TV Guide capsule for Saturday, Jan. 2, 1993:
9 PM Who's the Boss?—Comedy
Tony has a chance to teach at his old high school.
Scene I: Mrs. Rossini's apartment, late on New Year's Eve
(Mrs. Rossini's guests, including the Micelli-Bower family, are mingling.)
MRS. ROSSINI: (pinching her cheeks) Angela, you're glowin'!
ANGELA: That's because you keep pinching my cheeks.
MRS. R: I'm sorry, but I'm just so excited for you and Tony. Twins!
ANGELA: Yes, it's pretty exciting.
MRS. R: Ya know, after Marie died, I kept hopin' he'd find someone again. I even tried fixin' him up, ya know.
ANGELA: Yes, I remember.
MRS. R: Ay, no hard feelin's, right? Naturally, I assumed he'd want an Italian girl from the old neighborhood, one who would give him babies. Who knew that the uptight career woman he abandoned Brooklyn for would turn out to be Miss Right?
ANGELA: Yes, I think it surprised all of us. (A black woman with short hair comes over.)
MRS. R: Melva, you made it! (She pinches Melva's cheeks.)
MELVA: (rubbing her cheeks) Yes, I wouldn't have missed it for anything.
MRS. R: Angela, you remember Melva Allen, don't ya?
ANGELA: Oh, yes, from the Brooklyn Parents Association. Good to see you again. (They shake hands.)
MELVA: You, too. Angela Bower, right?
ANGELA: Well, Angela Bower-Micelli.
MELVA: You and Tony got married?
MRS. R: Isn't it wonderful? (She moves to pinch Angela's cheeks again, but Angela puts up her hands protectively.) Oh, excuse me, my uncle just arrived. (She goes to greet Al.)
MELVA: So I'm guessing Tony isn't working for you anymore?
ANGELA: No, he went to college and got a teaching degree. He's now teaching History and coaching all the sports at Fairfield High.
MELVA: Wow, congratulations for all of that!
ANGELA: Thank you.
MELVA: So, does he like it at Fairfield?
ANGELA: Yes, he does. It's not an easy age to deal with of course, but he's really making a difference in the kids' lives.
MELVA: I'm glad. I remember when he was President of your PTA.
ANGELA: And what about you? Are you still active in the organization?
MELVA: Well, less than I was. It's been six years, so my youngest is just finishing up high school.
ANGELA: So's mine.
MELVA: (looking at Angela's stomach) Oh?
ANGELA: (blushing) Well, my current youngest.
MELVA: Congratulations on that, too.
ANGELA: Thank you.
MELVA: So I'm guessing Tony doesn't miss Brooklyn?
ANGELA: Well, this will always be a part of him. He loves coming home to the old neighborhood, like tonight.
MELVA: How would he feel about coming home five days a week?
ANGELA: Excuse me?
MELVA: My son's History teacher is going to be taking maternity leave for the rest of the year. Her doctor's advising bed rest, and no stress, so teaching him and his classmates is obviously out. The school board is going crazy trying to find a replacement. Believe it or not, this isn't exactly a popular neighborhood, especially with outsiders.
ANGELA: Oh. Are you suggesting—?
MELVA: Unless Tony has a binding contract with Fairfield High.
ANGELA: Well, no, he's sort of a replacement there. The old coach slash History teacher was injured, and we're still not sure if and when he's coming back.
MELVA: In that case, maybe I should talk to him.
ANGELA: Uh, let me broach the subject. There would be a lot we'd have to discuss.
MELVA: Of course. And thank you.
MRS. R: (characteristically loudly) All right, Everybody, it's almost midnight! Ten. Nine. Eight— (The crowd joins in, as Tony rushes to Angela's side.)
TONY: (as the crowd counts down to three) Can't miss the New Year's kiss, right, Baby?
ANGELA: (as the crowd says two) Right.
EVERYONE: One! Happy New Year! (Everyone kisses and/or hugs, including Sam and Hank, Mona and her date, and of course Tony and Angela.)
TONY: (still holding her close) Angela, I think 1993 is going to be full of wonderful surprises.
ANGELA: (uncertainly) Wonderful. (Roll opening credits.)
Scene II: Tony and Angela's bedroom, very early New Year's Day
(Angela is lying in bed. Tony is offscreen in the bathroom, gargling. Then he swallows.)
TONY: Great party, huh?
ANGELA: Yes, it was nice seeing everyone.
TONY: Yeah, Brooklyn never changes.
ANGELA: Right.
TONY: (standing in the doorway, looking seductive) So, Angela, made any resolutions?
ANGELA: Tony, we need to talk.
TONY: (disappointed but trying to be sympathetic) Yeah, sure. (He gets into bed.) Is it about the babies?
ANGELA: No, although this will affect them.
TONY: Ay, I told you, I'll get to work on the nursery tomorrow. Or do you want Joe to do it?
ANGELA: It might be better to have Joe. But that's not what I was talking about.
TONY: (thinking that he realizes) Oh! I'm sorry, I've been insensitive. It's just, with Marie, she still liked a little, well, you know—But if you're not in the mood anymore—
ANGELA: No, Tony, I am in the mood. I mean, not right this minute, but generally, yes. And I'm very flattered that you still find me attractive.
TONY: What, you kiddin' me? I'll still find you attractive when you're old and toothless.
ANGELA: (touched) Oh, Tony!
TONY: Of course, it'll make kissing kind of weird, but I'll probably be toothless, too.
ANGELA: Oh, Tony, I can't wait to grow old with you!
TONY: Well, I can wait, but yeah. It'll be nice. (They kiss softly and sweetly.) That's not what you wanted to talk about either, is it?
ANGELA: No. I was talking to Melva Allen tonight. Do you remember her?
TONY: Melva? Oh yeah, the boxing typist's sister.
ANGELA: Right. And she's still in the Brooklyn Parents Association and she said— (She takes a deep breath.) She said they're looking for a replacement History teacher at the high school.
TONY: Yeah? Don't tell me he got stampeded by the football team?
ANGELA: No, she, the current teacher, is going on maternity leave for the rest of the year.
TONY: Well, not every woman works till the last minute like you're planning.
ANGELA: Right. Melva also said they're having trouble replacing the teacher. A lot of teachers don't want to work in that neighborhood.
TONY: (shaking his head) Brooklyn's always getting a bum rap. Sure it's kind of rough, especially Pitkin Avenue, but there are a lot of good people. And I turned out OK.
ANGELA: You turned out more than OK.
TONY: (touched) Thank you. And they just need to get someone in there who understands that those aren't bad kids. Someone who understands Brooklyn.
ANGELA: (softly) Yes, they do.
TONY: Wait a minute, you mean me?
ANGELA: I promised Melva I'd talk to you about it.
TONY: But my life is here now! With you and the kids. And Fairfield High.
ANGELA: I know.
TONY: What, she thinks I can just uproot you and Jonathan for a job that'll be over at the end of the year?
ANGELA: Well, maybe you could commute. Or we could live somewhere in New York, not necessarily Brooklyn. But near there, and Manhattan. As for Jonathan, well, he could either come with us, or Mother could look after him, like she did when I was in Iowa. I mean, that was supposed to be for a year, even though it ended up just being a couple months.
TONY: (his accent starting to come back) Are you sayin' you want me to take this job?
ANGELA: I'm saying I want you to consider it. After all, I don't want you to have any regrets.
TONY: Now where have I heard that before?
ANGELA: Tony, it's not the same thing. With Iowa, I was leaving everything behind, for a completely unfamiliar subculture, far from Manhattan and Fairfield. Even if we move to Brooklyn, I'll still be close to the world I know.
TONY: I don't know about this, Angela. I mean, I love Brooklyn. I'll always love Brooklyn. But I love my life here. And I'm not the same Tony Micelli who went to that high school twenty-five years ago. I'm not even the same Tony Micelli as five years ago, before college and everythin'.
ANGELA: I know. But maybe it would be good for those kids to see that there's a life after Brooklyn.
TONY: So you're sayin' there's somethin' wrong with Brooklyn?
ANGELA: No, of course not.
TONY: (reverting to Connecticut-Tony) No, I know what you mean. I'm the one who wanted a better life for Sam. Of course, I didn't know that would mean getting married at 19 to a puppeteer. But she could've stayed in Brooklyn and married someone like Al, so I guess it's an improvement.
ANGELA: You like Hank. And Al.
TONY: Yeah, yeah, I do. But no one would ever be good enough for my little girl. (He scoots down the bed and talks to her stomach.) You hear that? Twenty years from now, one or both of you brings home some guy, I'm probably not gonna like him. (Angela laughs. Then Tony pushes up her nightie and puts his ear to her stomach.) How are they doing in there?
ANGELA: They're all right. They seem happy.
TONY: They should be. I've only been in the foyer, but it seems like a nice place.
ANGELA: (blushing) Tony!
TONY: Well, you know, I helped them move in.
ANGELA: And I'm giving them womb and board. (He groans at her pun, then kisses and caresses her stomach.) Tony?
TONY: Yeah, Sweet Cheeks?
ANGELA: I'm in the mood.
TONY: (grinning) So am I.
Scene III: The kitchen, brunchtime on New Year's Day
(Angela, Tony, and Jonathan are finishing eating.)
TONY: So, uh, Jonathan, nice party last night, huh?
JONATHAN: It was OK. I mean, the food was good of course. But I sort of wish I'd brought a date.
TONY: You know, there are other girls besides Heather and Jenny. Next time, don't pick ones that are best friends.
JONATHAN: Yeah, I know.
TONY: Uh, Buddy, can we talk?
ANGELA: Do you want me to stay?
TONY: Uh, no, it's probably better if it's just me.
ANGELA: (nodding) I understand. (She gets up and strokes Tony's hair.) I'm going to work on the account I brought home.
TONY: OK, Sweetheart, see you in a little while. (She exits.)
JONATHAN: Tony, is this a man-to-man talk?
TONY: Yeah, you could say that.
JONATHAN: Tony, we had that talk when I was 8, when you explained where babies come from.
TONY: No, I didn't mean—
JONATHAN: And then there was the talk when I was 12, about "changes in my body."
TONY: No, see—
JONATHAN: And then a few months ago, when I turned sixteen, you gave me the lecture about "parking." So I'm guessing we're not due for another talk until whatever you have to cover when I'm 20.
TONY: No, Jonathan this has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with high school.
JONATHAN: Uh, OK.
TONY: No, let me start over. How would you feel if I wasn't your teacher anymore?
JONATHAN: (eagerly) Really? (trying to hide his enthusiasm) I mean, I'd miss you. Are you quitting?
TONY: Yeah, sort of. There's a vacancy at my old high school, and I'm thinking about it.
JONATHAN: Oh. Brooklyn.
TONY: Yeah, Brooklyn.
JONATHAN: Well, would you move back there? And what about Mom? And me? Would I be going there?
TONY: You could if you want. We haven't worked out any of the details yet. But we thought you should have a say in it.
JONATHAN: You didn't care about my opinion when you went to work at Fairfield High.
TONY: Ay-oh, oh-ay. I cared. But that wasn't as big a change in your life. And it hasn't been that bad having me as a teacher and a coach, has it?
JONATHAN: No, I guess it's OK. Better than I expected.
TONY: Well, good. So would you want me as your teacher in Brooklyn?
JONATHAN: Gee, Tony, I don't know. I mean, I like Brooklyn. I always have fun when I go there. But I've lived here my whole life. And I'm finally at the point where no one here beats me up. I probably wouldn't last two seconds in Brooklyn.
TONY: OK, first of all, you're a lot tougher than you think. And second of all, Brooklyn is not that violent.
JONATHAN: Yeah? Sam says—
TONY: Yeah, well, Sam exaggerates.
JONATHAN: Tony, she showed up here eight and a half years ago with a black eye!
TONY: That was from stealing second in Little League.
JONATHAN: You said it was third.
TONY: Second, third, what's the difference?
JONATHAN: Come on, Tony, Mom might've bought that, but I was a little kid and I saw right through it.
TONY: Well, you always were bright.
JONATHAN: Thank you. And, no offense, Tony, but how's it going to look on my college applications if I graduate from a school in Brooklyn?
TONY: (indignantly getting to his feet) You little snob!
JONATHAN: I'm not snobbish. I'm realistic. You know even Ridgemont wouldn't have accepted Sam if she'd stayed in Brooklyn.
TONY: Even Ridgemont?
JONATHAN: Come on, Tony, it's not exactly the Ivy League. And I want to get into a really good college next Fall.
TONY: I don't believe this! You know what? You can stay here in Fairfield! I'm going to Brooklyn where I'll be appreciated! (He storms out through the swinging door. Jonathan shakes his head.)
Scene IV: The living room, a moment later
(Angela has layouts in front of her on the coffee table. Tony enters from the kitchen.)
ANGELA: Is everything all right? I thought I heard yelling.
TONY: Yeah, there was yelling. That kid of yours! (He mutters in Italian.)
ANGELA: Hold on, since when is Jonathan just mine? What happened to him being like a son to you?
TONY: No son of mine would insult Brooklyn like that!
ANGELA: But Jonathan loves Brooklyn.
TONY: Yeah, as a place to go slumming. But he thinks he's too good to go to my high school.
ANGELA: Did he say that?
TONY: Yeah, in so many words.
ANGELA: Would you like me to talk to him?
TONY: No, if he doesn't want to move to Brooklyn with us, then he doesn't have to.
ANGELA: Um, us? I thought we hadn't decided about moving to Brooklyn. Or even New York.
TONY: So you don't want to go either?
ANGELA: Tony, I just mean—
TONY: Forget it. I'm going for a drive. (He grabs his coat and heads towards the front door.)
ANGELA: Tony, wait! (He slams the door on his way out. Jonathan enters from the kitchen.) Jonathan, what did you say to upset him?
JONATHAN: Nothing. Just that going to his old high school wouldn't get me into the Ivy League.
ANGELA: (shaking her head) Jonathan.
JONATHAN: Well, it wouldn't!
ANGELA: I know, but Tony is a very proud man, and you hurt him.
JONATHAN: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
ANGELA: Well, you'll need to apologize to him when he gets back.
JONATHAN: Where did he go?
ANGELA: He didn't say, but I have a hunch.
JONATHAN: The old neighborhood? (She nods. Cut to commercial)
Scene V: A nice but simple two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, early afternoon
(Gabe and Julie Kotter, now in their 40s, are sitting on their couch.)
GABE: Julie, did I ever tell you about the time my Uncle Alvin decided to quit smoking as a New Year's resolution?
JULIE: No, Gabe, I don't think you ever did. (The phone rings.) Oh, darn. (She gets up to answer it, but a teenaged girl played by Mayim Bialik beats her to it.)
GIRL: (picking up the phone) Hello? Oh, yeah, he's here. (She brings the phone over to Gabe.) It's for you, Dad.
GABE: Thanks, Robin.
GIRL #2: (offscreen) I told you it wasn't for you.
ROBIN: Shut up, Rachel!
JULIE: Girls, your father's on the phone!
R & R: Sorry!
GABE: I'm sorry, Melva, could you say that again? (pause) Yeah? Did he seem interested? (another pause) Oh, I see. Well, it's still more promising than anyone so far. Yeah, thanks for letting me know.
JULIE: Hi, Melva!
GABE: Julie says hi. (pause) Yeah, Robin's here. (handing the phone back to his daughter) Melva's son Tyler wants to talk to you.
ROBIN: Oo, he's a senior! (She grabs the phone and heads to her bedroom.) Hi, Tyler! (offscreen) Rachel, get out!
RACHEL: It's my room, too!
JULIE: Girls, stop fighting! (to Gabe) What did Melva want?
GABE: She said she met a guy at a party last night.
JULIE: Aw, that's wonderful! I worried about her after her husband died.
GABE: No, this guy is married.
JULIE: Oh, no!
GABE: No, Julie, she was talking to his wife and—
ROBIN: If you don't get out right now, I'll tell Mom and Dad about you know what!
RACHEL: You're bluffing.
ROBIN: Yeah, try me!
RACHEL: OK, I'm leaving but only because you stink. (more loudly) Don't get too close to her, Tyler! She's toxic!
ROBIN: I hate you, Rachel!
JULIE: Girls! Go on, Gabe. Are they getting divorced?
GABE: Who?
JULIE: The guy that Melva likes and his wife.
GABE: No, no, Melva isn't interested in him like that. She wants him, but as a History teacher.
JULIE: Oh, wonderful! With Mrs. Harrison going on maternity leave, you're going to need someone right away.
GABE: Well, there's nothing definite yet, but the wife said she'd talk to the husband about it.
JULIE: I hope he's ready for Brooklyn. I mean, Mrs. Harrison grew up in Brooklyn Heights, and even she got culture shock.
GABE: Well, actually he grew up right in that neighborhood. Pitkin Avenue.
JULIE: Perfect! And what kind of teaching experience does he have?
GABE: Well, he's taught in Iowa and Connecticut but— (He looks towards the twins' bedroom.)
JULIE: What?
GABE: The girls are suspiciously quiet.
JULIE: Well, if they'd killed each other, we probably would've heard something. (The doorbell rings. Gabe starts to get to his feet, but Rachel, played by Sara Gilbert, emerges from the twins' room and heads to the door.)
RACHEL: I'll get it. (Gabe sits back down. Rachel opens the door to Tony.) Yeah, what do you want?
JULIE: Rachel!
TONY: Uh, excuse me, I'm looking for Gabe Kotter.
RACHEL: That's him. The guy with the 'fro and the 'stache.
TONY: Uh, thanks.
GABE: And that's my charming daughter Rachel. (She rolls her eyes.) My wife Julie. (He points. Julie waves.) And my other charming daughter is on the phone, as usual.
TONY: Nice to meet you all. I'm Tony Micelli.
GABE: (getting to his feet) Not the Tony Micelli who knows Melva Allen?
TONY: Yeah, that's me.
GABE: (shaking his hand) Good to meet you. So you're here about the job?
TONY: Well, you know, it's a holiday, so nobody's at the school—I hope you don't mind me bothering you at home.
RACHEL: It's OK, they have no lives.
JULIE: Rachel, go to your room.
RACHEL: Robin kicked me out.
GABE: Then go down to the pool hall! Or the tattoo parlor.
RACHEL: (grabbing her coat) If you say so. (She exits out the front door, slamming it behind her.)
TONY: Cute kid.
GABE: Fifteen is a great age.
TONY: Yeah, I know. I've got a sixteen-year-old myself. Well, he's my stepson, but yeah.
JULIE: So your wife is ready to move to Brooklyn?
TONY: Well, there are still some details to work out. But I wanted to find out more about the job and—
JULIE: The reason why I ask is that I grew up in Nebraska and so if she's from Iowa—
TONY: No, she's from Connecticut.
JULIE: Oh, well, still. There's going to be culture shock. You see, when Gabe and I were newlyweds, he got a job teaching at his alma mater, Buchanan High School.
TONY: (to Gabe) Yeah? You guys used to cream us in basketball. But then my baseball team whipped yours.
GABE: (gesturing for Tony to sit down) What year did you graduate?
TONY: (as they both sit) '70. You?
GABE: '65. So we never played against each other.
TONY: Yeah. So how'd you go from Buchanan to Pitkin Avenue?
GABE: Well, I was a History teacher, too. And then I became vice-principal when the old vice-principal got kicked upstairs. But we never got along. And when Pitkin needed a principal, I applied and got it. And by then, all the Sweathogs—
TONY: The Sweat whats?
JULIE: Sweathogs. It's like this weird cult.
TONY: Oh.
GABE: Julie. They were a bunch of underachievers. I used to be one of them. But that helped me relate to them, and encourage them.
TONY: (eagerly) Yeah, see, that's why I'm tempted to take this job! I wasn't a Sweaty Pig—
GABE: Sweathog.
TONY: Yeah, sorry, but I got into a little trouble. Nothing big, but you know, stealing street signs, stuff like that.
GABE: My students stole a bus once.
JULIE: What was it Epstein said?
GABE: "Hey, Mr. Kotter, it wasn't loaded." (Tony laughs.) I like this guy, he's got a good sense of humor.
JULIE: The History teacher now, she's very nice, but she grew up in Brooklyn Heights, which, you know, is posher.
TONY: Yeah. That's how it is in Connecticut. I mean, don't get me wrong. I moved there so my daughter—she's 20 now—could have a better life. But teaching there— (He shakes his head.) The kids are a little spoiled and out of touch with reality.
GABE: (nodding) I worry about our daughters being a little spoiled and out of touch with reality.
JULIE: Gabe, we've had this discussion before. There was no way we were going to bring them up in that neighborhood. (to Tony) We had a studio apartment and the Sweathogs were constantly climbing in our window!
TONY: Yeah, that sounds like a little too much reality.
GABE: So, Mr. Micelli—
TONY: Tony.
GABE: Tony, as far as I'm concerned, you've got the job. The school board will want references and transcripts and all that, but you seem like you'd be perfect.
TONY: Well, thanks, Mr. Kotter—
GABE: Gabe.
TONY: Gabe. I mean, I still need to talk it over with my family some more, but yeah, I am really tempted.
GABE: Look, why don't we head over to the campus, and you can take a look around. If nothing else, it'll be a nice trip down memory lane.
TONY: I'd like that. Thanks, Gabe. And maybe I can call my— (The doorbell rings. Gabe stands up, but Robin returns.)
ROBIN: (going towards the door) I'll get it. Tyler said he's coming over. (Gabe sits back down. Robin opens the door to a pregnant forty-something woman, played by Patty Duke.) Oh, hi, Mrs. Harrison. Um, if this is about my report on the Constitution—
MRS. H: (holding up her hands) Robin, you're not my problem anymore. (coming into the room) Gabe, I've found you a replacement. (Gabe glances at Tony and then looks at Mrs. Harrison again.)
GABE: Oh, you have. That's great, Patty. Who is it?
MRS. H: I'd like you to meet my cousin, Cathy Lane. She's a History teacher, too! (Through the magic of split-screen, another forty-something woman, not pregnant but also played by Patty Duke, enters.)
MISS LANE: (with a vaguely Scottish accent) Hello, lovely to meet you all.
TONY: Oh, she's gonna blend in real well. (Gabe and Julie nod. Cut to commercial.)
Scene VI: Back in the Bower-Micelli living room, later that afternoon
(Tony and Angela are sitting on their couch. He's nearing the end of his story.)
TONY: …So she seemed like a nice lady and she doesn't have any husband or kids to uproot, so I figured it wouldn't be right to fight her for the job.
ANGELA: Tony, I still feel like we could've worked things out.
TONY: Well, look, Angela. I'm not saying I wouldn't have wanted the job if it came along in another couple years. But Sam's still at Ridgemont, and Jonathan has a right to finish up at Fairfield. And then with the babies coming—Do you still want me to call Hank's father about the nursery?
ANGELA: Uh, I already did.
TONY: What? How did you know we wouldn't be moving to Brooklyn?
ANGELA: I know you. You have a temper and sometimes you do things on the spur of the moment. But you love this house, and every time you try to leave, you always come home.
TONY: (with raised eyebrows) Yeah? There must be some powerful attraction here.
ANGELA: Well, it is a lovely house.
TONY: Yeah, very well built. With character and charm.
ANGELA: That's why you always bought flowers for it when you were keeping it.
TONY: Yeah, that's why. (They give each other The Look.) I especially love the foyer.
ANGELA: (blushing) Tony! (They look like they're about to kiss, or more, but then Jonathan enters from the kitchen.)
JONATHAN: Oh, you're back.
ANGELA: (scolding) Jonathan.
JONATHAN: I'm sorry, Mom, but I thought it over and, yeah, OK, I was rude about it. But I was just saying what I felt and Tony did want my opinion.
TONY: Hey, you know what? It's OK. I shouldn't have flown off the handle like that.
JONATHAN: So where did you go? Was it Brooklyn?
TONY: Yeah. But I figured I should spend New Year's Day at home. With my family.
JONATHAN: Well, welcome back, Mr. Micelli. (He and Tony smile at each other, and Angela looks on and smiles, too. The end credits roll.)