We were coming home from the airport. My brother had just left to LA. I was in the back seat of the car looking at the rain drops rolling in the window. It was a sad day, even though it was summer the rain still hadn't stopped since that morning. The tears started rolling down my face. I was sad, devastated. But most of all, now I was angry. With my mom, my dad, my brother, with the whole world. Something didn't seem right. Why didn't my mom stop my dad from leaving? After all they were married, he didn't have the right to abandon us. Unless she had agreed with his decision, which didn't make sense either. They were happy. We were happy. Or at least I thought. Another question was stuck in my head. Why didn't my mom stop my brother from leaving too? He had tons of opportunities too there in New York and we were his family, he should be there to protect us. After all she was his mom. Now we would be just 2 girls try to figure out what to do with our lives. Even though she didn't show, I knew my mom was scared too. I could be only 9 but I was already very smart and I noticed things. I wanted to tell her everything would be alright but in that moment I was too mad to say something. After a while I noticed my mom starting to cry too. I didn't know what to do so I just pretended I hadn't seen. If I asked her we would probably get into a fight and I was not in the mood for that.
That was being the longest car ride ever, it seemed that we would never get home. But at the same time I didn't wanna go home. I was not ready to come back to a place where I had been so happy before but now I was just gonna be so miserable. Yes that was what my life seemed by now. Miserable, not worth to live. "What did I do to deserve this?" My tears started rolling again when this thought ran through my mind. "Had I been a bad kid? A bad daughter? Or a bad sister?" I didn't think so, I didn't have the best grades but I still worked (not really hard but…), I didn't do bad things, I didn't bother my brother a lot or even my parents, I always tried to please them, something wasn't right here, why did everyone just abandon me when I didn't deserve it?
After 30 minutes of car ride, which seemed a lifetime, we finally got home. My mom parked the car and opened the front door. We both stood there for a while before going in. It was so hard for the both of us. With just the 2 of us that house seemed huge, even if it was just a small apartment. We both got in in silence and each of us went to our own room, not even wanting to go to the rest of the house, it was just too painful.
A little later my mom came to my room saying the diner was ready. But I wasn't hungry, I didn't wanna eat. I didn't want to be around anyone, I just wanted to be alone and not see anyone anymore. I had too many question in my mind to which no one would ever give me an answer. Not because they didn't know the answer but because they thought I would never understand, that I was too young to understand those "adult" things. They were wrong. In 1 week I had grown more than most people in a lifetime. I now understood "adult" things, probably better than most adults. I was actually involved in one and in fact it didn't feel good. But I needed answers to be able to go through this and forgive people and start trusting in them again. I needed someone to talk to but I didn't wanna talk. I wished there was someone who could hear my thoughts without me having to say them out loud. I wished someone could help me but I knew no one could. I didn't want to live this life, I wanted my old life back but I knew that would never be possible. My life had changed and I just had to accept it. And with this thought I fell asleep in my own tears, only waking up in the next morning.