Hello readers!
Before we get into this chapter I want to make sure you all know that I'm editing out the current manga arc. So there won't be any spoilers so long as you are current with the anime. You will begin to notice some OOC in the characters but worry not, you will enjoy the way I develop their personalities as we move forward. Also I need to mention that my timeline is taking us up to X793.
If you expert a quick smut fic you are barking up the wrong tree. I believe in developing relationships before throwing them into a situation like that, that is all!
Thank you very much!
Enjoy the read!
Watching the pair in front of me chattering, I could tell there was something different about the way they interacted. I couldn't help the smile on my face, feeling content with the situation. It was almost like being with Levy and Gajeel, listening as they argued about a job, more specifically Levy demanding that Gajeel take her along. I was shocked to be honest, since our last chance encounter hadn't gone so smoothly.
To be honest I had been apprehensive about the situation when we were sitting at the bar, since being around Rogue usually put my nerves on edge. Of course I had learned that it was best to hide my discomfort, knowing that my reason for being uncomfortable was absolutely unreasonable.
The first time I realized my problem was nearly two years ago, when the guilds were asked to send their best teams to take out a cluster of dark guilds near the capitol. The request was from the royal family so it was assured that all the top guilds were expected to be present.
I, of course, wanted nothing to do with the suicide mission but Natsu refused to leave me behind. He carried me into the meeting hall kicking and screaming the whole way, allowing me to embarrass myself in front of some rather important people. He finally put me down, never releasing his grip from my shoulders as he looked around to the other participants. While his attention was divided I tried to make my escape, but then I caught sight of the group of Sabertooth Mages. I started shaking, absolutely frozen with fear, Natsu calmly whispered into my ear that this Rogue was not the same as the one who had been intent on seeing my life end.
The difference was clear as crystal now, as I watched Yukino punched him playfully in the arm while whining about him being mean to her, and I understood what Natsu meant for the first time.
I wanted things to be normal, and have the easy friendship that Yukino seemed to share with him. Maybe befriending him would help me move forward.
Maybe...
We entered the lobby of the Inn, and I scooted past my companions.
"Excuse me, sir." I stopped at the front desk, trying to get the elderly man's attention.
"Ah, yes miss, what can I do for you?" He gave me a toothless smile as he turned his body to face me.
"Do you have a piece of paper and pen I can borrow?" He nodded his head and shuffled about his desk looking for a spare piece of paper. He handed it over to me and I scribbled a note then handed the pen back. "Thank you!"
"For Cana?" Yukino was looking over my shoulder, trying to read the quick missive.
"I'm hoping she'll drop my stuff off in the morning, I'll let her keep that room. I don't think I'd be able to sleep in there anyway." I blushed against my will, shivering off the discomfort.
"Alright, you take care of that. I need to take a soak before bed." She patted my shoulder before rushing off in the direction of the women's bath.
"I'm going to sleep, let yourselves in when you get back." I gave a halfhearted salute, my nerves spiking for an unknown reason. He shook his head before ducking into the room.
I practically ran on my way to the room Cana and I were supposed to be sharing. My heart pounded painfully in my chest the whole way there, my throat dry.
When I reached the hall where our room was I tried my best to move quietly. So far I had been lucky and remained unnoticed, sighing I slipped the note underneath the door as quickly as I could. My cheeks flamed when I heard a moan followed by a sharp grunt. I swallowed hard, as the noise grew louder, now accompanied by a rhythmic banging against the wall. I broke out of my terror as quickly as I could, running off to join Yukino with a crimson blush coating my face neck and ears.
I should have had the old man deliver the message...
I quickly made my way to the other side of the Inn once more, shaking my head every few minutes to rid myself of the embarrassing images that started to play across my mind. Some time I wished I didn't have such an over active imagination.
Damn you noisy Cana!
Once I enter the locker area, I went straight to wash myself with cold water, avoiding Yukino till I could get my blush under control. The last thing I needed was to get teased for being a prude. Being inexperienced wasn't a crime, damn it all! Eventually Yukino got tired of waiting for me and called that she was going on ahead. So I took the opportunity to have a good look at the damage I had acquired during my mission.
I stood stark naked in front of the tall mirror examining my freshly washed body.
My ribcage was starting to show the signs of deep purple bruises, just like I predicted. I turned from side to side, examining the rest of the damage now that I was completely clean. I had been extremely lucky, if Cana hadn't have been there it was highly possible that the creature would have finished the job. The worst of me felt like I went a round with Gajeel, the muscle in my injured leg were swollen and beginning to turn purple, and there were small cuts and scraps up my left side. The worst of all was the cut to my face, but I was sure it would heal quickly, since the healer used a special cream to close it.
I was still disappointed with myself though, for not completing my task properly.
"Next time I try something like that, I'll make sure to have Taurus standing guard." I bit back a small gasp as my fingers ran over my injured ribs. This was a lesson that I would never forget, it was time to stop being so reckless. I wrapped my towel around my body as tightly as I could handle, and tied a towel around my hair. Yukino had taken off into the spring already, and it was time for me to join in the fun.
I made my way out into the open air, filling my lungs with the warm steam rising off the hot water. My muscle groaned as I slide into the pool; I hummed my pleasure as each one relaxed. The atmosphere was absolutely perfect, with the glow of Hosenka's city lights off in the distance, and the music drifting in the evening air. It was serene and would make the perfect atmosphere for a romantic scene between a heroine and a pervy hero. I made a mental note to write this down so that I could use it later.
I began to hum a tune from one of the songs Yukino and I had sung at the Karaoke bar, letting their lyrics wrap around me. Memories flooded to the surface as the words resonated with my soul. Every thought was laced with the presence of Natsu, he was there for every monumental event that had happened to me since I joined Fairy Tail. I was absolutely and completely hopelessly stuck on the boy that was the biggest part of my life. I couldn't seem to make myself forget his bright smile, his endearing courage, his will to protect no matter the cost.
Slowly my mind made it's way to the day where it all had gone wrong; the day I would give anything to take back.
It was the same as any other afternoon at the guild; our team had just gotten back from a job, and were telling the tales of monsters vanquished and rewards lost to property damage. We laughed together, loving every moment of the joyful atmosphere.
A fight broke out for no apparent reason, quickly getting everyone involved except for me. I tried my best to ignore them, my own little problem consuming my mind.
"You look like you need to talk." I looked up from the book I had been blankly staring at to see Lisanna's smiling face.
"What makes you think I need to talk?" She took the seat beside me and whispered that I finished that page ten minutes ago. I flushed, but pushed my embarrassment back a moment later, closing my book with a sigh.
"Come on Lucy, I know something's on your mind. You can tell me about it if you want." I took a deep breath, not even sure I could put my thoughts into words. The look she was giving me made me want to spill my guts though, it was absolutely the same as Mira's all knowing smile. I expelled a heavy breath, not realizing I had been holding it the whole time.
"Alright, I do have something on my mind. Hypothetically, if there were a guy you liked, how would you go about letting him know?" Her blue eyes crinkled mischievously as she tapped her chin to think of an answer.
"That truly depends on the type of guy. Normally a smile and 'I like you, lets get to know each other better.' would probably do the job. If he's anything like the guys we know though, I'd have to say actions speak louder than words. They having nothing but fighting on the brain half the time, it doesn't leave much room for romantic thoughts; some times I wonder if they even notice that we are girls at all." She smiled at me, taking in the blush that spread across my cheeks. "I really don't have much experience with it myself, so maybe you should ask Cana, or Levy, she reads those saucy romance novels all the time. I'm sure one of them could help you out." She patted my shoulder before heading off towards the bar again. I called out a thank you as she disappeared into the kitchen.
I didn't want to talk to anyone else about the subject, since I was already mortified that Lisanna had gotten anything out of me to begin with. I'd been so careful in the past; changing the subject when I became aware of Lisanna and Mira's desire to set me up. I wanted nothing to do with anyone but him.
I couldn't stop myself from thinking about that conversation, because it was true, I was going to need to be bold to get my feelings across. That thought rang though my head the whole way back to my apartment. Natsu was, if nothing else, a man of action who lived to fight. He was so straight forward all the time, but we had never vocalized what we meant to each other. I was beginning to feel desperate, feeling like if I allowed things to continue at the current pace that he might never realize my feelings.
It wasn't like that at first, though every battle we went through brought us closer. Everything changed after the x791 Grand Magic Games though, when we fought against the dragons. I realized just how precious he was to me, and I realized how much it would hurt to lose him. I hadn't told anyone that my future self passed her memories on to me when the Eclipse gate was destroyed. I had watched his last moments play out in my mind, feeling future Lucy's regret at never telling Natsu how she truly felt. She was wrapped guilt that he died trying his best to protect her. I felt her helplessness as she watched him go down in a blaze of glory.
I knew now that she had returned to her family, in a future that was no longer a part of our timeline. The last emotion she shared with me was gratitude, as her heart swelled with joy. I decided that I wouldn't let myself feel that regret again, so I started to let my walls down.
It had been two whole years since then, and we had grown closer than we had ever been before. Natsu practically lived with me, hardly leaving my side for any reason. He would hold onto my hand at random times during the day, so tightly that it felt like he was trying to keep me from disappearing. He became more cautious about the jobs the three of us would take, saving hard missions for when Erza, Gray, and Wendy accompanied us. From time to time I would even catch him staring at me when we were separated in the guild, even if we were only on opposite sides of the room.
My mind swam with all the different ways he made my heart pound, and my palms sweat. He lit a fire in my heart without even realizing it, and it was time to let him know.
I was so deep in thought that I hadn't even noticed my window opening, and my pink haired friend landing on my bed. He sat there, kicking his shoes off and laying his head back on my pillow. He called over to me asking why I'd come home so early, a sense of worry in his deep green eyes. I gave him a nervous smile, preparing myself for what I was about to do.
"Natsu," I was on my feet, moving toward him without thinking of the consequences of my actions. I had already waited for so long; I just wanted to move forward. He shifted on the bed, making room for me to sit next to him. I took two deep slow breaths gathering all the courage I had to make my next move. My hand moved on it's own, gently cupping his cheek. "I want to be more than friends" I leaned forward, my lips brushing against his for only a few moments.
I pulled back, my heart pounding louder with every second he stayed silent.
I wasn't sure what was going on in his mind, because he was suddenly stone faced, with wide eyes. He didn't say a word as he grabbed his shoes and jumped out my bedroom window.
If I was being honest, it was really me who was an idiot. I sighed, letting go of my worries. What's done is done as they say, there was no point in moping any longer. I had wasted two years of my life on a relationship that would never amount to anything. Even still, I refused to feel regret, Natsu was the beacon that illuminated my way home, and he would always be that for me.
Yukino was right, it was time to put my feelings for him in a box and file it away. I'd hold onto them for the rest of my life, even if he never loved me in return, but I couldn't let myself dwell on those feelings. It would be the hardest task I'd ever forced upon myself, but I knew that if I didn't accomplish it, I'd drive myself insane.
"What are you thinking about?" I turned my head, realizing I hadn't noticed that Yukino was beside me.
"I'm never falling for a Fairy Tail mage ever again." I gave a lopsided smile before leaning my head back to look up at the stars.
"That's a good idea, maybe you should think about someone who doesn't have a death wish." She was teasing, but the idea was still inviting.
"That would be so boring though. What would my life be without battling man eating monster plants, and dark guilds every day?" I teased back.
"You're right, normal guys are boring." She nodded her head sagely. "The last one I dated ran screaming when I introduced him to the guild." She laughed at the memory, her eyes sparkling with glee.
"I've gotten plenty of interest from normal men, they just never measured up to Natsu. It sucks that he is always going to be my base for comparison." I took a deep breath and looked up at the nearly full moon, schooling my features into a serious expression. "Truthfully, I'm thinking that I don't want to search for love, trying to fill the void with just anyone won't make me happy."
Yukino placed a hand on my shoulder, giving me a sweet smile.
"Some day you'll fall without even realizing it, and when it happens I hope it'll be everything you ever dreamed of. You deserve nothing less, Lucy-sama."
We settled into a comfortable silence, just listening to the wind blow through the trees. It was such a serene feeling listening to the calm waterfall and our slow steady breathing. I allowed myself to slip into a wonderful daydream of a peaceful day of shopping in Magnolia's market place, imagining the pair of black heeled boots that I couldn't afford just a few weeks ago. I hoped they still had them in my size.
The silence stretched on as my mind traveled to other things.
"Hey, Yukino?"
"Mhm." She mumbled with closed eyes.
"Why are you on a job with Rogue; I mean why is it just you two?" She cracked an eye open, measuring her response carefully.
"Master doesn't like sending me on jobs alone. Rogue was being punished anyway so he got stuck with bodyguard duty." She looked distant for a moment before she closed her eyes again.
"That's a strange punishment." I closed my eyes as well.
"Making Frosh stay behind with Lector is the real punishment, since they hate being apart. It's really the only thing that affects him enough to be considered a punishment."
I could see that being the truth, Rogue didn't seem the type to let anything get to him. He seemed like the type that didn't allow emotions to affect his decision making. Of course anyone could see how different he was with the small green exceed, and I couldn't blame him for it either, Frosh was so cute he could melt the coldest of hearts.
Suddenly I found myself missing the little blue exceed, Happy. Yeah, he could be annoying from time to time, but he was great company. When I was feeling down or lonely he and I would spy on our guild mates, and laugh behind their backs when we discovered their secrets. Sometime he would use the information to bride people to buy him fish.
"Poor Rogue, I bet he misses that little ball of fluff." I really wanted to say I missed Happy, but I had decided that saying it out loud would make me miss them both even more.
"He'll be fine, he needs to socialize with other people more anyway. Most likely that's the reason Master made him stay, since dealing with people is one of Rogue's biggest weaknesses." She leaned forward, gathering her knees to her chest. "Plus he won't let me be alone for very long." There was a note of sadness to her voice that she was trying extremely hard to bury.
"You don't need to say anymore, I get it." I patted her shoulder, realizing she had troubles of her own.
"I guess I know a little something about what your going through. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone how you really feel about them." She gave me a defeated smile. "Unfortunately for us, it didn't seem to work out that all that well."
She was struggling with mending a broken heart as well. It made sense now, she was staying away from her guild the same as I was trying to do.
"It's his loss." I whispered, the words had been meant for both of us.
"Yes it is." She nodded.
.
.
.
We laughed as we shared stories on our way back to the room, both of us wrapped in thin cotton robes. I felt so much better now that I knew Yukino really did understand what I was going through, she was a far better choice to help me now than Cana could be. Don't get me wrong, I adored the drunken card wielder like an older sister, but her answer to the problem wasn't going to be enough this time around.
I had to do this on my own power, without relying on a crutch like alcohol.
We reached the room and I put the key in the lock, twisted then pushed my way in. Yukino turned the light on so we wouldn't trip over the threshold. I noticed that my bag was tucked in the corner, and made my way over to it.
Lucy,
I really am sorry about what I said earlier, I didn't mean it, I was just angry. I think maybe it's best you just take some time to think about what you want, you know, just enjoy yourself. Don't worry I'll let Gramps know that your taking a little vacation. Be strong kid, and remember there are plenty of fish in the sea! Oh and don't forget to send your rent to that scary land lady of yours! I don't wanna see you on the street.
See you back in Magnolia
Cana
I dropped the note onto the table with a small smile. I wasn't angry at her anymore, how could I be? She had the sense to remind me of the punishment I would receive if my rent was late again.
"What's that?"
"It's a reminder that I came on a job so I could pay my rent." Cana must have already been on her way to the train station, she'd be heading home soon. "My land lady won't let me get away with being late again. Not after holding my apartment for me for the seven years while we were missing. She's strict, but sweet in a way." I don't know what I would have done if my father hadn't sent enough rent to pay off the seven years of back rent I owed. Most likely I'd still be trying to pay it off. "Cana's also letting our Master know not to expect me back for a little while, so I can take my time figuring things out." Tears pricked at my eyes; Cana was a really good friend no matter how badly she hurt me with her comments earlier that night. I began to laugh, not really knowing why, but it felt good.
"What's wrong with her?" I caught Rogue mumbling from the other side of the room. His hair was disheveled, his robe hanging slightly open on top. I had to look away, feeling the embarrassed heat rise up my neck. Just one more thing that made no sense, I saw my teammates half (or in Gray's case stark) naked all the time. I'd lost the shock that a finely toned chest sent down my spine a long time ago. The hell are you embarrassed for? It's just a bit of chest. I chastised myself silently for the moment of awkwardness.
"Maybe she's still a little tipsy, I dunno." Yukino shrugged her shoulders. "Thanks for setting up the futons." She was already on the other side of the room, slipping under her blanket with a tired sigh.
"Kill the light will ya?" Rogue muttered as he slumped back down, pulling the blanket over his head.
I watched the two as they drifted off, Rogue on the left side of the room, Yukino on the right. My mat was in the middle, just below the only window in the room. Slowly I gathered my composure, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness when the lights went off. I knew instantly that I wasn't going to sleep well, even if I still had a little of my buzz from earlier that evening.
"I need to figure out a way to get past this."
I sighed and opened the window, intent on gazing at the stars in the absence of sleep. I took my finger, and traced the lines of the Zodiac constellations slowly allowing myself to think over the past few days.
"I can't just sit around moping, I should be out there doing something." I lazily hung my arms across the sill, continuing to talk to myself. "Maybe I should start working on expanding my magic again, or find some more silver keys. I'll have to work more if I want to afford them. What is Erza going to do when she finds out that I'm leaving the team? I almost don't want to tell her... she'll demand a reason. Why did I have to make everything so complicated?"
I brushed my fingers through my loose hair, tucking it behind my ear so that my vision stayed clear.
"What would you tell me to do Mama?" I closed my eyes trying to bring a picture of my mother into my mind, imagining what kind of advice she would be giving me if she were still alive.
"You'd say that sometimes things need to fall apart, because when I pick myself back up I'll be stronger than before." I took a deep breath enjoying the light scent of the honey suckle blossoms that crept around the window frame. "I've survived so much worse, I will not let this be the thing that destroys me. I just really don't want to fall apart right now."
I fiddled with the keys on the garter around my thigh, pulling a silver key out. As quietly as I could I summoned Lyra, the harp.
"Lucy! It's been ages! What can I do for you?" She gave me the biggest hug.
"Can you stay with me till I fall asleep?" She looked at me with sympathy radiating off her entire being, obviously she already had a grasp on what I was feeling.
"What's the matter?" I tried not to look bothered, as I gave her my answer.
"I'm having a bad day." I looked back to the sky trying to keep my composure. "It's still hard to adjust to sleeping alone."
"It'll get easier Lucy, I promise it will." Lyra patted my head and settled herself next to me.
"I'm sorry, I'm not as st-st-strong as I pretend to be Lyra, and I'm worried that I've lost my best friend because of my stupidity." I couldn't hold back the tears any more, as thoughts swirled through my mind. "I can't stand it, so please stay with me."
"You'll be ok, Lucy." Her sweet voice eased my nerves if only a little. "I won't leave you alone, none of us will leave you alone."
She played a soft tune on her harp, as she leaned against me. The words she sang were meant to calm my turbulent thoughts, to bring me to a calm and peaceful state of mind. I was starting to feel drowsy now, my eye lids heavy as I let her melody lull me off to sleep.
Natsu...