me."
He shook his head and fought a smile. Eventually, she brought her face up to his. Their eyes locked and he felt amazed by her; still enthralled no matter how many times he looked at her this way. She smiled back into his eyes. He ran his hand over her cheek, to her chin, and pulled her up to his lips. They shared a long, slow kiss. Her tongue gently prodded into his mouth, his own reciprocated, playing with hers. He exhaled contentedly.
"Stop thinking about what could have happened. We are here and we are closer to the kids than ever. That is what matters. That's all that matters."
They started another magic kiss which soothed Daryl's beaten body. She was gentle with his face, still freshly bruised and cut. Danni's touch seemed to draw the pain away from his sore ribs. He could feel that his crotch was operational at least providing nothing but painless, good feelings. She ran her hand through his hair as he intensified the kiss. His lips traveled a path across her jaw. His hands cupped her breasts through and then beneath the thin material of her t-shirt. The slower his kiss, the faster her heart beat. His thumb found her nipple and flicked it, making her shiver. He tugged the neckline down and peppered a line of kisses across her milky white shoulders. But before he could go further she rolled him onto his back and cupped his face. Running her fingers over his stubble, she dropped a kiss on his lips and then slightly bit the skin of his jaw, leaving her mark. Undoing the buttons of his shirt, one at a time, she kissed each bit of his solid, battle bruised and scarred chest. By the time his shirt was unbuttoned, there wasn't a single place on his torso, where she hadn't kissed. He raised his arms as she pulled his shirt away from his body. Wetting a finger, she circled his nipple with it. He groaned as she bent and took the other into her mouth. Sucking, biting and nipping, she played with it, making him clutch the sheets.
'Fuck… Danni… please..." he groaned as her hands reached his pants. She ran a finger above the waistband and with an innocent smile, she lowered the zipper and snaked her hand inside. Daryl moaned as she gave him a couple of firm strokes, making him swell and grow. Releasing him from her hold, she reached the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head and removed her bra. Her breasts swayed and he raised his hands to cup them. But Danni slapped his hands away and moved them towards the headboard.
'Don't move your hands," she ordered sharply and went back to work on his pants.
'Aww shit…' he said with a smile as she tugged down his filthy cargos.
As soon as his they came off, she bent and whispered in his ear, 'Fuck me."
It was all Daryl needed to hear as he flipped her onto her back. He parted her legs, giving him easier access. 'I'll fuck you all night. " He whispered turning the tables as he pressed his lips to hers.
"It's working huh?" She wrapped her arms around his neck, trapping him against her. "What I'm doing?" Her body squirmed, restless, hot, aching and needing. She wanted what only he could give her. She felt flushed, sexy and alive. Like she was the only woman in the world. The only woman he would ever want. It was a heady feeling. She was lost in the electric sensations of his mouth on her breasts and she laced a hand in his hair slowly pulled upward until he was forced to release her nipple from between his lips. When his eyes found her face, he was confronted with the image of pure beauty. Sweat was dripping from her brow, hair was lying tousled around her face, and her eyes were slightly hazy and distant.
"What are you waiting for?" She whispered.
"Always in a rush, huh girl? Think you're gonna lose me? You ain't never gonna lose me."
"Do you want me?" she panted. "Tell me you want me." Strands of dark hair fell in front of her eyes, but she didn't bother tossing them out of the way. Her nipples were hard and her skin was covered in goose-flesh. The pained look on her face said it all; she needed to be filled. He pressed the entire weight of his solid body against hers, although it seemed that she hardly even noticed. She felt his hardness between her thighs. Her hands suddenly roamed the small of his back.
"Fuck me," she begged softly. "Please, please, please fuck me."
He put his hand between her legs and fingered her slit. "You don't want me to...this...first?" he asked seriously, "it's been a while..."
She shook her head wildly. "No," she breathed. "Fuck me. Please. I need..."
He leaned down and kissed her lightly. It wasn't a kiss of lust or need, but one that spoke a thousand things his voice couldn't. That one kiss conveyed how he felt about her, that he thought she was undeniably and irrefutably sexy and he'd always do what she needed. As he moved over her, caging her with his body and nudging her legs apart with his thigh, she arched into him once again. She gripped his shoulders, her nails digging into the thick muscles as he slowly entered her. He fastened is eyes to hers, locking them together as he moved into her, making them one. "Look at me." He rasped his usual order.
Tears glistened on her eyelashes and she tried to blink them away. He kissed them instead as he came to a stop within her. He felt like home, always like home.
"This feel like I'm pushing you away?" He grunted softly "Look like I'm running?"
She shook her head and locked her legs around his hips, seeking to seat him further inside her. He moaned a delicious, desperate sound. A man valiantly trying to maintain control over his raging need. The time between her panting breaths became shorter and her gyrating hips banged against his with a brutal force. Tiny shivers sped up his spine as he felt his own control slipping. The sound of their impacting bodies was loud and fleshy, each downward stroke on his behalf causing her to grunt as he slammed as deeply into her as he could go.
All of a sudden her body went taut and her mouth opened in a silent gasp as she trembled against him. She twitched and clenched around him as the sweet ache she desperately sought rushed her bathing him in a torrent of warmth.
"Kiss me while I come," she gasped.
Daryl mashed his lips against hers and shoved his tongue into her mouth. They both moaned as he drove completely into her. She began to move restlessly against him, spurring him to more action. Daryl growled possessively and kissed her savagely, moving forward with deep, soul-wrenching thrusts. But even so, his touch was gentle as his hands roamed over her almost reverently as if afraid she would shatter into a million pieces. And she felt dangerously close to doing just that. Her second release built slowly, then faster, higher and more powerful until she feared she could take no more. Then suddenly as she heard him call out her name, she burst into flames, the explosion within her violent. She clutched desperately at him, wanting to anchor herself to him amidst the storm. His lips, his hands, moved over her like feathers, his soothing words a balm to her heated skin. He caught her against him as he finally found his own release. Then, they lay there, wrapped tightly around each other, neither moving, neither breaking the moment.
Danni closed her eyes, breathing heavily feeling more than spent. They'd done it they'd found each other. He was here, here in her arms, in her heart. I love you. For a moment, she thought she'd spoken the words aloud, but Daryl remained quiet against her, his hand idly stroking her hair.
"I missed you so damn much Danni," He finally spoke. "I don't mean just this….just sex." He still blushed at the word but continued on, his voice catching oddly. "I missed your smile, your talking, your smell, your laugh, your strength and… just missed being with you. I love the way you make me feel when you're around. You know I love you right?' When you were gone, I wanted to say it to you and I couldn't so I promised myself if, I mean when, I found you I'd tell you every fucking day. I love you."
She shivered beside him, her heart pounding wildly. He'd never spoken so openly to her before. She knew he felt those things but to hear him say it...
He kissed her again and she relaxed, giving over to the demand of his lips. "Are you all right? Was I too rough?' he asked concerned at her silence as he cupped her face.
She smiled and kissed him, effectively silencing him. "Of course not. You never have to ask me that. "
"Got something for you." With that he climbed off the bed and walked over to his pack and came back with a box. He settled down on the bed and pulled her so that she sat between his legs.
'What is it?' she asked as he handed her the box, feeling surreal.
'Open it and see for yourself,' he said, brushing her hair to her side and dropping a kiss on her nape.
"Where did you?"
"Beth and me were in a country club place and they had a gift store in it. Beth got some clothes and I was hunting around for shit and found this. Made me think of you."
With shaky hands, Danni opened the box and was mesmerized by the piece of jewelry in her hand. It was a beautiful, exquisitely designed silver necklace, a jasper stone set its center. She turned around and looked at him with sparkling green eyes and a huge smile.
'You found that for me?' she asked.
He nodded. "Turn around," he said and clasped the necklace into place. Dropping a kiss on her shoulder, he murmured huskily, "I wanted to be able to give you something pretty."
She smoothed her fingers over the stone as it rested in the hollow of her throat. "No one ever has before."
They lay back down. Her hand wandered down lazily to bring a blanket over them, crawled under his shoulder over his arm to settle in.
"Sorry, I was a dick before."
"Shhh." She whispered drifting off to sleep feeling truly safe for the first time in weeks.
Praying. Had Daryl ever prayed? Maybe when he was young but if he had it hadn't ever done him any good. For the first time since his mother died he began to pray. "Please let me have something good. Please don't take her away." He whispered several times. After a couple of minutes, a sudden dust of wind came down off the hill to the house and rattled the windows and the bottles hanging on the tree branches knocked together like wind chimes.
Danni lay on her back. Eyes closed, breathing evenly in the crook of his arm. Watching her sleep created an ache in his chest, knowing she was somewhere he couldn't go. He put his hand on her abdomen letting it rise and fall with each breath. He needed to touch her. He took in her long, thick black hair, longer than he remembered. He pictured her eyes; that scary piercing green which made him think of cats because they were almost too bright to be human. Every time he saw her eyes, he was convinced she was looking past the face he presented to the world. She always had. He'd told himself over and over that she couldn't see past it because he did absolutely everything he could to keep that part of himself hidden. But obviously he failed.
He loved her pale skin and full lips that she was slim but had curves in some places. More now after having had the kids. Most people might not look twice at her until she smiled. She was warm and inviting and she made the air around her dull a little bit, just the right amount so that its like she's tethered to the atmosphere around her and she's suddenly something a little more than she was before. Like she's more real, or something. His mind was wandering now. He was tired and wanted to close his eyes and sleep but at the same time he needed her image burned into his brain so he'd have this picture of her as she was in that moment. She looked beautiful. He was terrified of losing this again. What they had. His life was marred with loss. The rug constantly being pulled from under his feet. For once in his sorry ass life he wanted something to last; something that was just for him.
"Danni." He whispered. This woman was his best friend. They made each other better. They just did. He remembered what he'd told her the day he'd fumbled his marriage proposal.
"Think I want you to be something you're not? If you could do every goddamned thing I do then why would I need you? What I don't need is another me."
They'd made a life and he was fighting not to lose it. And he'd never forget what she'd said at the CDC. It seemed like a million years ago, but he knew at that moment she felt the same about losing everything to find each other.
"Suicide is a practical way out, sure. It always has been for anyone at any time even before all this. If that's how you want to play it fine, but it's not my game. Out there, living is a fight but that's a choice too. My choice. Maybe I want to keep fighting. You have no right to make that decision for me or anyone else in this room. A short, brutal life? When has it ever been anything other than that? It's what we make of our short, brutal lives that counts."
And then she'd said the very words he'd been trying to form in his own head.
"You know what's funny, that's what I believed before. I have hope for the first time in my life now.
Danni made him see who he really was not who his past said he was or wanted him to be. She showed him who he was based on what he was doing now; how he saw the world his fears, his hopes and for her it was the same. Not just about finding out who he was but also accepting it. Being with Joe's gang made him realize where he could have ended up. His life could have led him in a different direction if not for her. The idea of losing it all terrified him.
And the memories! God, the memories. So many of them. He hadn't realized someone could do that; someone could hold so many memories of one person. So many of them that just appear in his mind and move on and keep flowing. A stream of recollections hit him again. Fairytales and initials carved in trees. Tarot cards and legends. His mind was dizzy with her voice singing or talking. Talking…. he smiled. The world ending so he could start again. The guilt over the prison falling, over the Governor taking Danni, his baby being lost and the attack by Joe's group all threatened to eat away at him as surely as the dead would if given a chance. He could let it do that or he could focus on the present moment the way he always told Danni to do. There was no way to erase the past, but he could refuse to let it keep hurting them. He imagined the door to a sad, empty room closing with a faint click and that calmed him a little.
"Hey Daryl? Where are you?" Danni asked sleepily reaching for his hand in the dark. "Here I'm here." He let her pull him close. "I couldn't feel you breathing. Need to feel you." He nodded into her neck feeling her smile lazily, contentedly. They lay there the entire night together, just as they had fallen.
... ... .. .. .. . . .
With time Danni had slowly become accustomed to sleeping without his company, so she woke slightly when he stirred beside her. His arms were still wrapped around her like they were when she fell asleep. As she breathed, his familiar scent washed over her, and the warm feeling between her legs reminded her of the last night's events.
"The sun's been up for an hour now and by my estimate we should give it three hours to walk." Daryl said as a good morning. "So by midday-"
"We'll be there?"
Daryl nodded. "If we're where I think we are, yeah."
In a matter of hours, they would be with their children again. If Kieran got them there. Danni chewed her lip and wrapped her arms around her stomach. Daryl knew she was warring inside about what they'd find at the ghost house.
"They'll be there." He said knowing what she needed to hear.
"Our babies. Daryl I want to hold them...smell them. I-"
"You will." His voice was sure. "We're almost there."
.. ... ... .. .. .. ..
Daryl and Merle worked silently, loading their rifles and packing spare ammo. With their weapons over their shoulders, they walked to the front door.
Daryl leaned his ear against the plywood. He strained as hard as he could, but couldn't hear a sound. He raised his chin at Merle, who removed the wooden planks from the front door. Daryl listened again, still nothing, so he nodded and with weapons at the ready Danni opened the door.
At the moment, in this very room, Daryl hovered in limbo. It was his version of purgatory for the living, and when he passed through he had two options. Walk away and descend back down to the depths of hell, or proceed forward and enter the gates of heaven. Daryl was his own gatekeeper, sitting at the entrance to heaven with a key ring twirling around on his index finger, offering him the chance to hold fast to Danni and become an unstoppable unit. There's no sure footing like love.
"One door opens while another one closes," he murmured. It was both literal and metaphorical in his case. The door he was opening led to a better life while the door he was closing severed the ties he had to his previous existence.
The sun was high over the hills to the left of the house and the morning light was starting to reach the road. The wind was gentle enough to make the blue bottles clink but other than that nothing moved except a couple of birds across the sky. Crows. Danni smiled fingering the jasper stone against her neck, understanding they were finally on the last leg of the journey she now knew she was meant to take her whole life.
Danni turned back to the ramshackle house. "Hey, let's burn it down." She said suddenly as if reading Daryl's mind. He figured she had.