Authors Note: Happy New Years and on to chapter three. I am currently unsure of how many chapters this will be.. I just write until I feel it's the end. Thank you to my loyal reader, I hope my stories just keep getting better. On to the story my ducklings.
I know. He doesn't know that I know. But I know. How do I look at him without him knowing that I know. I heard him, but he doesn't know. I was content. Let my affections be unrequited, I can do that. I am use to caring about others from afar. Watching others live their life. I'm a watcher. An observer. I do not live the life I watch. A sister desperately searching for a brother. And now this. I can't let him know. Would he wish to live his life with me. I can't do it. I must stay distant. I will not go to him today. I will disappear –seemingly. I will stay close to ensure his and my sisters happiness and safety. By the time I reemerge they will both forget. He will forget his temporary affections. And she will forget my promise.
I can't. I can't leave. I can't stay. I can't.
He's pacing. Wondering where I am. I can't go to him. He will see it on my face. This unsettling feeling. Happiness mixed with anxiety and fear. I've felt this before. Yes. If I just can get the motivation to leave, the feeling will go away. I can return to the numbness of before. That safe feeling. Stay detached. I will be fine. Stay calm.
I open my Jagon eye. He's sitting on his bed. Eyes closed. When he opens his eyes he stares at the closed window curtain. He's coming close to it now. I have to move. But I feel paralyzed. Why can't I move. If he opens it, he will see me. He doesn't pull back the curtain. He stands calmly. I can't breathe. I will be safer if I move.
"I'm not going to hurt you Hiei." The voice is even. Calm. A hint of affection taints the detached words. "Come on in." And he pulls back the fabric wall between us. He opens the window and locks eyes. I can't move. Not to run or go to him. "Don't run." He leans over the window. If I leaned forward he could reach me. "Let me reach you." It's a gentle command. And my body moves on that command. When I am arms reach away, he grabs me. I don't resist. My instincts tell me to run. But he holds me securely. I should say something, it's not until he sits me on the edge of his bed when I find my voice.
"How did you know I was out there?"
"I've gotten stronger over the years Hiei, now if I concentrate, I can read a person's mind, provided I know them. Subconsciously people observe their surroundings- you do it more than most people- so I knew where you were." So if he concentrates he can look into my mind. Shit.
"You are never to look into my mind again." What's this feeling. "They are personal and not for your knowing." Fear. Shame. At any point he can read the thoughts that even I try to avoid.
"Hiei."
"No. Do not ever think that you are allowed inside of my mind. Stay out of my mind and away from me." I keep my voice even. Do not think. Just act. I will leave out the window. If I act fast he won't be able to stop me.
"What will you tell her." His unaffected voice catches me off guard. Why isn't he raising his voice. He always has. "Are you always going to run away from people that just want to have you. She wants her brother. No matter what kind of person he is or was, she just wants him in her life. We both know that iff he's out there you could find him, she knows that as well. So what will you tell her."
"He's dead." If he no longer exists then she will stop searching. She will be sad… for a while. But eventually she will move on. But if she learns the truth, she will never be happy again.
"He's not dead. Just broken and fragile."
"Will you tell her. About me?"
"No. But if you truly love her like I know you do, then eventually you will." I feel cold.
"I cannot tell her because I do love her." I look again at the window. I can make it. I'm on my feet and preparing to increase my speed. I'm nearly to the window when his arm reaches out. When I shake the shock from my head I realize that I'm on top of him. His hands firmly grabbing my theighs.
"You aren't going to run. And even if you did, I'd find you."
"I could keep running."
"I'll keep finding you. I'll never stop. I knee him in his gut, but he just takes it and restrains me further. "You will not get free. I refuse to let you go until you promise that you won't run." I struggle harder. "Go on, keep fighting it. I'm personally enjoying this position." Stupid oaf.
"I thought that you were into girls." My fighting is futile, but I have never been one to give in.
"I am."
"Well, in case you were to dense to notice, I'm a guy."
"I know. In my society, I would be known as a pansexual. It doesn't matter what sex a person is. I do not desire you because you are a male, I desire you because you are you. And I always will. I will not forget my desire to have you." He smirks at me. "I was not going to woo you just yet, I was going to give you some time until I thought you were ready to be shown affection. The other day when you said that you love me, I knew I had to act even if you aren't ready." I've stopped struggling. "Consider this your warning, if you run, I will chase you. For however long until I have you." He releases me. "And believe me Hiei, I will have you."
I run.
Authors Note: Look for chapter 4 to be up soon.