Disclaimer - I don't own Victorious

I wake up in the middle of the night, curled up to Robbie. I get up from the floor, quickly and pull my pyjama on.

I than throw some covers over Robbie's naked form.

I go downstairs quietly and sneak in the kitchen. I open the fridge and pull out a bottle of wine. I pop it open and and down it at once.

It really tastes terrible but right now I just need it. I feel like I cheated on Beck what's ridiculous seeing as we are broken up and still. I just can't get rid of that thought.

Sex with Robbie was actually really nice specially if you consider the fact that he was a virgin. His hands roaming all over my body felt good and Robbie may not have as much muscles as Beck but he's still not that bad.

I put the empty bottle down and take a new one out of the fridge, opening it too.

My hand slowly starts to get dizzy as I take a few sips.

"Jade?", Jonathan yawns as he turns on the lights. "Are you okay?"

"I am fucking fantastic", I laugh bitterly. "Why are you asking?"

"You are sitting in the kitchen, smelling like sex and drinking all my wine", Jonathan states, slumping down next to me.

I offer him my bottle. "Do you want a sip?"

"No thanks you seem to need it more than me", he shakes his head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I deflowered Robbie", I start to cry, drinking more wine. "And before Ryder touched me between the legs and I did nothing to stop him. I feel like such an whore."

Jonathan pulls me in for a hug, stroking my hair gently. "You aren't a whore, Jade. You are a teenager that was in a realtionship for a very long time and now wants to gain more experience. There is nothing wrong with it."

"I don't know", I groan frustrated. "It feels like I cheated on Beck."

"You and Beck broke up so stop being guilty", he strokes my back in an attempt to calm me down.

"That's easier said than done", I sob loudly, drinking more until my bottle is empty again.

"Go back to bed, Jade", Jonathan kisses my head. "Everything is going to be fine. As long as the sex was good and you had fun, you don't need to feel bad."

"It was", I nod smiling a bit. "Do you have Ryder's number? I'd love going to the party now."

He shakes his head, laughing. "He left it for you. I can't stop you from calling him but I think you shouldn't though."

"I don't care", I laugh, taking the piece of paper Jonathan holds out for me.

I get up and the world around me starts to spin. I hold onto the counter, tightly to steady myself than I lean down to kiss his cheek. "Good night, unle Jonathan."

"Good night to you too", he chuckles as he stands up too. "Do you want me to carry you upstairs and tug you in as I did when you were pregnant?"

"Yeah", I giggle and reach out for him. "I want a piggy bag ride."

Jonathan laughs and lets me climb on his back and than carries me upstairs.

After he left the room, I climb out of the bed again. I reach into my bag to grab some money and my car keys than I sneak out and get in my car.

I drive to a gas station to buy me some cigarettes and than call Ryder.

"Hello?", he answers after a few minutes.

"Ryder", I slur in the phone. "Where are you?"

"Is that you, Jade?", he sounds irritated. "Are you drunk?"

"Just a tiny bit", I admit, lightening my cigarette. "Do you want to come over?"

"Sure where are you?", Ryder asks me.

"I am at a gas station right now", I start to giggle loudly. "I want to go skinny dipping!"

"Are you serious?", he laughs in the phone.

I nod furiously.

"Are you still there, Jade?", he wants to know, irritated.

"Yeah", I call. "Will you come see me?"

"Of course", Ryder answers me. "I'll come pick you up, okay?"

"Bye", I hang up.

I sit on the hood of my car and light another cigarette before I dial Cat's number.

"Jade?", she yawns. "Is something wrong?"
"Kitty Cat", I giggle loudly, pressing the phone against my ear. "I've got a secret."

"Tell me, tell me", Cat calls excited immediately wide awake. "I love secrets."
"You need to promise me to not tell Beck", I make her promise.

"I won't", she swears.

"I had sex", I slur before breaking into a fit of giggles. "With Robbie Shapiro. Can you believe that? And it wasn't even bad."

"Are you drunk, Jade?", my best friend asks me, sounding shocked. "Or on drugs? Did you hit your head?"
"I may be a little bit drunk", I laugh, burning my fingers on the cigarette I just finished. "ouch... but I am serious. I really fucked the nerd."

"I thought you are in Phoenix", she sighs, quietly. "Robbie is at home."
"No he jumped in front of my car", I tell her, eagerly. "So I let him come with me to..."
"Jade?", Ryder arrives at the gas station. He pokes his head out the window. He's so handsome.
"Ryder!", I call loudly, immediately forgetting about Cat as I storm to his car and kiss him deeply.

He kisses me back for a while than pulls away. "Slow down, babe."

"I thought about what you said", I tell him, biting my lip. "I want to get under you."

"I am not going to fuck you when you are drunk", Ryder sighs, getting out of his car. "We can go skinny dipping though."

"Do you think I am ugly?", I look at him, wide eyed. "It didn't bother you earlier that I am fat."

"Jade", he grabs my face, gently. He tilts my head back so I can look into his eyes. "You are very beautiful and really an extraordinary girl. I would love to fuck you right here, right now until you can't walk anymore but you are drunk. I am not as much of an asshole as you may think, I care about your feelings that's why I am not willing to now."
"Fine", I pull away from him, going to my car. "Than I am going home."

"Jadelyn you are drunk", he frowns, grabbing my waist. "You are not going to drive anywhere."
"Yes I am", I try to push his hands away again. "You don't want me."

"I do want you", Ryder groans and throws me over his shoulder. "So now shut up."

I pout as he places me in his passenger seat, kissing me deeply as he buckles my seat belt up.

Ryder gets in too and than starts to drive away.

The next morning I wake up with a terrible headache.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty", Ryder greets me, smirking.

"Shut up", I groan in pain. "I am having a headache."

"I figured", he laughs, handing me some painkillers and a water bottle. "You were pretty wasted when I picked you up last night."

"I don't really remember much", I admit after a few minutes. "The last thing I know is that Jonathan carried me back to bed after I drunk two bottles of his expensive wine."

"Do you want me to fill you in?", Ryder asks me, pulling me even closer.

We are in his room, I guess in his bed to be exact. He's lieing on his back and I am half on top of him, naked and so is he. My eyes widen at this realisation and I quickly try to pull away but he's too strong for me. I really shouldn't have drunk that much.

"Did we have sex?", I ask me, nervous.

"Oh you wanted to fuck", he chuckles, squeezing my butt. "But I refused to. I knew you would regret it."
"Than why are we both naked in your bed?", I raise my eyebrow, irritated.
"You wanted to go skinny dipping", he smirks. "So I thought why not take advantage of it. I swear nothing happened though apart from a few kisses. You passed out after we shared a bottle champagner so I carried you in my bed."

I nod a bit still not really persuaded but what am I supposed to do. "How late is it?"

"Three in the afternoon", he answers me, handing me my phone. "Olivia called ten times, Robbie five, Cat twenty, Tori three, Andre two and Beck seventeen. I only answered Liv's though."

I frown deeply as I sit up. "I need to call them back."

"Get dressed I'll drive you to your car", Ryder lets go off me.

I nod, weakly as I get out of the bed and gather my clothes.

I fucked up big time. My friends are all going to hate me. I just ruined every chance I had left to get back together with Beck.

As soon as I am dressed, Ryder drives me to a gas station to my abandoned car.

"Thank you for not taking advantage of my state", I mutter not looking at him.

"It's fine", he sighs. "If you still want to fuck though, you have my number."

"I'll think about it", I get out of his car quickly.

"See you", he waves at me before driving away.

I sit on the hood of my own car and pull my phone out.

The first person I call back is Andre. He's Beck's best friend so if someone can keep him from freaking out than it's him.

He answers after a few rings. "Jadely Olivia West you are in big trouble!"
"Can you stop shouting please?", I beg him, weakly.

"You had us all worried to death", he continues more quietly. "After your conversation with Cat, she freaked out!"
I frown when he mentions my best friend. "Which conversation with Cat?"

"You called her last night", Andre explains me. "She said you were pretty wasted and talked about having slept with Robbie and than about fucking some guy Ryder."

"Fuck!", I swear loudly. "I am so stupid!"

Cat has had a crush on Robbie for a little over two years now but never confessed her feelings to him. She only ever told me about it and I called her after I slept with him.

"So it's true?", Andre sounds so shocked that it is almost disturbs me. "You cheated on Beck with Robbie? Robbie is one of his best friends! How could you do that, Jade?"

"Andre please don't", I beg him. "I am sorry, okay? I am so so sorry! I didn't mean to, I swear. I was just so confused and kind of turned on after Ryder felt me up while we were having dinner. Robbie and I fought about it and than I kissed him and I don't know! It just happened!"

"Calm down, Jade", he sighs obvious stressed. "You need to calm down. It's going to be fine, I promise."

"Nothing is going to be fine", I start to cry. "I am a homewrecker! I cheated on the love of my life and I don't even regret it because I liked it!"

"Shut up and listen", Andre snaps at me, than his voice gets more gentle again. "It was wrong of you to sleep with Robbie. He was a virgin and deserved better than being used by you but now it's to late for that anyway. You are not a homewrecker though. As harsh as that sounds but Beck and you are not a couple anymore. You broke up so you can fuck whoever you want. It doesn't make you a bad person to enjoy having sex with other guys eventhough it was Robbie. So calm down now."

I stay quiet as I whipe my tears away. "Jonathan said the same but it didn't make me feel any better that's why I got drunk."

"It's okay, Jade", he assures me. "You just need to focus right now. Text Cat and Tori that you call them later and that you are fine than I want you to drive to Liv's and talk to Robbie okay? I'll catch the next plane and come over if you want me to. We are going to figure out what to do together."

"Thank you, Andre", I whisper.

"You know I'll always be there for you, baby girl", he tells me, gentle.

"I know", I smile. "And I am happy to have such an amazing best friend like you. I really appreciate it."

It's true. Eventhough it may not seem like it but Andre is not just Beck's best friend but mine too. Andre is always there for me. He's a good listener and I even had a tiny crush on him before Beck and I became a couple. I never told him about it though but I guess he knew it. Andre was the first person I told him about my pregnancy back than. He bought me a pregnancy test and waited for the result with me. He comforted me when I freaked out about it and helped me tell Beck. He came over to Phoenix as often as possible with Beck and called me every night to sing the baby lullabys. Somehow I always thought that if Beck and I broke up, I would get together with Andre but than I went into labor and it was over. It actually is a very funny story how Amelie was born. Liv and Jonathan had left town for a short trip to the funeral of Jonathan's mother, so Andre and Cat came over to stay with me as I was due any day. My water broke at about ten p.m. and only twenty minutes later Amelie was born. So seeing as it went so fast, Andre and Cat had to help me and while Cat held my hand and all Andre had to wait between my legs to catch the baby. Yeah and seeing a baby pop out of me just killed every single bit of sexual attraction that existed between us. Andre still refused to talk about it, he always claims that this experience was too traumatic eventhough he is very proud that he got to hold Amelie before even I did.

I smile a bit at that memory and than text Cat and Tori just as Andre told me to. I get into my car and drive home, quietly.
I really don't know what to expect or say right now but sooner or later I have to face it though.

When I enter the house, everything is quiet.

"Liv? Jonathan?", I call loudly. "Robbie? Amelie? Someone home?"

"Jadelyn Olivia West!", shouts Liv loudly. "You better get your ass in the kitchen immediately!"

I run a hand through my hair as I make my way to her, slowly. I feel like a little lamb that's on it's way to the slaughter.

As soon as I enter the kitchen, Liv starts to scream at me. "What were you thinking? You had me worried to death! I thought you got hurt or something! You are grounded! I am calling your father, Jadelyn! You are totally irresponsible! Not only did you drink eventhough you are underaged but than you drove in that drunk state! You left your daughter alone with your friend who's a really heavy sleeper and some strangers! I know we are not really strangers but to Amelie we are! You acted very immature last night!"

"I am sorry", I mutter not really sure what else to say.
"That's all you have to say?", Liv raises an eyebrow.

I nod, quietly. I feel even more horrible now because it's true. I am a terrible big sister and an even worse mother.

My aunt sighs and pulls me in for a hug. "I am glad, you are okay. Jonathan told me what happened with Robbie last night and how you feel about it. I know you probably don't want to hear it, cutie but Jonathan is right. You shouldn't feel guilty for sleeping with other boys. Robbie seems like an fantastic guy and I wished you had chosen Ryder for your experiments. Robbie is too sensible and good hearted for you, he deserves someone who loves him and not just plays with him. You used him and that is not acceptable."

"I know, Liv", I whisper holding onto her. "I feel terrible for using him and messing with his feelings. I really fucked up, I know that. I need to apologize to him now. Where is he?"

"He's taken Amelie for a walk", she rubs my back, gently. "They should be back soon though."

"Andre is coming here later", I tell her. "He's going to help me figure out what to do now."

"Just try to not sleep with him too", Liv jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"You know that we are like siblings", I chuckle. "I mean sure I could image to but Andre would probably run away screaming. He's still freaking out everytime someone mentions childbirth."

"The poor boy", she laughs too. "He is probably traumatized for the rest of his life."

"I fear that too", I bit my lip. "His future wife is going to kill me when it comes to her having a baby. I highly doubt that Andre is ever going to come near a woman in labor again even if it was his own wife."

"Who knows", she teases me. "He's probably going to get payback by sending Beck in with her than."

I laugh loudly at her. "Yeah but only over my cold body."

Liv giggles and hands me a mug filled with delicious coffee.

After a while of chatting Robbie and Amelie return.

"Jadey!", calls my little one excited and jumps into my arms. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too", I kiss her cheek. "I am sorry that I left you alone."
"But I wasn't alone", she frowns. "Robbie was there."

"I know", I stroke her hair. "Still I shouldn't have gone without saying goodbye."

"Well you are back home so it's fine", she giggles.

"I need to talk to uncle Robbie", I tell Amelie quietly. "So how about you go play with Liv for a while?"

"Okay", she reachs for my aunt who picks her up and leaves Robbie and me alone.

As soon as they are gone, I turn to Robbie who tries to avoid my gaze.

"I am not really sure what to say, Robbie", I start insecure. "I feel terrible for using you like that. I am not going to lie to you though. I am very sorry for sleeping with you and kissing you eventhough I know that you love Cat but I am not going to say that I regret it. I probably should since I am a horrible friend but I liked it. I enjoyed it altough I feel guilty for that. I understand if you don't want to be friends with me anymore but please don't hate me."

He finally looks up at me. "You see us as friends?"

My jaw drops at that question than I break out in a fit of laughters. This is just so Robbie out of all the things I said he only cares about the fact that I consider us as friends.

"I am sorry", I manage to get out after a while. "That question was just so ridiciulous. Of course we are friends, do you really think I would have let you tag along if I hated you? I may not show it at all but I see you all as my friends even Vega."

"So everything is fine between us?", he asks me, smiling relieved. "You are not mad at me?"

"Yes everything is okay", I nod, feeling much better now. "I have no reason to be mad at you. It's not like you forced me to something I didn't want."

"Okay than", Robbie hugs me tightly.

I return the hug for a second and than push him away gently. "Never hug me again. You know I hate it."
"I will try to remember", he grins at me.

"Good", I nod at him. "We are friends so I guess I'll sent you a list of what I hate, so you finally learn it."

"Do I really have to?", he whines a bit.
"Yes, nerd", I tease him. "Where would be the fun for me otherwise? I love disturbing my friends."

Robbie simply laughs, sitting at the counter across from me.

I am very relieved that we sorted things out that quickly and that completely without it getting ugly. Liv was right, Robbie is an fantastic guy so I guess I'll be a tiny bit less horrible for him from now on.