Disclaimer- If it were mine, this is what would have happened... I think.
It was dark by the time they arrived.
The two story house gave off an aura of abandonment. Shadowed and lifeless. Like a ghost. She repressed a shiver as best she could, while Jane climbed out immediately. It took her a moment to get her numb fingers to follow suit.
"Great house." Jane commented, coming around the back of the van.
She started slowly up the steps, limbs heavy and hard to move. She just had to keep telling herself that this was necessary. That it had to be done.
"Who's is it?"
Lisbon looked back at him. "It's yours. Give me your keys." She needed to get this over with, before she lost her resolve.
"Okay." Jane handed over the whole set.
She looked at his eyes, seeing a flicker of something within them, but all she could discern was that it wasn't enough. Seeing the house wasn't enough to make him remember. She pushed down the desire to be ill and unlocked the door. When she glanced at him, he was smiling a little. Perhaps because he had seen the small tricycle in the window. Maybe the good memories were filtering back. Or maybe he was just impressed by his own wealth.
It was quiet and still inside, a layer of dust over every surface. The long, dark shadows made the place not scarier, but somehow more haunting and sad. A thin puff went up at each of her footsteps as she led the way to the stairs and up.
The stairwell was cramped and foreboding, making it harder and harder to trudge all the way to the top. When they got to the landing, she stopped. She couldn't go any further. The rest of it wasn't for her, it belonged to Jane. She was feeling the settling guilt of bringing him this far.
Oh god, what was she doing?
Their eyes met, hers reluctant, and then her gaze flickered to the door, wary even as she silently showed him what they were here for. Where he needed to go. She knew the way. She knew it all. Her eyes followed him as he approached the door, steps steady but just as wary as she felt.
He stopped in front of the door and looked back at her.
She just stared back, trying to silently let him know that she was here. She knew what was awaiting them- awaiting him- on the other side. And she knew she couldn't save him from it. She couldn't do this for him.
He turned back and slowly opened the door. Then stood unmoving.
She didn't think he was even breathing. She stood watching him, just watching. Ready for anything he needed. If he needed to scream, if he needed to cry, anything. Or at least, she had thought so.
But there was only silence.
It seemed all the more horrible that way.
Jane wavered a little on his feet, as though the world had just been rocked off it's axis. His world.
She swallowed again as Jane finally tilted his head.
He looked down so he could look at her without really looking at her. Silently asking why to someone he knew couldn't answer. To a world that had no reply.
She breathed, even though her throat felt like it was closing shut. She spoke, even though she knew it would never be enough. "I'm sorry." It was an apology as much as a condolence. She hadn't wanted it to be her that had to tear this innocent happiness away from him. In fact, she would have done just about anything for this not to be her responsibility at all. But he was her friend. He was one of the most important people in her life, she had been through enough in the past few days to admit that.
If Red John was ever going to be stopped, she couldn't let Jane give up the reason he was chasing the serial killer. This was for Jane, it wasn't to catch Red John, but... well, he would never have forgiven her if she let him walk away from his self-imposed mission.
She wished this moment hadn't come. She wished they had no reason to be here. But then, she wished a lot of things. So she stood silent and still as he continued trying to stay upright, clutching the door's knob and frame in a desperate way. There was no reason for her to speak further. She knew that he remembered.
He remembered everything.