TV Guide capsule for Saturday, Nov. 7, 1992:
9 PM Who's the Boss?—Comedy
Tony isn't the only one with a new job.
Scene I: The Harpers' kitchen, now being rented, evening
(Sam, Hank, Bonnie, and Al are sitting around the table, eating dinner.)
AL: This dinner is a lot better than the crap Sam's been makin'.
BONNIE: (flattered) Thanks, Al.
SAM: (simultaneously and sarcastically) Thanks, Al.
HANK: I guess we should've asked before we all moved in together whether any of us could actually cook.
AL: I just figured we'd go next door and have Tony cook for us, but he's so busy with his teachin' and coachin' job, he don't seem to like that.
SAM: It really is a good dinner, Bonnie.
BONNIE: Thanks, Sam. And thank you, Hank, for going grocery-shopping for me.
HANK: No problem. I do have the clearest schedule right now, although I am looking for a better paying job.
BONNIE: Yeah, no offense, Hank, but I'm not used to cooking with generic products. (She pours from a bottle marked APPLE JUICE.)
SAM: Money has been tight, even with Angela and my dad helping out.
BONNIE: And my parents.
AL: And my niece, Carmela.
HANK: Well, my parents are helping out, too, but I think we should be more independent.
AL: Maybe you girls should get jobs.
BONNIE: Well, actually—
SAM: I told you, Al. I'm trying to concentrate on school. In fact, I'm going to be starting an evening class next week. Three hours each weekday evening for three weeks.
HANK: (disappointed) Evenings? Then I won't get to see you till right before I go to sleep?
AL: Good, we'll have a little peace and quiet around here after supper.
BONNIE: Yeah, it'll be easier to do my homework.
SAM: (blushing) I didn't realize we were that loud.
BONNIE: Oh, it's OK, I can hardly hear you if I turn up the radio.
AL: Yeah, between Bonnie's radio blasting and you two—
H & S: Al!
AL: Well, Hank, your dad's a contractor. Couldn't he soundproof the walls or somethin'?
HANK: I don't see how that's going to save us money.
SAM: Look, it's not going to be a problem during evenings, for three weeks.
HANK: (sadly) Three weeks!
AL: Yeah, but there's still nighttime.
BONNIE: And mornings and evenings when Hank isn't at work and you're not in class.
SAM: We'll try to be a little quieter and more considerate.
HANK: (still unable to get over it) Three weeks! (Sam pats his hand.)
Scene II: The kitchen next door, that same evening
(Tony, Angela, Mona, and Jonathan are sitting around the table, eating dinner.)
MONA: Wonderful dinner as always, Tony.
JONATHAN: Yeah, we really missed your cooking when you were in Iowa.
TONY: I hope you didn't just miss me for my cooking.
MONA: Well, I know Angela didn't. (Angela blushes.)
ANGELA: Um, can I have seconds?
TONY: You can have as much as you want. (Jonathan rolls his eyes.) Ay, she's eating for two.
JONATHAN: Yeah, but she's only in the first or second month, right? (An awkward pause, as the adults try not to exchange glances.)
ANGELA: So how was school today?
JONATHAN: Well, I had a brutal midterm in History.
TONY: Ay, I didn't think it was that bad!
JONATHAN: I'm kidding, Tony.
TONY: Oh. Well, my day in school was good. I gave midterms in my classes, and the kids seemed to do pretty well. And I'm wrapping up volleyball and tennis and gearing up for wrestling and basketball.
ANGELA: It's not too much of a burden for you, is it? Taking all that on with your late start?
TONY: (snapping his fingers in his characteristic gesture) Piece of cake, Angela, piece of cake.
ANGELA: Mmm, cake! Did you make any today?
TONY: Of course. (He gets up.)
MONA: (shaking her head) I don't know how you do all this. You're more of a "supermom" than ever.
TONY: (going to the fridge) Well, I'm still going to try to keep things balanced, say no some of the time. (Mona glances at Angela's still flat stomach. Angela gives her a warning look. Jonathan doesn't notice because he's looking at the chocolate cake Tony is bringing out.)
JONATHAN: Wow, that is gorgeous!
TONY: Thank you. (as he sets it on the table and then goes to get a knife) I wanted to celebrate a little tonight.
JONATHAN: About the baby? You already made a cake for that a few days ago.
MONA: Which Angela ate most of, in one sitting. (Angela smiles sheepishly.)
TONY: This is for something else. I have an announcement to make.
JONATHAN: You're pregnant. (They all look at him.) Hey, with this family, anything is possible.
TONY: (starting to cut the cake) No, this is something I'm already doing.
JONATHAN: Baking?
TONY: Close. I have a second teaching job, night school at Ridgemont.
ANGELA: Oh, Tony, that's wonderful! (He leans down so she can give him a congratulatory kiss.)
JONATHAN: Can you not do that over food?
TONY: (breaking away from Angela and straightening up) Sorry.
MONA: Night school, huh? As in nighttime?
TONY: Well, yeah. Three hours every weekday evening, for three weeks.
ANGELA: (as it sinks in) Three hours? For three weeks?
JONATHAN: Good! Maybe I can do my homework in peace for a change.
ANGELA: Tony, why are you doing this?
TONY: Well, you know, I've been helping out the kids with their rent. And the baby is coming and, well, I want to contribute more.
ANGELA: I know, but I'll miss you.
TONY: I'll miss you, too, but I'm doing it for us. All of us.
MONA: All of us, huh? And who's going to be making gorgeous cakes and wonderful dinners when you're so tired from holding down two jobs?
ANGELA: Mother, don't be so selfish. We can all make sacrifices if Tony can. We can all pitch in. We've done it before.
MONA: And that went so smoothly, didn't it?
JONATHAN: Maybe we should get a new housekeeper.
TONY: (offended) A new housekeeper?
ANGELA: Jonathan's right, Tony. It was good of you to take care of everything when you first moved back and didn't have a job yet. But things are different now.
TONY: But how can I pay for a housekeeper if I'm trying to save money?
ANGELA: I'll pay for it. It's in my household budget anyway. And we don't have to get a live-in this time.
MONA: Aw shucks! I was willing to have the new guy room with me.
ANGELA: It wouldn't be a man this time.
MONA: (shaking her head) You're still as sexist as you were eight years ago.
ANGELA: All right, fine, I'll hire a man if he's qualified. But it's more likely to be a woman.
JONATHAN: Oo, can she wear a French maid's uniform?
ANGELA: No!
MONA: I've got one she can borrow if you change your mind.
JONATHAN: Thank you, Grandma, for killing my fantasy.
MONA: I do what I can, Dear.
TONY: Angela, I don't know about this. I'd feel weird having another housekeeper here. Even if it's just part-time.
ANGELA: Tony, I know that this house has been your domain for a long time, and I respect that. But you can't keep doing everything, or almost everything, like you have been. And with the baby coming, I'm not going to have the energy to do as much cooking and cleaning as I'd like.
MONA: Thank God for that. (Angela glares at her.)
TONY: The baby! Angela, we haven't even talked about what we're going to do when the baby comes.
MONA: Well, Tony, you're going to overreact and panic, and Angela's going to pass a watermelon through her—
ANGELA: Thank you, Mother.
TONY: I meant who's going to stay home with the baby? Or do we expect the new (he shudders a little), the new housekeeper to take care of the baby?
ANGELA: I don't know. I could cut back on my hours at the agency for awhile. I did it with Jonathan, although I was just starting out my career then. But since it's my own agency this time, I'll have more flexibility. For instance, I could work from home some of the time.
TONY: And I could change my teaching schedule. Maybe quit at Fairfield High—
JONATHAN: Yes! (Tony glares at him.)
TONY: Or do just morning or just afternoon classes. Maybe do night school more.
ANGELA: (pouting) Three hours every night!
TONY: I know, Sweetie, I know.
MONA: Have some chocolate cake, Dear. It'll make you feel better. (Cut to opening credits.)
Scene III: A Ridgemont College classroom, a couple evenings later
(The students, including Sam and her former roommate Melinda, file in. They sit in the front row, with a bleached-blonde girl on Melinda's other side.)
MELINDA: So, Sam, how are you liking life outside the dorms?
SAM: Well, it's not exactly a typical life outside the dorms.
MELINDA: (shaking her head) Yeah, married and renting a house. I'm not ready for that, and I'm a senior.
SAM: Well, I didn't plan to get married so young but you know how crazy I am about Hank.
MELINDA: I know. And I can see why you'd prefer him as a roommate.
SAM: Hey, no offense to you, Melinda. You were easier to live with than the two housemates Hank and I have got.
MELINDA: You've got housemates?
SAM: Yeah, there's no way Hank and I would be able to afford a house on our own at this point.
MELINDA: So who are you living with?
SAM: A couple of my friends, Al and Bonnie.
MELINDA: Not the Al and Bonnie you told me about?
SAM: The same.
MELIDNA: I am easier to live with.
BLONDE: (leaning over) Hey, do you guys know who's teaching this class?
MELINDA: No, it was supposed to be Professor Miller, but her course-load was too heavy and she dropped this.
BLONDE.: Too bad. I heard Miller was an easy grader. (Tony enters, in his professorial garb, the jacket with leather patches, briefcase, and all. The blonde looks and smiles, then talks to Melinda again.) Of course, this professor looks easy on the eyes. (Melinda and Sam both turn and look. Tony doesn't notice because he's saying hi to a guy near the door, someone he took a class with last year. Sam faces forward, hunches over, and hides her face behind her textbook.)
MELINDA: Tony?
TONY: (looking towards her and coming forward) Hey, Melinda, good to see you! Wow, this will be fun, seeing all these familiar faces from when I went to Ridgemont. Not that I'm going to pay favorites of course. Whether we meet tonight or I've known you for years, it won't make any diff—Sam?
SAM: (lowering her textbook and sitting up a little) Hi, Dad.
TONY: Ten-minute break, Everyone!
Scene IV: The Harpers' living room, a few hours later
(Bonnie is doing her homework as Al reads a beauty magazine.)
BONNIE: Al, could you give me a pompadour?
AL: Your hair's too short.
BONNIE: Well, couldn't you use extensions?
AL: Yeah, I guess. Whacha want a pompadour for?
BONNIE: Well, I'm studying 18th-century France, and the king's mistress had the hairstyle named after her.
AL: Why would you want to look like that? There ain't no more French kings to attract, right?
BONNIE: I just think it would be cute.
AL: Well, OK, I guess it's good practice for me. (He takes some loose bobby pins out of his pockets and stands behind her chair. Then he starts pinning up her hair.) You got nice hair.
BONNIE: Thank you, you've got nice hands. (Hank enters with a sketch pad and smiles.)
HANK: Is it OK if I draw you two?
AL: Yeah, I don't care.
BONNIE: My hair's a mess!
HANK: Well, I could draw the process. I'm working on some new puppets, and I need some ideas for their hairdos.
AL: OK, but I'm gonna give her a pompadour, and you can't do that in yarn.
HANK: Well, I might be able to work in another medium.
AL: I thought money was tight.
HANK: Well, yeah, about that—
BONNIE: Oh, did Angela tell you?
HANK: Huh? (Sam enters the front door, with her school backpack.)
SAM: You're not going to believe this! Guess who has a new job?
HANK & BONNIE: (simultaneously) I do! (looking at each other) You do?
AL: You guys got jobs and you didn't tell me?
HANK: I was waiting till Sam got home.
BONNIE: So was I. Sam, did you get one, too?
SAM: No, my dad. He's teaching at Ridgemont!
BONNIE: Oh, how nice.
SAM: No, Bonnie, you don't understand. He's teaching my night class.
AL: That's good. You two don't get to see each other much since you moved over here. Plus the whole him-not-reactin'-well-to-your-pregnancy-scare thing.
SAM: Thanks, Al.
BONNIE: I don't understand. Why is it worse than his day job at Fairfield, teaching Jonathan and his friends?
SAM: Because it's happening to me! Besides, Jonathan has been his stepson for two months. I've been his daughter for twenty years!
HANK: Kitty, I know it's going to be weird for you, but it's only for three weeks.
SAM: I guess. I just wish he'd told me sooner.
HANK: Would you have dropped the class?
SAM: Maybe. I don't know. He's a replacement professor so maybe he just didn't have time to say anything. And he didn't know I'd be in the class, so he was surprised, too. But happier about it.
BONNIE: Ahem, speaking of happy.
SAM: Omigod, I'm sorry, you guys! You both got new jobs?
BONNIE: Well, it's not definite for me, but one of my bosses really likes me, and I just have to get the approval of the other.
SAM: Congratulations!
HANK: What kind of job is it?
BONNIE: It's just part-time, so it won't interfere with school. But even a little extra money would help out, right?
AL: Yeah, but what are you doin'? Is it legal?
SAM: Al!
BONNIE: (not getting his innuendo) Of course. I'm going to be a housekeeper.
SAM: Cool. Maybe you can get some tips from my dad.
BONNIE: Well….
SAM: (to Hank) Honey, you got a new job, too? Is it part-time or are you going to have to quit the library?
HANK: It's only a few hours a week but it pays really well. It's on television. (They stare at him.)
AL: Are you gonna make Muppets for Sesame Street or somethin'?
HANK: Close. I've got my own puppet show on cable.
BONNIE: Oo, HBO? MTV? Comedy Central?
HANK: No, FUN.
BONNIE: Fun?
HANK: F.U.N. Fairfield Unlimited Network. It's local.
SAM: I'm still really proud of you, Honey. (She gives him a hug and a kiss.) And who knows? If it catches on, maybe it'll be picked up by a bigger network.
HANK: I hope so. But first I have to work on the pilot episode.
BONNIE: Oh, are you going to put my pompadour on the pilot?
HANK: I might.
BONNIE: Al, get the extensions! (Sam looks confused.)
Scene V: The Bower-Micelli living room, at the same time
(Angela is working on an account, while Jonathan does his homework.)
ANGELA: Sweetheart, do you need any help with your homework tonight?
JONATHAN: Thanks, Mom, but it's History, and it wouldn't be right for my teacher's wife to help me.
ANGELA: Jonathan. (Tony enters the front door. Angela gets up and goes to greet him. Jonathan does his best to ignore her kissing Tony.) How was your first night class?
TONY: Good. It looks like it'll be a good bunch.
ANGELA: Anyone you know? You did just graduate a few months ago.
TONY: Well, yeah, as a matter of fact, there are a few ex-classmates. Like Michelle, Sam's old roommate.
ANGELA: How nice!
TONY: And there's a junior I've known for years.
ANGELA: Sam?
TONY: Yeah. She didn't tell me she was taking a night class. But then, I didn't tell her I was teaching one.
ANGELA: That'll be fun for you two. You can car-pool like you and Jonathan do.
JONATHAN: Lucky Sam. (They look at him.) Well, it's just I know what she's going through, don't I? (Mona enters unnoticed, from the kitchen.)
ANGELA: I don't understand you two. Tony has helped you and Sam with your homework all these years. You're really lucky to have a father figure who's a teacher.
JONATHAN: Mom, it's different when he's your own teacher.
TONY: Yeah, Angela, it is a little weird. Especially with Sam.
ANGELA: (defensively) Weirder than with Jonathan?
TONY: Well, yeah.
JONATHAN: Oh, I get it. It's because she's your daughter and I'm just your stepson.
TONY: No, that's not it! As far as I'm concerned, you're my "real son." (Angela looks touched.) It's just, Sam is an adult, and I have to interact with her as an adult. In a classroom setting. And that's an adjustment.
MONA: Speaking of adjustments, did you tell him about the new housekeeper?
TONY: Angela! You hired someone without consulting me?
ANGELA: No, Tony, I let her know that she'll have to get your approval. But I think you'll like her. In fact, you already do.
TONY: Huh?
JONATHAN: It's Bonnie! Isn't that great?
TONY: Bonnie? Little Bonnie?
MONA: She's not that little anymore. She's taller than me.
TONY: Yeah, but she's just a kid.
ANGELA: Tony, she's only a few months younger than Sam.
TONY: You want some 19-year-old managing my house?
ANGELA: Tony, it's my house, too.
TONY: I know, Angela, but it's my baby. I've put so much care into this place. (He looks around the room. Then he has a nightmare vision of the house looking like a natural disaster has hit it.) No! I can't allow it.
JONATHAN: But, Tony, Bonnie's a really good cook.
TONY: Better than me?
JONATHAN: Of course not.
MONA: But better than Angela. Much better.
ANGELA: Thank you, Mother.
TONY: Well, OK, she can cook, but she won't clean.
JONATHAN: Can she at least do laundry?
TONY: Jonathan, do you really want her handling your skivvies?
JONATHAN: (embarrassed) Um.
ANGELA: We can discuss specifics with her when she comes by tomorrow.
MONA: Should I bring the French maid's uniform?
ANGELA: Mother! (Cut to commercial.)
Scene VI: The same living room, late the next afternoon
(Tony is writing furiously in a notepad. Jonathan descends the stairs and sees Tony.)
JONATHAN: I hope those are lecture notes for Sam's class, not mine.
TONY: They're just a few questions I've got for Bonnie.
JONATHAN: A few? (Sam, Hank, and Bonnie enter from the back door. Hank has his sketchpad. Bonnie's hair is in a pompadour.)
TONY: Ay, I'm only interviewing Bonnie.
SAM: Dad, we need to talk before class tonight.
TONY: OK, let me finish the interview first.
SAM: Of course. (She, Hank, and Bonnie sit down.)
TONY: And what are you doing here, Hank?
HANK: I'm doing sketches and taking notes for my puppet show.
TONY: At the library?
SAM: No, Dad, Hank is gonna have a show on cable!
JONATHAN: Wow, cool!
TONY: Are you gonna use Little Tony?
HANK: Yeah, if you wouldn't mind.
TONY: I'd be flattered.
BONNIE: And he's going to put my pompadour on one of the puppets.
TONY: (dubiously) Great. Uh, Bonnie, I don't think that hairstyle would be too practical for housekeeping. (Hank starts sketching.)
BONNIE: Oh, I know. I just wanted to look nice for my interview.
JONATHAN: You do look nice.
BONNIE: Thank you, Jonathan. (Tony looks at his notes, then at "the kids," and back at his notes)
TONY: OK, Bonnie, multiple choice.
JONATHAN: Oh, not multiple choice!
TONY: What?
JONATHAN: I hate your multiple choice quizzes. Either everything sounds right, or everything sounds wrong.
SAM: I like them better than true or false.
TONY: Well, it's good to get student feedback, I guess.
BONNIE: Fire away, Mr. Micelli.
TONY: OK, which of the following is not a use for baking soda—?
BONNIE: (confidently) Skin care.
TONY: That's amazing! (to Jonathan) Did you tell her?
JONATHAN: How would I know?
TONY: OK, let's skip to the skills test. You've got half an hour to make dinner for four—six—is Al coming over, too?
SAM: Do you want me to go get him?
TONY: You can take him leftovers if there are any. Bonnie, you can only use the ingredients and tools in the kitchen here. Starting…now! (He points. She leaps to her feet and runs into the kitchen.) Don't worry, I've got a back-up meal in the freezer.
SAM: Dad, we've all eaten her cooking. We're not worried.
JONATHAN: Unless Tony got some really weird ingredients, to trip her up.
TONY: I would never do that! This is a perfectly above-the-board interview.
SAM: Right, Dad.
TONY: Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?
SAM: No. Jonathan, could we have some privacy here?
JONATHAN: How old do I have to get before I'm not sent out of the room while the adults talk?
TONY: Twenty.
JONATHAN: I'll go help Bonnie.
TONY: No, no helping!
JONATHAN: Tony, I'm not exactly a chef myself. I'm just going to hand her things.
TONY: Well, I guess that's OK.
HANK: (looking up from his sketchpad) Hey, Jonathan, would you like to help me?
JONATHAN: Um, I can't really draw.
HANK: No, on my cable show. I'm going to have a lot of characters and I could use an assistant.
JONATHAN: On television? I'd love it! Does it pay?
HANK: Yeah, not a lot, but I've got a small budget I can work with.
JONATHAN: Awesome! What are the hours?
HANK: It'll air live from 4 to 5 p.m. on weekdays. But you'd have to get there half an hour before airtime.
JONATHAN: Great! I could do it after school.
TONY: OK, Jonathan, let's talk about this with your mom when she gets home. You're only sixteen and she might have reservations.
JONATHAN: (sighing) Of course she will.
HANK: Well, maybe Bonnie's food will put her in a good mood. Uh, not that yours wouldn't, Tony.
SAM: Jonathan, go help Bonnie. (He nods and exits to the kitchen.)
TONY: Well, Sam? Is this about night school?
SAM: Not exactly.
HANK: Do you mind if I draw while you two talk?
TONY: If you have to. (Hank starts sketching again.)
SAM: Dad, you didn't react too well when I had my pregnancy false alarm.
TONY: Well, yeah, Sam, I'm sorry. But you're my little girl. And I'm not ready for you to be a mom.
SAM: I guess I'm not either. But someday, maybe not for another few years, but someday, I really am going to be pregnant. And I hope you'll be happy for me.
TONY: I will be. I promise.
SAM: Good. And I am happy for you and Angela. Even though it's not the greatest timing for you guys.
TONY: (a little embarrassed) Well, yeah. It, uh, wasn't exactly planned.
SAM: I figured not. Dad, you can tell me, did you have to get married?
TONY: (indignantly) No! (embarrassed again) But she was pregnant at the time. We just didn't know it yet.
SAM: I wondered.
TONY: It happened in Iowa, right before we broke up. (shaking his head) Imagine if I hadn't come back to her!
SAM: I think she would've told you.
TONY: Yeah, maybe. But she might not have said anything right away, so I wouldn't feel obligated. But I would've been glad of a reason to come back. I wanted to marry her anyway. I always wanted to marry her, for years. I just used to think I wasn't good enough for her.
SAM: Oh, Dad! She loves you. She never cared that you were her housekeeper.
TONY: She cared, especially in the beginning. But, yeah, she was never a snob. And she offered me friendship from almost the beginning. (He gets a little choked up.)
SAM: (moved) Oh, Dad!
TONY: Well, this is what you wanted, isn't it, Sam? For me to talk to you like an adult?
SAM: Yeah, it's a start.
TONY: You know, even if you weren't my daughter, if you were my sister or something, it would still be weird for us with me as your teacher.
SAM: Yeah. But we'll get through this, My Brother. (He laughs and they hug.)
TONY: (to Hank) You getting all this down?
HANK: Tony, it's a puppet show. I'm not going to have any serious scenes. It'll mostly be slapstick.
TONY: Well, I'm sure you'll find plenty of inspiration around here for that. (Angela enters the front door, coming home from work. Tony kisses the top of Sam's head and gives her a Are we done here? look. She nods. They let go of each other and he goes over to Angela and kisses her hello.) How was work?
ANGELA: (shaking her head) I've got a really tough campaign, coming up with new uses for baking soda.
HANK: Definitely not skin care. (Angela looks over at him, puzzled. Cut to commercial.)
Scene VII: The Bower-Micelli dining room, about an hour later
(Tony is at the head of the table, Angela at the foot. Jonathan and Mona sit on one side of the table, Sam and Hank on the other. Bonnie is hovering, serving people, although the emptied plates show that dinner is drawing to a close.)
BONNIE: Sorry, I didn't have time to make dessert. But I can next time. Uh, if you hire me? (Everyone looks at Tony. He nods.)
TONY: Yeah, if you still want the job.
BONNIE: Well, unless Hank needs another assistant?
HANK: (put on the spot) Uh.
BONNIE: Just kidding! (Everyone laughs uneasily. Then Al comes in.)
AL: Ay, you done eatin' already? And you didn't leave me nothin'? What a bunch of pigs!
SAM: Uh, Dad, we've gotta get going.
TONY: Yeah, we've got a night class to go to.
ANGELA: (pouting) Three hours!
HANK: (sadly) Three weeks! (Roll end credits.)