Chapter 1: Chap 1 Grey Dawns and Early Sunsets

Chapter 1

10/10/11

Bella's POV

I never imagined that the moment my heart stopped beating would be the moment I began to have an existence. My death was the most excruciating, terrifying, and isolated event I had ever gone through…but it solved everything.

My life as Isabella Cullen shames the life that Bella Swan had led. Mediocre at best, equilaterally challenged, and too shy to express myself to anyone. Now all that has changed, I am stronger, faster, and more resilient than I ever could have imagined. I have more love coursing through my veins than I ever had blood.

So much has happened in this beginning of immortality. Standing in our baseball field, the scent of the Volturi fading informing me they departed little over six hours ago. I wonder how many of our witnesses are still back at the main house. Now that I had a moment to focus; I wondered how long has it been since there were this many vampires gathered in one location? How selfish it must be of me to be standing here. There is nothing I want more than to be absorbed in all that is my family yet somehow I wandered here. Edward didn't follow me. Even though I hadn't dropped my shield allowing him access to myself he still somehow knew I had to go alone. Too many thoughts in my mind to shift through, and prioritize, and process.

I have almost lost everything a million times over. I don't feel I deserve anything that I have gotten. How did I walk away from this alive? The feeble awkward human somehow fell in love at first sight. Any teenager would trade all the years of bullshit angst for the love at first sight syndrome. As if Edward weren't enough, and he always would be, then I was also lucky enough to have a best friend carry me through disaster, always wanting more than I would ever give him.

I have had war started on my behalf.

I have broken hearts, broken trusts, and lied through my teeth to protect my loved ones. And somehow Bella Swan emerged successful with her family intact as Isabella Cullen; a force that would do anything to protect her ever growing family.

Strong gails began to sweep across the field, sending small flurries of freshly fallen snow into the towering fir trees and the forests edge.

I Inhaled sharply, letting the brisk wet scent coat my throat. It was oddly soothing, familiar even. Faded darkened Images of eating frozen treats, specifically the moment just before you'd het a brain freeze. Roasting in the dry Arizona heat and the shock from plunging into a frigid pool.

The colder air licked at the permanent burn in my throat and for the briefest second relief was mine. The muscles elsewhere in my body still yearned for lubrication; my belly still ached to feel contented fullness, my tongue desperate to pull the warm delicious pulse from a terrified creature. I quickly snapped my teeth instinctively for dwelling on my desire too long.

I heard a crunch from behind me and became amused that I hadn't noticed the sound sooner.

I crouched reflexively but was standing upright again all most in the same moment. Now that I knew I should be searching for a scent it was quite easy to pick up on. Vanilla. Jasmine. The warmest shade of yellow. Safety. Love.

"Bella?" Esme called out faintly before she became visible.

"Hi, Esme." I called back to her.

She ran into my view and was just a few feet before me the moment I'd finished my sentence. I could smell the rest of the household on her now that she was this close.

The smell of my children wafting from her caused me to breathe deeply yet again. The craving to have their warm sleeping bodies nestled against mine became a desperation quickly.

"Did Edward send you?" I asked purely out of politeness. My mind preoccupied with routing my fastest course home.

"He did not." She said forging a smile that seemed to indicate otherwise. My face seemed to give away my skepticism. Alice had been right that I'm not a very good liar, my poker face could use some refining as well. And there was all the time in the world to perfect it.

"He did seem very distracted you'd wandered off on you own." Esme admitted. "But I just wanted to check in with you, make sure you're alright."

I smiled. "I'm fine. How could I not be? We are all still together." I paused, feeling a strong wave of emotions. "I didn't believe I'd even survive the day. And we all did."

Esme walked closer towards me and placed her arms gingerly on my shoulders.

"We survived because of you."

I scoffed and began to shake my head. "I could argue that none of you would have ever been in danger today if it wasn't for my life choices. And my spawn." I managed a grin.

Esme stared at me scathingly, but her voice remained soft. "My grandchildren, are never to be something you apologize for. Do you hear me?" Her eyes were glaring against the backdrop of her kind face. There was a fierceness there that I had never noticed before.

"Bella, you've made our family complete, beyond all ways any of us could have ever considered. You must be well aware by now of the happiness you brought into my sons life, from the moment he met you."

I nodded, indeed knowing.

She closed her eyes although there was no reason for her to do so. The images she concentrated on caused her visible pain.

"Edward spent so many years in self loathing, and isolation, searching for meaning or a way he could redeem his soul which he believed damned. You came his sunlight and he harvested toward you helplessly." She smiled finally opening her eyes. She cupped both her hands around my face.

"I didn't think he would ever open himself up to the idea of someone loving him, let alone finding someone he loved as well. I never thought he'd love anyone more then you. But those children….you gave your life for them." She choked on her thoughts before they became words.

"He finally sees his soul, waking around in two incredible tiny bodies." She laughed. I now felt the dry sting for the lack of welling in my own eye sockets.

Esme pulled me in to hug me while a sob escaped her. "Bella, thank you. For everything."

Edward's POV

Bella is the most selfish and wonderful thing that I have never done.

I can never condone the fact that I destroyed her life. Leaving her behind, unprotected after entering her life obviously was an atrocious idea, one that I would never try again. I must admit for Bella's sake I wish I had never met her... I don't think I will ever relieve myself of the regret of what I have robbed her of solely for my own perfect happiness. I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. My perfect happiness could only come to fruition destroying something innocent and beautiful. What a monster I was. And yet thinking this whilst watching the two beautiful children we created fills me with such a hatred of myself. I have never felt any emotion so aggressively such as the love I have for my children. The love I feel for the family Carlisle created could never compare to the family I have created for myself now. Does this make me heartless? I never even knew I could feel this way before…before Bella had entered my life. My children, our children….They have completed everything about the family I already acquired….But….Bella could have had a normal life…one without all these fairy-tale nightmares…and I….

Narrator's POV

"I cannot keep thinking this way"

Edward finally says aloud. He smiles watching his children rest and continues "However I became so lucky I will never know." He paused to brush lock of curls laying over Renesmee's face as she slept. "Your mother was more than I deserved." He told her as she slept. "You and your brother are the world." He said barely louder than the mildest gust of wind.

He continues to ponder what thoughts his wife was entertaining; all alone. Edward scowled and aimed his focus on the voices in the house. He smirked realizing his mother's voice was not among them. He reviewed the most recent glimpses of Alice's insight. Through her he could see his wife and mother embraced in the baseball clearing. Edward sighed acceptingly and picked up his children and to bring them to his and Bella's bedroom. Deliberately walking slower than he was capable of; gazing intently upon them both.

"I never realized my reason for being before. When I met your mother I knew I had to, no, needed her in my life. It's simply the only justifiable cause as to why I was turned into this frozen bloodthirsty monster…to meet, and protect, and to love her."

He closed his eyes….he was unsure if they could hear him, he didn't know if he was talking to them or not. All that he did know was that he had become something more than he ever envisioned for himself.

He became a husband and a father.

Masen stirred in his arms and awoke, immediately recognizing his father he cooed and smiled. Masen had a dazzling set of eyes, his iris an astonishing emerald green, and although it was subtle, there was a ring of mahogany around the pupil. In Edwards opinion he greatly resembled Bella, he had her face structure and cheek bones. He also had the same dusting of freckles on those cheeks that his mother had. His hair had a slight wave to it and laid mostly flat atop of his head as opposed to his sisters tighter ringlets. There were a few rebellious strays going every which way, and where renesmee more closely embodied the bronze of my hair, Masen shared the dark shade of brown that of his grandfather, Charlie, and his mother.

"Good morning son….Hi sweetie!"

Edward beamed toward his boy and Masen in returned squealed from the acknowledgment.

"Sshhh Sshh Sshh Masen, Renesmee is still asleep."

Although the twins were only a few months old they had the resemblance of toddlers, and a mental capacity greater than some adults. Masen glanced at his sleeping sister sheepishly, looked at his father and whispered 'sorry.' Kissing him on the forehead edward reassured Masen that it was alright. He then turned to Renesmee.

EPOV

I looked down toward my daughter with my son fully alert in my arms and I noticed that Masen was holding Renesmee's hand. A normal parent would have found this adorable for obvious reasons however I find it intriguing because my children are gifted. Renesmee slept peacefully, tiny pink lips slightly agape, bronze ringlets falling over my forearm. Renesmee looked more like me; more rounded face than that of her mother and brother, more distinguished cheekbones but had an exact duplicate set of her mother's eyes and her smile. Masen quickly drew my attention back to himself with a look of contemplation in his eyes.

"Can I?" he said tugging on his still sleeping sisters tiny hands. Masen and Renesmee each had talents that made them even more unique that what originally thought possible. At the simplest touch Renesmee could project her own thoughts, feelings, and memories directly into somebody's thoughts.

Masen had a similar ability; he could project his thoughts into reality. A better description would be that of movie being projected. His images aren't as clear as you or I but definitely definable, audible; just not tangible. Carlisle isn't sure but he believes that their powers will increase in strength with time. He has theorized that Renesmee may be able to use her power without using touch someday, whereas Masen could potentially project images so life like they produce breath. I considered this a very hefty defense mechanism. If he could achieve such realism in his projection he would very well rival Zafrina's ability. But that would probably not be for quite some time. It seemed that where Renesmee inherited her ability from my own gift, Masen's gift is defensive, like his mothers.

"Daddy…may I?" Masen asked once more. As a vampire I've never seen a problem with becoming easily distracted…that was until parenthood presented itself and my proclivity for becoming distracted has not been conducive with the role of father.

"Masen, don't you think it's rude to portray thoughts that don't belong to you?" I chuckled. "…Especially thoughts which are not conscious." I continued staring into a set of very quizzical eyes, eyes I had not seen in over a century. The reminded me of my mother. My mothers hopes for how long Carlisle could extend her sons life as she lay rotting on her own deathbed occupied my thoughts more frequently during my first few decades as a vampire. I trained myself to think of her less often. Not only out of pain. But out of disappointment and envy. How could she have ever been okay with what I'd become. Assuming there is an afterlife of which my soul has been condemned from, I'd pictured her watching over me in horror as she watched my soul burn away inside me. I envied if what I envisioned as peacefulness upon her death, and her disgust for the monster her son had become, and a longing for what would never be again. Since Bella gave birth to our children my mother has been ppressing in my thoughts again. But I imagined her disgust dissolved and her longing only comprised of thoughts of holding her grandchildren. I suddenly felt compelled to hun a nursery rhyme she had sang to me while I was a small human; and in the same second I was doing it.

My attention span failed me again as I hummed the tune of the lullaby as a secondary function. I began to recall the memory of Bella giving birth. I had become overwhelmed when I pulled Renesmee from Bellas's womb. Bella had at least gotten to meet her daughter before her heart failed. While Jacob pumped her heart repetitively I became stunned much longer than I should have that she was no longer pumping blood of her own accord. Whisking Renesmee away to Rosalie I listened for Masen; fondly thought of as E.J. before I retrieved from inside of his dead mother. He was still alive, quite still, afraid, and confused why he was struggling for life so desperately. I'd hoped beyond reason my course of action would be enough to save them both; relief over the image of Renesmee safe in Rosalies arms calmed me enough to regain focus. I knocked away Jacob and his efforts, plunged the syringe with my venom into Bellas's heart and began to bite her in every artery she had; licking the wounds as I went. It hit Masen instantly. He, for lack of better wording, screamed…it wad not his thoughts….through amniotic fluid, through a womb encased in steel, my son screamed inside his mother. I snarled and ripped my head away from the woman I love and began tearing through what remained of my wife. I had Masen safe in my arms a moment later, the incredulous look of pain painted all over his captivating, tiny face.

I brought him to my chest instinctively and buried my blood covered face into his neck. I begged inside myself that I had not killed him. I could hear his heart pumping, his warm little body already burning off the venom which made it way inside him. His thoughts turned againizglkng slowly from pain to comfort the longer I held him there. Suddenly, through the darkeness of holding my head into my sons neck o had realized It had been too many seconds since I'd heard the pumping of Bella's heart. I turned terrified to face Jacob who had already conceded that Bella was beyond saving. "Pump!" I'd snarled at him just above my sons head. Instead Jacob had turned away from and uttered nothing but hatred as he left me alone in the room with the shell of Bella and her weakened son. I laid Masen on Bella's increasingly cold chest and pumped her heart for her. Then I heard the wolves approaching. Resolving i could do no more for Bella and removing my hand from her heart became added to the list of the hardest moments I've ever endured. In a blur I had called out for slice and jasper, lifted Masen from Bella, descended the stairs to hand the still naked Masen off to Rosalie, and met my family outside to fend off the wolves.

As Sam and his wolf pack attempted to tear into Alice Jasper I prepared to lunge, to kill if necessary. All too late I realized the impending threat from inside my home. I'd failed….Bella, my children….Jacobs thoughts had been there the entire time yet only now, as I prepared to kill his brethren, did his thought enter my radar.

Alice was on hear back defending herself from the snapping jaws of Paul as Leah rammed into her old pack she to save her…. And I had to turn my back to her , twirling in spot and lurching myself to get back inside and out myself between my children and their executioner. I roared gutturally and launched myself in the space between Jacob and the two heart beats that were now my entire reason for being. I felt my mouth gape as I listened to Jacobs thoughts, looking for reason to his far away state from his place on the floor…..had Jacob not imprinted on Renesmee, I am not completely confident I would have had the time to protect them from his destruction.

Masen sat up and sat between my crossed legs on the bed as to face me properly.

"Dad…if I were to project her thoughts as she is sleeping it is the same thing as you or mom or anybody else placing her hand upon themselves while she sleeps. You can still see her thoughts…same thing." He huffed still sleepily.

He looked up at me with the eyes of my mother and myself but the pout that he knew only too well from Bella. I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of it.

"Masen you certainly are your mother's child….But I do see your point it would be the exact same thing…. I must ask though why you would even want to, you can see her thoughts without projecting them."

"I want to see if I can project someone else's thoughts other than my own…And Nessie is the only one who can allow me to do that." He finished affirmatively.

It still amazes me the intelligence that exists in such a young mind. Masen discovered more to his ability; and his sisters' ability than even I speculated at. He's right….in theory he should be able to project his sister's images with his gift when she transfers her thoughts to him. What a wonderful link to their powers.

"That's an incredibly well thought out theory son, and I am very interested in seeing the results, why don't you give it a try?" I encouraged him wholeheartedly.

And that's when Masen gave me a smirk that I must have given thousands of times in my life; I beamed with pride at my son.