"I feel like… I don't even know what I feel like. That's daft, isn't it?" Zoe let a small smile tease her lips. She avoided the gaze of the thin lady opposite her, her long chestnut hair almost blending in with the orange fabric of the squishy chair, and the large green beads of her necklace clashing with it.
"It takes time to come to terms with…." Arrabella searched for the words. "Rape". Zoe was aware of how the word cut across Arrabella's soft voice, but she didn't care. She was sick of not being able to say it. Sick of Max avoiding it in case he made it worse. Pff, how could he? How could anyone do anything that would make this better or worse? "I meant how you feel. Everyone experiences different effects. What you've been through is very traumatic and healing can take a long time. Sometimes years. And that's OK".
"Oh, will you stop patronising me? I know this is very traumatic. I'm going through it, remember?!" She stormed out of the brightly coloured room, missing Arrabella's look of indignation and sympathy. She wanted Max. He was the only person she could talk to. He was by no means perfect, but he'd been there every minute of the last few months. He'd held her hand, rubbed her back, cooked her food. She just needed to see him.
It took her a while, but she found him 'on a break' eating chocolate and drinking coffee in the staff room. He looked up as she came in. "OK?" He mouthed to her. She nodded her head, trying to hold back the tears that were bursting from her eyes. "Heeey" he whispered to her "I'm going to my office, come when you can". He knew he couldn't touch her here, but longed to be in private, somewhere he could comfort her.
10 minutes later, she'd managed to get away and join him.
"So, how was your first counselling session?" She shook her head and reached for his hand. There was so much strength in those fingers. She felt like she could take on the world when she held them. "Oh Max, it was awful. She was awful. I was awful. I was so rude. I stormed out in the end. 'Xpect I'll get a note about that tomorrow. The perks of working in the same building" She tried to make a joke, but it fell flat. She felt herself being pulled towards Max. She didn't resist. She let herself be pulled onto his lap, her face buried in his neck as his arms wound their way around her torso, his face buried in her shoulder. Neither spoke, the only sound Zoe's sobs and Max's gentle rubbing of her back as he rocked her like a baby. His heart ached for her. How he longed to take it all away.
"Zo. Zoe". He wasn't sure if she'd fallen asleep. "Mmm"; a faint response. "We're gonna go away. Just me and you. Some time to ourselves, away from this place" "yeah, where are we going to go?" She asked quietly, more out of a distraction than believing what he was saying. "We're gonna go anywhere you want. But it's got to be hot and sunny. We're going to go down to the beach and look out across the sea… watch the boats. Boats are so relaxing to watch" he mused. "And I'm going to take you to the best restaurants, give you what you deserve. Actual food, cooked by people who can cook." Zoe laughed. "You're really selling this to me, you know". "I know. And we will stay in a five star hotel with a big, comfy bed, and at night, we're going to sit outside on the balcony and we're going to look up at the stars and make a wish. And then we're going to get into the big, soft bed, and I'll hold you, and all of this will just float away. I promise".
His voice had faded into a whisper as he'd got carried away imaging the scene. He squeezed Zoe close to him and she looked at him; a tear-wet face with mascara everywhere, but still she looked beautiful. She raised her lips to his. Not kissing him, exactly, but a moment of pure intimacy, where everything felt like it would be OK. They'd get through it.