Merlin - Nothing
"What do you fear?" asked Lancelot quietly in the same evening.
Merlin had not given much of a response to the declarations of his bravery earlier. The young man had just walked away like in a daze, leaving the dishes on the ground. When he finally came back, Lancelot was the only one brave enough to talk to him. He was also the only one to pick up the dishes after Merlin left, so he kind of earned the right to approach Merlin first with that. The others let the two men converse in peace.
Merlin was quiet for a while before answering him.
"It depends on the day. I fear I will lose someone important to me; that I fail to protect them. I fear fire because it might be my end on the pyre. I fear Arthur will find out my secret and hate me…"
There was a silent pause again. Merlin looked up from his hands but his expression told that he saw nothing.
"That´s on a good days. If it´s a bad day my line of thought changes. Then I think; I have lost loved ones already - I have seen how their lives have been ripped away. I know that pain; it´s not fear, it´s expectation. I think there´s no point fearing fire since I know it too. I have been shot with a fireball; I know what it smells and feels like when my skin burns. It´s not fear, it´s knowledge. I think it doesn't matter if Arthur finds out, since nothing will change. He treats me like a piece of worthless trash already. It´s not fear, it´s my life."
Now Merlin turns to look at Lancelot with oddly - worryingly - calm and thoughtful expression.
"So maybe you were right. On days like that I think I have experienced everything worth of worrying about. On those days I fear nothing."
Lancelot can only stare, speechless. Merlin looks away again now leaning his chin on his hand.
"On those miserable, miserable days. This is why I don´t understand why you knights are ashamed if you have to admit you have fears. Because if that day when you fear nothing comes, it doesn't mean every possible threat has disappeared. It means you don't care what happens to yourself."
While looking him straight in the eyes, the campfire spitting sparks into the night sky, Merlin whispered:
"It´s not bravery to be fearless."
The End.
Thank you for this journey together! I would just love to hear what are your thoughts about this story as a whole. Or perhaps you could tell which chapter was your favorite and why?
I hope some of you will stay reading my stories in the future too. In any case; Thank you!