Hello, I finally came up with the new chapter of this fic. It's more difficult to write tha so the updates may and will be slower but I swear I won't abandon it. A big thanks to jazara evergreen my beta, she helps me out in this computerless period.*

Outside the rain's fallin' down

There's not a drop that hits me

Scream at the sky but no sound

Is leaving my lips

It's like I can't even feel

After the way you touched me

I'm not asleep but I'm not awake.

There is a thin line between the victim and the sinner. Who suffers most?
The burdened or the burned?

"Who are you?"
"You know who I am, don't deny it."
"True, though it doesn't mean I have to stop asking."
"Well, aren't you a smart one?"
"Tell me, are you part of me or am I part of you?"
"Both."
"What do you mean?"
"And here I thought you had a brain, pity."
"Just answer me!"
"I'm afraid I don't have much time, you see I think it would be a good time to wake up."
"The sinner."
"There is no good answer, but are you ready to defy God?"
"I don't have much of a choice, my body isn't mine anymore and I'm not quite in the right mind."
"Maybe I'm not you."
"You might as well say that I'm crazy."
"Didn't you take care of that for me?"
"I am ready."
"Don't you have any faith in the holy?"
"God can't help me. He never did and never will."
"Do you trust me?"
"No."
"Good answer."

It felt like flying, endlessly floating through the sky. The darkness enveloped her, a comforting cover of shadows. The voice was gone now, faded into oblivion. Or maybe it was still there, maybe she just learned to ignore it so much that she didn't hear it anymore. It didn't matter, she was warm and safe.
The hours passed, so slow that they felt like an eternity of rolling night. It washed over her conscience like waves, easing away any will to escape. There was only soft echoes, lulling her into sleep again. She found out that it didn't matter either, she was one with the darkness.
She didn't wake.
"Maybe you should."
A pair of golden orbs snapped open.
The voice was gone again, not that she expected anything else from a fragment of her imagination. The air around her was nice and warm, with no wind at all. She coiled herself tighter, her mind fuzzy and blank. Why would she want to move, what good was there in waking up?
She struggled to hold on her thoughts, they felt like a tiny fish, slippery and hard to see in the waters of her conscience. Even thought she knew she had to wake up, face what she had become, she didn't move. The darkness felt so warm, so safe. Her grip on reality was warping, and she struggled to keep her eyes open for just another moment. Then her eyes slowly closed and she let herself be carried to the land of dreams.
Her eyes shot open just a moment later.
In the moment where she blinked to adjust her bleary sight the darkness had moved, she was sure of it. In a slight panic she scoured the dark cover, looking for an oddity. Nothing.
Fixing the dark mass she began to gradually calm down, lowering her guard a bit. She was slightly mesmerized by the shades of black she never knew possible. The more she fixed the darkness the more it seemed to swirl. She lifted a paw to reach it, gasping at the sudden resistance.
Her feet were covered in swirling darkness, some parts creeping up her calves. The swirling was clearly visible now, darkness so dark that is seemed like they tore out a part of the night, mixing with living shadows.
Wasn't it strange that she didn't hear herself scream?
It wasn't supposed to be like that!
A disturbed giggle left her mouth at those thoughts, of course it wasn't supposed to go like that. What did he promise her already? Strength, knowledge, beauty and freedom wasn't it?
What a joke, she just sold her soul for nothing else than pain. Wasn't it what she had always known anyways, wasn't it what she deserved? At least pain never failed her, it was something reliable in this twisted world. Mother was right after all, she was ugly, useless. She couldn't possibly be worth something, she couldn't even die properly, did she? She just had to drag it out.
Maybe it was better to be burned than to set fire after all.
The dark mass was higher now, looking oh so strange on her silver pelt. All the lower part of her body was nothing more than a writhing black mass now.
Wait, silver?
Wasn't her pelt grey?
She slowly raised her left paw, expecting the same kind of resistance.
She was wrong, it was disturbingly easy. Her movement was somewhat slow but her whole foreleg was now steadily emerging from the darkness. Almost mesmerized she brought it to her face, amazed by the gleaming silver fur and lean muscles. Giving her claws an experimental flex, she suddently stopped.
Her claws where silver too.
Just then, as the world seemed to be spinning uncontrollably, the darkness exploded.

"Won't you be a good girl?"
Curved claws griped flesh, drawing blood and scraping bones. Choked sobs erupted from the night, uncontrollable tremors shaking her tiny body.
"God... Somebody... Just help me!"
All was silent for a moment, as if time was holding it's breath.
Putrid breath pooled around grimy fangs, a pink tongue came to lick his dry lips.
"N-No, he can't..."
Then it came, the horrible sound of tearing flesh, followed by a scream so painful that you could feel her desperation.
And the pain, oh the pain.
She felt as if she was torn to pieces, black spots swimming across her eyes. She couldn't hear a thing but she was sure she was screaming, screaming until her throat could no more. She was praying too, hoping so hard for a miracle to come.
But it didn't. It never did.

"What happened to you?"
And she told her, but found no pity in her eyes.
"Why won't you cuddle with me too, Mama?"
A strong paw pushed her away, leaving her to sleep on the cold floor.
"Go away, I'm better off alone."
But strangely he didn't.
"Come and play with us."
She stared for a long moment at the offered paw, as if it would somehow bite her. He just stared back, amber eyes bright, and he didn't take his paw away. Maybe, just maybe, she could trust him, maybe the friendly gleam she saw in his eye was real. Yes, maybe she really could, even if by "us" he only meant "me".
So slowly, almost fearfully, she brushed her paw against his cream one.
"God doesn't exist, he can't help me."
The truth, simple and undeniable.
"Would you ever betray me?"
He had swore he wouldn't, but how much was worth a promise out of a kit's mouth?
She still didn't think it was the good answer.
"I want to hear you scream!"
And it hurt so much, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop herself.
Tears and blood mixed, she could not tell who they belonged to. Screams came as harshly from her throat than his, numbing her conscience until she couldn't feel.

The memories were like swirling ashes and she could taste bitter soot on her tongue.

I remember it all too well, I was so lost back then, unable to distinguish reality from my dreams. It all warped and blurred, trying to lure me into the darkest corners of my insanity.
You know what comes next don't you?
Or maybe you don't, maybe what I see is only your shadow, an illusion created by my mind to keep me company. Maybe you're still here, you're just gone too far to remember that moment, the one who sealed our fate and led us here.
It's no big deal anymore, I'm happy I can still see you. You know, I don't want to face a world without you, a world where you wouldn't chase the nightmares away.
And even now you would know that, if I had the tiniest hope for you, for myself, I would offer myself all over again to that creature. Just to hear your voice again.
So for all our arrogance, our ruthlessness, we were swept back where dead lichens drip crumbling cinders upon moss of ash...