Here is yet another update for your enjoyment! :)
Chapter 20
Clarke woke the next morning after her first full night of sleep since she'd lost him. She showered, dressing in one of his grey sweatshirts and pulling on his leather jacket before grabbing her keys and heading out the door.
She stopped at a little coffee house and picked up enough coffee for everyone at the shop along with two-dozen donuts. The price was a little steep, but the shop was doing great and the guys deserved it.
She carried the goodies inside, leaving them in the break room before making her way to her office. The guys filtered in and out of her office all morning, all smiles and thank you's.
Miller came in, taking a seat across from her.
"You look like a new woman, Boss", he said with a grin.
"I got a new place, and had the best night's sleep I've had in months", Clarke said with an answering smile, "Got any new info?"
"Johnson called me last night and said that Cage and Collins met again last night. He doesn't know what about, but at least we know they're still meeting."
"Tell Johnson that's a definite help, and to be careful. Have you set up a meet with Lynx's second?"
"Yes, ma'am. He'll be here this afternoon. Turns out Lynx is sending him by to check up on us anyway", Miller grinned.
"Great", Clarke replied sarcastically.
Her gaze flew to the open doorway, Murphy's red hair standing out like a sore thumb.
"Sorry, Boss, but there's someone here to see you."
"Who is it?"
"Octavia Blake", Murphy answered.
"I'm not here", Clarke said with a shake of her head.
"Gotcha, Boss."
Clarke turned back to Miller, finding his expression one of shock.
"Are you and Octavia out of sorts?"
"I guess you could say that. She expects me to act like nothing happened, to just step back into my life", Clarke said in frustration.
"I'm sure she's just trying to help."
"She thinks she is, but I can't stand to look at her Miller. Ever time I see her, all I can think about is how I've failed him because I can't bear to lose another person", the blonde answered quietly.
"He would understand, Clarke. When it came to you, he was convinced you had no flaws. The way he spoke of you made us all think you were some breakable porcelain doll. How wrong we were", Miller said with a gentle smile.
Before Clarke could answer, Octavia barged into the office.
"Clarke Griffin! How dare you!"
"Octavia", Clarke placated.
"No! You were trying to get rid of me! Why don't you want to talk to me?"
"It's not that I don't want to talk with you, O. I just can't, not without seeing him", Clarke said, her eyes glazing with tears.
Octavia deflated at this, and sat down heavily in one of the chairs.
"So, that's why you moved out", O said quietly.
"Yes. I know it's not fair to you, and I'm sorry. I know you don't like my running the shop, but I have to do this O. I'm close to him here."
"Clarke if this makes it easier for you then you need to do it", Octavia resolved.
"Thanks, O. I'm sorry I've been so distant", Clarke apologized.
"It's ok, I should have known you would do something like this", the other girl said with a smirk.
Then she continued more solemnly, "You were always so close to him; his Princess, secret keeper, and confidant. Promise me you won't grieve forever."
"I can't promise that, O. I loved him for most of my life, and he's the only man I ever truly loved. He was it, O, and I don't want anyone else", Clarke answered wearily.
"Time heals all wounds, Clarke", Octavia said as she rose to leave.
Clarke watched her go, sure of one thing. It would take an eternity for her to fall out of love with Bellamy Blake.
Later that afternoon, Lynx's second finally showed up. Clarke met with him in her office, the burly man spilling over one of the wooden chairs that sat before her desk.
"Thank you for meeting with me, Sanders", she began, "I'm hoping you can help me keep tabs on Lynx for a while."
"Sure anything for the Rebel's girl. I was sorry to hear about what happened", Sanders answered kindly.
"Thank you. I'll just give you an idea of what I'm trying to do. I plan on making a deal with the DA, Lynx's head on a silver platter in exchange for all of the Grounder shops. I'd like to make the Silver Fox a legitimate business, and give my men steady and legal work, along with any other former crew members that want it", Clarke explained.
She watched Sanders, his expression thoughtful until he finally spoke.
"It could work. How will you keep Lynx and his men from retaliating?"
"I shift loyalties. I'm going to slowly take over each shop, the Black Panther being my last conquest. It won't be easy, but with your help I think I can do it. Then I'm going to begin work on dismantling the Sky crew."
At her last statement, Sander's brows rose to meet his hairline.
"You're going after Cage", he said, his voice colored with surprise.
"Yes, and one of his seconds, Finn Collins", Clarke said, her voice bitterly cold.
Sanders nodded, "This will be war."
"I know, but HE is worth it. I will see that his men are well taken care of and that his death is avenged."
Sanders stared at the woman before him, her blue eyes cold and unwavering. He could tell that nothing would stop her, and this would be his only chance to make it out of the crew alive.
"I'm in. Give me some time; I'll make some inquisitions within a few of the shops. I think I know of a few guys that would be more than happy to go straight."
She nodded, "Thank you. I don't need all of the captains; I just need their men. They won't fight if there's no one to follow them."
"I'll call a meeting this weekend. Lynx is going out of town, so it provides us with the perfect opportunity to stage a coupe."
Clarke smiled, "Perfect. Send word through Miller."
"Yes ma'am", Sanders said, standing to live.
Clarke stopped him, extending her hand and clasping his in a firm handshake.
"I look forward to working with you Mr. Sanders."
"And I you Ms. Griffin."
After he left, Miller entered her office an expectant smirk curving his lips.
"So?"
"He'll help. Lynx is going out of town this weekend, so things may move faster than I had originally thought. All the better. Make sure our weapons cache is stocked, and tell the men whatever you think they need to know."
Miller's smirk widened into a full-blown grin. "Yes, your majesty", he said with a dramatic bow.
"Thanks Miller. Send Murphy in here please."
A few moments later Murphy sauntered into her office, standing in the doorway expectantly.
"Murphy, I need you to accompany me somewhere."
"Sure, Boss", he answered.
He and Miller had been adamant that she not go anywhere alone. So when she'd decided to go to the cemetery, she decided to take Murphy. It wasn't that she didn't trust Miller, quite the opposite in fact. She needed Nate to stay with the shop.
Clarke drove to the edge of town, Murphy's silver Ford following close behind. She turned onto the gravel road, the truck passing under the intricate iron entrance.
Seeing this place made her chest constrict, but she needed to be near him. She waited until Murphy stood beside her before speaking.
"Stay here, I'll only be a moment."
Clarke didn't even wait for him to nod in understanding before making her way through the maze of headstones. She found the one she was looking for, his name emblazoned on the stone surface in jet black letters.
She knelt down onto the grass, her gaze fixed on the dark blue flowers Octavia had left the last time she'd been there. She sat in silence for a moment, and then she was speaking.
"I'm sorry I haven't come to see you", she whispered, tears coursing down her cheeks, "I miss you so much. Sometimes it feels like a piece of me is missing, a piece I'll never get back. I would give anything to hear your voice one more time, to feel your hands in mine."
Clarke's mind wandered to all of the times he'd comforted her, all the times he'd been there when he didn't even have to be. She smiled through her tears, one such instance popping into her mind.
It had been her first day of freshman year. She was terrified! It'd taken her five minutes to figure out the lock on her locker and now she was late for class. All around her, upper classmen rushed past their leering gazes making her shiver.
She'd nearly made it to her homeroom when a hand shot out, knocking her everything from her hands. She watched open mouthed as papers scattered everywhere, books sliding across the white linoleum flooring.
Clarke looked up and found one of the jocks standing before her, a jeering smile curving his lips and a wolfish look in his blue eyes.
"Watch where you're going", he said harshly.
"I didn't bump into you. You're the one who needs to watch where they're going", Clarke muttered as she bent to pick up her things.
Then his beefy fingers closed around her arm, jerking her up so her face was mere inches for his. Then she did something that was anything but smart. She spit in his face.
Clarke found herself propelled backwards, hitting the floor with a whack and sliding against the lockers.
"You little…"
Before the big dummy could finish, a deep voice sounded a little ways down the hall.
"I wouldn't if I were you."
Clarke looked up to find Bellamy walking down the hall; his letterman jacket slung over one shoulder and his eyes sparking with anger.
"Scram, Blake. This little freshman is gonna get what's coming to her."
"Nope, she's not. Because you're not going to lay a hand on her if you wanna keep those pearly whites", Bellamy growled.
"Fine, Blake, but this isn't over."
"Oh, I think it is", Bellamy said with a menacing grin.
After the other guy walked away, Clarke watched as Bellamy knelt and began to gather up all of her books.
"Are you alright, Princess", he asked softly.
"Yeah, Bell. Thanks", Clarke said with a smile.
His warm hand enveloped her own, his thumb rubbing gently over her knuckles before letting go. He carried her books to class, leaving her at the door with a wink.
After that day, Bellamy met her at her locker and walked her to her homeroom every morning.
Clarke ran a tentative hand over the rough edges of the headstone, the cold seeping into her fingers.
"I will always love you- for everything that you mean to me and everything we could have been."
She walked away, her head held high and her heart tattered. She would survive, but she wouldn't live. Because she had discovered long ago that she couldn't live without Bellamy Blake.
Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me your thoughts! I love hearing from all of you! :)