Who is ready for some twists and turns? I really enjoyed writing this chapter, it makes me smile so much, and I hope you all enjoy reading it.
I stumbled onto the floor, with Rogue secured to one arm, and Yukino to the other. Yukino and I laughed at my clumsiness, even getting a small chuckle from the ever quiet Rogue. I had little trouble finding Cana since she was right where I had left her, although she had a new 'dance' partner again. I released my grip on my two captives and started to let the music dictate my motions again, letting the rest of the world fall away for a moment of pure bliss.
Three songs in and I was flying high as a kite, hopping around singing with the lyrics that I knew. The band was well versed, and covered tons of popular music. The best part was that it was so loud in this area, that I wasn't worried about people pelting me with tomatoes for my horrible singing.
"You are an evil genius Cana! How the hell have we never been here before?" I reached for Yukino's hands forcing her to join me as an upbeat song started to play. I knew I was making a fool of myself, but I couldn't care less when I was having the time of my life. "I might come every night."
Yukino was laughing, and smiling as we hopped and swayed in time to the music. I spun her twice in a row, laughing as she nearly lost her balance. I knew I looked immature, but dancing like this felt to good to worry about anything else. I didn't care what anyone thought of me, I never really had.
"If I would have know this was all it took to get you to loosen up, we would have gone out of town to a club years ago!" Cana yelled over the music so I could hear her.
"I wish I would have known myself, we absolutely would have made the trip!" I smiled brightly, reaching for my other companion so I could spin her again. "Is this the best Yuki-chan?" I turned up empty, Yukino wasn't next to me anymore.
I was slightly confused as I looked around for her, I shook my head when I saw she was heading for Rogue who looked as bored as ever. I took a step forward, intent on joining them, but something held me back. She walked around him in a slow circle, something sparkling in her eyes that I hadn't seen before. That was quite right, she was giving the dark haired man the same look that Cana reserved for the special barrels of expensive booze, the one's she likes to drink in privacy. Finished with her silent appraisal, she stopped in front of him. Her delicate hands brazenly reached out and positioned his on the tops of her full hips, forcing him to move with her to the rhythm of the music.
I shifted, pretending to dance again, but I couldn't really force myself to turn away. My eyes continued to flicker back to them against my will, studying the movements, committing every motion to memory. She was already bordering on Cana's level of inappropriate public behavior, becoming more aggressive as the song progressed. Rogue was saying something to her, but I was too far to hear over the music and the conversations of strangers. I couldn't see Yukino's reaction either, and I found myself desperately wanting to know what they were saying.
My mouth ran dry as his hands moved along the surface of the dress I had load her, ending around her back where he linked his them. I felt the burn at the back of my eyes, and I forced myself to look away finally. I couldn't fathom way I felt like I might cry, I had no reason to cry.
I ignored the questioning gaze that Cana was sending me, as I tried to explain away the feeling of tears gathering in my eyes. The haze of alcohol was making it hard to discern the source of the tidal wave of emotions that knocked the air right out of my lungs. I tried to rationalize what ever this falling that was hot and ugly burning its way up my throat. I couldn't just stand there watching anymore, I had to escape, quickly.
Cana's call drifted unanswered in the space between us as I rushed to the V.I.P section, intent on sobering up a bit. I needed to clear my mind, and work out what the hell was wrong with me. I cursed under my breath, trying to remember if I had eaten something strange.
Lisanna was lazing about, taking long sips of her brightly colored cocktail when I finally reached the sitting area. She gave me the once over, and tilted her head in curiosity. I didn't like that gleam in her bright blue eyes, like she was going to pull information from me by force. "Come sit, you look like you need to cool off." She patted a cushion, and called for a glass of water that she forced on me.
"Is that any better?" She asked once I had finished the tall glass, and accepted the seat. I offered her a nod, not trusting my voice for a second time that day.
"Lucy what happened, you were just getting into it?" Cana slid into the seat next to me, but my attention was elsewhere. It was horrible that I couldn't seem to keep myself from looking over at them.
"I'm not feeling well, maybe I've had more to drink than I realized." It was a weak excuse, I wasn't anywhere near the amount that I had consumed the night prior. Still I was not in my right mind, maybe Mira had added something strange to one of my drinks. It wasn't unrealistic, Mira had done things like that to me before. Could she have done it to all of us? Was that why Levy got so messed up that quickly, or why Yukino was suddenly as alluring as Cana?
Cana followed my line of sight over the dance floor, then her eyes softened just a fraction. She settled back into her seat, fixing her top so that more of her ample chest was bared.
Lisanna handed me a fresh glass of water, and poked me until I accepted it. Cana just sat there watching me carefully; she was waiting for something to happen, but I had no idea what. The next song had already started, and Yukino had moved so that she could move more freely to the music. Her armed were thrown over her head as she slide up and down the length of his body. I was so confused, why was this making me so uncomfortable? Cana was just dancing the same way with a total stranger! Yukino and Rogue had been friends for years, they had an easy friendship that I myself was hoping to establish with the dark haired man.
What the hell is wrong with me?
"Oi, why are you guys just sitting around?" Gray, who miraculously still had his shirt on, called from the other side of the ropes. He gave me a worried glance, like he too was waiting for me to break.
"We've been enjoying our nice girl talk, now go away before Juvia drowns us all." Lisanna pointed to the pissed off water mage who was tugging the back of his shirt to get him back to the floor. He narrowed his eyes at me, as if he knew I wasn't there to talk.
"Lucy, what's wrong?"
"I'm fine Gray, just had a little to much to drink. I'll be back when I'm less woozy." I gave him a sweet smile and shooed him with my hands. He looked to Cana apparently not willing to take my word for it; she mouthed something I couldn't really see. His eyes went wide for a split second and he looked back at me, his mouth hanging open. Before he could say whatever it was he intended, Juvia managed to drag him back allowing the crowd to swallow them completely. I wanted to ask what that was about, but Cana didn't give me the opportunity.
"So I was right, little Miss Yukino has a thing for tall, dark and handsome." She was giving me one of her evil smirks, like she knew something that she would never tell me. "To bad I only date normal guys or I'd be over there trying to get a piece of the action too."
"He's not your type and you know it." Lisanna commented as she looked over to where I had my eyes focused. "You want a guy who will roll over and let you do what ever you want. You like them spineless and infatuated."
"You make that sound like a bad thing." Cana pouted.
"I'm happy for Yukino. Rogue is a nice guy, she deserves someone like that." My words sounded weak, even if I meant them with every fiber of my being. "So stay away, I don't want anything to mess it up for her."
"Pretty boys are always popular." Cana leaned back in her seat, kicking her high heeled shoes up on the table. "She'll have tons of competition for his affections, I'm sure."
My focus had been shifting back and forth from the girls to the 'couple' the whole time, the discomfort growing with every passing minute. Yukino's arms were now draped around Rogue's shoulders, absently playing with a piece of his dark hair that had escaped the elastic band he used to hold it up. The smile on her face was peaceful, as she swayed with the music. I looked back at her dance partner, and our eyes met; I flushed absolutely crimson as he flashed me a smile. That was the second time he had caught me staring, yet for some reason I couldn't force myself to look away this time.
"Ah look there, competition already." Cana pointed to a slim brunette that had the look of a wolf stalking her supper, her eyes set on Rogue as the main course.
"That girl doesn't stand a chance" I said coolly. Yukino noticed the woman a moment later and turned a venomous look on the brunette before she could get any closer. "Yuki-chan will fight to the death for what she wants."
"Sounds familiar." Lisanna giggled before finishing off her drink. "I knew this blonde once, she would have followed this fool she fell in love with to hell and back if it meant they could be together. She was the hopeless romantic, a true gem really."
"A blonde who loved a fool? Oh, I know that one, too. She followed him straight to hell and back alright, but in the end she found him unworthy of her affections." I let a small smile creep up. "Of course that was after the fourth, wait that's not right, it was the fifth trip to hell. The whole thing was tragic."
"Absolutely tragic, she began to waste away, shutting everyone out for fear they'd discover her folly. She had a group of awesome friends though, and they helped her to realized that she could simply gather the pieces of her broken heart and start again. A true romantic never truly gives up on love, so they reminded her that out there somewhere she might find someone who was worthy." Lisanna quipped back.
"I'm sure her wounded heart became wary of suitors, fearing that none would meet expectation." I sighed, in a wistful sort of way that I had never done before. "Who knows, maybe she knows where to look, but is too scared to let her heart get broken again."
"She's right, there are plenty of fish in the sea, I'm sure you'll find someone ten times better than Natsu someday. He's a little boy who doesn't appreciate everything you've gone through to stay by his side. Now lets go start looking for Men, no more little boys for you girlie." Cana was grabbing for my hand, but I shook my head.
"Cana, you ruined the whole thing!" Lisanna cried indignantly, and was ignored by both of us.
"You want to have fun and be free to do what ever you want right, come on I'll teach you how?"
"I may be ready to let go of my feeling for Natsu, but I don't want to just get involved with someone just because I can." Cana gave me a disappointed pout before she was off to find her next 'hunk of man meat'.
Only Cana could come up with a phrase so unappetizing.
I shifted next to Lisanna, who was giving me a terribly good impression of her sister's all knowing smile.
"What?"
"Oh nothing, just never thought you could get jealous." She took a much smaller drink for herself, and handed me another glass of water.
"Jealous, of what?" I shifted my focus back to her for a moment, an eyebrow raised in my confusion.
"You're too cute Lucy." She gave me a side hug. "Figuring that out is half the fun, so you'll be doing it on your own." She finished off her drink before heading off to join in the fun.
I settled back in my seat, watching as she joined Erza, and a gang of men who were trying to get the red head to pay attention to them. Lisanna began talking to her with a bright smile, as if she didn't have a care in the world, completely ignoring her own little fan club. Whatever she said made Erza extremely happy, and the two moved back to where Cana had selected her newest victim. I watched them start a very animated conversation, and lost interest quickly.
Jealous, huh? What could make Lisanna think I'm feeling jealous? I have no reason to be jealous of anything or anyone. Its absolutely ridiculous to even think that I'm feeling anything close to such an ugly emotion.
I shook my head, whipping the little curls around my face back and forth. There was no base for that accusation, none at all. I felt a tap on my shoulder that I came back to the present, hoping to high heaven I hadn't been thinking out loud.
"You left in a hurry," Rogue took the seat next to me, and I tensed. "are you ok?"
"I didn't mean to worry everyone." I focused on the glass of water in my hands, willing my fingers to stop trembling. "I just needed to think for a while."
My god I can't even control my own body anymore! What the hell did Mira put in my drink?!
"I've been meaning to thank you." I felt the cushion next to me sag deeper as he leaned back.
"Thank me for what?" I took a quick glance and found myself smiling at the man who looked as if he were right at home. He had his eyes closed, his long bangs hiding a fair portion of his face. His dark leather boots were sitting crossed over one another on the table, while his arms were crossed over his chest. He looked decidedly comfortable, and everything I had been feeling suddenly didn't matter anymore.
"The brat over there has been a pain in my side since she and Sting got into a huge fight." He didn't make an attempt to indicate who the brat was, it didn't matter because I knew he meant Yukino. "She's been less annoying since we ran into you, so thanks."
"Oh." I wasn't sure why I felt disappointed, but I did. My shoulders sagged slightly, and I felt my fingers twitch before ghosting over the burn on my wrist.
"Does that still hurt?" I looked over, and saw he had one eye cracked, observing me.
"Not really, I'm no stranger to Natsu's flames." I shifted, readjusting my dress so that it covered more of my exposed thighs. "This is nothing, I've had far worse."
My small confession seemed to make Rogue uncomfortable. He shifted, taking his feet off the table, and gave me such a serious look, I found myself holding my breath again.
"Has he's ever done this on purpose before?" He was being careful with his words, trying not to make a big deal of the accusation. However the venom in his tone when he pointed to my wrist, gave him away.
"I've been caught in his attacks more than I care to admit, but it's never been specifically directed at me." I took a deep breath and settle the sense of terror I felt remembering that look of fury that had flared when he had burned my wrist. "Natsu was angry, and that fuels his flames, I'm sure he didn't intent to cause me real pain."
Rogue was quiet for a moment, seemingly digesting the information. I let myself turn back to the dance floor, trying to spot my friends in the throng of fast paced bodies, as a way to distract myself. Rogue shifted back into his comfortable position, but his shoulder stayed tense.
"It looked like Natsu knew exactly what he was doing from where I was standing." It was so quiet, I had almost missed his remark.
"If he got the message to leave me alone, this little burn will be worth it." I settled back into my seat, trying hard not to look at my companion for fear he might catch me staring a third time. "It'll be hard, since we both work for the same Guild, but I'm determined to avoid him till I don't feel so angry anymore."
"That sounds like a good idea."
We sat quietly for a while, just the two of us, my mind growing clearer as the time ticked by. I fought the urge to reach over and brush the hair out of his face more than once, so I ended up closing my eyes as well. I tired to listen to the music, and forget everything else. It was comfortable, almost comfortable enough to put my hazy mind to sleep.
"Those monsters over there aren't happy that you ran off the dance floor a bit ago." I opened my eyes to find that he was watching me openly. "Erza asked me to try and convince you to join them." His eyes shifted, and I saw Cana and Erza dancing next to Yukino, the red head's eyes were trained directly on us watching like a hawk.
"Oh, so Erza sent you, that makes more sense." Disappointment flooded my system again. I made an effort not to look over at him as I waved to Erza; she narrowed her eyes a fraction more, probably knowing my smile was fake this time.
"I'm pretty sure she'll skin me alive if you don't come back soon."
"Well I can't have you murdered after how much help you've offered me today. I'll go tell her to leave you alone." Rogue got to his feet first and offered me his hand, along with another smile.
His smile is so nice; I can't remember ever seeing him smile like this before.
I accepted it, and allowed him to lead me back towards our group.
"Can I be honest?" I had to shout a little as we pushed through the crowd, his hand still wrapped tightly around mine.
"Of course." He didn't look back at me, just kept pushing through.
"I was embarrassed, you know, that's why I left. I'm not really used to this, old habits die hard I guess." He stopped short for a moment, before letting out the smallest laugh. He turned to look at me this time, a sweet smile (that suited him far more than I thought should be allowed) softening his features. "I don't even know how to, um, dance like the others."
"It isn't hard; I could show you, if you want." By this point I was sure my face was on fire. My throat was so dry that the only answer I could manage was a weak nod.
He started by gripping me in a fashion I was used to, all formal, with a proper distance between us. He moved my hands first, so slowly that I found myself holding my breath. He let out another small laugh at how ridged I was, he rested my hands on his shoulders, and gave me a second to adjust.
I tried my best not to jump out of my skin when his hands came back down to rest on my waist. The contact felt like white hot coals lighting little fires through the thin fabric of my dress. I tried to calm myself as we began to sway from side to side, Rogue lead gently sensing my discomfort. I was panicking on the inside, the glimmer of my fears whispering to me that I was putting myself in danger.
They were easy enough to ignore when I decided to focus on keeping eye contact, even if I felt I might die of embarrassment at the sparkle of amusement I found there. my breath caught in my throat as he slowly slide down an inch or so to rest his hands on the natural curve of my hip. He was giving me time to adjust between each embarrassing movement, waiting till I relaxed before moving to the next stage; I couldn't decide if he was being a gentleman or a devil because it was leaving me absolutely breathless in a way I'd never experienced before. He pulled me closer at a slow and steady pace, until I was forced to adjust my hold, looping my arms around his neck. The voice was screaming at me now, saying I was getting myself into far more trouble than I realized. I kept as much distance between us as possible, so that I could continue to keep eye contact, unwilling to relinquish the last bits of space between us.
Rogue adjusted his hands once again, locking them around my back, forcing me forward the last little bit. I let out a squeak as my body molded against his. His hand slipped up to the back of my head and gently pushed forward; the voice in my head fainted, leaving me to silently lay my head down. This was the position Yukino had been in when he had caught me staring, I realized quickly. He wasn't forcing me to do anything inappropriate or the lest bit compromising. If there was any tension left in my body, it vanished when I realized this, and I allowed myself to listen to the steady beating of his heart. I let myself study how it felt to be wrapped in his arms.
This isn't so bad, what was I so worried about it in the first place?
I took a deep breath, a slightly familiar scent assaulting my nose. For a moment I was glad Rogue wasn't able to see my face as it flamed absolutely vermillion. It took a minute or so to get my baring back. I was certain my face would never go back to it's normal color after this night, there was no way it could.
How was it even possible that he made me so flustered, without even doing anything? I decided it was pointless to try figuring it out, especially when I felt so weak at the knees. I focused on the events that had not been a dream the previous night, with a new sense of understanding.
"Thank you for last night." I whispered into the fabric of his borrowed shirt. I smiled to myself, knowing now that he had been the one who banished the dark dreams for me.
"You're welcome." He whispered back just loud enough for me to catch.
My mind was blown, Rogue had been the one who held onto me until I was able to sleep again; he's seen me at my weakest, and was still standing here offering me small pleasantries. It was just one more selfless thing that he had done on my behalf, and I would need to come up with something spectacular to thank him for all of it.
Two songs had come and gone since he had started the little game to get me comfortable. A third was beginning with an upbeat tempo; I found that I didn't want to release my hold on him, I wanted to stay in his comforting presence until the whole world no longer mattered. I noticed that he wasn't shifting positions either, as we continued to sway slowly from side to side.
This was completely foreign to me, I'd never craved to be this close to anyone, not even Natsu.
"This is nice." I heard myself whisper, I half expect it to break the spell, forcing him to release me, but it only seemed to make him draw me in closer. "Maybe we could have one more dance, you know, for practice."
"Alright." He rested his chin on top of my head, and I could feel him sigh.
If I'd had my choice I would have stayed that way for the rest of the night, it just felt so right.
Unfortunately my crazy family had other plans, and before I knew what was happening, I had been wrenched away and thrown over a shoulder.
"After party at Lucy's!" Loki called to the rest of the group. "Lisanna said Mira's bringing food!"
I offered an apologetic smile to Rogue as Loki carried me off, holding back a giggle at the look of shock still plaster to his face. A moment later Gray was slinging his arm around the other man's shoulder, quietly whispering something in his ear. Rogue nodded to whatever it was, shoving his hands in his pockets as he followed the ice mage towards the exit.
Once we hit the night air Loki placed me on my feet, a very serious look on his face. A lecture was on the tip of his tongue and I wasn't having it.
"That wasn't necessary, all you had to do was tell me it was time to leave." I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a small pout. The effect wasn't as potent as I had desired, because a gust of wind made me shiver violently. This broke Loki out of his mood, and he shrugged off his coat to wrap around my shoulders.
"I'm sorry Lucy, I don't know what came over me." He put an arm around my waist, steering me towards my apartment.
I was determined to give him the silent treatment the whole way, as punishment for ruining something so special. He spent a good five minutes just trying to get me to laugh, because if he could manage that I would forgive him. I was far to predictable. He even resorted to tickling me, the jerk knew I couldn't stay mad after that. I pushed him off, and pulled my heels off. He gave me a look and I took off running. When I reached our destination, completely out of breath, I noticed the lights were already on.
Is Mira already here? How did she get in, I took the copy of my key from her months ago?
I cautiously entered the building, listening carefully as I opened my front door. I noted that it was lock, this was usually a sign that one of my teammates had made themselves at home. I had tried for years to convince them to use the door, but I still couldn't get them to stop breaking in. I pushed the door open and relaxed in the warmth the wood burning fire brought to my cozy little home.
"Lu-chan you're home finally! It was so mean to send me off like that." Levy whined from my couch as I stepped into the room. Gajeel was snoozing next to her, a heavy hand placed on top of her head. I stopped a moment to appreciate the image, knowing that he would go back to being his normal badass self the instant he woke.
"Have you been here the whole time?" I crossed the room to my dresser, intent on getting out of my dress.
"Why does Bunny girl have a creepy smile on?" Apparently Levy's outburst had woken Gajeel up.
"I do not have a creepy smile." I frowned at him over the dresser drawer.
"You are smiling though, what happened?" Levy dove off the cushion grasping for my arm. "Tell me everything!"
"What is it a bad thing to smile now?" I resumed grabbing a pair of yoga pants, a tank top and an over sized pink cashmere sweater that hung off my one shoulder along with a fresh set of undergarments.
"You look absolutely smitten!" Levy cried, as I dragged her with me to the bathroom (since she refused to release her grasp) so I could get changed. "You are practically glowing!"
"You've lost your mind." I tried to push her off, but she refused to let go without answers. "I just had a good time."
"She was dancing with Rogue." That sent my little blue haired friend into a frenzy, and I gave Loki a glare.
"Awe that's so romantic! I've totally won the bet too, Juvia better pay up." She finally released her grip and skipped off to Gajeel, acting as if she hadn't had a drop to drink the whole night.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear any of that." I scowled at my three friends before disappearing behind the curtain. I made quick work of stripping off my evening wear, and settled into my more comfortable lay-around-the-house clothes. "You are overreacting, people are supposed to dance at a club. I mean Cana went through half the guys there."
"You were ignoring all the guys when I was sent home." She hollered back.
I heard the front door open and close, the melody of Mira's singing voice drifted in along with the smell of something mouth watering. I hastily pulled on my wool socks and darted back into the room. Elfman was carrying several bags fill to the brim with take out containers. Mira and Levy began moving my furniture about. I shoved everything that I could under my bed, and locked up my writing desk. By the time we were finished, the rest of my friends came barging in.
"I'd love to stay, and hear all about your night, but I have to get back." Mira gave a sweet smile and hugged Lisanna. "You'll be staying the night right?"
"I doubt anyone wants to leave Lucy alone." She answered as her sister released her.
"Have fun, come on Elfman, I have a job for you."
"Thanks you Mira, Elfman!" I called as they excused themselves.
"There is so much food!" Gray dove over the coffee table and unceremoniously started digging through the bags. Everyone was laughing as he started to pill containers up in his arms.
"Gray, no one is going to steal it from you." I let myself drop on my bed. "Now share with everyone else or I'll make you go home." He peaked up at me, and I offered an easy smile.
"It's Mira's cooking, can you blame me?" I shook my head.
"I know, but there are a lot people here." I pointed to the group that was getting ready to get their own food, while others tried to find a comfortable place to sit. "If there isn't enough I can just make something, my fridge and pantry are fully stocked since their hasn't been anyone for me to feed for a while."
I hadn't meant the comment to make the others uneasy, I couldn't blame them for worrying I had been an absolute wreck for a month now. I wanted to make sure they knew that I was going to be fine, there was no reason for them to worry anymore. There was only one thing I could think of that would break the tension without much effort.
I doubled over laughing, deep and heartfelt.
"Gray you broke her!" Lisanna cried before starting to laugh too.
"She isn't broken, she's finally fixed." Cana slapped Lisanna on the back before moving to take the spot next to me on the bed. "Right Lucy?"
"I've spent enough time crying, I just want to have fun and enjoy the time I have with my friends." I leaned back on my hands and looked at the ceiling, letting my breathing even out. "I'm working on living with no regrets."
Cana was about to say something, but was cut off.
"Lucy, Juvia found a package on the counter!" The blue haired woman moved through the crowded room and settled on the floor in front of me. "Open it." She was super curious, and I knew she wouldn't let it go until I did.
"I forgot to mention that it was there when we got here." Levy had bobbed over to sit on my other side, leaving Gajeel to help himself to the food.
The bright blue box didn't have any indication who it was from, so I carefully opened it. I gasped when the lid came away and sitting there were the boots that I had been heart broken over earlier in the day. A small card was placed there.
I was saving them for Christmas. They're from Happy, mostly, so please don't throw them away. Please don't punish Happy for my mistakes. I'll make things right, I promise, I am really sorry for everything.
-Natsu
"Are those the ones you were going to buy earlier?" Yukino asked with wide eyes.
"How is this possible? She said they were sold out!" I starred at the box for a moment before I got angry at it. "Yukino you take them, I don't want them anymore." I pushed them into her hands before moving over to my dinning table to get my share of food.
"What's going on Lucy?" Erza came up behind, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Its a bribe, Erza." I pointed an accusing finger at the box still in the light haired woman's hand. "I'm not falling for it." I took a deep breath and continued examining the food laid out in no sensible order, my hand coming up to cradle my injured wrist, the shock of a burning sensation making me shiver.
"Lucy, look at me." Erza ordered. I spun, and set my expression in one of neutrality. "I think it's time you tell me exactly what kind of relationship the two of you were carrying on with."
"What exactly are you asking?" She pulled me back to sit on my bed again, throwing a warning glare at everyone else. "Didn't Cana explain it?"
"Natsu stayed here often, didn't he?" Erza was never one to beat around the bush.
"Not for the reasons you think." I instinctively pulled my knees up to my chest. "It was for my benefit, not his."
"Care to explain?" Erza wasn't happy with where this was going, I was sure.
"She has nightmares." Loki answered for me. "The first couple of months after the Games, they were so bad she refused to sleep properly."
"Who didn't have nightmares after that, it's not something to be ashamed of." Lisanna took a seat on the floor as well. "I've had my fair share as well."
"I-I, don't want to talk about this." I buried my face in my sweater. "Can we talk about something else, anything but this?"
Erza wasn't letting up though, her gaze was burning hot. I started to shake, still to tipsy to put up my defenses.
"Someone precious died in Lucy's arms that day. She used herself a shield to protect our Lucy, to preserve a future where she wouldn't have to lose her family."
"That's enough, I-I can tell them the rest." I gathered my strength, and used it to keep myself from crying. "Time flows in one direction, and different event can have different outcomes. The manic who unleashed the dragons came from a time line where I had closed the gate. The other was me, she wanted to find a way to defeat the dragons, she didn't know that they would come through the gate." My whole body started to shake. "She gave her life, trusting that Natsu would find a way to stop it. She was so overcome with grief just seeing him again."
"How do you know that?" Lisanna asked gently.
"When the gate was destroyed, a part of her memories were transferred to me. She watched a lot of people die in her own time, the dragons were everywhere. The most vivid memory is the one that I have nightmares about, s-she, h-h-he. Natsu goes down fighting, but he's no match for that many dragons alone. The last thing he does is tell her to get out of there, to find somewhere safe."
"That's why you call for him in your sleep?" Erza rested a hand on my shoulder, a gesture of comfort.
"I don't know, Natsu refused to tell me what I say in my sleep."
"There's more isn't there?" Yukino probed, with a sad look on her face. "Last night you were saying things that scared me."
"I'm sorry for that, I had hoped Lyra would be able to put me out without dreams." I ducked my head again, not wanting to admit it with Rogue in the room.
"She asked for it to stop, for Rogue not to hurt her anymore, right?" Loki asked as he looked over at me.
"It's not the first time this has happened then?." Yukino shifted her glance to the dark haired mage standing in the corner.
"I." I wanted to tell him I was sorry, to tell him I wasn't scared, but the words wouldn't come.
"Rogue isn't the person she is asking to stop, it's the monster from the future, her subconscious mind how ever doesn't make that distinction like she can while awake. So when ever she is around Sabertooth she watches him kill Lucy, she is forced to see herself die in her own arms."
"How could you keep something like that from us?" Erza turned back to me.
"I couldn't say it!" I sounded like a spoiled child. "If I said it out loud I would be admitting that I was afraid and I don't want to be afraid."
"She has made wonderful progress over the past year, the dreams only come every so often. She has even managed to get over needing to have Natsu there when she wakes up." Loki gave a proud smile. "I never liked that you needed him to comfort you, and it's good to know that I will be enough from here on out."
"I don't think they'll be a problem anymore, see I'm not scared at all right now!" I tried my best to give them a happy grin.
"You don't have to convince anyone." Cana gave me a soft smile. "You were much to comfortable to be scared earlier."
They all laughed, and I blushed realizing they had been watching us dancing at the club..
"Shut up and start eating the food before I kick you all out." I dove back into the bed, and covered my head with a pillow.
In true Fairy Tail fashion it was a party till you drop kind of night, and the girls ended up piling on or around my bed. Erza was snugly pressed against the wall under my window, sandwiching me in between her and Yukino. Lisanna was curled at the foot of the bed, while Juvia and Cana leaned their back against the length of it. Levy had my head cradled in her lap, her back supported by my head board.
"I know you're still awake." It was Gray talking in the dark, watching over me from the other side of the room.
"I'm afraid I'll get squashed if I let myself drift off too long." I whispered back.
"Why didn't you tell us you were having a problem?" He seemed hurt, and for a moment I felt badly that I kept it a secret. "We could have found a way to help you sooner."
"Do you like talking about Ur's death?" I heard him suck in a sharp breath, and muttered no. "I couldn't stop Natsu from getting involved, Loki panicked and forced his gate open and when I wouldn't calm down he ran to get Natsu."
"So your saying you wouldn't have wanted him to know either?" Gray held an air of accusation.
"He would have found out about it eventually, but no it was not a nice discussion, telling him that I had to watch him die over and over again." I sighed. "I'm sure I'll be able to move past it now though."
"What changed?" It was a rather sudden declaration I supposed.
"Rogue will never become that person, Natsu was right about that much." I shifted, trying to look over to where my friend was sitting on my coffee table. "Do you remember the first week after the phantom debacle?"
"You didn't sleep very well, we could all see that."
"Gajeel tortured me for a while, it gave me nightmares. When he joined the guild they came back, but I worked through it. I won't try to tell you that I never get scared of either of them, because I do, I just don't want to let it take over. Gajeel is my friend, and I want Rogue to be my friend too. It's not fair to hold something that he never did against him, especially if I can forgive Gajeel for something like that."
"And what are you going to do about ash for brains?" I felt a chill at his anger.
"I'm going to avoid him, and move on with my life. He was only trying to keep me safe, nothing he did was malicious or calculated. It was silly of me to read into his behavior the way I did. I must have shocked him so much that he couldn't even imagine how to process the information. Even if he didn't intend to, he made me question myself, and that hurts more than the rejection."
"You don't sound angry anymore?"
"I've decided it isn't worth my energy to be angry at that idiot. I've given him a month of frustration and tears, isn't that enough? All I want is for him to leave me alone, so I can move on. However, this burn on my wrist is a whole other story. Cana has my permission to drown him for that."
"If something like this happens again, you will come and tell me, right?"
"Maybe"
"Lucy, I'm serious. You're one of my best friends, teammates or not. It was so hard to watch you go through that kind of pain alone, especially since you wouldn't tell us why you were in pain to begin with. You are never in this alone, we've got your back, please try to remember that."
"Share the burden, right?" I smiled to myself, remembering the speech the old man had given after the guild hall had been destroyed. "I promise that I won't hide things from you anymore, it never really works anyway."
"Good, now go to sleep. If they were going to smother you they would have done it already."
"Night Gray, and thanks."