Act V
{Scene 1}
A Graveyard
Enter two gravediggers with shovels
GRAVEDIGGER Is she really to be buried in Christian burial when she wilfully took her own for salvation?
GRAVEDIGGER 2 Yes, she is, and be sure her grave is straight. The master himself has found it to be Christian burial.
GRAVEDIGGER How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her own defense?
GRAVEDIGGER 2 I know naught but that it was found to be so.
GRAVEDIGGER It sounds more like self-offense than self-defense to me. Here's why: if I drown myself of my own will, it argues to be an act against God: and acts have three requirements, to act, to perform, and to do, therefore, she drowned herself of her own accord.
GRAVEDIGGER 2 Nay, but hear this-
GRAVEDIGGER Give me leave. Here lies the water, right? Here stands the man, right? Now, if this man goes to the water and drowns himself, it is an act. If the water comes up and kills him, then he drowned not of his own accord and so he is not guilty.
GRAVEDIGGER 2 But is it law?
GRAVEDIGGER Aye.
GRAVEDIGGER 2 Mark my words, were she not a noblewoman she would not have this fine burial.
GRAVEDIGGER Well, theres the fact of the matter, and I thank you for saying it. It is a pity that great folk get more countenance to hang or drown themselves than their fellow Christians. Come, give me my spade. There is no ancient gentlemen but gardeners, ditch diggers, and grave-diggers who hold up Adam's profession.
GRAVEDIGGER 2 He was a gentleman?
GRAVEDIGGER Why, he was the first to bear arms.
GRAVEDIGGER 2 But he had none!
GRAVEDIGGER What, are you a heathen? Everyone knows that in Scripture it is said 'Adam digged:', could he have dug without arms? I'll put another riddle to you: If you cannot answer in the right you will confess yourself to be a moron.
GRAVEDIGGER 2 Shoot.
GRAVEDIGGER What is he who builds stronger than a mason, a shipwright, or a carpenter?
GRAVEDIGGER 2 The gallows-maker! His houses outlive a thousand tenants.
GRAVEDIGGER I like your sharp wit! Indeed, the gallows does well, but how so? It does well to the criminals! Now you must be ill to say a gallows is stronger than a church: and so the gallows would do well to thee. C'mon, have another guess.
Enter Thamle and Gabriel
Think on it no more, for if I beat you you would not know it still. Net time someone asks you that, reply, 'Why, a gravemaker! For his houses last till doomsday!' Go now, get thee to Yaughan: fetch me a stoup of liquor!
Exit Gravedigger 2
(Singing and digging)
THAMLE Does this fellow have no feeling for his profession? He goes about singing and digging graves!
GABRIEL For him it is merely habit.
THAMLE Even so, one of unemployment would have daintier sense.
(Gravedigger throws up a skull)
Why, that skull had a tongue at one point, and it could sing too: Or it might have been the skull of a politician, in which case it would have sung a different tune.
GABRIEL It very well might have.
THAMLE Funny, these bones all came with different wealths and yet here they are, all indistinguishable. My head aches to think on't.
(More singing, throws up another skull)
There's another, what if that skull were that of a lawyer? Ha! Where are his tricks now, his cases, his tenures? Why must he suffer this rude fellow knocking his skull about? He knows not even that he is being hit upon the head with a shovel! Or what if he was a landlord? We shall never know. Who's grave is this, sirrah?
GRAVEDIGGER Mine, sir. (Sings)
THAMLE It will be soon if thou doesn't tell me. And look! You are already inside.
GRAVEDIGGER You, sir, lie outside of it, and therefore it clearly is not yours. I, however, do not lay inside and yet it is mine.
THAMLE It is for the dead, not the quick-witted, a fact we both know to be true. For what man has it been dug?
GRAVEDIGGER For no man, sir.
THAMLE What woman, then?
GRAVEDIGGER For no woman neither.
THAMLE Who is to be buried in it?
GRAVEDIGGER One that was once a woman, but, God rest her soul, she's dead now.
THAMLE (aside) How literal he is! We must be so ourselves or he will undo and confuse. How long have you been a grave-maker?
GRAVEDIGGER Of all the days it could have been, I began my profession on the day old Thamle drove out the savages.
THAMLE How long ago was that?
GRAVEDIGGER Why, everyone knows that! It was the very same day Thamle was born, you know, the crazy one who was sent to England.
THAMLE Why was he sent to England?
GRAVEDIGGER Why, because he is crazy! If he regains his mind there, then hooray, but if not, he can do no real damage there.
THAMLE Why would he be no threat there?
GRAVEDIGER Because everyone there is as mad as he is!
THAMLE How did he become crazy?
GRAVEDIGGER Very strangely, they say.
THAMLE Meaning?
GRAVEDIGGER Very strangely.
THAMLE Where did he turn crazy?
GRAVEDIGER Why, here in Ohio! Where else would he have?
THAMLE How long will a man lie in the earth before rotting?
GRAVEDIGGER Well, if he isn't already rotten when they bury him, since we have many pox deaths, he will last about eight years. If he is a tanner, however, he will last you nine!
THAMLE Why would he last more than another?
GRAVEDIGGER His hide is tanned while he goes about tanning other hides, and so he will keep out water a great while, which decays bodies rapidly. Look: Here's a skull now, it's lain in the ground for twenty-three years now.
THAMLE Whose skull was it?
GRAVEDIGGER Quite a strange and mad fellow. Whose do you think?
THAMLE Nay, I know not.
GRAVEDIGGER He was quite the rogue! He poured a flask over my head once. This skull, sir, is none other than Bob, who was once the local jester.
THAMLE This very skull?
GRAVEDIGGER That very skull.
THAMLE Let me see it. (Takes skull) Alas, poor Bob! I knew him, Gabe: He truly was a mad fellow, but of infinite humor. He bore me on his back a thousand times when I was a child, and this is all that remains. Where are his jokes now? His skits? His plays? His flashes of merriment, which would make everyone burst out laughing? Tell me one thing, Gabriel.
GABRIEL What's that, my lord?
THAMLE Do you think the Lionheart looked like this in the grave?
GABRIEL I do.
THAMLE And that he smelled like such? Pah! (Puts down the skull)
GABRIEL Yes.
THAMLE No matter what we come from, we all return to dust eventually. Some of Richard's dust may even now be sitting in a chamber pot.
GABRIEL A strange thing to consider, but possibly true.
THAMLE Indeed. Richard died, Richard was buried, Richard returned to dust; the earth is dust, and from that earth we make such things as corks for bottles. The great Caesar himself, dead and turned to clay, may even now be in a beer barrel. Wait. Quiet! Here comes my uncle!
Enter Edward, Elizabeth, Charlie, and funeral procession
The queen, the advisors: who are they following to see buried? And with such strange burial ceremony? It signifies that the corpse they follow did take its own life! But for them to be here, it is clearly of some status. Let's crouch and wait, to see what happens.
CHARLIE What else can be done in ceremony?
PRIEST Her ceremonies have been enlengthened as much as they can: her death was doubtful as to whether it was suicide or not. Her saving grace is your influential friend over there, for flowers should not be thrown on her, but rather sticks and stones. Yet here she is, with as many rights as can be afforded.
CHARLIE Can nothing more be done?
PRIEST No more will be done!
CHARLIE Lay her in the earth, and from her fair and unpolluted flesh may violets spring. I tell thee, rude and disrespectful priest, she will be an angel when you are howling below!
THAMLE Why, it's Eve!
ELIZABETH Beautiful presents for the beautiful: farewell! (Scatters flowers) I had hoped that you would have been my Thamle's wife, and thought I'd be throwing these flowers on your bride-bed, not your grave.
CHARLIE O, curse that wicked head whose wicked deed deprived thee of your life! Hold off the earth, I must feel her in my arms once more! (Leaps into grave) Now, pile the dirt in so quick and steadily that there may be a mountain as tall as Olympus standing!
THAMLE (Approaching) Who is it whose grief is so profound? It is I, Thamle.
CHARLIE May the devil take thy soul! (Leaps at Thamle)
THAMLE (Grappling) You don't pray well, and I would kindly ask you take your fingers from my throat, for while I am not rash there is something within me which is to be feared: hold off your hand.
EDWARD Break them apart.
ELIZABETH Thamle, Thamle!
The Attendants pull them apart, they exit the grave
THAMLE I will fight with him upon this theme until I sleep no more!
ELIZABETH O, what theme?
THAMLE I loved Eve! Forty thousand brothers could not in all their sum make up my love for her! What would you do for her?
EDWARD He is mad, Charles.
ELIZABETH Don't let him antagonize you.
THAMLE Show me what you would do! Would you cry? Would you fight? Would you go without eating? Would you drink poison? Eat a crocodile? I would! Did you come here to whine? To outdo me by leaping in her grave? Quick, let us both be buried with her! If you speak of mountains let them throw millions of acres on us, till our ground makes Kilimanjaro look like a wart! See? I can whine as well as you!
ELIZABETH This is his madness speaking, and so for a while will it sit on him.
THAMLE Good sir, what is the reason that you curse me thus? I always liked you, but it is no matter; we will do as we do just as every dog will have its day.
Exit Thamle
EDWARD I ask you Gabriel, look after him.
Exit Gabriel
Strengthen your patience, we'll use our plot soon enough. Good Elizabeth, make sure your son is watched.
Exit
{Scene 2}
In the Trading post
Enter Thamle and Gabriel
THAMLE I have discovered the letter from my Uncle to England, bearing good tidings and wishes that my head be removed from my shoulders.
GABRIEL Truly?
THAMLE Here, read it at your leisure. Will you hear how I proceeded?
GABRIEL Please, do tell.
THAMLE I sent my own letter ahead to England, that the bearers of the letter you just read are to be put to death without debate and that the court had already convicted.
GABRIEL Why would they do't?
THAMLE I had my father's seal stamp with me, they know the letter to be from authority.
GABRIEL So Jean and John go to their deaths.
THAMLE With joy in their hearts! They are not weighing on my mind, for their deaths do rest in their own hands.
GABRIEL It won't be long before he knows what has occurred in England.
THAMLE Nay, we have but twelve weeks. But those twelve weeks are mine. I feel truly sorry for Charlie, as I forgot how it would affect him. In the image of his cause I see my own reflected: and so I will make amends. His grief did put me into a tower of emotion.
GABRIEL Who comes through yonder door?
Enter Guillaume
GUILLAUME I welcome you back to Ohio.
THAMLE I humbly thank you for your gesture.
GUILLAUME I bear with me words from the Governor.
THAMLE I will receive them, but put your hat to his proper use, it's for the head.
GUILLAUME I thank you, but it is very hot in here.
THAMLE Ha! You jest, for it is very cold in here, the wind comes from the North.
GUILLAUME It is an indifferent cold.
THAMLE But yet it is too hot for my complexion.
GUILLAUME Yes, tis very hot indeed. I would tell you this: Charles is newly arrived at court, and the Governor has placed a wager on your heads that you will beat him in a duel. Charles, however, has followed suit in that he will beat you.
THAMLE What is his weapon?
GUILLAUME Rapier and dagger.
THAMLE Well, that's two, but rapier it is. What if I answer no?
GUILLAUME You shall go to trial. The competition is immediate, if you will accept. The goal is thus: The first to three hits shall win.
THAMLE I shall do't. I will win if I can for him, but if not, I gain nothing but momentary shame and the odd bruise.
Exit Guillaume
GABRIEL You will lose this wager, my friend.
THAMLE I do not think so: since he left I have been in continual practice: I shall win.
GABRIEL If you are not ready, I can go and stall their advances to the arena. If your mind does not like anything listen to it.
THAMLE Nay, I am ready.
Enter Edward, Elizabeth, Charlie, Guillaume, others.
EDWARD Come, Thamle, and take this hand from me.
Thamle shakes Charlie's hand
THAMLE Please, sir, give me your pardon: I've done you wrong. It was not Thamle who did you wrong, but rather his madness. If anything I am the victim, and I hope you can forgive me for allowing it to happen.
CHARLIE Thank you, I am satisfied in nature and take your offered peace in good faith, and will not wrong it.
THAMLE I embrace it freely; and will your wager frankly play. Give us the foils. Come on.
CHARIE And one for me as well.
THAMLE I'll be your foil Charles, for your skill is exemplary.
CHARLIE You mock me, good sir.
THAMLE No, by this hand I swear it.
EDWARD Give them the sabres, Guillaume. You know the wager, Thamle?
THAMLE Indeed, and I believe you have wagered on the weaker side.
EDWARD I do not fear it; I have seen you both before. Since he is bettered, we have odds.
CHARLIE This one is too heavy, let me see another.
THAMLE This one feels good. These foils are all the same?
GUILLAUME Aye.
EDWARD Set the wine upon that table. If Thamle gives the first or second hit, or wins after the third, Let all the celebratory cannons fire; for I shall drink to his better health, and in his cup I shall throw a jewel richer than that which the past four kings of England have worn in their crowns. Now I drink to you, Thamle. Come, begin. And judges, keep a close watch.
They duel
THAMLE A hit!
CHARLIE No.
THAMLE Judgment?
GUILLAUME A hit, very true to its mark.
CHARLIE Quick, again.
EDWARD Nay, let him drink. Thamle, this emerald is thine; here's to your health.
Cannons fire
Give him the cup.
THAMLE I'll finish this round first, set it aside for now. Come.
They duel
Another hit, what say you?
CHARLIE A touch, I do confess.
EDWARD Our son shall win.
ELIZABETH Look, he's tired, and short of breath. Here Thamle, take my napkin and rub your brows. I drink to your fortune!
THAMLE Thank you, dear madam.
EDWARD Elizabeth, do not drink.
ELIZABETH I will, though I pray you pardon me.
EDWARD (Aside) It is the poison cup: it's too late.
THAMLE I dare not drink yet, madam.
ELIZABETH Let me wipe your face.
CHARLIE I'll hit him now.
EDWARD I do not believe it.
CHARLIE (Aside) And yet it's almost against my conscience.
THAMLE Come, for the third, you stall Charles. Give me your best, I am afraid you make a fool of me.
CHARLIE Say you so? Come on then.
They duel
GUILLAUME Nothing yet, either way.
CHARLIE Have at you!
Wounds Thamle, then in following scuffle trade rapiers, and Thamle wounds Charlie.
EDWARD Drag them apart.
THAMLE No, come at me bro!
Elizabeth falls
GUILLAUME Look there, the governess!
GABRIEL They bleed on both sides. What is the ruling?
GUILLAUME What is it, Charles?
CHARLIE Why, I have fallen to my own treachery.
THAMLE How does my mother?
EDWARD She faints to see them bleed.
ELIZABETH No, no, it was—it was—alcohol, poisoning! O, I am slain.
Dies
THAMLE Ho! Villainy! Let the doors be shut! Seek out the betrayer!
CHARLIE It is here, Thamle: You art slain, with no cure that can do thee good; and you have not an hour left of life; the treacherous instrument is in your hand even now! Envenomed, the foul act has turned itself on me and here I lie, never to rise again. And the queen poisoned, the governors to blame.
THAMLE Then, blade, do what thy does best!
Stabs Edward
ALL Treason! Treason!
EDWARD Save me! I am but hurt.
THAMLE Here, you damned incestuous murderer, slayer of kin. Drink of this poison. Have you swallowed the Emerald? Follow my mother.
Edward dies
CHARLIE He is justly served; it is a poison he himself used. Exchange forgiveness with me, my and my father's deaths lie not on you, nor yours on me.
Dies
THAMLE Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee. I am dead, Gabriel. Wretched mother, goodbye. You that look on this event, had I but time I could explain, but let it be. Gabriel, I am dead, and you live. Report the goings ons to those that are unsatisfied.
GABRIEL Never believe it: I am more a Roman than an Englishman. Look, theres some liquor left.
THAMLE IF you are a man, give me the cup, by heaven don't make me take it! If you ever held me in your heart, in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, and tell my story.
Marching and shots heard far off
What warlike noise is this?
GUILLAUME It is Louis, triumphant in return from the savages, who to collect on his due imparts this warlike volley.
THAMLE O, I die Gabriel; I cannot live to hear the news from England, but I surmise the land will pass to Louis, he has my dying voice. So tell him, more or less, what has here occurred.
Dies
GABRIEL And so cracks my heart. Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!
Enter Louis, the English ambassadors, and soldiers
LOUIS Where is this sight?
GABRIEL What is it you would see? If you seek woe or wonder, seek your search.
LOUIS This cries havoc. O proud death, what has occurred that so many nobles have been so bloodily struck down?
AMBASSADOR The sight is dismal; and our news from England came too late: The ears are senseless that should give us hearing, to tell him his commandment is fulfill'd, that Jean and John are dead. Where should we collect our thanks?
GABRIEL Not from this mouth, even if it had the ability to thank you. It did not give commandment for their deaths. But let me speak on what has occurred here, and you shall hear Of carnal, bloody, and unnatural acts, Of accidental judgments, casual slaughters, Of deaths put on by cunning and forced cause, And, in this upshot, purposes mistook Fall'n on the inventors' reads: all this can I Truly deliver.
LOUIS Let us hear it, and call everyone to audience. With sorrow do I embrace my fortune, but I do have some claim to this land.
GABRIEL And on that I have purpose to speak as well.
LOUIS Let the four captain bear Thamle, in military procession, to a grave of highest esteem; for he would likely, had it come to him, become a fair ruler of this land. And so, for his passage, the soldier's music and rites of war shall speak volumes for him. Take up the other bodies: such a sight as this befits a field of battle, but here shows much amiss. Now, before I bid the soldiers shoot.
End