The chapter isn't super short. And I don't feel like it's total garbage. How'd that happen? Oh, well, it's a good change of pace from the past two weeks. Anyway, please enjoy and tell me what you think!

I know something's wrong before my eyes even open. I don't feel right. I feel… good. My breathing is steady and even. It doesn't take any effort to focus. There's no pain.

This isn't right.

I'm supposed to be dying. I shouldn't feel like this.

I feel something in my hand and squeeze gently, trying to determine what it is. I realize it's a hand a moment before a thumb brushes over my knuckles in response. My eyes snap open at the gesture.

Wash is sitting next to me, just like he'd been when I fell asleep. I want to smile at the sight, but I can't. I hadn't expected to see him again. This shouldn't be happening.

"You're awake," Wash says, and before I can react he leans down and kisses my forehead. "How are you feeling?"

There's something in his voice beside the relief. Something it takes a moment to place. Once I recognize it I feel dread begin to build in my stomach. It's pride that I hear in his words, and I can only think of one thing that means.

"What did you do?" I ask, voice clearer and stronger than I'd expected.

Wash brushes some hair away from my eyes before leaving his hand to rest against my cheek, smiling as though he didn't hear me. "You're going to be okay," he tells me. It's the last thing I want to hear. I shouldn't be okay right now, and it certainly shouldn't extend into my future. None of this is right. It's not what's supposed to happen.

I pull my hand away from him and push my palms into the mattress until I'm sitting up. His hand's followed my face while I was moving and I take a moment to lean into it, surprised to find that I want more. I force the thought aside and push the hand away, eyes hardening as I look up at him. I'm beginning to suspect what happened.

"What did you do?" I ask again. I make sure my voice is sharp, demanding an answer.

Wash leans back a few inches, startled by the tone. His smile fades as he continues to look at me. "I- I had to save you," he says uncertainly.

I swing my legs over the side of the bed. Wash stands, reaching out a hand to try to steady me. I wave him away and rise to my feet, forcing him to take a few steps back. My legs feel steady underneath me, and there's none of the dizziness I've grown accustomed to when standing. After I process this I look back at Wash. He's smiling again, glad to see me standing and healthy. I glare at him.

"Tell me what you did," I insist. I already know the answer, but I have to hear it from him. I need to give him the chance to prove me wrong. I need to be wrong this time.

Wash's holds his hands away from his sides, palms up in a placating gesture. "I-" he starts, unable to finish, unable to make himself admit it. His body language and voice are enough to tell me the truth, even if he refuses to say it.

"You let her go," I guess, refusing to make it a question. "You took her deal and you let her escape."

"I had to save you," Wash repeats. He places a hand on my shoulder as he steps toward me.

I shrug the hand off, pushing his shoulders to keep him away. "You didn't save me," I nearly shout. "You only delayed my death, and killed us all."

"We'll find her again-" he starts, but I refuse to let him finish.

"I told you not to," I say. "I told you what would happen if we lost her and you did it anyway!"

Wash reaches out for me again, as though he thinks touch could make me understand what words can't. "Silver, I-"

I push him away. I want to give in and accept what he's saying. I want to forgive him. I want to let everything I've fought against between us finally happen. But I can't. I can't forgive what he did, not when it could mean the death of my family. "You should have let me die," I say bitterly. "Now my whole family is going to pay for your decision."

"Silver," he pleads, voice desperate.

"Get out," I snap, turning back to the bed. I can't look at him right now. I hear the door open and shut as he leaves. My ears barely catch the whispered apology before he's gone. I ignore him and lay down once again. I suddenly feel very tired, and sleeping is easier than thinking about what's happened.

The next time I open my eyes, I see irises like honey and sunlight. I smile at the sight I'd begun to fear I'd never see again. I may have been named for my hair, but there's no doubt Gold was named for his eyes.

More than the color, I'm captivated by the softness of my brother's gaze. All the harsh and angry lines I'd grown accustomed to this past year are gone. I see the potential for lazy smiles and teasing grins once again. Despite the small part of me that wants to back away and prepare for a fight, I throw my arms around his neck. I know my real brother when I see him.

"Hey, Sil," Gold says, returning the hug without hesitation. I smile at the nickname, though his voice is a little strained, like he's fighting against the awkwardness of this situation. I suppose there isn't a customary greeting for family members who were forced to fight the way we were. I wonder if he expected me to be more hesitant. I don't care if he does. After everything that's happened, I don't care about what's expected. I just want to hug my brother again. I want something to feel normal again.

"I missed you," I admit. I loosen the hug eventually but refuse to fully let go. I feel like if I let him back away he'll disappear again, so I keep an arm around his shoulders. Gold settles onto the side of the bed, just as reluctant as I am to put distance between us. We sit in silence for a moment, me smiling with the kind of relief that can only come from nearly a year of worry while he simply gives me a crooked half grin.

"I'm sorry," I say eventually, grabbing his hand and looking at the many scars there. A line along the back of his palm, the exact width of one of my knives, catches my eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't get you back sooner. I'm sorry I had to hurt you." Tears begin to form in my eyes and I refuse to look up at him.

Gold taps my chin, prompting me to meet his gaze. "You have nothing to apologize for," he says. "I would have killed you. I would have killed everyone here. You stopped me. I'd rather have any scar than have to live with that."

I nod, accepting his speech. I understand that sentiment, being willing to suffer to keep them safe. It's a viewpoint Gold and I have always shared.

"I heard a lot's happened while I was gone," he comments. I nod again, not wanting to relive any of it but knowing he'll have questions. "I already know all the bad stuff," he continues. "How about you tell me something good?"

I look at him like he's lost his mind. Silicon is dead. Neon is dead. Boron is dead. Nick lost his arm. There's no good news to give.

"Come on," he prompts, nudging my elbow with his. "There has to be something." I recognize the voice he's using. It's the same voice he would use in the past whenever Boron would be mad. Gold was always able to temper his partner's rage, preventing it from destroying his focus. I don't let myself think about Boron, and what I did, and what I feel Gold should blame me for. Instead I focus on the simple fact that he wants to make me feel better, even after everything that's happened.

"What about the sim-troopers?" he says, still pressing for an answer. I finally allow a small smile to creep through at his insistence.

"I think Yttri likes one of them," I admit. I hold back a laugh at the way Gold's eyes fly wide open and his jaw seems to go limp in shock.

"You're joking," he says in an awe struck whisper.

"Nope," I say, grinning now. "Simmons has been helping her with a lot of the repair work around the base, and every day she asks for his help again."

"Requesting to be in his presence," Gold muses. "Yeah, that's about as close to flirting as Yttri will ever get. Do you think she even realizes yet?"

I shrug. "Nick noticed first. I haven't really had any time to ask her about it."

"Hmm…" Gold hums thoughtfully. He shifts slightly where he's sitting so his foot won't fall asleep. "And what about you?"

I shoot him a suspicious look before forcing my face to be neutral again. "What about me?"

"Nick told me about Agent Washington," he explains.

I realize now that this isn't just my partner coming to see me. Nick's probably already talked to him about everything that's happened since the attacks, and now Gold's here to check up on me. It seems like my family will always try to take care of me, even if I don't need it. I look away from him, glancing down at my hands. "It's nothing," I say.

"Doesn't sound like nothing," Gold comments.

"He let mom go," I say, a sharp edge of bitterness clear in my words. "He knew it could mean death for all of us, and he still let her go."

"To save you."

"I don't want to be saved," I snap. "I just want to know you guys will be okay."

"And we want to know you'll be okay," Gold counters. "Like it or not, you're stuck with us."

"It's not that simple-"

"Nothing's ever simple with us," he argues, a hint of anger in his voice. "Our family's always been crazy. We're genetic experiments, for crying out loud! That doesn't give you the right to go dying on us." Before I can answer he's pulling me into a hug. He holds me for a second, silent, and takes a shaky breath. I realize now that he's barely stopping himself from crying. "None of us want you to die," he says. "None of us could live with it. We've already lost too many people. I lost Boron, my first partner. I'm not letting you go too."

I stiffen when he says Boron's name. I'm sure he already knows what happened, what I did. He has to know. Someone must have told him. I wait for him to say something, accuse me or say it was my fault. I know it was my fault. I could have handled things differently. I didn't have to kill him. I was still so mad about Silicon; I didn't even consider that Boron was my brother too, and that it might not have been his fault. I'm sure Gold will bring it up, but he doesn't. He simply takes another stuttering breath, arms tightening around me.

When he finally lets me go his eyes are bright with unshed tears. "This Washington guy made sure you'll stay alive," he says. "I haven't met him yet, but that's enough to convince me he's an awesome guy."

"He is," I admit reluctantly. "He's great. I just… I told him not to."

Gold shakes his head and gives me the sort of smile that means he thinks I'm an idiot. "Don't hold it against the guy for wanting to keep you alive," he suggests.

I stare down at my hands again, not having any more to say. I won't deny that I feel something for Wash. Apparently it's obvious to everyone around me. But I'm still mad at him. I don't really know what to do about him right now. Besides, I don't want to focus on that. Not when I finally have Gold back. Not when there's this opportunity to pretend we've had a victory, and things are normal again.

I feel like I'm going to go crazy sitting in this room all day. Rhodi said I shouldn't leave for at least another full day. Rho threatened to disguise the floor into a giant pit if I try to leave, and Yttri said she'll break my legs to keep me from leaving if she has to. I know they were just joking, but I still think I should listen for once. That doesn't make it any less maddening.

Just as I'm about to try walking around for a bit, the door opens. Wash stops when he sees that I'm awake, looking like he's not sure if he should come in or just go away.

"Hey," I say, standing to greet him.

Wash quickly steps into the room and closes the door behind him. He walks until there's less than a foot between us. I wait for him to say something, but he remains silent.

"Say what you're going to say, Wash," I instruct emotionlessly, looking him in the eyes.

He meets my gaze for a few seconds before his eyes shift downward, settling on my hands. "We put a tracker on Dr. Han's ship," he says, meeting my eyes again carefully. "Yttri activated it and we've got a location. We know where she is. We're just waiting for Rhodi to say you're well enough to lead the mission."

I can feel my eyes widen in surprise. I knew they'd planned some way to bring mom back, but I hadn't expected this. I hadn't considered betraying her like this. I think for a moment and decide I'm fine with it. She's caused us enough pain, we can afford to use a few tricks on her.

"I'm sorry," Wash says. He reaches out and grabs my hand hesitantly. I relish the feeling of warm fingers wrapped around mine. "I know I went against your orders. I didn't want to but I… I couldn't let you die, Si. Not you, not knowing I could stop it. I couldn't do that. I-" His words cut off abruptly when my lips touch his.

I've done it before I even have time to think. The feeling that I can finally stop holding back with him mixes with the desire to make him stop talking in the best solution I could have imagined. I hold there, frozen in the kiss, for just a second before pulling back.

"If this doesn't work, I won't forgive you," I whisper. One of my hands has moved to his shoulder while the other is still entwined with his. "If we don't catch mom again, and if my family gets hurt for it, I won't be able to forgive you."

"I know," Wash says. I feel his free hand move to the side of my face and I lean into it. "I wouldn't be able to forgive me either. And I know it was a risk. I just had to save you."

I nod. A part of me is still mad, but I choose to ignore it. Whatever happens can't be stopped now. Wash has already made his decision. Nothing will be gained by staying away from him, and I feel I've done enough of that already.

That's the thing about nearly dying. You get to see what you'd truly regret most. For me, that's the chance to lean up and kiss Wash again.