Daryl felt the energy flow through him as if he were taking a deep breath and couldn't exhale. When he did finally breathe again, he knew that John's spirit had actually passed through him to reunite with the souls of his children. Danni recognized and blessed the resting place of the babies and opened the portal for John and Lorelei to pass through to finally be with their children. John and Lorelei finally had their family together at peace.
After Danni released the power of the elements and closed the circle, she and Daryl gathered the candles and supplies and walked back to the house. On the porch she murmured "Its really ours now. All ours. If we want it."
... ... ... ... .. ... .. .
Merle agreed to accompany Daryl on the mission to find Rick. No matter how stupid he felt the idea was, he'd never let his little brother do something like that on his own. They spent the day mapping out a route and discussing a plan. Danni listened and helped gather supplies for the trip. Between helping both men pack and taking care of the babies, it was close to midnight when she finally had a chance to sit down and focus on creating the protection bag she wanted to make for Daryl.
Danni hummed, hunched over the pieces of one of Daryl's old flannel shirts she'd cut into squares. She was stitching them together into a pouch. The kitchen was lit by candles, giving the room a warm glow that radiated magic. As soon as he entered the room, Kieran felt vibrations coming off his daughter the way he always had with his mother.
"What have you got there?" Kieran asked.
"It's for Daryl, to take with him. For protection."
"Ah, a mojo bag? Make a stitch…"
"…Make a wish.' Danni finished the sentence. "Nan always said that."
"What are you wishing for love?"
"Can't tell. You know that."
"Seeing you there sewing like that reminds me of your Nan. She'd do all her workings in the kitchen. Spells, potions, making brews and poppets and those bags."
Danni nodded and glanced around the room. "Always at her kitchen table, yeah. I can almost hear Prospero the parakeet chirping."
"And Aunt Ava and Maeve gossiping." Kieran said with a sly smile. "Ava She was great craic when she got going."
"Whiskey in their teacups."
"Aye.' Kieran paused. "You seem awful calm about Daryl going out looking for Rick."
She shrugged. "I support him. I have to," she said and continued sewing. "I want to finish this by the time he leaves. In the morning. It makes me feel I can do something, not just sit here powerless."
Kieran nodded. "You're not powerless."
"It wasn't all bad you know." Danni changed the subject abruptly. "Growing up. I had Nan."
Kieran held back unsure, so they let the silence speak. It spoke through the owls of midnight hooting outside in the trees, the wind rattling the old windows and the rustle of the leaves. It spoke mysteries left unsolved, feelings left uncovered, burdens yet unveiled. It was to be expected. And it was fine. There was an underlying understanding of this, and neither one held it against the other.
Finally true to form, Danni began pouring out her heart and soul. Dreams, goals, day-to-day goings on. Fears, wants, needs, worries. Feelings, emotions, reactions. The past and everything about it tumbled from her lips, same as the tears streamed from her eyes. The salty tang wet her lips and it suddenly halted her speech. A tear hung daintily off her top lip, and with her next breath she jarred it loose. It landed on her thigh, and she could have sworn she heard it splash. Her grief was so complete, it flowed through her veins, taunting her, burning her as it trailed through.
How well did they, father and daughter, know each other? Really? Truly, not well. Had the past months been an act? Had either of them really been themselves? Lord knew Danni had held much back. She hadn't said a tenth of the things she wanted to. If she had, would the outcome have been different? It probably wouldn't have changed anything, same as you can't change the direction of the wind. She wouldn't allow that cloak of despair to accompany her every day. It could settle about her once in a while, for it made her know she was alive, but it would not, could not, be her constant companion. She had opened up and felt better for it.
How was it for Kieran? Did he know she bit her tongue and held much back from him? When she did speak her mind, how did he feel? Did it matter to him? Did he care? Did it hurt, those words of truth? She glanced up, watching the leaping candle flame seemingly looking for answers. But none came from the fire. Apologies, reasons, but not excuses, had to come from the man himself. Her father.
"Thank you for telling me this. Danni you've never said how angry you must be with me. For what happened to you."
Danni shrugged. "It's funny I was never angry with you. With mom, yeah, but you? I don't know, it's like I just wished you'd come back. You never did so I was disappointed. Disappointed but not angry."
"Why?"
"You weren't there. If you were, I know you'd never had let anything like that happen to me. Mom, she was there. She was there and she let it happen. I'm angry at her. She was there and could have stopped things, but she didn't. That's worse. That I can't ever forgive. Daryl can't understand why I'm not furious with you. Sometimes I think I should be, but like I said, you just weren't there. I was disappointed in you. Let down. I felt like you didn't love me enough to come back."
"That's not true, I've always loved you. I never stopped thinking about you."
Danni shook her head. "That's hard to hear. I'm so ashamed. What that man did. That's why it took me so long to bring all this up to you. I imagined if you knew you'd think horrible things about me. Like it was my fault ."
Kieran looked so devastated that she said 'I'm sorry' out loud, and was surprised by that. She didn't feel she was really in the wrong. But it poured from her lips, her heart, and a new wave of tears stung her eyes. She blinked rapidly, but they fell anyway. She didn't even try to wipe them away. The heat of them seemed to scald her soul, but in a way, it was clarifying her. Once that wave of emotion was spent, she leaned back, crossing her ankles.
She took a deep breath. "I didn't want to cry in front of you."
"You never did, not even as a child."
"I still have nightmares sometimes. Not so many now. I cry over over Tara mostly, but it's the kind of crying you do alone." Her eyes drifted shut, and she felt at peace somehow. The resentment, the sadness, the confusion, the guilt, all seemed to abate. She sighed, thankful for the release of pressure.
"It's not your fault. Don't be sorry Danni. I'm the one who… but a thousand sorries would never be enough, I know that. Look at you, you've made it on your own."
"I learned early on to look out for myself."
"Danni it comes down to me own feeling that you don't need me. When you did need me, I wasn't there so why the hell would you need me now? I keep having this dream where I come down to our old kitchen in the house where you were a wee girl. Daryl, Merle, Sophia, the babbies and yourself are sitting around the table laughing and talking over a grand meal. I look and there is nowhere for me to sit. No chair. No one seems to notice I'm there and all I do is think, there is no place for me."
"Is that how you feel?"
"Look, I've run all my life. Never been in one place for more than a few months, maybe a year like. First it was to protect you. Now I see that was wrong. But then the job, what I was doing, all the violence I was seeing and participating in kept me away and kept me running. The most innocent acts can cause destruction. And mayhem. A person sees enough of that and maybe they decide they don't want that much responsibility anymore. A person might think of leaving," He stopped himself to clarify. "Okay wait, not a person. Me. I left."
Danni let him continue, realizing she'd been as much of a runner as her father. Finding acceptance and love with Daryl had stopped her. Maybe her father needed the same. She sat and thought a while more, but all that could be done, had been.
"Life or death all the time, it was too much. It's too much now. But as a wise and also psychotic woman recently told me, you can't walk away from your truth. "
"Nan?" Danni laughed.
"So I'm here. I want to stay and make up for what I can."
"Are you ready Da?" It was what she called him when she was little.
"Am I ready? The life or death thing, it never goes away like."
"The world is a scary place." Danni asserted. "But it's a lot more manageable with a family. And having a kick ass Book of Shadows doesn't hurt. "
"So are we okay?"
"I guess we'll see."
"And if there's no chair for me?"
"Don't freak out. It's just a chair. It doesn't mean that we moved on or we don't need you. Here ya go, Da." She pushed the seat over to where he stood against the counter.
"Oh, thanks. A chair, right."
"Yeah."
... ... ... .. .. .. .. . .. .
"You didn't have to wait up." Danni said to Daryl as she entered the bedroom. "You have a big day tomorrow. I'm so glad Merle changed his mind and is going with you."
He reclined on the bed, back against the headboard. "Yeah glad to have a backup and I'm thinking it's good your dad is staying here with you and the kids. I know he wanted to go with us, but, it's a weight off my mind he'll be here."
She nodded. " I'm gonna start listing out things to plant in a garden. Spring is almost here and Herschel taught me about preparing the soil and what seeds are native. With a vegetable garden and you hunting, we should do okay here for a while. The canned goods aren't gonna last forever. And when you get Rick and them back here well, of course, they are all welcome to stay."
She sat cross-legged on the bed beside Daryl. Words continued to tumble from her lips so quickly he couldn't find a spot to interrupt. "I made sure you have enough water packed in case you and Merle don't find a source quickly. Walking all the way to that Terminus place is going to be a long trek so I also packed some food. Oh and this." She held up the mojo bag. "Take off your shirt."
"Yes, ma'am." He replied with a sly grin.
"No, it's not what you're thinking. I need to sew this inside your shirt. Keeping the mojo from being seen is important because if another person touches it, the luck may be lost. So I'm sewing it to the inside of your shirt. It's better if it touches the skin. Now I put our jasper stone in here, lock of my hair and the kids' too and a pinch of salt. I charged it already."
"Danni?" He asked, handing her his flannel, finally getting a word in edgewise.
"Yeah?"
"I don't get it.
"What?
"How can you be so okay with everything? Ever since I told you that I'm leaving, you're just all busy with sewing and packing for me. You seem… fine with it. Its like you can't wait to get rid of me." His voice was low and he added, "Aren't you gonna miss me?" He looked truly hurt.
"My God, of course I'm gonna miss you, " She put down the needle and thread and laid his shirt across her lap. "It's too soon. We are separating again too soon."
"What?"
"It was such a small window, a peephole really. For a year now we've been running, separated and struggling to hold it together. Now we have this stability but it was only the briefest of windows. It's like it just slammed. Tomorrow you're going out there again, without me and the kids. We barely got to do it Daryl. We barely got the chance to be a family. To just live."
He swallowed. "Danni we talked about this."
"I know and I'd never ask you not to do it, I just want you to know how I feel. I'm proud of you for going, you have to know how proud I am. But Daryl, If I stop to think about you leaving now I'm gonna fall apart. We still have time left. Tonight is ours."
"You act like I'm not coming back."
"No I'm acting like I'm gonna miss you like crazy but yeah, I have to be realistic. This is dangerous. Its-"
He swallowed her words with a kiss.
She pulled back. "Do you understand?'
He nodded. "Come here, let's not waste this time then huh? "
"You have an idea of how to do that? " Danni hiked her leg up over him and straddled his waist.
"I do." He knew what she needed. He always did.
"Is that so?" She swallowed hard, adjusting her legs on either side of him. She laid down along his torso and licked his earlobe. He already had his shirt off. His pants were next to go. Danni removed her clothing quickly needing to feel his skin against hers. She climbed back on his lap.
"Don't be nice, don't hold back. I need you to fuck me… I need to feel you fill me. I don't know when I'll see you again. I need it.. Please, Daryl. Fuck me." Her voice trailed off to a whisper. She reached down and guided him into her.
He felt himself slip in slightly, then he rammed his hips upward. Danni inhaled sharply and shuddered against him
Something inside Daryl snapped. He lunged up off the bed and spun them around, pinning Danni on to her back. She gasped, surprised by his ferocity. Daryl didn't notice. He grabbed her wrists and held them down to the bed as he started thrusting his hips. Danni shifted beneath him, tilting her hips up moaning as he hit bottom with each stroke. Daryl's jaw was set, and his eyes glittered with an intensity Danni couldn't name. She stared into the deep blue, her fingers curling into fists as she tried not to be overwhelmed by the sensations. This was what she wanted to be ravaged, for him to stake his claim. She needed to belong to him. The thought of him leaving again drove her. She came, her pussy clamping around him as she bit her bottom lip and whimpered. She tossed her head back and forth on the pillow as she lurched up into him.
Daryl pumped in and out of her quickly, feeling himself on the verge. She got one hand free and reached between them, rubbing her clit with her fingers in tight, fast circles. She wrapped her legs around him and rocked upwards, tilting even further. He shut his eyes as he hit deep inside of her and felt his cock jerk. Danni moaned and leaned up, biting into his shoulder as she came again, pulsing around him as he let go inside of her.
He gave a last couple short thrusts, groaning as he felt himself empty within her. He released her other wrist and collapsed on top of her. Danni's arms flung out to the sides and she shut her eyes. He tried to move so she could breathe, but she stayed him with her legs.
"Don't."
"I'll crush you."
"Don't."
They lay tangled together while their breathing evened out, and he softened inside of her, finally slipping free. He gasped and she gave a soft groan of disappointment.
"Do you ever just wish time would stop. Like this moment would never end tomorrow would never have to come."
"Danni, come on. I'll be back. Don't worry. It's gonna be okay."
She pushed at his shoulders. He rolled off of her and flopped onto his back. He lay sprawled, one arm flung across his eyes.
They lay together for a time, catching their breath. Daryl zoned in and out, practically dozing off. He'd never felt so satisfied in his life. Suddenly, he jerked and gasped. "What are-"
"Can't talk right now. My mouth is full." Danni glanced up at him from his hips with a devilish smile on her face.
"Now you're just being bad." Daryl laughed.
Danni's reply was a shrug of her shoulders as she coaxed his cock back to life. It didn't take much convincing. She lapped at his length with her tongue, then slid him into her mouth slowly. Daryl's breath hissed between his teeth, and he shut his eyes, letting his head loll back on the pillow. "You're gonna be the death of me."
His cock was deep in her mouth, and Danni shook her head back and forth to indicate she didn't agree. Daryl groaned as her teeth and tongue grazed him. For several slow, sultry minutes, Danni laved him with her tongue and sucked him gently, taking her time. She loved the feel of him in her mouth, knowing he was all hers.
Daryl couldn't believe he had gotten hard again so quickly, but this time, even though there was the anticipation, round one had knocked the edge off. He was enjoying her gentle teasing. It had been a long time since that had happened. Danni sped up her movements slightly, plunging him into her mouth a little faster. Her hand moved up and she grasped the base, holding him where she wanted as she made love to his cock. When she started using that hand to stroke him as she sucked, he reached down and stilled her with his hand.
"Don't. Not gonna last that long." Daryl grunted.
Danni gave him one last loving lick, then crawled up beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. Her hand kept stroking him, albeit slowly.
"So what would you suggest?" Danni's voice was husky.
Daryl shrugged then motioned up with his chin.
Danni quickly sat up and straddled him. His cock was laid flat against him, enveloped by her pussy, the head bumping into her clit.
"This right?" Danni hid a smile.
"Hmm. Almost. You gotta make sure you get that inside you though."
"This thing?" Danni reached between them and touched him.
"Yep. Need some help?" Daryl smirked.
"No, I think I got it."
She lifted herself up slightly and pulled his cock up away from his stomach. She braced it at her opening, holding herself off of him.
"That it?"
"Just about there. Ya gotta listen. I said it goes inside you." Daryl was having trouble keeping up the charade. He just wanted to slam into her.
"Oh, that's right. You did say that." Danni slid down onto him a little.
"There ya go. That's the idea." Daryl groaned. It was always like she was custom fitted for him.
"More?" Danni's voice had gotten progressively breathier, and her muscles had begun to tremble from holding herself up.
"More." Daryl held himself in check. He needed inside her all the way. Just a few more inches...
Danni slipped down a notch. She started to speak, to tease some more, but she couldn't. She gave up and let her weight down on him. She keened as his cock struck her womb, and her pussy tightened around him. Daryl's hands flew to her hips, and he held her down. His fingers bit into her skin as he ground his hips up into her slowly. Danni whimpered and leaned forward, resting her hands on the bed.
"God, Daryl…"
He released his death grip on her hips. "Go on. Ride me like you mean it."
The combination of his voice and his words stoked Danni's desire like she couldn't believe. She could never not be aroused by this man. She sat, stunned for a moment. Just the feeling of him filling her was almost enough. Before she knew what she was doing, her hips began moving. She rocked forward, moaning as her clit rubbed against him. Danni closed her eyes, and just enjoyed the sensations.
Daryl did much the same, but he was dying to thrust. He just wanted to fill her as full as he possibly could, hear her whimper, feel her shudder around him. He wanted to catch her moans with his mouth, feel her pussy convulse as he spurted inside of her. His cock twitched as he had his thoughts, and finally he couldn't take it anymore.
He grasped her hips roughly again and pulled her forward slightly. Danni's eyes flew open and she looked down at him, her hair swinging around her shoulders. She leaned down so that she was partially laying on his chest, and Daryl leaned up and kissed her. He reached behind her and grabbed her bottom, pulling her ass upwards and her cheeks apart. He slammed up into her forcefully, using his hands on her ass to slam her down on him.
Danni tore her mouth from his, dropping her forehead to his as he bucked into her violently. She held herself up by her arms, biting her bottom lip as he thrust to keep herself from screaming. The only sounds were their ragged breathing and the faint slap of their skin as they connected. Daryl moved his hands to get a better hold on her, and she arched her back, letting her head roll backward. Daryl suddenly released his grip and stopped moving.
Danni opened her eyes and looked at him. He had a small smile on his face and a sharp gleam in his eye.
"You're evil."
"You're right. You keep on though." Daryl folded his arms and put them behind his head.
Danni leaned away from him so that she was sitting upright. Daryl gasped as the angle of his cock inside of her changed. She stretched back a little farther and put her hands behind her on the bed. Humming innocently, she just sat there, watching his face as she squeezed and released her muscles around him.
"Now who's evil?"
"Don't know what you're talking about." Danni was done toying with him. It was time for the grand finale.
She pushed off with her hands and leaned forward to sit correctly and finish what they had started, but Daryl's hand flew out, and his palm hit her chest. Her momentum kept her going forward, and his arm didn't give. His hand ended up resting against her throat, and he kept her sitting straight up, leaned back just a tiny bit.
Danni's eyes widened as he started pumping up into her again. Daryl finally moved his hand and planted in between her breasts to keep her upright, and his other hand grabbed her hip. He thrust up into her roughly, and Danni braced herself with one hand and she moved the other to her clit. Daryl groaned as he watched her pleasure herself. The faster she rubbed her clit, the harder he fucked her. He really wished he was on top of her, or behind her so he could get better leverage, but he was moments away from coming and he didn't want to break the flow.
Danni writhed and worked her hips down onto him, whimpering and moaning as she stroked herself. She was so close... Her head fell back and she shut her eyes, letting the waves of her orgasm crash over her. She actually yelled his name as she came, slamming herself down onto him. Daryl was right behind her, grunting as his hips thrust jerkily.
He held her hips down onto him tightly as he came, and once his cock gave its last lurch, he released her hip. Danni tightened her pussy around him, wringing a strangled gasp from his throat. He finally moved his arm so that she could lean forward, and she all but collapsed against his chest. Her breath fanned across his neck as they lay together, panting and sticky, and never so connected in their lives. They remained joined together while their breathing evened out.
Daryl rolled his head to the side to look at her, and Danni looked as spent as he felt.
"I love you, you know right?"
She nodded. "It's gonna be okay. But get some sleep. You have a long day tomorrow."