Chapter 4
So uh... Just so you're aware, this chapter gets... Mildly angsty.
That being said, I still think it's a good chapter. I just hope you all aren't turned off by dramatic stuff.
"...What's in this box? The one Aunt Lissa gave you?" Morgan asked her father. The two were riding in a wagon filled to the brim with not only supplies for the road, but swords, tomes, and strategy games.
"I actually don't know." responded Robin, looking up from his copy of Mad Tales of a Bloodthirsty Falcon Knight: Volume 17. "If you're going to open it, be careful. Lissa is a legendary prankster."
The young tactician tore into the box with blinding speed.
"...Jewelry? ...What's Aunt Lissa doing giving you jewelry?"
"...Huh?" Robin leaned over to get a look at the box. "Let me see that, that doesn't seem right."
"Here!"
As Robin leaned over the box, Morgan flipped a switch on the bottom of it, and a small toy frog jumped out and hit his face. Morgan couldn't stop laughing.
Even Robin smiled at it. "Alright, alright, you and Lissa got me."
There was something strangely nostalgic about it, being subjected to Lissa's childish pranks. And she even got Morgan in on it, too! He couldn't help feeling a little bit of pride, as odd as it was.
"BAH HAH HAH HAH! You shoulda seen your face! It was great!"
"Deception..." Robin said, examining the wooden, spring loaded figure. "...Is a hallmark of any good tactician. As weird as this may sound, I'm glad to see you getting the hang of it."
Morgan groaned in frustration. "Aw, it's no fun if you're happy about it!"
"Come on, then." Robin said, pulling down one of the strategy games they had lying around. "You may be getting better at misdirection outside of battle, but let's see you put it into practice!"
Morgan's face lit up, and she happily agreed.
"And I'll move this pegasus knight... Right across this line. Capturing your commander."
"Crud..." Morgan stared at the pieces on the board. One more move and she'd have won! But her father was simply better. Even after a year of studying since their last battle, Morgan couldn't match Robin.
Still, she was damn close.
What was more impressive, though, was the fact that losses on both sides were incredibly minimal. It was what Robin was known for as a tactician, more than anything, and it was a habit Morgan had picked up as well. The Shepherds had famously made it through three wars without a single death until Robin's.
...On their side, at least.
"You almost had me. I've gotta admit, I was quite worried." Robin said. "But even after a year, I've still got it."
"...About that... Hey dad." Morgan's tone shifted to a deadly serious one almost instantly.
"Yeah?"
"Erm... What was it like? Being... You know... Gone?" Normally inquisitive to a fault, this time she was clearly not asking to satisfy her own curiosity. She was asking solely out of concern for her father.
Robin shifted in his seat in the wagon uncomfortably. "I... I told you Morgan. I don't remember."
"Come on, dad, don't lie to me! I can see right through you. I've known you longer than you've known you!"
Robin thought about it for a moment. Considering the extent of both his and Morgan's amnesia... That was true, actually. He sighed.
"...I'm sorry, Morgan. I'd rather not talk about it."
"Look, I won't make you talk if you don't want to. But... I'm here for you, okay? You can tell me. And if it's bothering you, you should tell someone. You keep entirely too much to yourself."
"...No. Let's clean this up."
The two of them put the game away, without so much as a word out of them. Robin was lost deep in thought, and Morgan had decided not to press the issue.
Robin thought about it for a while. She was right, he probably needed to tell someone what had happened, and he did trust Morgan more than anyone...
He sighed again.
About an hour later, the man finally spoke up, stirring an almost sleeping Morgan.
"...It was painful." Robin began. "It was just... Nothing but pain. There was an alternate world that was entirely black, and I couldn't move. I couldn't tell you how long I was there... It might have been an hour, it might have been a decade. ...It was Grima's last sick joke."
"...Dad..."
"The worst part was, he made me watch visions of him killing everyone... Over, and over again. It wasn't real, but that didn't make it any less horrifying. And then I'd find you and Lucina... And you'd die." said Robin, shaking and barely choking back tears.
"I... I'm sorry... I'm here now, and this is real. I promise. And I'm not gonna die. We're going to be alright, okay?"
Robin smiled at her. "Yeah, I know. Every time I saw you two... Erm... Well... You know... Anyway, the next 'cycle' was shorter and more... Bizarre. It was Grima losing his power as I came back to this world... And as he died. I could tell when I was dreaming; Grima is not the type of being to hide the fact that he's torturing you. And now, I've been here for a week, and everything seems normal, so... Well... This must be the real world. And I won't let anything hurt you."
Robin suddenly felt his daughter's grip around his torso. It was a strange feeling to him, wearing his heart on his sleeve. He rarely allowed himself to be open with anyone, even his own flesh and blood.
Whereas Chrom was honest and blunt with everyone he met, Robin merely put on a brave face, despite his own insecurities. It was something he needed to do, as one of the two leaders of the Shepherds. After all, no one would trust the strategies of a man wracked with self doubt.
And Robin was. It was nearly impossible to be sure of yourself when you'd only known yourself for a few years. When Robin learned his alternate self had been responsible for the deaths of millions... Well, it didn't exactly help his self esteem issues.
So Robin put on a confident front for those around him. Only Morgan could really see through it, though Lucina was getting better at it.
He finally allowed himself to cry lightly onto her shoulder.
"...Morgan... Stay with me... Please." he whimpered.
Here was Robin, the god slayer, the genius tactician, Ylisse's master mage... Breaking down and crying into Morgan's arms. He was scared. Terrified, really. He couldn't bear the thought of losing either of them again.
"Dad, you've gotta promise me you'll keep yourself safe too, alright?" Morgan said, choking back tears of her own. "I lost you once. I'm not gonna lose you again."
Robin thought of all the pain Grima put him through when he saw Morgan and Lucina "die." He had no desire put them through the same thing... Not twice.
"You won't."
"Promise."
"Huh?"
"Say 'I promise.'"
"...Yeah. I promise."
There was a short silence where the two merely held on to each other, Morgan comforting the man she had long believed to be invincible.
"...Would you do it again? If we were on top of that dragon today... Would you do it?"
"...Yeah." replied Robin, finally regaining his composure and breaking out of the hug. "To make the world safe for you and your mother... Yes, I'd kill him again. And I could care less what he does to me."
Morgan frowned at him.
"But don't worry, Morgan. He's gone. I'll never need to sacrifice myself again. See?" he said, holding up his now unblemished right hand.
"...Just... Don't do anything stupid, father."
He laughed, finally putting back on the mask he normally wore.
"Have you ever known me to do anything stupid?"
"The second you had control of a navy, you lit half of it on fire."
"That's an exaggeration. It was more like... Two fifths of the navy. Anyway, it worked, didn't it?" Robin said, smirking.
"The bards sing of your glorious triumph to this day!" replied Morgan sarcastically. It only took her a second to figure out just what was wrong with that sentence. "Well... Um... They actually do... Fine, point taken."
She stretched and yawned. "Now um... If you don't mind, I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me when we get there, 'kay?"
"Of course."
"And dad."
"Yeah?"
"You don't need to pretend to be alright around me. When something's bothering you, you tell me. We're a team, okay?"
"...Thank you..."
"G'night."
The second she had fallen asleep, Robin pulled Lucina's letter out of his coat. He read through it over and over again, but suddenly felt his eyes stopping on one sentence.
Every time I see her, I'm reminded of you.
...Reminded of a dead man. It all made sense now.
Robin thought back to all those conversations with her, about how hurt Lucina was by the people she couldn't save. And now he was one of them.
He pulled out the magic tome Lissa had given him, flipping through it to a chapter on "Mental Manipulation." Part IX: Revisiting Old Memories.
Actually one of the easier spells in the book, and still, far beyond the capacity of your ordinary battle mage. This 'Lute' bragged about herself almost incessantly in the notes, but damn if she hadn't earned it.
...Perhaps she was related to Virion.
Robin grabbed an old notebook and jotted down the runes exactly as they appeared on the page. He didn't want to cast a spell directly from a tome this old, after all. He thought of the time he wanted -no, needed- to visit, said the words on the page, and was suddenly transported away, though only in his mind.
"My life is yours... It always has been."
"D-don't look at me like that! I love you! ...Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?"
The sun was setting on the hill, as Lucina pointed Falchion at Robin.
"I would give my life for Chrom. ...And for you."
The present day Robin stood off to the side, watching them. Somehow, though, he wasn't there. He could feel all the sensations of the time, but couldn't interact at all.
"Just... Promise me you'll find someone else who cares for you. Promise you won't be alone... I want you to be happy, Lucina. That's all I've ever wanted."
"N-no... Ah gods, no..."
"...I'm ready now. Do what you must."
"I... I must... Damn me! I can't do it! I love you too much! I'm sorry, Robin. I'm s-so sorry! Please forgive me!"
"Easy now. Easy. It's all right..."
The present day Robin walked up to the couple as they embraced, feeling almost bad about intruding in on a personal moment like this, then chiding himself for that. This was his own personal moment, after all.
He stared at the other version of himself, whom he had termed "Memory Robin." Lucina couldn't see it, since Memory Robin's face was over her shoulder, but Present Robin noticed a strange look of both mild disappointment and mild relief on his other self.
Gods, I was a wreck then...
After a few minutes, Memory Robin spoke up.
"Lucina... I know you don't want to hear this... But if you're right, and I'm... Under Validar's control... I could become possessed at any time..."
"...I know that, Robin. Please... Let's not talk about it right now."
"...We don't have that luxury. We need to discuss this. If he possesses me..."
"Don't say another word, Robin! I-I won't do it."
"But-"
"We'll find a way through this. Without your death."
Don't say that, Lucina.
"Lucina, there might not BE another way through this!"
Lucina... Please...
"No. I... I swear to you, I won't let you die! Right here... I promise you. We'll stop Grima, and we'll save you. Somehow."
Dear Naga, Robin, DON'T-
"...Okay." Memory Robin gave her a clearly forced half smile and wrapped his arms around her. "...Right. We'll... We'll work a miracle. I won't die. And we'll kill Grima. Promise."
Dammit, Robin! Why did you promise her that? This is WAR! People DIE!
YOU die, gods dammit! You WILL die, and there is no other way! And it will tear your family apart!
Robin shouted at his past self, but no noise came from his mouth. Memory Robin and Lucina stood there holding each other, as Present Robin continued to shout futilely at them.
He knew it was useless, though. He sat down in front of them and, after a few minutes, pulled a page from his robe. Robin already knew how the rest of the night went, and he'd heard what he needed to.
He knew how the rest of the war went. He remembered it becoming infinitely more clear that, to stop Grima permanently, he would have to die. He remembered, all too well, Lucina trying desperately to keep her promise to him. To keep him alive, somehow.
Robin remembered that final moment, on the dragon's back, when he decided that, for the good of the world, no, he couldn't keep his promise, and Lucina couldn't keep hers.
He read the paper in his hand, saying the incantation needed to return him to the real world.
Robin was back in the wagon, with her letter still in front of him. The notebook he'd used to cast the spell quickly crumbled into dust in his hands.
Every time I see her, I'm reminded of you.
Reminded of the man she couldn't save. That no one could save. It didn't matter that Robin had chosen to sacrifice himself. Not to her, anyway. She'd taken it upon herself to find some other way out of this and failed.
She'd promised... And Lucina was not one to take a promise lightly.
He realized, then, that he was the reason Lucina had left Morgan. She had a habit of keeping her distance from those she loved. Robin knew this. But during their time together in the army, she'd gradually opened up to people.
In her time, loss was constant. She became distant to avoid feeling hurt when she couldn't save someone. But Robin? His tactics never failed. The Shepherds never saw one of their own die. Sure, the Ylissean and Feroxi armies themselves took losses, but the Shepherds, their little group, never lost anyone. Even when they'd come across a village, Robin took it upon himself to save every villager. Any innocent who saw that Plegian cloak, gentle smile, and white hair knew they were safe.
He inspired all those he met. And just when Lucina had begun to think that, like him, she could save everyone, after she'd grown close to the army, after she'd fallen in love, after she had a family of her own... She lost the man dearest to her. Knowing her, she probably blamed herself for it.
Especially considering the way that final battle had gone.
And so, she once again became distant. Blocked herself off from everyone, including her own daughter... The girl who could almost be a carbon copy of Robin.
No matter what she told the world, what excuses she told herself, Robin knew why Lucina had left Morgan with Chrom. Why she wouldn't allow Morgan to accompany her.
...
She left Morgan, and it's all my fault.
...Gods damn me...
If Robin and Lucina have one thing in common, it's their incredible guilt complexes.
WELL, I'VE GOT A LOT TO SAY TODAY!
So I started this chapter with frog pranks and ended it with the phrase "gods damn me."
Yep.
Here's the thing. When I started drafting this fic, I envisioned it as a bit of a light hearted family adventure fic. Basically medieval Indiana Jones with Robin as Indy and Morgan as a less annoying Short Round.
Sure, the premise was dark, and it always was, but I'd intended the whole thing to be overall less dramatic than Chapter 4 here.
But sometime in the drafting phase, I realized that I am dealing with three characters with a LOT of emotional trauma.
Lucina had to deal with not only her shitty future, but also going from a bit of a complete loner, to a fiance, to a mother, to a (well sort of, since they weren't married) widow, all within the span of only a few months.
Morgan had to deal with the death of one parent and the total "Flint in MOTHER 3" style abandonment of another.
Robin had to, as discussed in this chapter, literally go through his own personal hell, and now has to watch helplessly at the emotional damage his decisions brought to his family.
And the thing is in Awakening, Lucina and Robin are absolutely terrible at dealing with their emotions. That Chapter 21 scene, certain versions of it, anyway, has Robin canonically suicidal. Lucina's solo ending has her leaving the family she loves simply because she feels she doesn't belong there. They do not deal with trauma well. When I mentioned "ulterior motives" in last week's A/N, I was mostly referring to this stuff.
It would be not only awkward in terms of storytelling but totally disloyal to the characters to ignore their trauma. Hence this story taking a more dramatic turn. Which is something I'm not opposed to, but it's something I'm a bit cautious about.
BUT DON'T THINK IT WILL BE COMPLETELY DEVOID OF HAPPY STUFF! As far as I have drafted right now (up to chapter 9) Chapter 4 is definitely the darkest in tone it gets.
Next week's chapter involves a pretty fun fight scene, meeting up with an old Shepherd or two (you should totally be able to guess who based on where our heroes are headed) and I'll even throw in some free puns or jokes or something!
I've even got a draft for a really fluffy and funny flashback chapter!
I think the overall tone will be somewhat like Awakening itself was. You had some dark moments, like the aforementioned Chapter 21 and the Future Past, but then you had silly stuff like "lolz Gaius likes candy and nobody can see Kellam."
I'd in fact at one point intended to split this chapter in two, and have Chapter 4 be about Robin's whole "being dead" dilemma that the chapter starts on, and say, Chapter 6 or so be Robin exploring Lucina's motivations for leaving. I decided to combine the two for two reasons. One, I realized that if I don't give Lucina a good motivation for leaving, she comes off as kind of awful, and I didn't want her to seem like that for too long. Two, I was attempting to keep the two "darker" ideas together, so the second idea wouldn't seem out of place between more lighthearted chapters. Again, Chapter like 8-ish (that's literally what it's labelled as in my documents) is super fun.
Also I know what you cynics are thinking, that the bit about Robin's personal hell being to watch Morgan and Lucina die is foreshadowing. Well, you can rest easy! I'm not that evil! ;)
I'm also aware that many of you may not have played Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones. Lute is a mage character from that game who is indeed much like Virion. Constant braggart, but with HUGE skills to back it up.
OKAY SO YEAH NEXT WEEK'S GONNA BE FUN TIMES.
ALSO MASSIVE PROPS TO DERPSQUID FOR HELPING ME OUT ON THIS CHAPTER. CHECK OUT HIS STORIES THEY'RE HELLA TIGHT.
AND MASSIVE PROPS TO EVERYONE WHO'S BEEN REVIEWING THIS. IT IS RIDICULOUSLY HELPFUL AND I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE IT.