"Looks like I gotta be somewhere else," the Dude said quickly as he walked out of the door, not bothering to clean up the tissues he shot at the protestors. Before Raul Chomo could come out from the counter and tan his hide, the Dude started to sprint off into Catharsis, remember the reason why he was here.
The Dude skimmed around the town's perimeter looking for Larry Chakawitz, but found no traces of him. No jacket, no truck, no abundant supply of weapons in sight. Soon he wound up at back at the Catharsis Police Station empty handed. Deciding that it was time for a quick meet up, the Dude pulled out the radio and ordered Warwick and Dawkins back to the station.
"This is the Dude; maybe we should meet up back at the police station and discuss our findings. I'm sure he's still here somewhere." He hoped Warwick wasn't as steamed as Dawkins. Turns out, he was.
"I'd never thought you'd have the shame to speak up after hearing what Dawkins told me. What kind of man stops in a porn shop while he's supposed to be looking for a dangerous man that nearly killed him? I'll only say this once, so listen carefully. Straighten out your priorities. That means keep looking for him and maintain professionalism over the radio. We can't afford to waste time meeting up." Warwick was not pleased at all with the Dude's actions.
"Well, is there any place we didn't look?" replied the Dude, who waited for Warwick to speak again. Luckily, he did.
"Only place I can think of is the park. I haven't been here in a long time, so excuse my memory. You'd better try there since you're closer than us. Next time I hear from you, you better have something good for us. Warwick out."
And just like that, Warwick discontinued the conversation as the Dude's radio failed to transmit Warwick's voice.
"Hmm," pondered the Dude, "I don't think they were exactly happy with what I was doing just now. Well, they did mention the park being the only place they didn't look. I may as well check out the park and stop to smell the flower along the way to my freedom, heh hah!" The Dude was stoked about either officer catching Larry Chakawitz while he lounged within Catharsis. Off to the park the dude went with a cheeky grin. To his surprise, the grass was actually green and not brown.
"Glad to see the water is being put to its absolute best use," commented the Dude sarcastically, not liking parks at all. He sat on one of the benches and crossed one leg as he sat back and watched the clouds go across the sky. He felt at peace; almost like he could drift off to sleep and be left alone. The Dude's daydreams were cut short as he heard a quiet yet familiar voice deeper in the park…
"Now, nobody should be botherin' us right here!"
The same unmistakable dialect and haste of his words filled the air. No doubt about it; it was the voice of Larry Dude twisted his head to see him working out a deal similar to the one he made with the Dude on Monday to a new employee. He had dirty green hair, more piercings on his than you would want to imagine, and had a tasteless purple and black color scheme death metal shirt on him with tight jeans. The Dude guessed literally anybody not bound to a wheelchair could be taken under Chakawitz's wing as a henchman.
"Seems happy enough. I wonder if he'll talk to me about old times?" The Dude got up and ran towards Larry Chakawitz and his soon to be employee. Larry heard the footsteps coming his way and turned to his side to see the Dude coming at him with murderous intent. Sweat drops were formed on Larry's bald head as he couldn't believe what he saw.
"Why hello there! I just wanted to swing by here and give you two gentlemen an invitation to the Psychotic Friends Network Barbecue! First dozen people invited get a hearty steak to go with a good beer! What do you say, Larry?" announced the Dude, expression his hostility in the last part.
"Woah, dude! Where'd you get that trench coat? You steal it off a pimp and getting whacked for it? I wanna join your party, bro!" Chakawitz's new employee said, clearly showing that wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.
"How about you, Chakawitz? Maybe we could even squeeze off a few rounds together, just like in old times. Remember? Of course you do." The Dude put his right hand in his trench coat, ready to whip out his gun and make some new holes in Larry's head. Larry grew more uncomfortable with each passing second.
"S'cuse me for a second, will ya? I think I left my pen in my truck over yonder. You two just stay put, hear me?"
Larry Chakawitz kicked his legs into high gear and made a run for his truck to get the hell out of Catharsis. He simply could not believe the Dude was alive, and he certainly didn't want to stick around to see what the Dude had in mind for his barbecue. Chakawitz juked and jived side by side, becoming a tough target to shoot. The Dude fiercely chased after Chakawitz, occasionally firing off a round that went wide. The combination of Larry's deceptive sprinting capabilities and the Dude's head wound made aiming all the more difficult.
"You fucking cocksucker! I thought you was dead! I'mma disconnect your head from your neck soon, ya hear me!?" Larry bellowed in rage while continuing to make a mad dash to his truck. The Dude was now down to three shots left in his gun as Chakawitz closed in his truck. He flung the door open and piled in within a second, locking it behind him. Larry kept his head below the window to make sure the Dude wouldn't have an easy shot. The Dude could hear the engine starting just as he was closing the distance to his ticket to freedom,
"You probably thought you weren't going to die today,"
The Dude came in close enough to shoot out the driver seat window with a single shot. A shower of glass rained down on Larry, making him flinch for just a second. That was all the Dude needed to jam his gun inside Larry's truck and point the gun right at the back of his head,
"Surprise!"
The Dude jerked his arm suddenly as he was aiming for an easy execution. The bullet went into Larry Chakawitz's right shoulder, making him howl in great pain. He threw up his arms as best as he could and submitted to the Dude,
"Fuck, you win! You win! Just kill me!"
The Dude unlocked the car door from the inside and threw Larry Chakawitz straight to the ground. He pitifully tried to crawl away while having been shot in the shoulder, but the Dude turned him over onto his back. Now standing on top of the man he sought after, the Dude planted his feet on Larry's to prevent him from squirming away. Using the side of his Deagle, the Dude bashed Larry across the face half a dozen times in a bout of unquenchable rage. When the Dude stopped, he slid back the top of his Deagle and pointed it straight at Chakawitz.
"Fucking bitch, I knew yous was a no good junkie! I can't fuckin' believe a low-life, skinny bastard like yous gonna do me in." Larry spat as his final words. Rather than just shooting him in the head, the Dude got a much better idea. He pocketed the Deagle for now and grabbed Larry by the arms to help him up. When enough momentum was built up, Larry was flung against the sound of his truck, making a hollow clunking noise as his face ate paint. Larry was right next to the gas cap, on his knees and his torso leaning forward. The Dude somberly backed up with the Deagle now in his hand and gave his regards to Larry Chakawitz,
"You ever had one of those days?"
With that, the Postal Dude pulled the trigger and shot the last bullet at the gas cap. The bullet bored straight through the surface of the vehicle, and the explosive result sent Larry and his truck up in bone-burning flames. The upper quarter of Larry's face was completely burned off as he flew backwards and up onto the ground. His truck crashed down, making a horrendously loud noise of crunching metal that fell upon all the ears in Catharsis. The wave energy pierced the Postal Dude with an unparalleled feeling of satisfaction; warmth from getting revenge and from the shockwave wave filling his very soul. He smiled and celebrated the occasion by approaching Larry's near unrecognizable corpse and emptying his bladder to add insult to injury.
"Now the flowers will grow."
The Postal Dude finished up his victory piss just as Warwick and Dawkins came to investigate the explosion with a dozen other late Catharsis cops. The Postal Dude looked up with a telling smirk on his face as he planted his left foot on the piss sodden corpse,
"He's all yours, boy."
With a simple motion, the Postal Dude kicked Larry's corpse towards the police, covering only about four inches of ground. Both of the Paradise officers approached and examined Larry with trained eyes. Larry's newest employee approached the scene as well, almost as enthralled as the Dude.
"Woah! I wanna join the Psychotic Friends Network Barbecue now! That was sick, dude!"
All the while the Postal Dude stood proudly before the scene he made. Most of the cops from Catharsis looked terrified of what the Postal Dude had done. Warwick and Dawkins finished up their examining of the body as they held out their hands as Warwick congratulated the Postal Dude on a job well done,
"You're free to go, Mister Dude."
Officers Randall Warwick and Troy Dawkins shook the Dude's hands at once, beaming with the satisfaction of knowing that one of their biggest cases could be put to rest for good.
"We'll go get your dog, but where are you going to go now, Mister Dude? Your trailer is gone, and you don't have any money…" Dawkins asked the Dude on what to do now as Warwick went back to the squad car to pick up Champ. The Postal Dude remembered that he still had a very good amount of cash on hand to at least get him through a few weeks of rent. He casually walked through the crowd and out to the main street, leaving behind a comment on his future,
"My errands are finally over."