The most bizarre one yet. Nevertheless, please enjoy.

Three French Hens

'So it definitely wasn't Peeta?'

'Yes.'

'You're really sure?'

'He said he was just the delivery boy.'

'Maybe he was lying. You said he wouldn't reveal the employer's identity. What if it's because the employer has no identity, because he's not real?'

'Why would Peeta lie? Actually, why does it matter so much?'

'Me and my friends discussed this carefully,' Prim explained eagerly. 'He is definitely the cutest guy in your year.'

Katniss choked on her dubious pear pancake. Yes, they were still eating pears. Really, that tree could hold a lot more fruit than they initially gave it credit for.

'Your friends are too young to discuss that sort of thing carefully!'

'We're thirteen, Katniss. We know beauty when we see it.'

This was her baby sister, her little duck, speaking!

'Come on, Katniss. Don't you want to date the cutest guy in your year? You don't see shoulders like that every day.'

'You did not just talk about his shoulders.'

'I wouldn't be too horrified, Kat. Some of my friends' observations didn't stop at shoulders.'

'Please, I'm eating.' Katniss shovelled a large amount of pancake in her mouth to prove this.

'Aren't you at least a bit interested in who it could be?'

Their morning conversations were getting so repetitive. 'I think I've got bigger problems to face than that.'

'You're so annoying!' Prim proclaimed. 'So I'm leaving.'

Katniss watched her storm out of the room with a rare smile on her face, noting fondly how the back of Prim's top had come untucked from her pleated skirt. 'Tuck your tail in, little duck.'

With a mild curse, Prim did just that, and left before her righteous dignity could take another hit.

…

Cato found her on the way to school. Prim conveniently lost herself in the swarm of voyaging schoolkids at around the same time.

'So, didn't see you around yesterday,' Cato said in a subdued tone that was slightly guilt-inducing.

'No,' Katniss replied, because she didn't have anything else in her repertoire that wasn't awkward or inflammatory.

'Playing hard to get, are you? I like that in a girl.'

And all of a sudden, the hatchling guilt fled, or died, or was eaten by two half-starved Seam families.

'Where are your new Capitol bunch?'

'Still sleeping. All the kooky dorks do is sleep and eat. They can lie in all day because they know they'll still get their three-course breakfast, hot beverage, manicure, foot rub, and whatever else the slackers so desire. This afternoon, I get to take them down the mines. That's always funny.'

'You know, the miners don't actually like it when Capitol people come to visit.'

'I didn't come up with the itinerary,' said Cato, raising his hands in protest, 'I just follow it and watch our dear guests wreak havoc.'

Katniss doubted that the miners would find this as amusing as he did. 'Well, I've got school again, bye.'

'Funny how you've always got school whenever we talk.'

'Funny how you always track me down at the same time each damn morning,' she retorted as she marched off.

Against her better judgement, she looked back over her shoulder and saw that he was stationary amongst the crowd, watching her go. Could Cato be the man who masqueraded as her true love, Peeta's enigmatic employer? Despite the scorn Cato held for the decadent Capitol lifestyle, residents of District Two were pretty wealthy themselves. Three birds and a pear tree should be well within Cato's means. Did Katniss want Cato to be her mysterious benefactor? That was the true question. Being indebted to Cato was a world away from owing someone like her humble, honourable boy with the bread. There was a hunter lurking somewhere behind Cato's smugly vacant façade, and Katniss very much wanted to remain on the right side of the arrow. But the more gifts he gave her, the more indebted she would be. And when he revealed himself at the end, he could demand anything he wanted from her, anything that he felt equated the price of the whole "wooing" process.

God, she hoped it wasn't Cato.

…

Prim and Katniss sat side by side on the stairs, waiting for the knock.

'You should wear a pretty dress,' Prim told her.

'Who decided that you could sit here with me?'

'You can borrow one of mine if you like.'

As if Katniss needed another reminder that at thirteen, Prim was close to exceeding her seventeen-year-old sister's height.

'In three feet of snow, are you kidding?'

'You don't have to go out there. You just have to wait at the door and look nice.'

'For the delivery boy?'

'I tell you, he's lying.'

The knock they were waiting for sounded through their negligible hallway.

'It's him!' Prim cheered.

'I have ears.'

Mrs Everdeen came out of the kitchen to observe, stirring one of her latest medicinal concoctions in a bowl. Katniss caught a sniff of sage and chamomile on the way to the door.

'I remember when your father proposed to me. It was a lot like this. I waited in the hallway with my friends in my prettiest dress–'

Katniss opened the front door with a pointed slam. This time it wasn't a potted plant, nor was it Peeta Mellark. 'Gale,' she said.

'Hey, Catnip,' her oldest friend replied, lumbering into the house.

When Katniss shut the door and turned to face her family, Mrs Everdeen was smiling just as beatifically as before, but Prim was pouting.

'What brings you here so early? Shouldn't you still be at work?'

Katniss followed Gale through into the living room where he collapsed unceremoniously on the nearest comfortable surface, her father's battered, old armchair that no-one could bring themselves to throw out. 'You sound like at adulterous wife,' Gale murmured, resting his head on the armrest. 'They let me off early.'

'Why, what happened?'

Gale levelled an impressive, grey-eyed glare on her, but she knew him well enough to sense that his anger wasn't directed at her. 'The damn Capitolites, that's what happened.'

Katniss understood immediately. The multi-coloured trespassers were a hindrance to everyone in Twelve. They also had the uncanny ability to pervade the entire district. No matter where she went, she was up to her eyes in them. She had even found one on the other side of the fence that had kept most of Twelve's residents out of her woods, though she had righted that quickly.

'It started off innocent enough,' Gale said. 'They had cameras and kept taking pictures of us working. A couple kept asking me to smile,' Katniss snorted at this, 'and flash them my guns. Not really sure what that meant, but if they wanted me to shoot them, I'd have had no problem with that. One of the bright sparks had a bit of technology, a diamond detector, she called it. Of course we told her that we didn't mine diamonds, just coal, but she told us, all matter-of-fact, that diamonds came from coal. Pearls too, she reckoned.'

'So then what?'

'She used the thing, that blond tour guide jerk was egging her on the whole time, and whatever it did caused a cave-in. They had to evacuate.'

Katniss tensed up, bolted upright in her seat. 'No-one got hurt?'

The anger bled from him once he saw the aberrant look of horror on Katniss's face. 'No, don't worry. No-one was hurt this time.' This time. They shuddered to think of last time, when neither of their fathers had been so lucky. 'But I didn't come here to talk about that. I want to talk with you about those gifts at the door.'

'Gale,' Katniss breathed, trying not to betray the speed with which her thoughts were racing. Was it him, Gale, who had been giving them to her? But he was a popular guy: tall, dark and brooding, the girls said. Why would he waste gifts on his hostile, temperamental friend who was more of a little sister to him than anything. Unless she wasn't. Gale thinks you're pretty, Prim had said. Katniss had just assumed that Prim had been teasing–

'I don't think you should accept them anymore.'

'Wait, why not? They're keeping us fed.' So he wasn't. Katniss's disquiet lifted so suddenly it left her giddy.

'They've got the stink of the Capitol all over them.'

'Didn't stop you eating them.'

'I mean it, Katniss. People who send you live birds just for the spectacle of it aren't the sort of people you want to get mixed up with. They aren't real people; they don't live in the real world. You see them wandering about Twelve, completely clueless. They're like babies. Could you ever see yourself falling in love with someone like that?'

'Honestly, Gale, I don't really picture myself falling in love anybody.'

Gale's brow inexplicably creased, and suddenly he was unable to look her in the eye. It was an unfamiliar gesture, an indicator of a new terrain between them that Katniss by all means did not want to cross onto. This talk about love was embarrassing enough with Prim and her mother, but with Gale it made her downright uneasy.

'You should go get some rest. Looks like today really tired you out.'

'Yeah, I guess. I'll go.'

He stood, so did Katniss, and they manoeuvred themselves carefully into the semblance of a hug. Katniss hated this new awkwardness. 'I miss the days in the woods,' she told him hurriedly. 'We were a good team, good friends.'

'Good friends. We still are friends, Katniss.'

'Good,' Katniss replied, artfully guiding him towards the door. 'We'll hunt again soon, when the weather lets up.'

'Good, right, bye Katniss. Bye Miss Everdeen, bye Prim.'

Katniss's mother called her goodbye from the kitchen, Prim from her surveillance post on the stairs. Gale hesitated, before bringing his face close to hers. Katniss reacted as quickly as if she had seen a wild bear approaching, pushing him out through the entrance and slamming the door in his face. She leaned against it, breathing hard.

'That was so awkward,' Prim said cheerfully, crunching on a pear. 'Told you he thought you were pretty.'

'When did you get so wise?' Katniss murmured weakly before collapsing onto her butt.

The door rumbled against her as it was knocked again.

'Goodbye Gale!' she yelled.

'Special delivery?' came an uncertain reply.

Prim sprang nimbly onto her toes. 'It's him! Open it, open it!'

'Yes, yes,' Katniss said as she heaved herself up. She couldn't help hoping that Gale had left by the time Peeta had arrived. For some reason, the two didn't sit together easily in her mind, or on her front doorstep.

He was smiling that flabbergasting smile again, as if he hadn't waded a good mile in the subzero temperatures just to deliver one package to an irascible, borderline ungrateful Seam girl. And in the light of that smile, it took Katniss a while to remember to speak. Fortunately for her, it appeared that Peeta was grappling with the same problem.

'Hi,' he said.

'Hi,' she echoed. 'So, um, that's for me?'

There was another, slightly-larger-than-yesterday's box in his hand, with neat holes cut into its sides. 'Yes.'

'And how long will these food deliveries last for?'

'Food?'

Katniss coughed. 'Gift! How long will these gift deliveries last for? When does this all stop?'

'My briefing said twelve days, so looks like we still have quite a long way to go,' Peeta informed her apologetically.

'That's perfectly fine,' Prim said, squeezing through the doorway via ducking under Katniss's arm. 'Hi, Peeta.'

Peeta's smile was luminescent. 'Hi, Prim, how are you doing?'

'Wait, wait, how do you two know each other?'

'I go to the bakery sometimes, afterschool. Just to look,' Prim added quickly, when Katniss prepared herself for the dreaded money talk.

'She likes the cupcakes with the decorations. I, er, let her have a couple sometimes, provided that she shared with the rest of her family.' When he said family, he fixed his too-blue eyes on Katniss, coupling the gaze with a stupidly adorable, bashful smile. And since when was adorable in her mental vocabulary? Damn Mellark. Getting to her through her sister and confusing her tolerance for sentimentality. What a wily move!

And then she realised: She hadn't seen paper or crumb of these famed, decorated cupcakes. 'So Prim, where were these cupcakes?'

'Prim!' Peeta exclaimed. 'You mean you didn't give them to her– them?!'

'I'm sorry.' Prim was beetroot red, as well she should be, the little cake hoarder. 'Buttercup always finds me first, and he won't let me go until he's eaten them all. I've tried hiding them, but his nose is amazing. He always knows.'

'You spoil that cat.'

Peeta looked between the sisters as they bickered, but grinned as he saw that there was no real animosity between them. 'It's ok, I'll bring some around next time.'

'It's ok, Katniss doesn't have much of a sweet tooth anyway.'

'Then I'll bring something savoury too. Do you like cheese buns, Katniss?'

'Never had any,' Katniss replied cautiously.

Peeta gasped as if she had just confessed to a heinous crime. 'Well, I'll have to rectify that. All right, so that's one order of cheese buns, and you, Prim, what would you like?'

'Oh! Those pastries with the glazed fruit always look so good.'

'All right, I'll make a note of that and–'

'Wait, we can't…we can't, Peeta. We can't pay. That's very nice of you to offer, but sorry, we can't.'

'Who said anything about paying?' Peeta asked. He turned an easy smile on Prim. 'Did you hear anything about that?'

'No,' she said, readily returning his smile.

'Then that's settled. Here's your present,' he pressed the box into Katniss's hands, 'sign here, thanks, and I'll be off. Merry Christmas.'

Prim hugged Katniss excitedly as they watched Peeta walk away. 'Pastries, pastries!' she sang.

'So that's why you're rooting for him, because he gives you food?'

'No,' Prim frowned and looked Katniss sharply in the eye. 'Because after all this time of you looking after me and mom, I want someone to take care of you… And I think you'd let him.'

Katniss clutched the box tightly to her chest. 'Come on, let's open this.'

Prim acquiesced easily enough, and they piled in out of the cold. They sat in the living room, on either side of the box, and the younger sister cooed as Buttercup prowled into the room and wound around her legs. Katniss regarded the ugly cat with disapproval. 'I hear you've been stealing my cupcakes.' The cat's flea-bitten face twisted into something a bit too reminiscent of Cato's smirk for Katniss's liking.

Inside the box was a cage that housed three sleek, brown hens.

'Chickens!' Prim cheered. 'I love chickens, they're so cute.' Katniss and Buttercup were also pleased to see them, for a whole other reason.

Carefully, Katniss lifted them from the box, admiring their plumpness. It had been so long since she'd had chicken. The poor little suckers regarded her with cocked heads before the middle hen took a marked step forward, opened its beak and said in a crisp, monotone, distinctly male voice, "Bon-jower".

The Everdeen sisters screamed, and Katniss dropped the cage. And suddenly the birds were out, alternating between frantic clucks and human gibberish as the cat chased them from the room. Moments later, their mother added to the commotion, shrieking as the kitchen pots once again went raucously flying.

'What the hell was that?' Katniss asked. 'Why were they talking?'

'They were like mutts or something,' Prim said with a tremble. 'Why would Peeta give you something like that?'

'Because it's not Peeta.'

'I'm starting to think that you're right.'

Despite her shaken state, Katniss shook her head and tutted. 'Starting to think.'

Next door, the unnatural, anthropomorphic hens were all chanting something that sounded like "saycrer blur, saycrer blur!".

AN: Thank you to everyone who read, favourited, followed and reviewed! Reviewer: it is a true honour to be bookmarked, and Everlarkmakorraforever: the truth may surprise you!