/* AN: Soooo, maybe not as quick a turnaround as I'd've hoped. But I'm back and as good as ever. In case you're not following it, I have started writing for my other story Potter Legacy: James Jackson again. If you want a story of Harry Potter going back in time and winning the American Civil War for the Confederacy, check it out. I'm starting to alternate posting for this story and that and I'll probably even start writing for another of my stories that's fallen to the wayside, Master of the Universe, essentially a massive cross-over HP fic. But onto this story! It's day two of Harry's Sin City rampage, and I'm excited, I dunno about you. And heeeere we go!
*/
Agony. Harry awoke to sheer crippling agony.
Make that agony and a head and a half of bubblegum pink hair on his chest. The other half of the bubblegum hair was cotton-candy blue, making that head, the one on the left side of his chest, distinctly Molly Carpenter. That meant that the head on his right must be Tonks, which was swiftly confirmed as that head of pink hair shifted to a beautiful deep black color before she woke up.
Tonks looked up with gorgeous violet eyes and stared at Harry's emerald eyes. The nice moment was broken when Tonks started talking. "Holy fucking dick-licking, fudge-packing son of a bitch, my fucking head hurts. What the in the name of Merlin's bloody fucking scrotal waste happened last night?"
Harry bit back a snicker, decided Molly should probably be awake for this conversation, and woke her up. She woke up slowly, rolled onto Harry and gave him a nice kiss with a muttered "Good morning dearest husband."
That woke Harry right up, as it did for Tonks when she checked her finger and found the Lady Black ring on it. Molly held up her own hand, proudly showing off the Lady Potter ring on an important finger. Since she was apparently the least drunk the night before and could remember the most, she explained.
"So, at what point did you guys black out last night?"
Harry answered that he lost it playing hold 'em with some oil barons the night before, while Tonks didn't even remember that far.
"Alright then," Molly picked up again. "So you get the long version. So after we met up in the lobby, Harry won a few million and an Aston Martin on three consecutive jackpots on three separate slot machines."
"Ha, I remember that, I went to different machines wanting to lose. I mean, that's the experience, right? You go to Vegas and drop a bunch of money losing on slots? Well, I won the first jackpot, moved down, won the Martin, and repeated on the next machine for the last jackpot. I finally got my loss on the fourth machine, which just is not right, Vegas is supposed to rip you off!"
"Yeah, the floor manager's face when you explained that was classic. Now, if you don't mind dear, might I continue the story?" At a zipping motion of the lips from Harry, Molly continued. "Thank you. After the slots, you went to blackjack, made some more money there, and then did the same thing at the craps table. At this point, you'd racked up almost $5 million in winnings, at which point you were comped this suite, nice, right? Then you were gently asked to leave, at which point we went to the Belagio, leaving Sirius and Remus behind."
This time it was Tonks that cut in. "That's about where I lose it. I vaguely remember Harry winning a fuck-ton more money at hold 'em at the Belagio, then nothing."
"Right, that was the hold 'em with the oil barons that Harry lost it. However, for whatever reason, he seems to be even better playing poker while blackout drunk, because after that he went on a massive winning streak. You were eventually invited to the owner's game with the owners of the Belagio and the Mirage, who apparently wanted to make so money back off of you, some Greek billionaires, and some uber-rich land developers from the Middle East somewhere. You walked out of that game with a near $100 million in cash, the titles to two small islands in Greece and another small one in the Caribbean, 60% shares in the Mirage, which grants you this suite in perpetuity, and an invite to a massive poker game hosted by some guy named Le Chiffre later this summer."
Harry interrupted for a second time. "Hold up, I noticed you're calling me Harry, does that mean you know who I am?"
Molly huffed. "Yes, and I was just getting to that. After you left the owner's game with most of the players crying, we went on a mini-rampage through the city. We hit up a few strip clubs, went to a few gun shops, side note we now have enough guns to outfit a small military for at least one of our islands, they're packed into one of the duffels on the wall over there."
She pointed to a wall stacked with a dozen or so plain black duffel bags. When Harry started rummaging through them, he found most of them were filled with money, and Molly told him each bag held $10 million, except one filled to $5 million for a total haul of $125 million on the night.
He found the bag with the guns eventually and poured it onto the carpet. He wasn't surprised to find it stocked full of guns, but the sheer number staggered him. Apparently they had bought a dozen or so each of Desert Eagles, 1911's, Berettas, Glocks, and even some military-grade assault rifles and shotguns. All told they had probably close to a hundred firearms. He kept a few 1911's and Desert Eagles out to pack into his own luggage just in case, and then started packing the rest of the guns up. As he was packing them back into the magically expanded duffel, Molly continued the tale of their night.
"So after the buying pretty much all the guns in the city, we went to a few more strip clubs, then went to a place called 'Best Little Wedding Chapel' owned by a really sweet man named Eddie, the two of you bonded last night Harry. But anyways, we had a beautiful little three-way wedding last night officiated by an Elvis impersonator. At that time, you had to give your actual name, and you gave me your story on the way back to the hotel for our honeymoon, which leads us to now."
After a short time to assimilate the new information, Harry spoke. "Alright, this all makes sense. That said, I'm not sure if I'm wired right for marriage. If you know my story, you'll know I have no idea what love is. I know I really enjoy spending time with the two of you, but that's pretty much it for me. I will say that I care a great deal for both of you and will do anything to keep you happy, if that means anything."
Molly and Tonks shared a significant look, and Molly spoke up first. "Tonks, sidebar? Harry, give us a few minutes here? Go try calling Sirius and Remus or something, we probably won't be long."
Harry got up, threw on a pair of short, grabbed his phone and went into the sitting room. He called both his "guardians," getting the answering machine for both before Tonks and Molly called him back into the bedroom. Tonks was the one who talked first.
"Alright Harry, here's the deal. We understand you don't know what love is, so we're making this open for you. That means you sleep with who you want, but if either of us need you, in whatever fashion, you come running. That means you'll always have us at the top of your priority list. We went into this knowing that you'd never be monogamous, especially since there are two of us and you have to marry for a few other families from what I know of the Potter lineage."
Molly was next. "Plus, with how good you've gotten, it'd be a crime to keep your skills from womankind. That thing you do with your tongue? Just glorious. That said, Tonks and I will try our best to keep jealousy out of it, and anyone you bring in for more than a one-night stand has to understand this. Get it?"
Harry nodded. "Yes ma'am. And can I say the two of you are the best wives ever?"
The both melted a little, both at least a little in love with him and loving him all the more for his apparently heartfealt compliments. They shared another significant look, and dove at Harry's crotch for a repeat of their honeymoon the night before.
By the time they finished their shorter sex marathon, it was close to ten. Tonks had to get dressed and go back to work in London and apparated out with a long passionate kiss with Harry and a shorter but no less passionate kiss with Molly, which Harry watched with interest. Harry went for a shower, and upon entering the bathroom, immediately backed out.
"Molly dearest, do you have any idea why there are two baby nundu in our bathroom?"
Molly melted again at being called dearest and the ideal of "their bathroom." But when she answered in the negative as to the status of the nundu, Harry decided it was time to call in the experts. He pulled out his cell and gave a ring to Flankshank in Gringotts London and explained the situation, everything from the marriage to the two nundu, to the massive amounts of cash in his room.
Harry was told a representative of Gringotts America would be at the door shortly to take care of everything, and no sooner than Harry hung up was there a knock at the door. Harry opened it to show a goblin glamoured to look like an everyday banker.
"My name is Gutfister, and I assume you are Harry Fucking Potter and the new Lady Potter?"
"Yeah, wait what? Last I knew my name was Harry James Potter. But yes, this is the new Lady Potter"
"Well Mr. Potter, according to our records, yesterday Gringotts London got a notification from the Ministry that officially and legally changed you middle name to Fucking. We have since changed the name on your vaults to match."
"Oh, shit, fuckin' peyote. Fuck. Oh well, let's just go with that. So yes, I am. Anyways, I have these duffel bags to be transferred to my vaults in the UK, they contain $125 million in American dollars. This duffel needs to go to the Potter relic vault. The tough things to deal with are gonna be the nundu. Is there a property in the Black or Potter portfolio with enough space and food for what look to become a breeding pair of nundu?"
"Yes there is, Potter manor has the space necessary for a family of fully-matured nundu, and the manor has been rebuilt since it was burned down at the end of the first Voldemort war. In addition, there's a forest nearby that will be fully capable to sustain as nundu as you wish. And, as long as you train them well, you should have an excellent first line of defense for the rebuilt Potter Manor."
"This is true, and it's a point I hadn't thought of. Alright, do you have the capability to take care of all that stuff?"
"Yes Mr. Potter, I can take care of all of this for you. I'll get to work on that, unless you have anything further for me?"
"No, I don't. Wait, I lied, I do. I have recently gotten the deed to a few thousand head ranch in Texas, I put the deed on top of one of the money bags, can you have Flankshank add that to the Potter portfolio?"
With an answer to the positive from the goblin, Harry and Molly got dressed, leaving him to his business. Molly had to spend the entire day at SplatterCon, and would be going back to Chicago that night, so they kissed and said goodbye with a promise to call or text each other frequently and for Molly to move to England with him at the end of the summer.
Harry tried calling his guardians again, getting voicemail from both of them. He gave a snort that sounded conspicuously like "I'm a better guardian than those two." He decided to send a text message to Remus telling him that he'd be amusing himself in the city and asked if those two wanted to meet up later that night again.
Bored, Harry wound up wandering the strip again, and eventually made his way into a hotel hosting an open-card mixed martial arts (MMA) tournament. He shrugged to himself and said "fuck it," which was quickly becoming the motto for his journey, and signed up.
He got into the dressing room assigned to him and a few of the other fighters and ducked into the bathroom, transfiguring his pants into a pair of same shorts the other fighters were wearing, then added the logo for the Mirage down one leg for the hell of it, and since he owned it. Hey, free press is free press!
Soon the time came for the tournament to start, and Harry was matched against a huge Irish man that obviously subscribed to the Kimbo Slice thinking of MMA: be huge, be mean, and be an excellent street fighter. Although the man would have been alright on the streets in a large scrum, he was terrible against a single, faster, and much more technically skilled opponent. Harry easily decimated him thanks to the fighting style he'd picked up from Gwen.
That unusual mixture of Krav Maga and jujitsu kept him well-balanced against all the fighters he went against, and he easily made his way to the last four fighters without ever needing to go past the second round. Once he hit the last four, however, that was the point he actually became a little worried.
One of the three remaining competitors was the ghost of Bruce Lee, who had somehow returned to enough of a life to participate in the event and was somehow not being questioned on his recent return to life. He was also a personal hero from Harry's younger years. Even though he grew up in a cupboard, he still knew Bruce Lee and was in awe of him. The other two fighters were Chuck Norris, who in one of his previous fights proved that he did, in fact, have another fist in place of his chin, and Floyd "Money" Mayweather, who was doing this as a stunt to prepare for his next fight with Manny Pacquiao.
Harry's first fight was against Money Mayweather, luckily. While the man was an exceptional boxer and had excellent reflexes, he was still unused to the more brutal style of the octagon, and Harry managed to knock him out of the competition with a late-round KO.
In the next fight, Chuck Norris barely defeated Bruce Lee, who just didn't look the same fighter without a pair of nunchucks in his hands, by doing a pushup and pushing the Earth down, proving that old myth true, while knocking Money off-balance, which Chuck capitalized on with a moderated roundhouse, careful to not break the speed of light with his leg and kill the man.
Before their championship bout, Harry and Chuck participated in the age-old tradition of the boast contest as shouted angrily by the competitor's hypeman. Chuck Norris, of course, acted as his own hypeman, since he was truly that badass. Since Harry didn't have a pre-assigned hypeman, he was assigned Flava Flave as hypeman, and Harry made a mental not to start building his own crew and get a decent hypeman in it. As the unknown, Harry started off the boast contest.
"Mr. Funktastic is so fly, he can cut through a knife with hot butter!"
"Chuck Norris is so badass, he has a grizzly bear carpet in his house. The bear isn't dead, but the bear is just too afraid of Chuck Norris to move!"
"Mr. Funktastic is so fly, his hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush!"
And so it went on, until the actual fight started. In an incredibly close fight against the father of badassery, Harry barely lost on a surprise TKO from Chuck's chin fist. At the end of the fight, Chuck gave a press release officially retiring from the career of badassery and planned to move to the country and maybe take up ranching. The real surprise was that Chuck announced Harry as the next big thing in badassery. As thanks, Harry offered Chuck his recently acquired herd to manage, which Chuck gratefully took.
By this time, it was getting late, so Harry returned to the Mirage, saw Sirius and Remus were already out and about, and went out to Caesar's Palace, where he eventually found himself caught up with a tall dark-haired man and his extremely elderly companion. For the second night in a row, he was caught up in a whirlwind of booze, broads, and gambling.
/* AN: Fin! You may recognize the first part of this chapter, there's a challenge floating around there somewhere about Harry going to Vegas and getting married, can't remember whose it is, but the first part of this chap is based on that and the Emeral Flight series by the incomparable megamatt09. Next chapter should be out soon. But we'll see. Peace
*/