Chapter 17 – Sanity is not statistical
"Katherine?"
Katherine opened her eyes at the voice and pushed herself up into a sitting position, peering blearily at the figure. She'd gone to Avery immediately after leaving Remus and made him cover the trio's tracks, then she'd lifted a paper from someone's desk in the Ministry and headed home - Nicki's home, at any rate. She must have crashed out on the sofa – she didn't remember falling asleep.
"What the hell happened to you?"
"What time is it?" she mumbled as Severus reached out to her cheek, tracing one cool finger across it. She knocked his hand away, frowning and rubbed her eyes.
"Two o'clock. I didn't hear you come home," he answered quietly, standing beside her. There was something odd in his expression as he gazed at her. "What have you been up to? I thought you were just going to see Lupin?"
"I was. I did," sighed Katherine. She had no intention of telling Severus anything about the morning's events if she could help it. "Peter escaped, then."
Severus threw an unconcerned glance at the paper, which was lying on the table and shrugged. "He always does. Who did that?" He gestured again to her face.
Katherine touched her own cheek, and felt dried blood there. She frowned and crossed the room to look in a mirror. No wonder Robert had looked at her strangely earlier - she looked as though she'd been in a war zone. Her hair was tangled and though any wounds had long ago healed, her clothes still bore the marks of spell damage. The blood from the cut one of the Death Eaters in Remus' flat had given her stained her left cheek. She grimaced and wandered upstairs to the bathroom to clean herself up a bit.
Severus followed her, still frowning deeply, his dark eyes concerned, if not worried. Katherine wiped a damp flannel over her face, washing away most of the blood, then pulled a brush through her hair.
Severus leant against the door frame, watching her silently. Finally she set the brush down and stared at his reflection in the looking glass that hung over the sink, meeting the gaze of his mirrored eyes.
"You didn't answer my question," he reminded her quietly.
"I don't intend to," replied Katherine, expression tired and closed.
"Katherine don't..."
"Don't what?" asked Katherine sharply, turning to face him. "Don't keep secrets? It's none of your business what I've been up to."
"It is if you got hurt," said Severus softly, but firmly. "It is if you turn up here looking like..." He trailed off, shrugging again. "Just don't do anything stupid, and if you do, don't get caught."
Katherine barely heard the last bit and stepped forward to catch his wrist as he turned to leave. He looked back at her as she tried to figure out why she'd stopped him. "I never get caught," she said softly, just to break the silence that threatened to stretch out indefinitely.
"History suggests otherwise," remarked Severus, glancing down at her restraining hand on his wrist. She hurriedly released him and folded her arms consciously. He frowned slightly then lowered his gaze. "I've got some business to attend to. Tell Nicola I'll be back in a couple of days."
"You're leaving?" asked Katherine, unable to stop the surprise in her voice. Severus glanced at her, a strange look in his eyes again.
"I'll come back."
Strange thing to say, Katherine thought vaguely, but, she realised, what was stranger was that it was exactly the answer she'd wanted. She didn't want him to go, not now, maybe not ever. But that was stupid. He wasn't going far...was he?
"Sofia, Bulgaria. There are some alliances that need...checking," said Severus, in answer to the question she hadn't asked.
Ah, quite far, then. Not that distance was much of a problem for her. Azkaban had given her time to do more than just think...
"Right." She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, wondering what it was about Severus that made her feel she was fifteen again – shy, self conscious and...intimidated? He nodded and made to say something, but she cut in before he could form the words. "Looking like what?"
He blinked and she almost laughed. She'd managed to surprise him, well that was a first. "What?"
"Just now, you said it was your business if I turned up here looking like...?" She gazed at him expectantly.
"Oh, nothing. I can't remember," he said, shaking his head. Liar, thought Katherine sardonically. It didn't matter though, she'd already seen her answer in his eyes. "Take care of yourself," he murmured, gesturing vaguely in her direction.
"You too," she said quietly as he went downstairs again. The back door shut with a click a minute later and she was left alone. She leant against the bathroom wall and shut her eyes. Looking like death, that was what Severus had meant. He'd thought someone had killed her, and he'd been...sad? Angry? No, that wasn't the emotion she'd seen in his eyes when she'd first woken up. That was only afterwards, once he knew she was alright.
She sank to the floor, resting her head in her hands, memories of their last few weeks at Hogwarts burning vividly in her mind. The hurt hidden behind anger in Severus' eyes when he thought she'd been consorting with Sirius and the real fury and pain in his cold expression the first time he'd seen Sirius with his arms around her on the grounds by the lake...
She'd called him a coward back then, called him all sorts of things to cover her own grief and she hadn't meant any of it. She should tell him that, tell him she'd long ago forgiven him for joining, tell him she still cared about him, still loved him.
It hadn't gone too well last time she'd tried it, but she'd been angry with him then - she was still angry with him now, but for different reasons. Still, at least it had brought a few things to light. She gazed down at the diamond ring that still sat innocuously on her left hand, glittering innocently in the sunshine.
"You broke my heart."
"Fair's fair, you broke mine."
Sirius Black. Quidditch star and Gryffindor. Eyes the colour of polished mahogany and hair as dark as coal. Unbidden, Remus' voice came into her head. "You kept it." He'd been surprised – surprised that she cared enough about his friend to keep a diamond ring.
Well, like she'd said – she'd loved him. On their last day of school, when she'd been late to meet the Marauders for the train home, she hadn't been so sure. She and Cassie had been the last ones to leave the dormitory, and after weeks of silence, the blonde girl had turned to her and asked: 'Is he worth it?'
And Katherine hadn't answered. Was he worth it? Worth being shunned? Worth destroying her friendships? Worth breaking Severus' heart?
She looked down at the ring again and smiled faintly. Was Sirius Black worth turning her life upside down for? Yes. Worth every second. While it lasted.
But now... She sighed, and very slowly unclasped the chain that hung around her neck. She'd spent a long time looking for that necklace. They'd taken it when she'd gone to Azkaban and it had changed hands a lot after she died. She'd finally tracked it down France, in a muggle jewellery shop of all places. The silver snakes glinted boldly in the light streaming through the bathroom window and the sapphires in her mother's ring glistened softly.
Carefully she slipped Sirius' ring off her finger and threaded it over the chain. It clinked slightly as it met the other ring and Katherine gazed at it for a long moment, eyes utterly unreadable before fastening the chain back around her neck.
Yes, she had loved Sirius. Not enough though – not enough to keep him safe. Not enough to forget Severus, not nearly enough to stop loving Severus.
Nicki's dark eyes glinted her mind's eye. "You and Snape are soulmates."
"Tell him that."
"I did. The day you went to Azkaban."
"What did he say?"
"He said to tell you that."
Katherine sighed heavily, then got to her feet. She didn't have time to reminisce and there was no room in her life for something stupid like regret. Focus on the future, focus on finding the horcruxes, focus on not dwelling on what might have been, because it never will be.
As she descended the stairs and entered Nicki's lounge she knew what the emotion in Severus' eyes had been - fear. Severus had been terrified that she was dead, that someone had taken her away so soon after she'd come back. She sighed again, picking up the metal box that Remus had left on the rooftop and pulling Regulus' sketch out of her jacket. Ruefully she placed it back where it belonged – back in the metal box with the past, with the life that might have been.
She hesitated only momentarily before whispering a spell to seal it and placing it carefully on the table in front of her. Yes, she should tell Severus that she loved him, she should, but she wouldn't. It wasn't fair. Not on him and not on her. Not when she was in so much danger – because if she told him they had a chance, he'd follow her to the ends of the earth. He'd help her and he'd get caught or hurt, just like Sirius. Or he'd ask her to run away with him and the problem was that she'd give in.
She couldn't afford to do that. She couldn't let herself get distracted again and she certainly couldn't let him fall for her again when she knew she wasn't going to survive this war.
x – X – x
Flickering torchlight illuminated the two figures bent over a large metal cabinet. The taller one straightened up, tossing a mane of black hair over her shoulder and running a long finger down a list of names.
"This is ridiculous. She can't not have been born – everyone's born. So where's the certificate?"
The smaller figure edged away a little, light glinting off short blond hair. "Maybe she took it?"
"No, that's not her style," frowned the woman, tapping the top of the cabinet impatiently.
"It said in the paper-"
"The papers lie; they always lie. Didn't your father tell you that?" said the woman dismissively. The irritated tapping stopped suddenly and eyes as dark as black holes flickered towards the door. The door handle was turning. A wand appeared in her hand a second later as a silhouetted figure stood casually in the doorway.
"Breaking and entering, Lestrange. Tut tut, what next? Mass genocide?"
Bellatrix hissed softly and lowered her wand fractionally. "Lloyd. What are you doing here?"
Julian flashed her a devilish smile, casting a critical eye over the open cabinet and the guilty expression of Bella's young accomplice. "Work business," he answered shortly. "I would ask what you're looking for, but I don't suppose I'd want to know."
He pulled open a cabinet next to the door and pulled out a file, flipping through it easily. Bellatrix stared at him until he looked up again. "What?"
"You're seriously not going to ask?" she said, eyes narrowed suspiciously.
Julian smiled menacingly. "Don't need to."
"Oh no?"
Julian sighed, putting down the file he'd been reading. "Lestrange, you're standing next to a row of cabinets that hold the records for every wizard born in the last century. There's a big R on the front of that cabinet," he added, gesturing to the open drawer behind Bellatrix. "You're trying to dig something up on Katherine."
Bellatrix almost gaped at him, but retained enough self control to stop herself in time. The blond boy glanced anxiously up at her, clearly anxious to leave, but Bella never backed down.
"What are you going to do about it?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.
Julian gave her an amused look. "Do? Why should I do anything?"
"So you're not Riddle's lap dog?"
Julian laughed, golden eyes glimmering in the torch light. "Don't be absurd, Lestrange, but you're on your own on this one."
"Scared?"
"No – sensible. I don't want Riddle after my blood. I'm very attached to my limbs, thanks very much." He grinned again, adding as an afterthought, "Besides, you're not going to find anything."
"And why is that?" asked Bella, through gritted teeth.
"Because," said Julian slowly, gaze flickering to the pale boy by her side. "You're looking in the wrong place." He glanced back at Bella, smirking in a fashion that reminded her strongly of his cousin. "Good day, Lestrange, Malfoy."
The door shut with a click behind him as Bella rounded on her nephew. "The papers – what did they call her?"
Draco almost took a step away from the fervor in her eyes as he said quietly. "Archer. A - R -"
"I know how to spell it," hissed Bella, slamming the R drawer shut and striding across the room to the A cabinet. Draco trailed after her reluctantly as she searched frantically down the list. "There is no Katherine Archer," she snarled eventually. "There's no Archer full stop. This is ridiculous! Are you sure – what are you doing?"
Draco's head snapped up from the list he'd been reading, flushing slightly. "Oh nothing-"
Bella snatched the list from his unresisting hands and frowned down at it. "I thought you said her surname was Archer? All these names start with B."
"I did – it is – it's just..."
"What?"
"Well," Draco swallowed nervously. "Pansy's at Hogwarts and...well, there's a new Professor..."
"So? There's always a new Professor," snapped Bella impatiently.
"Pansy said she looked like Riddle," Draco mumbled, looking at the floor.
"Looks like Riddle?" Bella almost laughed. "I've never seen anyone who looks remotely like Riddle. She's unique." She spat the last word like it made a bad taste in her mouth, but her scowl had lessened slightly now.
No one did look like Katherine – if she'd ever born any resemblance to her father, such similarities were lost long ago, but what was it Severus had said the other day...? "McKenzie was saying just the other day that they'd seen someone who was the spitting image of her not too far from here..." And Katherine had brought James McKenzie to a Death Eater meeting in a crumpled heap. What did he know that brought her wrath down on him...?
"Her name is Belle," offered Draco quietly. "With an 'e' on the end." Bella glanced down at the list almost absently, mind still pursuing her train of thought. Belle.
And there it was: five names. Arcadia, Edward, Faye, Katherine and Thomas.
Katherine.
Katherine Belle.
Bella smiled slowly, tugging the cabinet open and flicking through the files: Arcadia... Edward... Faye... Thomas...
She stopped abruptly, flipping backwards. No. No, it had to be there...
But it wasn't. The files went straight from Faye to Thomas, with only an empty space where Katherine's folder should have been. In the disbelieving silence, Bella could hear Katherine laughing at her, blue eyes burning bright as a gas flame. One day, Riddle. One day I'll wipe that smirk off your face.
"Come on, Draco," she hissed softly, pulling out her wand and making to slam the cabinet shut, but something stopped her. "Wait – that Professor. What's her name?"
"F. Belle," answered Draco, grey eyes glancing down at the folders lying in the drawer. Bella smiled again, with all the elegance of a lioness. She slipped the file marked Faye Belle out of the cabinet and slid it shut softly.
"Right. Now we can go."
One day, Riddle. One day soon.
x – X – x
"Back again?"
Ophelia looked up sharply into eyes the colour of oak leaves. The woman smiled, curly brown hair falling neatly around a pretty face. It was the woman from the previous night – the one who'd asked about Severus.
"It's my local," Ophelia murmured softly. A lie of course – but she wasn't going to admit that she'd only returned to see if the woman would turn up again. Well she had – now what?
"Right," conceded the woman, sitting on the bar stool beside her. "Do you usually drink that much?"
"I-" Ophelia stopped, frowning. What kind of question was that? She didn't even know this woman, and yet...and yet she'd been about to answer. This had been a bad idea...
"Sorry, it's none of my business," said the woman, not sounding apologetic at all. In fact, Ophelia thought, she sounded almost...angry? That couldn't be right.
"I-" Ophelia began again, but again she stopped, voice trailing away to nothing. The woman had leaned forward to make her order heard by the barman and a chain had fallen out of her shirt, hanging suspended from her neck. Dangling innocently from the delicate white gold chain were two rings and a silver pendant – a pendant that was as familiar to Ophelia as her own brother.
The woman leant back, glancing back at Ophelia. "Sorry, what was that?"
Ophelia just stared at her, searching for something, anything familiar in that face. A glint in an eye, a ghost of a smile... Then the woman arched a questioning eyebrow and Ophelia knew it was her.
The eyebrow lowered as Ophelia smiled slowly and green eyes that had been blue when she'd known them narrowed suspiciously.
"I've blown my cover, haven't I?" sighed Katherine, shaking her head and accepting her drink from the barman.
"Polyjuice?" questioned Ophelia softly, unable to stop grinning. She should have guessed when she'd offered to kill Daniel; no else was crazy enough to do that. Julian had known, she now realised – he'd even hinted at the possibility to her. Ophelia remembered his words now: "I presume she did what she usually does after being in the same room as him...goes and gets very drunk."
"Potions? No, I'll leave that to your cousin, thanks," smiled Katherine wryly. She glanced at Ophelia over her drink and to the younger girl's surprise, the old sapphire eyes were back.
"You never said you were a metamorphmagus," said Ophelia, lowering her voice so they wouldn't be overheard.
"Course not," chuckled Katherine. "If I went around telling people, the Aurors would figure out that all the random strangers who seem to work for Tom are the same person. Besides," she added, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. "It's fun tricking people into telling you what they really think of you. Found a lot of enemies that way."
"And that's good?" asked Ophelia sceptically.
"Yeah. Gives me a chance to get them before they get me," grinned Katherine as the barman walked over.
"Can I get either of you two another drink?" he asked, barely even glancing at Katherine, who had a half full glass in any case. Ophelia opened her mouth to reply, then glanced at Katherine, but the older girl wasn't looking at her – she seemed to have taken a sudden profound interest in the darts match.
"Do you usually drink that much?" Yes, it had been anger in Katherine's voice, the kind she usually heard in Julian - protective anger. Slowly, she shook her head.
"No thanks. I was about to leave."
The barman looked a little put out, but moved on all the same. Ophelia sighed and glanced up at Katherine who was still watching the darts match. Was she smiling, or was that just the light?
"You coming?" she ventured, gazing at her cousin's old friend. Katherine slid off the stool onto her feet and smiled.
"Where we going?"
Ophelia pushed open the door of the pub and stepped out into the cool air. "I know a take away that stays open till one."
"Sounds good," agreed Katherine, shaking her brown curls in the breeze so that they darkened to a glossy black. "Seems to me that we've got a lot to talk about."