TV Guide capsule for Saturday, Oct. 31, 1992:
9 PM Who's the Boss?—Comedy
Angela tries to find a good opportunity to tell Tony her news, despite distractions like the Halloween/housewarming party Sam and Hank are throwing.
Scene I: Angela's office at the Bower Agency
(Angela is sitting at her desk, with her calendar in front of her, muttering to herself. Mona enters.)
MONA: Dear, are you all right?
ANGELA: I'm not sure.
MONA: A scheduling conflict?
ANGELA: You could say that.
MONA: Do you want me to move some meetings around?
ANGELA: I don't think that would help.
MONA: Angela?
ANGELA: (looking up) Mother, if I tell you, you can't tell anyone.
MONA: I'd better close the door. (She does and comes closer.) Well?
ANGELA: I'm not positive, but I think I'm pregnant.
MONA: No, I think that would make you positive.
ANGELA: Mother.
MONA: You're serious, aren't you?
ANGELA: Very serious.
MONA: But you and Tony just got married a month ago. You can't be sure this early.
ANGELA: Oh, yes, I can.
MONA: (delighted) You little hussy! You did it in Iowa, didn't you?
ANGELA: Well, yes. And we were careful. Most of the time.
MONA: Most of the time?
ANGELA: (blushing) Well, there was this once, when we got a little carried away.
MONA: Once is all it takes.
ANGELA: Yes. And when I was late, well, there was the stress of breaking up with Tony.
MONA: And you're no spring chicken.
ANGELA: Thank you.
MONA: Wow, a baby!
ANGELA: Maybe.
MONA: Are you excited? Scared?
ANGELA: Yes, both.
MONA: Have you told Tony yet?
ANGELA: No, I wanted to wait till I was sure. You know Tony. He tends to go a little over the top.
MONA: Yes, just a little. He's going to be thrilled you know.
ANGELA: I know. And we did talk about maybe having a baby after we'd been married awhile.
MONA: Well, you've still got, what, six months?
ANGELA: Yes. Though I was hoping that Jonathan would be off at college first.
MONA: (shaking her head) No empty nest for you two, huh?
ANGELA: Right. And Sam and Hank haven't even moved next door yet.
MONA: I wonder what the kids are going to say.
ANGELA: Mother, I swore you to secrecy.
MONA: OK, OK. Can I at least change my bet in the office pool?
ANGELA: Mother!
Scene II: The living room at home, that evening
(Tony is grading papers. Jonathan is standing behind the couch and looking over Tony's shoulder. We later see he still has his foot in a cast.)
TONY: Jonathan, do you mind?
JONATHAN: I just wondered if you got to my Christopher Columbus 500th anniversary essay yet.
TONY: No, not yet. And I'm not going to with you in the room.
JONATHAN: Tony, this is torture! Do you know how hard it is living with one of my teachers?
TONY: Yeah, probably as hard as living with one of my students.
JONATHAN: OK, if you flunk me, just promise you'll tell me at home. It'd be too humiliating to find out at school.
TONY: I'm not gonna flunk you. You're a good student. And I know you try your best.
JONATHAN: Well, thanks. So do you think I'll get an A? (Tony sighs and gathers up the papers and his marking pen. He shakes his head and exits to the kitchen. Jonathan calls after him.) A-? I'll settle for B+! (Angela enters from the front door, looking a little stunned.) Hi, Mom, great news, huh?
ANGELA: (looking more stunned) Who told you?
JONATHAN: Sam and Hank of course.
ANGELA: How do they know?
JONATHAN: (confused) Well, it's their Halloween-slash-housewarming party. Theirs, Bonnie's, and Al's.
ANGELA: I thought they weren't moving in till the 1st.
JONATHAN: The Harpers are letting them move in a day early.
ANGELA: So they're going to move everything over and then throw a party that night?
JONATHAN: I know, it's crazy, right? But that's one less day that Grandma's out of her old apartment. Where is Grandma?
ANGELA: She had to stop at the store for something.
JONATHAN: Oh. Mom, are we going to change chores around here, now that Tony's got a job outside the home?
ANGELA: (hesitantly) I think that's something we should discuss as a family.
JONATHAN: Well, I guess it can wait till all the moving is done.
ANGELA: Yes, probably.
JONATHAN: Oh, and, Mom, I have other great news.
ANGELA: What's that, Sweetheart?
JONATHAN: I figured out what to do about the homecoming dance.
ANGELA: Well, good. Seeing as it's Saturday night.
JONATHAN: I know, but it took me awhile to make up my mind.
ANGELA: So? Are you taking Jenny or Heather?
JONATHAN: I'm taking both.
ANGELA: No, Jonathan, it doesn't work like that.
JONATHAN: No, I mean as friends. And neighbors.
ANGELA: Well, um, that's nice.
JONATHAN: See, I was talking to Al about girls—
ANGELA: You're taking romantic advice from that Neanderthal?
JONATHAN: Al's a lot smarter than he seems.
MONA: (as she comes in with a small bag) So's Dan Quayle. But that's not saying much, is it?
ANGELA: (heading towards the kitchen) Tony!
JONATHAN: (calling after her) See if you can find out what grade I'm getting!
Scene III: The kitchen, a moment later
(Tony is still grading papers. Angela enters from the swinging door.)
TONY: Hey, Angela, how was work?
ANGELA: Tony, we need to talk.
TONY: That bad, huh? (Sam and Hank enter, beaming.) Hey, Jonathan told me your good news.
SAM: How did he find out?
TONY: Didn't you invite him?
SAM: Dad, what are you talking about?
TONY: Your big party. What are you talking about, Samantha?
HANK: (unable to contain himself) We're pregnant! (Tony looks stunned. Angela is caught off guard. Cut to opening credits.)
Scene IV: The kitchen, a moment later
(The two couples are as we left them.)
TONY: We are?
SAM: Yeah, Dad, isn't it great?
TONY: You're too young!
SAM: I'm the same age you were.
TONY: That's different. I wasn't in college.
SAM: If we'd stayed back in Brooklyn, I'd probably have been married long enough to have two kids by now.
HANK: I'm glad you left Brooklyn.
SAM: (smiling lovingly at him) Me, too.
TONY: Sam, you won't even finish your junior year before the baby's born.
SAM: Yes, I will. I'm only one month along. And this is October.
TONY: That still leaves your senior year. Do you really think you can finish that when you've got a baby to take care of?
ANGELA: (finding her voice at last) Maybe you're mistaken. One month is too soon to be sure.
SAM: I know, but I just feel like I'm pregnant. I sense it. I mean, didn't you just know when you were pregnant with Jonathan?
ANGELA: (quietly) I can't remember.
TONY: This is your fault, isn't it, Thomopoulos?
HANK: It's not anyone's "fault," Micelli.
SAM: OK, yes, Dad, we didn't plan this, but we're happy about it. We thought you would be, too. Don't you want grandkids?
TONY: I just turned 40 a few months ago! No, I don't want grandkids yet.
SAM: Well, you're getting one whether or not you want one. (She storms out the door towards the garage.)
HANK: Tony, I know this is a surprise. But we can make it work. And there's a den in the Harpers' house that'll make a great nursery. (Tony simmers.)
ANGELA: Hank, for your own safety, leave now. (Hanks nods and leaves. Tony goes over and slams the door shut. He swears loudly in Italian. Jonathan enters through the swinging door.)
JONATHAN: OK, OK, I used a direct quote and passed it off as a paraphrase! I'm sorry!
ANGELA: Not now, Jonathan. Why don't you and your grandmother go pick up some Chinese take-out?
JONATHAN: Tony isn't cooking tonight?
ANGELA: (glancing at Tony) I don't think so.
JONATHAN: OK. Back soon.
ANGELA: Take your time. (Puzzled, Jonathan exits back out the swinging door.) Tony?
TONY: She's throwing her life away!
ANGELA: Tony, she's 20, not 15. And she has a good, loving husband.
TONY: Who makes hardly any money.
ANGELA: We can help them out.
TONY: You mean you can. I don't make enough as a high school teacher to support a grandbaby.
ANGELA: We're a family, Tony. We help each other out, and no one's keeping track of how much.
TONY: Are you tellin' me you're happy about this? Grandma? (She winces.)
ANGELA: I'll admit it's not the best news I've had all day. (She hesitates and then decides that the timing is all wrong to tell him.) But I think we need to be supportive. (Tony sits down and shakes his head.)
TONY: I used to dream about this day, Angela. Not this day, but the one where my baby would tell me she was gonna have a baby. Being brought up partly by my Grandpa Micelli, I know how important grandparents are. But when Sam and I moved to Connecticut, I started having different dreams for her, dreams that didn't include early marriage and motherhood.
ANGELA: But, Tony, she's right. In your old neighborhood, this would be perfectly normal and wonderful.
TONY: I know. And nothin' against women who are stay-at-home wives and mothers. I've been a housekeeper and I have a lot of respect for them. But when I met you, well, I started thinkin' about Sam becomin' a doctor or a lawyer or a businesswoman, somethin' big. (Angela smiles.) What?
ANGELA: You're dropping your G's off your "ings."
TONY: Huh?
ANGELA: Droppin'.
TONY: Oh, right. Don't tell Jonathan.
ANGELA: I won't.
TONY: And it might've been different if she had planned for this.
ANGELA: Accidents happen, Tony.
TONY: Yeah, but to my daughter?
ANGELA: They can happen to almost any woman.
TONY: Yeah, but Sam's so smart!
ANGELA: Even to smart women. (She waits, to see if he'll catch on. But he's too distracted by Sam's news.)
TONY: I guess. Angela, can you do me a favor?
ANGELA: Anything, Tony.
TONY: Can you go invite Sam and Hank over for Chinese?
ANGELA: Don't you want to?
TONY: No, I need to calm down first.
ANGELA: OK. (She strokes his hair, thinking of how much she loves this pig-headed but big-hearted man. Then she exits to outside.)
Scene V: The living room, later that evening
(Mona, Jonathan, and Tony are sitting on the couch watching a horror movie. Sam and Hank are sitting in the chair on the right of the screen. Everyone is eating Chinese food and ad-libbing about how wonderfully stupid the movie is. Angela enters from the kitchen, with chocolate chip cookies. She smiles at her family and then suddenly has a quick flashback to the horror-movie-watching scene in "Eye on Angela." She shakes her head at how much has and hasn't changed in seven and a half years. She puts her hand on her still flat belly, thinking of the new babies that will be joining them next year.)
TONY: (glancing over at her) Come on, Baby, you're gonna miss the best part.
ANGELA: There's a best part?
JONATHAN: Yeah, where the girl tries to run up a down escalator!
SAM: Jonathan, you'll spoil it for Hank.
HANK: Sam, I saw Murder at the Mall 1, 2, and 3-D. I can probably guess what happens in 4. (A girl screams and the music gets scary.) OK, that was a little surprising.
TONY: (patting the couch next to him) Sit down, Angela. (He glances at her again.) Why are you eating those?
ANGELA: I wanted cookies.
TONY: Yeah, but chocolate chip? Let's pause the movie and get out the fortune cookies. (He pauses the movie.)
HANK: Great idea, Tony. I can't wait to see what the future brings. (Tony glares at him, and then decides to be civil.)
TONY: (handing fortune cookies out) Yeah, who knows?
MONA: There's a great game you can play by adding a couple words to the fortune.
ANGELA: (warningly) Mother.
MONA: "In life."
ANGELA: Oh, right.
JONATHAN: I always heard it as "in bed."
TONY: (shaking his head) Remember when we had to watch ourselves around the baby of the family? (He suddenly remembers Sam and Hank's news. He glances at them, and then at Jonathan and Mona, who presumably don't know.)
HANK: Uh, I'll go first. (He cracks open his cookie.)
MONA: Brave man.
HANK: (reading aloud) Your emotional currents are flowing powerfully now.
SAM: (giggling) In bed.
HANK: What's yours say, Kitty?
SAM: Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
TONY: (sourly) How inspiring.
SAM: (ignoring him) How about you, Mona?
MONA: The fact that others are bad does not imply that you are good. (She frowns.) Jonathan?
JONATHAN: Many successes will accompany you this year. Even with "in bed," that's boring.
ANGELA: Good.
JONATHAN: And what did you get, Mom?
ANGELA: People rely on your dependability.
JONATHAN: Wow, that's even more boring than mine. How about you, Tony?
TONY: People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. (They all look like they wish they hadn't played this game.)
MONA: Well, that was fun. Now back to the movie. (Tony hits the remote.)
SAM: Hey, Angela, can you pass over the chocolate chips? I bet they'd go great with chow mein. (Mona and Jonathan stare at her. Cut to commercial.)
Scene V: The living room, about a minute later
(The television is off.)
JONATHAN: Sam, you're pregnant?
SAM: I think so. I mean, it's early yet. But, yeah.
JONATHAN: Wow, I'm going to be an uncle! Sort of. Do I have to change diapers?
SAM: Not unless you want to.
JONATHAN: No thanks. Wow, Tony, you must be excited!
TONY: I'm speechless.
JONATHAN: You're going to be a grandfather! And Mom's going to be sort of a grandmother. And Grandma, you're going to be—
MONA: Let's just say I'm a happy friend.
JONATHAN: Can I tell Heather and Jenny?
HANK: Jonathan, please don't tell anyone outside the family until the doctor confirms it.
JONATHAN: OK. Hey, do Bonnie and Al know?
SAM: Bonnie?
HANK: And Al? (It finally hits them.)
JONATHAN: Yeah, if they're renting a house with you in a week, shouldn't they know about the baby?
SAM: Maybe we'll surprise them at the housewarming.
MONA: And I thought nothing could top the Harpers' going-away party.
Scene V: The living room, the following Saturday evening
(Tony is wearing a tux but reviewing football plays. He looks up when Angela comes downstairs in a simple but elegant plum-colored velvet dress. He grins.)
TONY: Very nice. Sexy but in a chaperony kind of way.
ANGELA: Then we match. (She comes over and gives him a warm but chaperony kiss.) What are you doing? The team won the game.
TONY: Yeah, I know but I always end up second-guessing myself.
ANGELA: What's done is done. We can't change the past. (She looks like she wants to say more, but hesitates. Then Jonathan comes downstairs, dressed for the homecoming dance, but still with his leg in a cast, although he's getting around without the crutch more.)
TONY: (proudly) Is this a classy family or what?
ANGELA: Jonathan, do you have corsages for your dates?
JONATHAN: Mom, they're not my dates. I told you, we're just going as friends.
ANGELA: It's still courtesy. Like holding their door open when they get in the car.
JONATHAN: Great, now I have to worry about who sits up front.
TONY: How about they trade off on the ride home?
JONATHAN: Oh, God, the ride home! And then I have to walk them both to the door.
ANGELA: (realizing how weird this situation is but trying to be upbeat) Well, at least they live together, so it's the same door.
TONY: Don't worry, Pal-o-Mine, I got corsages for you when I was getting Angela's. (Like a magician, he produces three corsages.)
ANGELA: Oh, they're lovely! Which one is mine?
TONY: (putting pink roses on her wrist) Do you have to ask?
JONATHAN: (taking the other two corsages) Thanks, Tony. See you both at the dance. Please don't embarrass me too much. (He exits.)
TONY: He's taking two girls to the dance platonically and he's worried about us embarrassing him?
ANGELA: Maybe he remembers Sam's first dance. (Brief flashback to "Double Date," with chaperone Tony embarrassing Sam.)
TONY: Well, you are a lot cuter than Old Lady Scranton.
ANGELA: Thank you.
Scene VI: The living room, one week later
(There are packing boxes scattered through the living room and Angela is dressed as Little Bo Peep, with a full skirt, with a hoop underneath. Nonetheless, she's pacing and muttering to herself. Mona enters, dressed as Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman.)
MONA: Nice costume, Dear.
ANGELA: (startled) You, too, Mother.
MONA: Although I think in your case the Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe might've been a better choice. (Angela frantically shushes her. Mona starts whispering.) You still haven't told Tony?
ANGELA: (whispering back) I'm waiting for the right moment.
MONA: When, in the delivery room?
ANGELA: Things have been so crazy here lately, and he's still getting used to Sam's baby.
MONA: Angela, this isn't like keeping it secret for years that you were in love with Tony. He's bound to find this out in a couple months. Or weeks.
ANGELA: I know, I know. I'll, I'll tell him after the party.
MONA: Not too long after I hope. (Tony descends the stairs, dressed as Elvis in a white jumpsuit.) The King lives!
TONY: (doing his best Elvis) Thank you very much. (back to himself) This place is a pit! I thought they were gonna be done moving by now.
ANGELA: They finished moving things out of their apartment—
MONA: My apartment.
ANGELA: Yes. But there were some things Sam had never moved over there that she left behind.
TONY: Yeah, but—Mona, you're dressed as Catwoman!
MONA: Nothing gets past this guy, does it?
ANGELA: Almost nothing.
TONY: Mona, you can't wear that to the party!
MONA: I know. I wanted to go in a more classic Eartha Kitt/ Julie Newmar direction, but the costume shop just had Michelle Pfeiffer.
TONY: (sarcastically) Oh, well, if your options were limited. (Jonathan descends the stairs dressed in black robes, wearing a white mask, using his sickle for balance. Tony reverts to his Elvis voice.) Have we met?
ANGELA: Jonathan Sweetheart, why are you dressed as Death?
JONATHAN: (his voice a little muffled by the mask) Because I'm depressed.
ANGELA: Why are you depressed, Sweetie?
JONATHAN: Because I have two dates for the party tonight.
MONA: Sometimes I wonder if I'm even related to this kid.
JONATHAN: (woefully) I tried. I really tried. At the homecoming dance, I tried to just be friends. But somehow when I told them each about this party, they thought I was asking them to be my date. Dates. (Tony and Angela look at each other, unsure what to say.)
MONA: Come on, you party animals, let's go! (She shoos them out the front door.)
Scene VI: The Harpers' living room, about ten minutes later
(Despite the unpacked boxes and sparse furnishings, costumed guests are milling around. Sam is sitting in Hank's lap on one of the few chairs. They're dressed as ventriloquist act Wayland and Madame. Jonathan is standing between Jenny and Heather, who are dressed as Aladdin's Princess Jasmine and Geena Davis in A League of Their Own respectively. Mona is talking to Joanne Parker, who's wearing a '50s outfit, with a poodle skirt etc. Tony and Angela are over by the refreshments on the one table. She's grabbing a bit of everything.)
TONY: Ay, Angela, we did have dinner tonight.
ANGELA: Sorry, Tony. I'm still hungry. For some reason.
TONY: You should've told me before we left. I could've made you something.
ANGELA: That's OK. I can't really sit down in this hoop skirt anyway. (Al and Bonnie descend the stairs, dressed as Homer and Marge Simpson.)
AL: Hey, where are the donuts?
TONY: You know, I can't tell if he's in character or just being Al. (Mona goes over to Sam and Hank.)
MONA: (whispering) Sam, I was just talking to Joanne Parker—
SAM: Why?
HANK: Don't blame me, I didn't invite her.
SAM: I think Bonnie did. She didn't know any better.
MONA: (still whispering) Listen, you better say something about your pregnancy soon because if you don't, Joanne will.
SAM: How does she know?
MONA: How does Joanne anything that goes on in this neighborhood? She has spies everywhere!
SAM: (sighing and getting to her feet) OK. (loudly) Everyone, your attention please. I have an important announcement to make.
BONNIE: Oh, Sam, you don't have to make a fuss over me and Al. Everyone knows we're going to be your housemates.
AL: Ay, let her make a fuss if she wants. I don't care.
SAM: No, this is a different announcement. I want you all to know—
TONY: (muttering) No, she wouldn't!
SAM: I am not pregnant. (Almost everyone stares at her.)
BONNIE: (cheerfully) Congratulations!
AL: Good. I didn't want to live with a baby anyway.
ANGELA: (blurting out) But, Sam, you said you were!
SAM: Angela, you were right, it was too soon to be sure. And I was wrong.
ANGELA: You mean I kept my secret all this time for no reason? (Everyone now stares at Angela.)
TONY: Your secret?
ANGELA: Tony, I need to speak to you in the kitchen, now!
TONY: Angela, it's still not our kitchen!
Scene VII: The Harpers' kitchen, about a minute later
(Tony is sitting at the table, while Angela stands nearby. He looks stunned. She looks worried.)
ANGELA: Tony, say something. Please.
TONY: You're pregnant?
ANGELA: Yes.
TONY: Three months pregnant?
ANGELA: Well, more like three and a half now.
TONY: By me. In Iowa?
ANGELA: By you. In Iowa.
TONY: Wow.
ANGELA: Tony, I know. You're 40 and I'm, well, a little over 40. And even though we talked about having a baby later, we didn't plan for this—
TONY: Angela. We're gonna have a baby.
ANGELA: Yes.
TONY: (leaping to his feet) WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! (He scoops her into his arms and starts kissing her face and murmuring Italian endearments.)
ANGELA: Then I guess you're happy about it?
JONATHAN: (offscreen, from the living room) But they just got married!
ANGELA: Um, I guess they heard.
TONY: Sorry about that. I get a little loud when I'm happy.
ANGELA: I know. (The Look.)
TONY: You ready to face them?
ANGELA: Not really.
TONY: Let's sneak out the back door and go home. I'll make you The King's favorite sandwich.
ANGELA: Mmm, peanut butter, banana, and bacon?
TONY: Of course. I love you tender.
ANGELA: Oh, Teddy Bear! (Cut to commercial.)
Scene IX: The kitchen back home, the next morning
(Tony is making breakfast. Mona and Jonathan are at the table.)
MONA: Too bad you and Angela had to leave the party so suddenly last night.
TONY: Yeah, well, Angela wasn't feeling too good, so I sent her straight to bed. (Jonathan looks disgusted, Mona amused.)
MONA: Such a good husband.
TONY: Yeah, well, I do my best.
MONA: You missed out on Jenny's big announcement.
TONY: (shocked) Jonathan! You got little Jenny Wittener in trouble?
JONATHAN: (wearily) No, Tony. She told the entire room that she's given up on me because I'm too fickle.
MONA: And then Heather said she doesn't want him either, because he made her fight with her best friend.
TONY: Do you want sympathy, Buddy? Or congratulations?
JONATHAN: I'm not sure yet. (Angela enters and goes over to Tony. She gives him a warm hello kiss. Jonathan does his best to ignore them. Mona is still amused.)
TONY: Ay, Angela, you feeling better this morning?
ANGELA: Mm hm.
TONY: Good. I'm gonna make you something special.
ANGELA: I bet it's yummy.
JONATHAN: Come on, you two! If you don't stop this, I'm moving into Grandma's apartment.
MONA: Oh, no, you're not!
JONATHAN: Mom, I know you're not that far along, but aren't you supposed to be barfing and stuff? Not flirting with your husband.
MONA: Aw, let her flirt.
ANGELA: Well, actually, Jonathan, what you need to know is, well, Iowa— (Tony and Mona look at her, wondering if she'll confess to getting pregnant before she broke up with Tony.) I owe a lot to this man. (She hugs Tony from the side.)
JONATHAN: (sourly) Apparently. (All the adults look amused. Roll closing credits.)