Hey guys! Thank you again to the reviewers of the last chapter: I got some good feedback on a title too. Dotdodot had the good idea of changing "The Fates Who Cannot Hear" to "The Fates We Cannot Hear", but I'm still undecided. A vote? Yes! A vote sounds fantastic!
1)The Fates Who Cannot Hear
2) The Fates We Cannot Hear
So get back to me on that. :) I have officially updated and edited this chapter with very intense care because THIS IS THE LAN FAN CHAPTER! :D I actually love writing Lan Fan. In the meantime:
-Super Sexy Saiyan: I am SO glad you like Bilan! I have this horrible fear that the curse of Bad Middle School Writing will come back to haunt me and turn all of my OC's into Mary Sues, so I'm trying really hard to make sure she's a realistic character. Also, I'll look into that typo you mentioned - thanks for the tip! And here's your reward for the patient waiting! :D Hopefully she lives up to your standards, but if she doesn't, make sure to tell me what could be better - I still have to do edits, after all, so get your two cents in!
-Ice Maiden Olivier: Welcome to the story! I hope you continue to enjoy the ride. :)
-Palindrome Pen: First of all, your pen name is pretty kick-ass. Also, glad you like my writing.
-Dotdodot: Obviously, your input is heeded. :) Thanks for the cool title! I'm just indecisive by nature.
And thus, enjoy the chapter! It's a long one.
Lan Fan launched herself silently from column to column along the palace halls, staying high and watching below with sharp eyes. The sun was only just beginning to rise, and the servants had not had time to light all of the extensive hallways – she had to rely on her own senses now to catch her quarry.
Such quarry as this was, after all, the most aggravating kind, in her humble opinion.
The girl paused on the decorative edge of a column to catch her breath and adjust her mask. She had barely had time to secure it before she had rushed off in a panic.
That morning, Lan Fan had risen before the sun to take on the guard duty of the Young Lord, relieving the supplementary guard of his shift early. She knew she wasn't getting enough rest, and she knew that the palace guards were quite adept at what they did… but the simple fact was that sleep would not come unless she knew he was safe. After all they had been through, she would not - could not - trust anyone else with this specific charge. As it turned out, this was a mistrust that was not entirely unwarranted.
When Lan Fan had changed the guard, she had been immediately aware that something was off. It was only after the previous guard had walked away and she had opened her master's door to check on him that she realized – neither he nor his qi was present. In his place on the grandiose bed was a palace dog. In her sleep deprived state of mind, she had not noticed the difference in qi beyond the feeling that something was out of place, like an off-center arrowhead among a row of perfect shafts. She was getting sloppy, and she knew it - she could almost hear Grandfather's lecture now. If he had been here, however, there would have been no need to accumulate such a lack of sleep, as she could rest comfortable in the knowledge that the boy she had sworn her life to was in capable hands.
The palace guards, while competent with everyday duties, obviously had not been sharpened to the point that they could catch the master at his tricks. Sly prince or no, the guard before her should not have missed such an obvious change in the absence of the next Emperor.
I cannot believe I lost him again. Grandfather would be furious. It isn't even daybreak yet!
Tying a tight knot in the cord that held her mask in place, Lan Fan darted off again, scanning below with determination. Her senses were on an ultimate high, searching the area for his familiar presence. She fought off the unnecessary hysteria and paranoia that threatened to cloud her mind, the memories from her dream hovering just at the edge of her consciousness. The simple fact that she knew she was the only one who could handle the young prince was not the only thing that had kept her from finding sleep. The young lord may not have been worried about his mortality, but it was, quite literally, the concept that kept her up at night. More and more often lately she would close her eyes and be pummeled with visions of blood, pain, torture, and sacrifice - but none of it was ever directed at her. Ever. And it killed her every time. Sleep was now an insidious seductress instead of a comforting respite.
Ever since their return to Xing with the stone, Lan Fan had been aware of a subtle tension among the townspeople whenever she visited. It was not as prominent in the palace, which was probably why Ling said she was paranoid when she told him about it. But she always had the creeping worry that someone - rather, someone who was truly a threat - would try and test the idea of an Immortal Prince, and prove that her master was just as mortal as herself.
Of course, there had been assassination attempts as there had always been. She had always been fully capable of handling the clumsily thrown knife or weak poisoned arrow without problem. These were not what bothered her. Rather, what bothered her was that these were the only attacks. It shocked and discomforted her that they had not been targeted more. He was the soon to be Emperor in a country of men who were willing to cut the throats of their brothers in order to obtain power. What was stopping them from being so aggressive with her master?
Her now familiar train of thought stopped abruptly, and so did her body, freezing along the wall as if she ahd been turned to stone. Just as Lan Fan was crossing over a servant's exit to the palace garden, she felt it. It was faint, but was definitely there, and made her change direction faster than Winry at an automail convention.
Found you!
In an instant Lan Fan was out the serving door and on high alert for the prince's presence. She did not allow herself to be distracted by the brisk, dusky morning air that snaked itself under her tunic, only concentrating on pin-pointing –
There.
With all the silence of the waning night, Lan Fan darted unseen into the garden trees. Leaping from branch to branch, she found herself on the far side of the Palace garden, where the lush flowers were separated from the main entrance of the Palace by artistic hedges and winding stone walkways. She rested in her branch and latched her eyes on the only other solitary figure present.
Her young master was facing away from her, watching as the pre-dawn sky grew lighter and lighter as the sun began its journey into the new day. She was not really close enough to feel the emotions of his qi – she did not want him to sense her after all – but she got the feeling he was not there to watch the sun rise. Usually when he did that, he located to the roof.
Looking again in the direction he was facing, Lan Fan squinted to see anything out of the ordinary. As far as she could see there was nothing that could -
The echoing clip-clop of hooves on pavement and the rattling sound of a carriage preceded the procession that was to come. Lan Fan looked with curiosity as a topless carriage made its way to the palace doors. Peering closer, the warrior blinked in surprise. Inside the carriage were four women, sitting in pairs opposite of each other. The two that Lan Fan could see were obviously of royal blood, and the other two must have been maids. By the deep colorful glow and sheen of her traveling dress, Lan Fan could conclude that one was a Lady, and the younger one apparently her daughter.
The younger girl was… beautiful, to say the least. Her hair shone luxuriously, hinting at the expense that had been spent to keep it in such glorious condition. Fair skin was so flawless that Lan Fan knew instinctively that, even in close proximity, no blemish would be found. The crest on the second carriage, used for luggage and additional servants, was familiar to her but she found that she could not place the name immediately. The fact that Lan Fan did not know the nobles immediately meant that they did not have intimate relations with the Emperor, which also meant that they had probably never been to a palace of half so much splendor. Lan Fan, on the other hand, had learned that a palace was simply a larger place for enemies to lurk in the shadows.
The carriage continued until it reached the palace attendants who escorted the young girl and her mother inside while stable boys unharnessed the horses to take them to the palace stable. It was then that Ling stood and began to walk towards the servant door. Darting silently from his path so that he would not be able to sense her, Lan Fan followed him back inside at a distance.
With a stab of realization, it registered that he had been waiting for that girl and her family to arrive. They must be important in some way, especially since Ling had dragged himself from his much-coveted sleep in order to witness the arrival. Lan Fan raided her memory, but could not recall him mentioning anyone special coming to the palace. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. Surely, as his primary bodyguard, it was of utmost importance that she knew any information about his affairs. Yet, she knew better than anyone that Ling was good at keeping things to himself, despite his happy-go-lucky attitude at times. She also knew that he had his right to his own secrets. She was neither his mother, nor was she a stand-in for Grandfather Fu – she really had no right to demand everything from him. And she didn't wish to, honestly… but the possibility that something important was going on while she was in the dark unnerved her. How could she protect her master when she wasn't aware of danger?
This girl… obviously she, or someone in her family, was special.
It could be a ploy, of course. Assassins could be ever-so creative in the least expected ways. Maybe the beautiful girl was acting as a diversion, drawing the young master's attention away from more pressing things so that he would be vulnerable to an attack. Or maybe the girl was the assassin herself. Lan Fan felt an odd feeling fester in her chest, and she knew in the back of her mind that none of these things were likely. There were so many simpler and more efficient ways to sneak up on the young prince. If the young woman had been added as a servant to the future Emperor's retinue, then she would have been truly suspicious, but she knew from the splendor of their traveling habits that this could not be the case. She really just wanted an excuse to be on guard of this new courtesan, this beauty that her Young Lord had woken before the sun to see into the palace. Lan Fan wished she could see the Young Lord's expression for a moment, but could not really understand why.
It was preposterous. Why would she possibly want to find an enemy in this girl? It was dangerous and against all of Grandfather's teachings. It was never wise to judge an opponent or stranger without knowing the history, and Lan Fan did not even know this girl's family name, much less if she was a threat to the throne. So why was it so surprisingly hard not to instinctively dislike this apparent innocent? Why did she feel like she had just had her feet swiped from under her, like she had been… betrayed? Threatened? With a begrudging sigh, she vowed to meditate when she was back on her post. Lack of sleep seemed to be fogging her mind with paranoia and an odd tangle of difficultly controlled emotion, and it could not bode well for her awareness on guard.
"Is something troubling you, Lan Fan?"
Lan Fan started with a gasp and nearly fell off of her perch on one of the palace pillars. Looking down, she saw the Young Lord looking up at her casually, hands on hips and a light half-grin on his face. Lan Fan flushed with a mixture of feelings, the foremost one being embarrassment. She felt like kicking herself. 'Could not bode well for her awareness on guard' indeed – she had not slipped up like that in ages.
Grandfather had always said her mind and imagination often drove her to distraction. As she had been countless times before, Lan Fan was intensely grateful for the full-face mask, hiding her sheepish reaction.
Knowing it was pointless to stay hidden, the young warrior leaped from her spot to land lightly in a crouch by Ling, head bowed.
"My apologies, Young Lord. You were not in your room," she added with a hint of accusation. She knew that he knew she hated it when he snuck off without telling her. It never stopped him from doing it, but that certainly did not mean she couldn't give him what for… in her own way, of course.
Her ire was both soothed and aggravated at the care-free chuckle from the boy - man? - before her.
"Come on, Lan Fan, you can stand up," he paused as she did so before continuing. "And sorry for making you worry… I just had the urge to visit the gardens as the sun rose. I hadn't expected you to take over your shift until a few hours from now."
Lan Fan nodded, quietly analyzing his statement as she was wont to do. His omission about the arrival to the palace should have soothed her, but it did not. A part of her wanted to believe that there was nothing more to it, nothing to be suspicious about at all. The arrival of the girl was pure coincidence.
The larger part of her, the part that had been trained by Grandfather since she was five, bristled. The Young Lord was keeping something from her, and she did not like it. With or without this inexplicable distrust of the beautiful girl in the carriage, she would never like the Young Lord keeping information from her.
For now she would play along, because he was her master and she had nothing but an odd sense of foreboding to go by. Instead, she simply said what she knew he was expecting, not letting him know that she knew the truth. There was a good chance that he was not sure when she had shown up, considering how careful she had been when she found him.
"You should not go off on your own like that, Young Lord," she reprimanded. "Especially when someone else is guarding you." In the end, the disapproval crept into her tone despite herself at the indirection mention of the palace guards. She knew most of them personally and knew that they all meant well. But this morning had just been ridiculous.
Ling grinned cheekily and began walking down the hall.
To the kitchens, no doubt, Lan Fan predicted dryly.
"You just need to lighten up, Lan Fan," he replied, stretching his hands up to lock behind his head as he walked. Lan Fan could not help a smile at the confident pose. It was something he had picked up in Amestris. It truly suited him.
"And besides," the young man added with a sideways glance. "I wouldn't get anywhere if I tried sneaking off on your watch. These other palace guards are good, but they aren't you."
True.Perhaps it should have bothered her that she was so aware of the gap in proficiency between her and the palace guards, but it did not. She wondered if Grandfather would have lectured her on being conceited. After all, what else could be concluded when comparing her results to theirs? The simple fact was that she had invested her entire life into what she did, while many of the guards had other lives - families to go home to after their shift. This life was her home and family, her past, present, and future... and there was nothing she would do to change that. Hearing her master acknowledge this made her feel light and confident.
Lan Fan did not know whether to be pleased or annoyed at this fact, so she stayed silent and walked quietly beside him. The sensation of walking abreast with him had been odd at first, as if they were equals, but now it was natural and set her nerves at ease. As accustomed as she was to staying close to shadows, when they had returned from Amestris Ling had insisted that she not trail him from a distance anymore. He simply said that she was no longer a mere bodyguard but a friend, and had joked that no friend stalks another like a jailor attending to a captive. Lan Fan had not particularly approved at first, thinking that the Young Lord was undermining his importance again, but she knew in her heart that things were different now. They couldn't not be after everything that had happened - the life, death, and sacrifice. Needless to say, it was a good change amid the aftermath.
However, that didn't stop her current worries from tainting her thoughts with edginess and suspicion. She worried the inside of her check behind the mask, knowing that it was improper to question him outright, but wanting nothing more than to appease this itch. She had to get answers. They were almost to the kitchens, where there would be other servants around and it really would be improper to interrogate her charge. Squeezing her normal hand a little in an effort to boost her courage, she drew in a breath to speak.
"Lan Fan, I have some business to take care of. If you just stay outside, I promise to keep within your qi-sensing range," Ling said casually. Lan Fan made an odd choking sound as she hastily bit back the question that had just been on her lips. She almost blushed when Ling gave her a look, but she only nodded jerkily. Her fisted hand relaxed in defeat; she had missed her chance. It was probably for the best anyway. What would he think of such a foolish question? Young Lord, pardon me, but what was the importance of the Lady's arrival this morning? It sounded ludicrous and pushy even in her head. The Young Lord nodded back at her and disappeared behind the kitchen doors. Lan Fan let out a breath she had not realized she'd been holding, and walked over to lean on a nearby wall, thinking.
It was awfully early in the morning for 'business'. Then again, the Young Lord was infamous for his distaste of such affairs. It was not unreasonable to assume that whatever it was, he just wanted it done as soon as possible. Her master was not exactly patient. Besides, he said he would stay within her range, so she basically had permission to come after him if he went outside of it.
Lan Fan let out a huff of air and slouched against the wall, running over their conversation in her mind. It was only then that she realized where they were, and what he had said he was doing.
But… what could be so important in the kitchens?
Lan Fan eyed the kitchen doors now with more curiosity than anything. Had the Young Lord been able to convince the Councilmen to hold their meetings in a place that was more agreeable with him? The thought made Lan Fan laugh a little in disbelief as she formed a comical picture of all these old, self-important Councilmen looking wise and serious gathered around a cramped table in the kitchen as her master ate to his heart's content. She shook her head to clear the image from her mind, but it had done its job in taking some of the tension from her shoulders. The kitchens. What next?
It was then that her wandering gaze came to rest on a small white square of paper that she did not remember seeing there before. She tilted her head in curiosity, wondering how long it had been there. This hallway would not have been used by many other people at this time in the morning, and it had not been there when they had first entered this hall. Lan Fan moved to a crouch, picking up the piece of paper that the Young Lord must have dropped. It was stiff and glossy, she realized: a photograph. She paused before flipping it over, knowing that she could be encroaching on her ward's privacy right now. The right thing to do would probably be to invade the kitchen and return it to him…
… But then, he had said he was doing business. She wouldn't want to interrupt him in one of his rare serious moods.
Turning the slip over, she studied the image, only to breath in surprise behind her mask and clench the photograph in disbelief. Without a doubt, it was a picture of the girl she had seen earlier. It had been taken much closer up than Lan Fan had seen her before, and her features were much clearer than they had been in the thin light of dawn, but the gentle beauty and charisma was unmistakable. The photograph made her even lovelier an image, captured in a summer setting and dressed in beautiful silks instead of the humbler traveling robes. Lan Fan could neither suppress nor explain the foreign feelings inside her that constricted her chest uncomfortably when she thought of her master carrying this picture around with him.
Who was this girl? Why had she not seen or heard of her before now? Was she really slipping so much that she was utterly unaware of a new… relationship forming in her master's life?
Lan Fan swallowed hard when she realized that her mouth had become strangely dry, and her hand trembled a little as she tucked the photo into a sash of her uniform. Her desire to meditate and cleanse these alien feelings out of her mind increased tenfold.
She was, however, distracted when she sensed two qi approaching from beyond a corner to her right. Not wanting to attract attention in her current state, she darted quickly out of sight, climbing swiftly up the palace columns once more. Once secure, she breathed deeply, blending her qi with the energy flow of her surroundings and quieting her emotions as much as possible. It was a technique that Grandfather had been experimenting with called qi yanbi, or qi cloaking. A lizard takes on the color of its surroundings to avoid being detected, and he had reckoned that the same could be done with qi. If she could master it, it would be an invaluable tool in the life of a bodyguard, and so far it had served her well. She just was not sure how long she could keep it up.
Still camouflaging her qi, Lan Fan listened to the voices of two men as they approached. Her interest in their conversation was piqued as she caught snatches.
" – just arrived… should begin… soon... possible…"
"What… doing again…"
"…right, you were not present. Well –"
The conversation became clearer as the men rounded the corner, coming into Lan Fan's sights. She recognized them as two Councilmen, and even knew the older one as a kind man named Cheng. Cheng was speaking to a much younger man, recently established in the Council.
"The girl who just arrived is Lady Bilan Xu, a niece to the Old Emperor's wife of the Xu clan," Cheng was explaining. Lan Fan was not very sentimental, but at that moment she felt that she could have given the old man a very heartfelt hug. It seemed that she would get some answers after all.
"The name doesn't sound familiar," the younger man replied. Cheng chuckled at his companion's confusion.
"That's because she refrains from getting involved with the court politics as much as possible. She has instead spent most of her life dedicated to helping the fifty clans in their respective times of need, dealing with the much more intricate politics of inter-clan relationships."
"Then why is she here?"
"I told you, she is the prime solution to Prince Ling's problem. With the Young Lord's declaration to unite the clans into one, the nation has been experiencing feuds and troubles that, without the correct measures, may eventually turn into something much serious," Cheng said grimly.
"You mean… civil war?"
Lan Fan felt cold at the suggestion, and even more so when Cheng nodded. A civil war would be disastrous.
Suddenly, everything made sense. This could be one reason that the aggression towards the young prince himself was so relaxed - the tensions were not towards the throne, necessarily. Instead, they were placed within the clans, cracking Xing from the inside-out like delicate porcelain. She could not imagine the chaos in the streets, not to mention the attempts at the Young Lord's life, if such civil war broke the boundaries of strained tensions into unfettered rivalry. If his existence was in danger when the country was at peace, just how close would he come to death when it was openly warring against itself?
"The Council decided to find a match that would ease the nerves of the nation and please the public. We found Bilan," Cheng continued.
"So you mean – "
"Yes, this banquet that we are arranging is going to be held for the chief purpose of both initiating Lady Bilan into the Emperor's Court and also getting the Young Lord acquainted with her. With any luck, the two will hit it off and the Council will have them wedded before the end of the season."
Lan Fan breath caught in her throat and she lost her concentration for a second, camouflage slipping. Almost immediately she regained composure, but not quite quickly enough.
Cheng turned and looked unnervingly close to her hiding spot. Lan Fan made sure to keep her emotions in check, even though her heart was beating a little faster now.
"Did you just feel something?"
The younger man shrugged, resuming his toward the kitchen doors. "No, I didn't. So the palace is holding a three-day feast just so that the prince can decide whether or not he wants to marry a beautiful, charitable young girl? Seems like a waste of food to me."
The older man sighed and caught up with the younger man.
"The feast is also as a means of celebrating the Old Emeperor's continued leadership of the country, as well welcoming the arrival of a new generation. This kind of preemptive celebration always precedes the official ceremony that occurs when a New Emperor takes the throne. Not only Bilan and the Xu clan will be present, but the most important representatives and courtiers from the other clans as well, will be there." Cheng was pensive for a moment before he sighed. "Besides, the boy is going to take the weight of a nation on his shoulders soon. The time for making decisions for himself is dwindling. The young prince understands this, but before his freedom is chained to his people, he deserves this choice if no other. If there is anything I have learned about the Young Lord, it's that his decisions can be surprising to others, but make perfect sense to his own agenda. He may be young, but he knows what he wants." The older Councilmen gave a last inquiring glance over his shoulder, making Lan Fan fight the urge to fidget.
The younger man, oblivious, laughed and bumped his mentor good naturedly. "Ah, Cheng, you are too serious. We will have to make sure the banquet is supplied with plenty of drink, yes?"
Cheng turned his undivided attention back to his friend and laughed dryly. "Yes, and I'm sure I am not the only one who will be in need of it. In fact, something tells me the young prince himself if already waiting for us, pacing tracks into the kitchen floor."
In another moment, the two had crossed into the kitchen, leaving Lan Fan to drop her camouflage and slide wearily down the marble column.
Her heart was beating loudly against her chest, and she was struggling to breath. Part of it she knew was probably from the exertion of keeping up the qi yanbi, since she had never done so before for nearly as long, or under such straining circumstances. Something, however, told her that there was more to it. She was definitely and inexplicably bothered by this gleaned information about the true affairs in her master's life. How long had he been keeping this from her? And how, exactly, had she not known about this grand feast before just now?
Lan Fan knew this was absurd. It was not her master's job or responsibility to tell her everything in his life. All she was supposed to do was protect him. That was her only job. Lan Fan felt frustration boil in her throat when she realized how hard it was to remember that when the young lord was constantly trying to make her feel his equal. They were not equals, she knew that - it was one of the cardinal lessons Grandfather had pressed on her, but dammit, how was she supposed to remember that when the young master never stopped telling her to 'be more relaxed' and 'always share her opinion'?
Bracing herself against the column, still tucked in the shadows, Lan Fan found her gaze lingering on her automail arm for the first time that day. The torchlight glimmered off of the well-kept steel, lending it a warmth that did not exist on its own. Her eyes trailed from the studded knuckles up the forearm and to the blade that extended from her elbow. The deadly weapon was a good foot in length, sharpened to a lethal point and fit for battle.
Unbidden, the image of Bilan Xu's dainty white hands holding a garden rose appeared in her mind's eye, painfully vivid. Her flesh was smooth and unmarred, never knowing the trials that Lan Fan had faced. For the first time in Lan Fan's young but eventful life, she felt insecurity and regret at her destiny. Not for the first time she mourned the loss of her arm, but now for a completely different reason.
Who would ever want to embrace a girl who was also a living weapon?
Lan Fan shook the thought from her mind forcefully, stubbornly ignoring the damp pressure behind her eyes and the knot in her throat. It was not her place to be embraced, she did not need anything more complicated than comradeship. Her only duty in life was to protect him, and she was more than willing to do so. She would protect him until her last breath, and she would also protect his sons and daughters. She had simply never thought of where those sons and daughters would come from, but now it seemed glaring obvious that her protection would have to be extended to whoever her master's Empress would be. So be it.
Nevertheless, she felt a new restlessness coiled within her, and she recognized the feeling from when she had been training to become Ling's bodyguard in the first place, when she had been so young, green, and untried. It was the need to prove herself, to surpass her limits, to commit herself to her fate and leave everything else behind.
Eyeing the kitchen doors thoughtfully, she considered her options. The sun had risen by now, surely, though she was not sure of what time it was. It had been an hour or two at the very least since she had discovered the Young Lord's bed occupied by only a palace dog, which put her around seven o'clock in the morning. No one would be training on the training grounds at this time, since they were usually either busy working shifts, shopping in the town, or taking advantage of the early hour to train in the quiet of the nearby wooded area. Later in the day was when the animals started to rouse and villagers came to picnic or hunt. Going to the palace's training grounds would blow off some steam, but she had the Young Lord to look after…
… but if she was right about the time, then she still had an hour before her actual shift started. If she could find a free bodyguard, surely she could leave her problematic ward in good hands. He was with two Councilmen in the palace kitchens, for heaven's sake. If he got into trouble there, then there was no help for him and she was going to have to learn to live without sleeping.
Decision made, Lan Fan darted off as quickly as she could to the palace barracks. It was not a long distance, but she took a shortcut through the courtyard, and the outdoors did good to freshen her mind. The sun was warming the stone pavements at its leisure and the air was still fresh from the dawn. In a few minutes she arrived at the familiar, crude wooden door of the barracks, worn down from generations of having weapons scarring its threshold.
Pushing through without a second thought, the girl quickly scanned the room for the person she was looking for. There she found Makanay, a veteran of bodyguards who had transferred from the service of a reputedly reckless General from a country west of Amestris. Makanay was a foreigner who was hard to describe by Xingese terms. Her hair was copper colored and she wore an eye patch, drawing unwanted attention which could be a disadvantage in her profession. However, she carried herself with the demeanor of one comfortable with the art of combat, and she did not disappoint. Makanay was about five years older than Lan Fan, and she had given the girl much sound advice in the few years she had been stationed at the palace – advice that was both martial and not. She tended to speak only when needed, and had a dry humor that reminded her of Grandfather at times. Most of all, Makanay had Sight. Despite the fact that she could not sense qi and was missing an eye, Lan Fan had not heard of one assassin yet – however well trained – who could sneak past Makanay's defenses. She was highly perceptive, so much so that sometimes it seemed like she could predict the future. Lan Fan had seen her in action, and this was the reason why she thought that the foreigner was the only person she could trust with the Young Lord.
Aside from her unique fighting skills, Makanay brought many ideas that hinted at the strange culture she had come from. One of these strange ideas was the 'game' in which she was currently involved – something she called 'arm wrestling'.
Lan Fan watched, torn between amusement and discomfort, as the foreign warrior grimaced at her opponent over a tortured wooden table, glaring with her single eye. The man who had decided to test his strength against one of the palace's most formidable fighters was a relatively new recruit, reputedly come from the private troops of the distinguished Fa clan. He looked strong, but his eyes held the unmistakable wide glint of a man who feared defeat. Lan Fan knew he would not last.
The sounds of competitive cheers and bet-takers rolled throughout the room in waves as the linked fists of the two adversaries wavered inches by inches. Lan Fan could tell in a glance that Makanay was not using all of her strength, and was instead sizing her opponent up while letting the cat-calling spectators enjoy a drawn out match. While the young man probably was not using his full force either, his uncertainty in the face of such a self-certain woman seemed to make him panic, which in turn allowed Makanay to gain leeway. Sweat was rolling down his forehead as the green-eyed girl smirked, gaze unwavering and unsettling. His chest started heaving as their hands slowly struggled into Makanay's favor. The shouts of the crowd that had assembled roared louder as his loosing fist crawled closer to the table's surface. Five inches… now four… now three…
The man let out a frustrated growl, and all of the sudden Makanay's progress stopped. Both arms shook, and finally the older woman's smirk disappeared. Caught in a stalemate, the man began to regain some confidence, grinning as if he had already won. Makanay returned the look by narrowing her eyes icily and frowning. The man seemed to realize his mistake a second before it became reality.
In a second flat the woman brought down his fist so hard on the table that the sound echoed sharply amid the din of the rowdy room, the wood splintering. The soldier let out a cry of shock and pain, and the room exploded with crows of delight, clinking coins, and the moans of men who had just lost a wage or two. Makanay sprang happily from her seat, looking refreshed. Lan Fan was not surprised when the victorious woman sauntered her way over to her spot in the shadowy threshold. Knowing her, the foreigner had probably known that Lan Fan wanted to talk to her the moment she walked in.
"Lan Fan!" the woman greeted warmly. She clasped Lan Fan's flesh forearm in her country's form of greeting. "It's good to see you… though I was almost certain you were watching your prince like the hawk you are?" She added with a raised brow.
Lan Fan nodded, not surprised that Makanay saw right through her. She cut straight to the point.
"I would not normally ask something like this, Makanay, but…" Lan Fan drew a breath, steadying herself to ask what she had never asked before. "… can you take over my shift to guard the Young Lord?" She finished in a hushed voice.
If the other woman was surprised that Lan Fan was giving her charge of the master she so fiercely protected, she did not show it. She just put her hand to her chin and nodded, as if thinking to herself.
"Well, I promised myself I wouldn't get involved with any affairs between a noble and a guard-" she cast a furtive look at Lan Fan, who grew warm for no reason at all and looked away. "-but you do like you could use a break." Makanay finished with a knowing smile. "When will you be back?"
Lan Fan sighed gratefully, gratitude stronger than she had expected. "I just want to train for a few hours or so. It shouldn't be too long."
The red-haired warrior shrugged and smirked. "Do whatever you need to do. Where can I find the prince?"
"He's in the kitchens right now, attending to…" Lan Fan shifted a bit, recalling what he and his Councilmen were discussing at this very moment. "… business. He did not wish to be disturbed."
Makanay straightened her spine a little and nodded, a soldier with an assignment. "Understood. I'll head there immediately."
She began walking past Lan Fan to do just that, placing a familiar hand on the girl's automail shoulder as she did. "Take care of yourself, Lan Fan. You seem troubled."
Lan Fan nodded and looked down until Makanay was gone. When she realized that she was standing in the doorway alone once more, she sighed in relief. She felt like she could breathe easier now, distanced from her ever-pressing responsibility and able to do what she wanted. She felt the roiling unease of the morning's previous events resurface, and now felt confident that she could do something about it.
Not wanting to waste another second of the time she had bought herself, she left and arrived at her destination quickly, wanting to get rid of as much pent-up energy as possible. She wanted to lose herself in training and not think about arranged marriages, or future babies to protect, or pretty girls with two flesh arms… she did not want to think. Lan Fan spent a lot of time thinking, and analyzing, and endlessly worrying over her young master. For the first time in a very long time… she wanted to stop. She wanted to be… well, she didn't know what she wanted to be. That was the problem. It was a frustrating insecurity that she did not like and certainly did not think she could afford.
Lan Fan's hands tightened into fists, her automail making metallic clinks as she entered the indoor training ground, dotted through with training equipment and practice dummies. Securing her mask to hide her identity and expression from imaginary opponents, she assessed the battered obstacle course that had served her so well in the past. She had the feeling that it was going to look much worse when she was done. Unbidden, her self-doubts came re-surging from within her, making her stop her progress as if caught in a web. She teetered on the edge of indecision.
I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't have left the Young Lord. I should at least meditate before I do this, it's just rash not to, and I was meaning to meditate anyway, so –
THUD, recoil. Lan Fan stared in a split second of shock at the rocking combat dummy, then stared at her own fist in surprise. She had struck out without even thinking about it. It was almost like her body was telling her to stop thinking and fight.
Taking in a calming breath, Lan Fan closed her eyes. As she let it back out, her fists relaxed but her resolve hardened.
I am going to do this. I am going to forget about my duties, and my worries, and my feelings. There is nothing here to stop me, so I refuse to stop myself.
"He can take care of himself," she muttered aloud to her feet. "I am no use to him if I cannot take care of myself as well."
With another breath, she silenced her thoughts. When her eyes opened, she unleashed the pent-up power the likes of which her imaginary opponents had never seen before.
She fought Wrath, Gluttony, and Envy all at once, with a thousand possessed soldiers to boot. Slashing with her automail blade she decapitated three here, gutted five there, always keeping her momentum to her advantage. Her practice stances were strong and fluid, the kind that center concentration and rely on focus. Switching tactics, she used the techniques she had picked up in Amestris and roundhouse kicked, dropped, swept the feet of her enemies, backflipped and cracked a few skulls on the way there. Punch to the solar plexus, upper-cut to the jaw street-fight style, dodge and kick, evade and strike, render the opponent unstable.
From above her the shadows of darting arrows flew like minnows in the water, and she made her body light as air as she danced in between them with the confidence of an old lover. The men she came into contact with along the way only served as annoyances or human body shields. She turned their hatred against them. In comparison she was calm, empty, and clear for the first time that day - she used one enemy's attacks to render another useless, turning them against each other even as they poured forth intricate punches to her. Block, evade, duck, roll. Punch to the throat, elbow to the spine, palm to the nose, kick to the knee.
Before long, she was only fighting homunculi.
The challenge was one she rose to with deadly calm. Her body folded to find its fighting stance with hard precision. Her chest burned a bit to appreciate the strain, but otherwise, she was only getting started.
Gluttony was first, charging with the stupid rage that made him such an easy and fearsome foe at once. She dodged him easily, reaching right into his fat, canvas face and tearing out his tongue. Before he had a chance to regenerate, she hooked her hands under his jaw and launched him over her head. He landed face-down, red electricity crackling all over his glutinous body. Seeing her chance, she jumped high in the air, using as much momentum as possible as she landed with the heels of her feet directly on the weakest point of his spinal cord, cracking the supportive length of wood clean in two. He roared in pain as regenerative energy struggled to keep up. Rebounding off of his back, she kicked his paralyzed body over so that his stomach was bore before her. Quick as lightning, her metal arm plunged into his cloth-stuffed stomach, tore out the philosopher's stone, and shattered it in her metallic clutch.
Gluttony evaporated in black ash, leaving behind only a torn and tattered combat dummy.
Envy was next, striking out at her with low-blows and cheap shots that only Envy would make. She dodged as best she could, blocking when she had to, calculating her speed and strength to the best of her advantage. The immortal sins' trademark sadistic grin was starting to spread across his face, and Lan Fan immediately put up her guard. Envy, as the most deceptive homunculus, used his powers to disarm his opponents by getting under their skin.
"Why so reserved, foreigner? You're even more weak than the last time I fought you."
Ignoring the comment, Lan Fan caught a low punch from her opponent in her automail hand. The warrior made sure to look directly into the surprised homunculus' eyes as she crushed his hand in her metallic grip. She jumped back as read lightning slithered around his crushed bones and he screamed as he cradled his hand.
"You're going to pay for that, Xingese witch." Envy spat. He clenched his previously injured hand, making a pointed show of the bones as they cracked and realigned of their own accord. His malicious smile was back. "You couldn't even protect your prince, or your Grandfather. What makes you think you can protect yourself?"
With an evasive flip she did a momentary hand-stand on the homunculus's head, grasping at his green-black hair and tearing it out when she came down to land. Envy shrieked in pain and clutched at his head. While the vain sin was distracted she punched his wooden ribs until she felt them crack beneath her bloodied flesh hand. She jumped back as he whirled around in a blind rage, blocking his attack and cracking his wrist with her stronger automail hand. Screaming his agony, he tried to retreat then, but she used her speed to flash in front of him. Squaring both hands in front of her body and rooting herself to the spot he stood on, she used all the force of her body to push at his chest with her palms, sending his oddly weighted body rocketing to the other end of the room. Leaping quickly across the distance, she crouched beside his prone figure, one knee pinning his stitched chest to the ground.
With a growl of victory she reached into his throat and tore his philosopher's stone out, leaving the second homunculus to join the first in defeat.
Lan Fan was panting, but she still had plenty of energy left. Her mask was practically glued to her face from sweat, but it kept the salty water out of her eyes so that she could see clearly. She was not done. There was one last rival to be defeated.
Wrath charged her from behind, human eye flashing with his namesake sin. Her eyes narrowed in cold blood as she dodged. She was going to make this battle last, and she was going to make sure he knew it.
She let out a battle cry as she tactfully struck Wrath's deadly blade from his hand with a kunai to the wrist. With a hand to the ground, she kicked high at his jaw, whirling around on her automail hand and kicking his feet from under him. With the automail arm that she had obtained because of him, she took his wrist and spun him in a full circle before letting him loose. He crashed harmlessly into a set of punching bags, rallying his center and assuming attack position. With his sword out of the way, the quick-witted military man was forced to use hand-to-hand combat, as was Lan Fan after the use of her kunai. With the advantages of his inhuman speed and skill, and the advantages of her automail arm, they were just about fairly matched.
Wrath punched low and powerful, taking no time to counter when Lan Fan dodged. He kept moving, never letting himself settle into any one position, looking for a weak spot in her defense. Lan Fan gritted her teeth, refusing to allow herself to be fought into a corner.
She would win this time, and she would reclaim her worth as a warrior.
Hopping tightly over his extended leg, she skirted into his blind spot to position herself behind his left shoulder. When he responded by pivoting his torso and aiming his elbow at her ribs, she grabbed his upper arm and dug her automail arm into it, feeling the crack of the wooden bone vibrate up in her own body. Tight as a coil she vaulted herself to grasp a low wooden beam, an obstacle feature in the training room, and hooked her feet under his thick, unfeeling arms. With a single swing backwards for momentum, she swung them both around in a full circle, slamming him to the ground with her knees digging into his shoulder blades. A cloud of chalk and dust plumed over the dummy, and Wrath's hard muscles rippled in the effort to stand and throw her off. She felt a rush under her skin, reveling the feeling of being in control for once, before Lan Fan somersaulted away to crouch and wait for the next attack. She felt so natural in this form - so she did not fight it. She just let herself be.
She was not left waiting for long.
The older man tensed and sprang backwards, landing on his feet and turning to face her with death written on his features. There was a moment of stillness as the two contenders assessed each other.
Suddenly, Wrath snarled. "Why try, girl? You are no different than you were then: defenseless baggage for your sacred prince. You are powerless."
Lan Fan gritted her teeth and felt her lips curl with cold hate. Blood pulsing with adrenaline, Lan Fan made the first strike, lashing out with a fist to strike his core. Wrath took the blow with a grunt but wasted no time in swatting her arm away from her body and smacking her own diaphragm. The air was forced from Lan Fan's lungs and doubled over, but she would not be caught.
She was different, she realized suddenly. She was different, and Wrath was wrong.
She used the position to her advantage and delivered a full-force double punch to the kidneys. The old man barked out a hoarse sound of pain and buckled. His eyes flashed like those of a caged tiger, but Lan Fan caught his elbow before it had a chance to strike her in her exposed position and punched upward into the bone, fracturing the wood in the same place she had on the other arm.
She was stronger now, more ruthless, because should could not afford anything less. Grandfather was gone, and her master's life was hers to protect, and she would not fail. She existed in this form as a shield, and a shield which ceased to protect would simply cease to be.
Lan Fan's bladed automail elbow came crashing down on the junction of his neck and shoulder, creating a deep stab wound and broken bones in one attack. Ripping out her bladed arm, she threw a right-hook to his jaw before he even had a chance to respond. Blood splattered from his mouth and dribbled down his chin. A calculatedly forceful blow to his stomach in an area she knew he should already have fractured or broken ribs in caused him to double over, and she flipped over him to wrench his arm behind his back and dislocate his shoulder.
The mighty homunculus made a gurgling sound as he toppled over at her feet, no longer moving. In a final move of victory, she took his head and wrenched his neck in a unnatural angle, twisting the wooden beam inside. The hateful gleam in Wrath's eyes faded, and she felt some kind of bitter emotion encroach upon her moment of being as she contemplate the past.
Lan Fan stood stock still, breathing heavily as the rush of her blood began to calm and her knuckles began to scab. With one last look at the defeated body of the man-made-homunculus, she closed her eyes and forced her body to relax. With a deep, cleansing breath her hands came up from her sides to form the symbol of calmness, restoring her center of mind and body. When she opened her eyes, the body of Wrath was gone, leaving behind a simple and unthreatening canvas dummy. Lan Fan felt a tired smile tug at her lips. Grandfather had always said she had an overactive imagination.
The sound of clapping from behind her made Lan Fan turn in surprise. She was already prepared to offer an apology to whatever bodyguard had come to see the training ground in such disarray when she saw who her visitor really was. Unmistakably, it was Lady Bilan Xu standing inside the doorway of the training room, looking more lovely up close than Lan Fan had been prepared for.
The girl misunderstood Lan Fan's stunned silence for a stony one, probably because of her mask that hid any reaction.
"I apologize for interrupting you," she said humbly, a sheepish smile on her lips. "I just arrived at the palace a few hours ago and have already managed to get myself lost. I was looking for a sign of any kind when I passed this room and saw you training. You are most skilled in your fighting arts. The Emperor should be proud to have such well-trained men defending him."
The lady's explanation seemed to snap Lan Fan back to her senses, and she immediately bowed in gratitude at the compliment.
"Thank you, but I am not defending the Emperor. At least, not yet," Lan Fan replied. As she straightened her hands went to untie her mask, and she revealed her face with lowered eyes. "I am the chief bodyguard of Prince Ling."
Lan Fan heard a gasp and her eyes flicked up to see that it was the other girl's turn to be shocked.
"You are a woman!"
That made Lan Fan smile, though she was not sure why. She had not been sure how to feel towards this girl, but she found that she could not be as cold and guarded as she wanted to be. Instead, she found her feet carrying her forward and her instincts leaning towards friendliness. She came to stop before the girl, and ended up extending her hand in the Amestrian form of greeting.
"Yes, I am. My name is Lan Fan. I would be happy to show you around the palace if you wish."
The girl blinked for a moment, then beamed happily, taking Lan Fan's hand in a pleasant grasp.
"I am Bilan Xu, it's good to meet you, Lan Fan. I would be eternally grateful if you guided me," she accepted. The two walked out of the training room together, side by side. Lan Fan was shocked at how natural it was to be open and friendly to this girl – she wondered if that was only one part of her charm.
"So you said you are the bodyguard of Prince Ling?" Bilan started conversationally.
Lan Fan instantly tensed, and she hesitated in her response. The reaction did not go unnoticed.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I do not usually interact with people outside of business deals and family, you must forgive me if I make a social blunder. I understand if you are not allowed to talk about your charge," she babbled. "I just… I must admit, I'm curious. I have heard such rumors about Prince Ling, and how he aspires to be the best Emperor our nation has ever seen. I have never had much to say about the Emperor, seeing as he never seems to have much to say about his people." Bilan looked pensive. Lan Fan wondered if she was normally this open with strangers or if she did not have anyone else to talk to.
"I simply hope that our new Emperor will live up to his promise and help his people instead of ignoring them," Bilan finished.
"He will."
The two girls looked at each other, both surprised at the instinctive response. Lan Fan had not meant to speak, but now that she had…
Lan Fan smiled reassuringly. "You do not have to worry about the Young Lord. He will live up to his word and more. I have known him most of my life. He is as loyal to his subjects as…" the warrior trailed off, not knowing the best words to express the honor and devotion her master exhumed.
" – As his subjects are to him?" Bilan suggested softly. She was not sure why, but Lan Fan blushed and nodded. She felt that there was some double meaning to the statement, but she was not sure what it was. Silence was her only response.
Taking note, Bilan tactfully changed the subject.
"You fought so vigorously back there. How do you train so well against nothing more than stationary practice dummies?"
That made the smile return to Lan Fan's lips, and she suddenly felt wistful. "My Grandfather, who was the chief guardian of the Young Lord before me, always said that I had a vivid imagination. He taught me how to use it in practice, to push me to new levels in ways the other warriors couldn't when they were alone. In my mind, I was fighting real people, rivals from my past that proved… difficult to beat."
Bilan nodded with a look of awe on her face. "That last one you fought especially hard. Who did you imagine that one to be?"
Lan Fan's footsteps slowed, and she wondered nervously how much she should say. She decided to give a half-truth, if only because the whole truth would take far too long to tell.
"He was… the man who killed Grandfather. He's dead now, killed in battle, but he took my Grandfather with him. He was no ordinary man, and he fought with much skill. I fought him myself once, with… grave consequences." Lan Fan explained, self-consciously tucking her automail arm behind her. Her thoughts from earlier, about no one wanting her with such a body, returned to cast a shadow on her thoughts. She felt Bilan's eyes follow her motion, and heard her quiet gasp of understanding. Sneaking a nervous glance at her eyes, Lan Fan was slightly surprised to see compassion instead of horror.
"Does it… hurt?" she asked.
Lan Fan felt a strange mix of relief and gratefulness, and her lips quirked up in a soothing smile.
"Not much anymore, no. I strained it too much, too soon after I first got it, and it delayed the healing process for a while. But, as you just saw, it's fine now. It can actually be quite handy in battle."
Bilan returned the smile instantly with sincere happiness. "I'm glad. It would not do to have such a skilled warrior in pain."
Lan Fan nodded her gratitude, and the two walked in companionable silence for a while. Lan Fan was leading them to the set of corridors that were usually dedicated to guests. From there it was up to Bilan to find her room. She meant to leave it at that, but she found that as their journey came closer and closer to an end, she had to ask against her better judgment.
"My lady…" she started nervously.
"Oh, call me Bilan, please."
"Bilan," she corrected. "Do you… know why you are here?"
The beauty looked surprised at the question and shrugged. "I received an invitation to attend a celebratory feast in Prince Ling Yao's honor. I assumed that it was only because of my and my family's aid to the nation that the invitation was extended to me personally. Even though my father is the brother of the Emperor's wife, I have become the representative of the family name in place of a son, so it made sense for the letter to be addressed to me. Why do you ask?"
Lan Fan looked away from Bilan's inquisitive gaze, feeling sick and oddly ashamed. She did not know. The girl was brought here as the prospective future Empress and she was not even aware. On the other hand, who was she to think poorly of the Council's decisions?
She knew the answer to that rightly enough: she was no one to think against the Council. She was a bodyguard, her opinion did not matter.
"No reason, my lad – Bilan." When Lan Fan next met her eyes, it was with a smile. "It is simply not often that I am privileged to speak with such a kind noble."
Bilan laughed, a girlish sound that suited her perfectly. It made Lan Fan's smile grow, and she felt the urge to join in the laughter for the first time in what seemed like a long time. Only then did she realize how little normalcy had been restored to their lives since returning to Xing. Before their adventures in Amestris, she could not go a week without either being the target or the accomplice of one of Li – the Young Lord's mischievous tricks. Now, after all that had happened, the old childish antics had all but died. The realization gave her an unexpected pang that she did not want to acknowledge.
"I do not really consider myself as much of a noble. I respond to letters of business and I travel to villages that need help, corresponding with and translating for the heads of different clans, but I am not trained well in the courtly etiquette of the royals." She said with a light, almost self-mocking tone. Lan Fan nodded politely, trying not to notice the way it reminded her of how Li – the Young Lord used to talk about the Emperor's Court.
Lan Fan quickened her step slightly as they rounded the last corner that would bring them to the guest quarters. As if on cue, Bilan gave a cry of delight.
"Yes, this looks familiar!" She exclaimed happily. "I recognize that tapestry. My chamber is just a few doors down." She turned back to Lan an and clasped her hand gratefully. The bodyguard flushed, unused to such informal contact from one so above her station, but did not pull away for fear of injuring the girl's feelings.
"I really cannot thank you enough, Lan Fan. Only the gods know how long I would have wandered aimlessly without your help. I hope I can find an opportunity to repay you." Bilan beamed. Lan Fan looked away, for some reason unable to hold this beautiful girl's bright-eyed gaze for long.
"It was a pleasure… Bilan," Lan Fan responded meekly, taking care to call her by her first name. "I will tell a servant to send you a map of the palace so you will not get lost again."
As Lan Fan's eyes focused on the ground, she saw Bilan's hands enter her field of vision, and suddenly her automail hand was joining her flesh one in the sincere clasp if Bilan's softer ones, but she did not look up. It took a moment of silence to prompt Lan Fan to glance up again, only to see Bilan looking at her as if she were a puzzle. Lan Fan's eyebrows lifted in silent question.
Now it was Bilan's turn to blush, realizing she had been staring, and she released Lan Fan's hands. "I'm sorry, it's just… I know I only just met you, Lan Fan, so maybe it is not my place to say, but…" Bilan worried her lip, obviously anxious that she would make another social mishap. Lan Fan waited patiently. "I have the feeling that your grandfather would be proud of you."
Lan Fan stopped breathing in surprise at the random declaration. What?
"Seeing you fight with such fierce control and passion was impressive enough, but then you turned around and showed me such kindness with no hesitation. Two such qualities in one person is invaluable, and I only hope that the prince understands how lucky he is to have such a person guarding his life. Your grandfather raised you well," she finished with a modest smile. Lan Fan looked at the girl in awe for a moment, truly at a loss for words. Unbidden, tears pressed against her eyes and a knot tightened her throat.
Unbelievable, she thought to herself. I have met the gentlest soul I have ever encountered who gives me the only compliment I have ever desired, and I feel like crying. Grandfather would be proud indeed.
Closing her eyes so that the girl before her wouldn't see her foolish reaction, Lan Fan placed her fist in her palm and bowed low to the girl.
"Thank you, Lady Bilan. You do not know how much that means to me," she whispered. Before she could make a greater fool of herself, she turned and walked away, no doubt leaving a stunned girl in her wake. Her footsteps clipped faster and faster along the corridors, until she was at a full-out sprint with ridiculous tears streaming from her eyes. She could not return to guard the young master in this state. She was going to have to ask Makanay to fill in for her while she collected herself.
Lan Fan wiped at her face with her flesh arm, forcing herself to slow down and calm herself. She realized now that the need to meditate was even greater than she had once thought.
Coming to a stop to catch her breath, Lan Fan looked in the direction of the kitchens, where her master was no doubt wondering where in Xing she had gone. Then she glanced behind her, thinking of the girl she had only just met, but who had somehow made her cry from her kindness.
She will make a perfect Empress.
The resounding truth in that thought wrapped around her like a blanket she was both warmed and trapped by, but she did not shrug it off. Instead, she clutched at it as if to never forget it, as if there could never be any other option. Lan Fan resumed her journey to the kitchens, where Makanay would hopefully be tolerant.
1) The Fates Who Cannot Hear
2) The Fates We Cannot Hear
Cast your vote! This is a direct democracy, here, people! (Or perhaps a benevolent dictatorship... but that's beside the point... ;D)
Also, after editing this chapter, I realized what a mess it was. And I had accidentally left an author note in there! That's so tacky! Agh... well rest assured, it has been embellished to a much better version of itself. So... sorry, and I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again. :)