The rest of that trip was spent in bed. Don't worry, our hands were kept above the waist the entire time. We really just spent it watching movies and reading. It does sound boring when I say it like that but I really can't imagine spending my time any differently.
That was a month ago.
It really has been the best month of my life. I mean, it's been getting rougher not being able to share that part of me with her but I honestly don't think I'll have to keep it from her for too long. I'm going to tell her soon. I'm going to ask San to move in with me. Which pretty much makes the need to tell San about my penis even greater. I would tell her either way but I think I would always chicken out. This way I have to tell her.
And, I just feel guilty all the time. I'm not lying, per se, to her but I am withholding important information from her. Not even just the physical part of it, but having a penis did affect my life and I can't even share that with her. I want to share everything with her. I want to give her all that I am.
At first I was afraid that she'd reject me because of my anatomy. Now I'm afraid that she'll be upset because I hid this from her instead of trusting her that she'll be accepting of it.
I'm doing a couple of outlines, our finals are in a couple weeks and I have to be on point. I can't let San get better grades. I love this friendly competition we have going on. Can we say "motivation"? Of course I want Santana to succeed in all that she does but there's no harm in competition. My books, legal pads, and a myriad of pens are scattered all over my coffee table. I love it. When San comes over to study, she needs to sit at the dinning room table and have all her stuff perfectly stacked and meticulously aligned and it freaks me out. But, you know, in an endearing way.
KNOCK. Knock.
I furrow my brow and check the time on my phone. It's barely 10 in the morning. Walking over to the front door, I quickly pat down any unruly strands of hair I might have. I open the door a little cautiously.
"San!" I exclaim when I see her. I get a huge smile on my face but it slowly fades when I see that she looks a little disheveled.
"I need to live with you for a couple days."
I shake my head a little, maybe I misheard. I step back and pull her and her stuff in... "Are you all right?"
She kicks one of her duffel bags, "The fucking pipes in my shower broke. Flooded everything by the time I got the maintenance man to come up." She looks horrible. My poor baby.
I wrap my arms around her, "Sanny, why didn't you call me? I would've picked you up. Of course I want you to stay here."
She quietly thanks me and I can hear her sniffle. My heart breaks. I gently carry her into my room and I cuddle her. We stay like that a while before we both fall asleep.
/
I wake up holding her and I wouldn't have it any other way. Maybe instead of asking her "Will you move in with me," I can just say "You. Stay. Here." I take a deep breath and just take in her scent. I love that only her scent instantly puts me in the most wonderful mindset. Serene and at peace.
She shifts a little and I can hear a change in her breathing. She's up. Looking over the alarm clock on my night stand I can see that it's a little after 11 AM.
"Sanny," I whisper softly. "Are you hungry, sweet-pea?" She lets out an adorable, little whine that tells me that she is hungry. I eventually convince her to go with me in the kitchen so she can tell me what happened.
As I make us some French Toast she tells me how during the middle of her shower this morning, it 'went fucking insane and exploded.' She tells me that water poured out from the handles and every where it wasn't supposed to come from and that was her cue to step out of the shower. Good thing she did because it pretty much blew up. Then, since it was a Saturday the maintenance man wasn't readily available. The whole place pretty much flooded. She has to clear out of the place while they fix the problem and set up industrial fans or something to dry it up. Then they might have to replace the drywall if the water damaged it. What a mess.
She lives in a cutesy, I guess 'vintage building' is a good way to describe it. What it lacks in maintenance and benefits, it makes up in character. That's what she says. Well, I guess used to say.
"Baby, I literally grabbed my shit and ran. We have finals coming up and I just don't want to deal with it." She says before taking a bite of food.
I pour her a little bit more coffee and I tell her that she can stay for as long as she wants. I've now officially planted the seed. Hopefully she'll stay even after her apartment's back to normal. I know it's rushed, I have enough reason to know that much, but honestly? I don't give a fuck. In my 24 years of life I've never felt this. I've never felt this fulfilled with life. I'm not content. I'm genuinely happy.
/
"Ok, so you can set up in the room next to mine, if you want." I tell her as I carry her biggest bag down the hall. For someone who was in a frenzied rush, she sure did manage to pack a lot of stuff. We spent all day alternating between lazing around and studying.
It's almost time for bed and yes, she has slept over before in my bed. However, now that she is here on a semi-permanent basis, I'm not going to force her to stay in my room. Right? That makes sense. Like, I want her to know that she has her own space here.
"Uh. No." She says as she pulls me back slightly by back pocket. She takes her bag out of my hands and I watch her walk back down the hall and into my room. I hear the thud of her bag dropping. I follow her and I see her taking out her stuff and dumping it on my bed. "I'm staying with you so my stuff and I are staying in your room." She smiles at me and I definitely know that I shouldn't disagree. Not that I would want to anyway.
How'd I get so lucky? We spent the next half hour putting her stuff away. Her socks take up half my sock drawer, making it our sock drawer. Her bras take up half my bra drawer making it our bra drawer. My underwear takes up more space and if she had seen my underwear drawer she would've asked some hard-hitting questions that I'm not ready to answer.
She brought all of her bathroom with her apparently. I don't have the space for that so that'll have to wait until tomorrow...
We then shower, separately, I have to remind myself 'good things come to those who wait' when I tell her that we have to shower on our own. She pouts but I know she's just messing around.
She's slept over before, nothing new there. Loved it as always. I fall asleep in her arms, I love that she's the big spoon. So silly. She's always adamant about that. I have no complaints.
"Thank you for letting me move in, Britt-Britt." She whispers in my ear as she tightens her hold around me. We're both falling asleep, I can hear how tired her voice is. I'm surprised she lasted this long considering how hectic her morning was.
I thread my fingers in between hers and I tell her that there's no other place I'd want her to be. It's true. I think – no, I know – that I'll always want her with me.
I'll tell her tomorrow. No more putting it off. I tell myself as I fall asleep.
/
I wake up because I gotta pee like a racehorse. Holy shit, why didn't I pee earlier?! Fuck, I ran, or stumble I should say, to the bathroom but I glance at my alarm clock. It's barely 7 AM. Why am I up so early? I finally make it to the bathroom, not even bothering to turn on the lights because the sun is starting to shine through the window, and pull down my compression shorts. Hmm, that's weird. Why am I wearing those instead of boxers?
I shrug my shoulders and just let it all. I let out a very satisfied moan. There's nothing as good as peeing after holding it in for a long time. Almost as good as an orgasm, some would say. I'm almost done and then the light turns on.
I snap my neck to the door and there Santana is. Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck, I forgot she was here. She wasn't there when I woke up. Fuck. My mouth has gone dry and I feel all the air coming out of my lungs.
She's wearing her work out clothes and is a sweaty mess. She probably went out running. Fuck. That's probably why I didn't feel her in bed.
My heart is going nonstop. My stomach is killing me. My eyes are starting to water and I can't really see but I can see well enough to know that she's looking right at my penis.
Fuck.