Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Disney/Dreamworks/Game of Thrones characters, locations, and/or terms. I am just a humble weaver unraveling cloths of stories to thread together and create a new pattern. If you would like to read the info and details of this fic, or if you are confused about some characters' names, you may go to the Preface section. Thank you!

SHREK

Shrek fidgeted in his seat, making his horse whinny nervously. He silently cursed the Farlands and the fact that he had allowed Fiona to drag him to this forsaken place she called home. He despised the place, for lack of better word. The weather was stubborn and couldn't seem to make up its mind, the buildings aplenty towering around them like stone cages, with inhabitants just as hard. And one of the worst things was there were no horses big enough for him, not even a warhorse. He had to make do with frail geldings that seemed to bend under his weight.

"Shrek!" Rhondd hissed from his left side. Shrek turned to him with a scowl, but Rhondd either did not notice it or was ignoring it, although knowing him it was the former, his widening smile showing off his huge teeth. "Shrek!" he whispered again and bounced on his saddle. "Look, I'm riding an actual horse!"

"I noticed." Shrek indulged him with a mock smile and returned his focus to balancing on his mount. "Damned thing." The horse whinnied again.

"Trouble there, son?" Lord Harold called from the front. He had stopped his white palfrey, waiting for them to catch up. The rest of the entourage, aside from the soldiers guarding the lord, were required to follow Shrek, as was customary. But with Shrek clumsily trying to navigate the horse a few sizes small, the rest of them were held up behind him.

"I'm fine," he grumbled. He eyed Rhondd with contempt when he set his horse to a trot, circling Shrek gleefully. "Stop that or I will shove that horse up yer arse."

"Page!" The lord of the Farlands rode up to them, back straight and chest out, trying to make himself look taller. "You are to ride only behind your master and stay there. I do not know what customs you observe across the sea whence you came but here in Animare the servants always come after."

Rhondd glanced at Shrek and quietly returned to his spot. Shrek frowned and waved his hand. "He may be a pain in the arse, but it's fine. I'm used to him." Shrek took one quick look at Rhondd.

"What he did is considered insubordination. He should be punished for such an act."

"We don't have to resort to that!" shaking his head with laughter, Shrek clapped Harold on the shoulder once, and suddenly remembered whom it was he was talking to. He withdrew his hand hastily. "Believe me, it's fine, me lord."

Harold patted Shrek on the back. An awkward gesture, Shrek noted. "Please, my boy, are you so quick to forget? Call me father."

"Of course, f-father," the word falling from his mouth felt like wading in knee-deep bogs, sticky and uncomfortable. It was all Shrek could do to keep himself from making a face.

This abrupt change in behavior from Harold Dal baffled Shrek to no end. As sudden as a marshland flytrap snapping its leafy jaws at its prey, the lord approached Shrek the previous day and apologized for his conduct the past four moons. The apology came with an offer to join the lord's monthly hunt, the kill to be prepared for a feast in honor of Shrek and Fiona.

"The least that I could do for the way I've acted towards you." Harold had said, eyes downcast.

Shrek had wanted to refuse, he honestly did. Ever since their arrival Harold Dal had eyed him with such contempt he couldn't help but irrationally feel the same way, and a word had yet to pass between them then. In the following weeks, it was clear that his upbringing, his very origin, was the reason for all the hatred.

Fiona was to have been wed to a noble lord, any title-bearing wart covered pig as Shrek assumed as long as the man had come from an old house of Animare. But circumstances led to Fiona being taken to Animat, where she was pursued by a stunted lord by the name of fart-something or other. To save his home from the expanding territories of that lord, Shrek offered to free this lady from imprisonment. It went as planned, until fate played him and he fell for her. And now here he was, slowly tipping over a horse, with the man who was his supposed father, on a hunt for who knows what in the deep woods of the Farlands, far, far away from his home.

"M'lord!" a servant rode up to them, and Shrek was thankful for the interruption. "Pheasants have been spotted up north by the stream."

Harold pulled on the reins, and his horse reared and changed direction. "Lead the way." He turned to Shrek to say "Ready your bow and keep up. The game won't wait for us." and took off with the rest of their companions.

"Shrek!" Rhondd called, urging his mount to follow the rapidly disappearing men. "Hurry! They're almost gone!"

With a roar, Shrek flicked the reins, but the horse started at his voice and buckled beneath him. He was thrown to the ground, the air going out of him as he landed right on a thick protruding root. The horse ran in the opposite direction, further into the forest.

Rhondd jumped from the saddle and kneeled beside him. "Are you all right?" he helped Shrek sit up and lean against the tree trunk.

Groaning, Shrek grimaced, his head lolling back and hitting the trunk behind him. He groaned again. "Me back hurts…"

"Aye, I heard that root crunch like a pork skin crackling." Rhondd jerked his head at the broken root. "Can you walk?"

"Maybe in an hour," he wheezed. It pained him to breath, and the world spun endlessly, making him gag. "Or two."

"I should find help." Rhondd took to his feet and led his horse forward. He stopped and looked around them, frowning. "I… I…"

"Save yerself the trouble and sit back down. Ye don't know the way, and if you leave then we'd both be lost. Best be staying together."

Rhondd sat cross-legged beside him, pouting. The horse grazed nearby as they whiled the time away watching the sun shift through the canopy of leaves. Shrek reckoned it had been close to two hours when he finally moved from his spot. The pain shot from his back up to his neck and arms, but it slowly faded into a dull ache as he stretched, only wincing once.

"Where did they say they were heading?" Shrek stood up with great difficulty, swaying on the spot.

"Something about a stream up north," Rhondd pointed in the direction where the others had disappeared to. "Are you sure we should find them? Maybe we should just look for a way back to the keep?"

"If we don't find them at the stream, then we can go back to the keep," starting up the path, Shrek crunched through the leaves heavily. Rhondd followed, pulling the horse behind him, and whistling a happy tune. After a while he sang. Shrek glared back at him, and Rhondd grinned before returning to whistling. To be fair, Rhondd was a great companion. Shrek met him on the way to save Fiona. In exasperation, Shrek had nicknamed him Donkey for his never-ending whines. He wasn't exactly a page, since Shrek wasn't exactly a lord, but Harold had asked, and Fiona had answered with the first thing that came to her mind.

"Are you planning to leave this place yet?" Rhondd asked suddenly.

Glancing at him, Shrek sighed. "You heard that again."

"My chamber is next to yours, so of course I could. Your quarrels have been increasing as of late."

"Fiona wants to stay until her father gives his blessing." His lady wife could be very stubborn. "I miss the swamp already," he lamented.

"Do not worry. Lind is keeping the house cozy for us to return to," said Rhondd cheerfully, referring to his wife, Fiona's former handmaiden. "Shrek, listen!" he gasped and ran ahead, the horse trotting with him. "I see the stream!"

Hobbling to keep up with Donkey, Shrek crested the slight slope with shallow breaths, hoping to see the pennants of House Dal. He was greeted by a confused Rhondd walking up and down the edge of the stream. "There is no one here!"

"How-"

Something from above them fell and landed right beside the horse, startling the animal and making it run, the reins pulled out of Rhondd's grasp. Rhondd jumped away as the object slowly rose. A short young man wrapped in a black velvet cloak stood before them, the hilt of a sword poking out from beneath the folds, his thick black eyebrows in a frown, hints of a dark stubble around his face.

"You dare trespass upon my land?" the man said. He had an accent that didn't sound like anyone from the Farlands.

"Your land?" Rhondd snorted. "This land belongs to Dal, doesn't it? Who do you think you are?"

He drew his sword, a lean reed of a blade that also didn't look anything like the blades one would find in the Farlands. "The one whom you should pray to for mercy."

Slashing and thrusting, the man advanced. Rhondd gave a high-pitched squeal and ran to where Shrek was standing. Shrek steeled himself, his back twinging. The man changed his direction as slick as a snake and thrust forward. Catching the blade with the back of his hand, Shrek swiped it away, the blade nicking flesh. The sword flew in the air, and Shrek drove an enormous hand into the man's chest. The man rolled back, his cloak entangling him.

"Quick, Donkey, your belt!" Shrek ran to the man and pinned him down between his legs. Rhondd handed Shrek his belt. Grasping the man by the wrists and pulling back, Shrek tied them together with the belt. The man came up for air, gasping.

"Please, m'lord, I yield. Mercy, I beg of you," he breathed, twisting his body to look up at them.

"I ain't no lord." Shrek pushed him back to the ground and stood, dusting off his hands. "You ask for mercy yet you would not have shown it to us."

"Please, ser. I have younger siblings I have to take care of, my mother can barely do so with what she earns. The gold was for them; I wouldn't have accepted if I didn't need it very dearly."

Rhondd and Shrek shared a look. "So you mean to say you were paid to kill us?"

The man rolled over to lie on his back. "Yes, kind ser."

Shrek went to one knee and grabbed the man by the collar to pull him up, bringing their faces close. "Your name." he whispered.

"Felis, if it please you."

"Who paid you?"

The sweat dripped down Felis's face, his eyes darting around him. Shrek shook the man slightly. "Speak."

"Lady Maylis Fay." The words escaped his mouth in haste.

Letting go of the man, Shrek pushed him back again. "Maylis Fay."

"I wouldn't put it past her to do such things," Rhondd said. "Are we going to tell Lord Harold?"

Shrek stood. "No. We shall take this man with us and pay the lady a visit."

A/N: Reviews would be lovely :) Thanks!