Chapter 2; Dauntless Culture
The apartment has two bedrooms, one for me and the other for Tris and Four. It is so weird imagining my brother sharing a bed with her, that much physical contact can't be acceptable. Dauntless has so many weird rules and laws that I don't quite understand. There's a small sitting area right as you walk in with two old black leather couches, a large coffee table, and a bookshelf full of books and different trinkets that I'm pretty sure are all some form of a weapon. I shudder and glance into the attached kitchen that holds only snacks and small drinks. In the Dauntless lifestyle, every member eats their meals in the cafeteria, leaving just small amounts of food and drinks in their apartments.
There are two doors, one which Tris and Four went into so I assume the other in the doorway to my bedroom. I open it hesitantly, scared of what this bedroom will look like compared to my old one in Abnegation. When the room comes into my sight, I realize it is not too bad. There's a small twin sized bed with deep purple covers, a nightstand, a dresser, and a desk for me to homework on. I'm not looking forward to going back to school as a Dauntless, suddenly I will be the focus of attention. It is rare, even unheard of, for a girl to switch factions before she is 16.
Unpacking my drab grey clothing from my bag, reminds me of how I will stick out clothed in Abnegation when I am in the Dauntless compound. Tris comes in and tells me she was in the same situation a year ago when she transferred here and she offers to take me shopping with Dauntless points. Apparently "Dauntless points" is the currency they use here. It's strange how all five factions are supposed to work together, yet each lives in their own completely different world. Abnegation money would do you no good in any other faction- nor would any other currency be worth anything in Abnegation.
I try to imagine myself wearing anything other than the long grey clothes I have worn my whole life. Dauntless clothing is dark, and is not always conservative. I agree to wearing new clothes, but only ones that cover a fair amount of my skin. They will be hard to find, but will be worth it. This jump from the complete opposite faction of Abnegation is way too much to handle and I want to take baby steps.
After I finish unpacking, I make my way to the living room to think. Everything in here feels so small, so tight. I realize the apartment has no windows and makes me feel like I am locked away. Fear creeps up and into my chest, my breathing increases and I look back and forth all over the apartment, trying to make myself seem less claustrophobic. My panic is interrupted by my brother's voice. "Bo, it's time for lunch." Four says, emerging from his bedroom. Lunch, I wonder what type of food the Dauntless eat, all I've ever eaten are simple foods; chicken breast, vegetables, fruits, and different pastas.
I follow Tris and Four out of the apartment and down the winding dirt tunnels once again. I don't know if I'll ever memorize which tunnels lead to where. Eventually, I recognize The Pit and we take the distinct pathway to the bustling cafeteria. It's impossible to ignore the laughter and shouts that are echoing off the walls from the large eating area.
The Cafeteria looks different from when I was previously here. The once empty tables are now full of the Dauntless except for a few places that seemed to be sectioned off for a select group of people. How are we supposed to find a spot to sit?
Four leads us to a long table that has three open seats. I immediately recognize some people from the station this morning, Uriah, Shauna, and Marlene. All friendly faces as far as I can tell. Tris sits next to Shauna, Four next to Uriah, and I sit on the plastic chair next to Four. Luckily, I am sitting on the end so the only contact I have is with Four.
"I'm going to get us some food, I'll be back." Four says, standing up. "Bo, behave." He says, scolding me playfully as he walks away. I lower my eyebrows in confusion, did I do something to upset him?
Tris senses my worry and she whispers across the table to me, "Don't worry, he was just teasing."
I let out a small, fake laugh, not quite sure how scolding someone could be found humorous.
"So Bo." I hear, lifting my head to identify the voice. "What was it like growing up with our dear Four?" Uriah grins, obviously eager for some dirt on the big bad Four.
"Uhmm." I stutter, looking back at the table. I don't know how much they know about my brother so I decide not to say anything too deep. "Just like any other brother, I guess." I squeak, not comfortable with this topic. Marcus used to beat Four on a regular basis after our Mom died. When Four escaped to Dauntless at 16, neither of us thought he would hurt me. No father would ever lay a hand on his littler girl. But shortly after, my twelve year old self was severely beaten, I was blamed for making my brother leave Abnegation. No matter what I did, Marcus would not leave me alone. On my 13th birthday, he raped me. I still remember the pain, the fear, and the humiliation I endured that night. I have never been the same, Marcus frequently haunts my nightmares. There's no way I can ever tell Four, I don't want to see him get that angry over what our dead father did in the past.
"I feel you." Uriah laughs, luckily not sensing my nervous flashback. "I've got an older brother myself, Zeke." He says, pointing to someone across the cafeteria. I immediately want to look away from Uriah, pointing is rude. If someone had pointed in Abnegation, I would separate myself from them so I was not associated with someone like that. Noticing my discomfort, Uriah furrows his eyebrows. "Did I say something?" He asks confused.
"No." Tris says for me, lightly smiling and shaking her head. "She's from Abnegation, pointing is frowned upon there."
I nod sheepishly, giving Tris a grateful smile. Tris seems like she will be a great ally for me to have in the Dauntless compound, knowing what I am experiencing. Not many of the Dauntless transfers are from Abnegation, mostly Candor because of their confidence with their words.
Journeying out of my comfort zone, I nervously say, "I have a feeling it'll take very long before I get used to the Dauntless way of life. Everything is different here." I lower my head, staring at my hands. They will never really understand what I am going through. Tris and Four can to some extent, but other than that, others cannot even imagine. It's the little things that get to me- the mannerisms everyone has, their confidence in their actions, even the way they walk and talk is different. I continually see the faith they have in each other and themselves pouring out in any way possible, and then I look at me. Shy me. Little me. Abnegation me.
"I understand," Tris says, shaking my thoughts away, "Life as you know it is going to take a 180 degree turn, but I believe and know that you will be okay. Just like your brother." Tris reminds me. Yes, Four transferred to Dauntless himself, but he had a choice and look at his confidence now, nothing like I will ever have.
"Thanks," I say to Tris as Four returns to the table with plates of food in his arms. "Now don't freak Bo," Four says making me slightly uncomfortable, "but the food here isn't only shades of brown or gray."
The whole table laughs as he places a tray of what I think is some sort of meat and cake. The only way I can identify them is by recalling Dauntless kids eating them in school. Speaking of school, how am I expected to get to school now? It better not be on that train.
"Four?" I whisper, thinking of an excuse to ask about school so I can stall on eating the colorful food sat in front of me.
Four grins brightly, obviously noticing my tactic to delay eating my food. "Yes sister?" He asks in a sing-song voice. I can't help the small smile on my face, this is the brother I love and missed.
"How am I supposed to get to school?" I ask, using my nervous habit of twiddling my fingers to distract myself from the people listening in on our conversation.
"The train, how else?" Four asks, not sensing my problem.
I mentally whine, realizing that I'll have to admit this fear in front of everyone at the table. Dauntless are supposed to be fearless, being able to face anything thrown their way. "I'm scared of jumping on and off the train." I whisper, hiding my face by looking down at my lap.
"Then I'll take the train with you." He shrugs, as if it's not a big deal. "Why don't you stop playing with your food and actually eat it?" He teases, quickly changing the subject.
Grateful that topic is over with, I stare down at the bright colored orange meat-like thing. "Umm," I cough awkwardly, "Where's the fork?"
Everyone at the table except Tris cracks up laughing while I sit here feeling like an idiot. "Four, it looks like your sister got all the humour genes." A voice comments but I am unable to locate the source of it. All this laughing and teasing is making me feel small and bullied and I don't know how much more I can take.
"I'm still confused," I say, "Seriously, where's the fork?" I don't understand why my question is so funny; I just need a fork for this vibrantly colored chicken. The whole table continues to laugh for some reason I cannot comprehend.
"Bo," Tris, the only person that isn't laughing at me, says, "They are buffalo wings, you don't use a fork. You just eat with your hands."
"I have to eat a buffalo that has wings?" I ask, my eyes widening significantly from confusion and horror. Dauntless is crazier than I thought, I cannot wait to switch back to Abnegation when I am 16.
"Bo, you're adorable," Four laughs, shaking his head as the table guffaws louder than the rest of the cafeteria.
That was the most traumatizing meal I've ever endured, but likewise I'm starting to familiarize myself with their larger than life personalities. There is no doubt that it will take a very long time for me to adapt to this new society, but I think I can do it. I just have to be positive and soak up my surroundings.
Later that afternoon, just before the greatly anticipated party, Tris takes me to The Pit for a much needed wardrobe makeover. I have to admit, though I'm not one hundred percent on board for new clothing, it's better than standing out in my dull grey clothing amongst a sea of black clothed Dauntless. At least the dark, more skin tight clothing, won't make me physically stand out from the other citizens. Though, my quiet and respectful personality will.
After what could be considered a successful shopping trip to a few Dauntless stores, my once grey closet is now void of the depressing color. Dressed in a short sleeved black t-shirt and matching jeans, I suddenly am overcome with a new warm feeling that I don't know how to describe. I glance at myself in the mirror, still trying to get used to my reflection. I bite my lower lip and slowly unpin my hair from the tight bun and it flows down my back. I can't help but smile, I feel pretty and I want to show Four how different I look. No wonder Dauntless members dress this way, even now I can feel my almost nonexistent adrenaline boost with a new feeling, confidence. Now, this is something I could get used to.
Tris and Four led me to Uriah's party later that day. As crazy and insane as I could have imagined a Dauntless party, this party was one hundred times wilder. I cannot describe the sheer insanity that is a Dauntless party. There are people everywhere, shoved up shoulder to shoulder. Uriah's lights have been all but been turned off; the only thing illuminating the apartment are colored lights in every crack and corner. Music blares throughout the apartment, ringing in my ears. My hands slap over my ears, trying to block out the banging noise. I look to my left and right to see speakers vibrating from the bass in the song.
I can't help the small whimper that escapes me, I thought I was confident going into this party. But I was far wrong in assuming that I could handle a Dauntless party this early in my transition. I've been dauntless for maybe a few hours, how could anyone think I could handle this! I want to get out. I want to hide in my new room at Four's. I want to run back to my Abnegation house. I want to leave. I want to escape this craziness. I want to go travel back in time, even if that means enduring my father again.
I tug on Four's arm to get his attention, and he looks down at me. He must have sensed my fear and insecurity so he quickly pulls me out of the party and into the hallway. "Are you okay?" He whispers, concern laced into his masculine voice.
I shake my head, withholding the tears that are threatening to escape. "I don't want to be here, please. It's too much." I say, trying to be polite as possible. I fear that I'm being too selfish so I try to fix my statement. "Unless you want to stay." I add.
Four smiles a sad smile, and I can feel the pity rushing off of him in waves. "Of course we can go, it was wrong of me to think you were ready for this."
"It's okay." I say in a small voice, not wanting to hurt his feelings anymore. Four guides me back to our apartment, with a cold hard stare on his face, earning respectful nods from passerby citizens.
As soon as we are in the door, I go into my bedroom and close the door. I'm not ready to let Four into my head because I know as soon as I do, I know that memories and feelings of my father will come out. Four cannot know what he did to me, I don't need any more pity, frustration, and cluelessness from him or anyone. I have to learn to be emotionally strong and stand up for myself. I have to be Dauntless.
A/N: Thanks for hanging on and reading chapter 2! Please review and leave me your thoughts and questions about this story! This is also on wattpad so if you would prefer to read on there or know someone who would like this on wattpad, please search for it. My wattpad username is tomlinson77. Hope you enjoyed it. Question of the chapter to inspire your review...
Do you think Bo will ever gain confidence? How would you act if you were put in her situation?