When I wake up the next morning, I try breakfast with Riza and end up getting sick. Again.

"Misaki, are you sure I can't take you to see someone? Maybe even a private doctor?"

I shake my head violently, eyes watering at any attempt to keep my nausea down. Riza sits at the same spot as last night, holding back my hair. She's dressed in her work attire, ready to go ages before this blasted wave of wretchedness overcame me. With a gag, I try waving her off. Wasting her time, stealing her from her job, I couldn't bear it.

"Go on, I'm fine. No doctor," I say hoarsely, wincing as she tries pulling my hair into a tight bun.

"Misaki…" she mutters worriedly. When it's clear she doesn't intend to move until I had finished, I clench my abs, forcing down the sickness, and shakily cling to the wall.

"Riza. Your job. Go, I'll be alright."

Unhappily she obeys, making sure to pass me yet another bottle of water which I greedily drink. As soon as the front door clicks shut, I charge back to my spot on the couch and collapse. In a matter of seconds I pass out.

"Drip. Drip. Drip.

Raindrops keep falling on my head.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Raindrops keep falling on my head."

"Naomi, please," I urged, swiping at her with a rolled up newspaper. "Hush. I'm trying to get this stupid thing."

"K, please. It's a spider. Grow up."

The rain hit the pavement with a soothing rhythm. Naomi and I were messing around outside, me sparring with dummies, she trying to convince me to attend some ridiculous meeting with the Princely geeks. As she squabbled on and on about the group, I had been laying some new techniques on the equipment, nearly screaming my lungs out as a huge, whopping tarantula made its way across the shoulders of one of them. Naomi, a fearless warrior when it comes to bugs, laughed for a bit and insisted the monster was just "a tiny spider", then went right onto her more 'important' tasks of getting me out of what she called the 'denial' stage. Denial of being in love with her prince.

"Nao, please. It's a guy. Grow up."

She rolled her eyes, taking the rolled up weapon from my hands.

"I love the fact that out of all these terrifyingly deadly weapons, you go straight for the newspaper," she chuckled, smacking the wet paper against her palm threateningly. I shrugged, enjoying her peevish response, blinking away droplets.

"I don't want that thing's guts all over my new toys," I responded as if it were the most obvious answer. Naomi sucked her teeth, raising the Sunday paper and bringing it down mercilessly upon the creature. I cringed at the sound of impact, glowering. "Hey! Ah, just great! Freaking Tarantula juices all over my fighting gear. Thanks Nao."

She wagged her finger annoyingly at me, hand on hip. "It's what you get for being a dude. Quite the dude you'd make, you pansy. And it's a spider, dumbo."

"Same difference."

"Not really, detective."

Groaning, I slumped over to the patio steps, taking a seat and pouting. Naomi, with a good flick to the head, plopped down beside me, watching the distant bolts of lightning.

"Hey Nao," I said after some time.

"Hmm."

"I want to be a knight."

She looked at me with a new found interest. Her previous objectives forgotten. "A knight? Are you crazy?"

I sighed, re-experiencing my mother's reaction. "What's so crazy about wanting to protect our homeland?"

"Uh, everything? Hello? Kaze? Are you still with me?" She reaches over, sinking a finger into my cheek provoking me to swipe her away.

"Stop. I'm really serious," I fume, focusing on the dim outline of the palace, consumed by the mist. "I've been wanting to be one for a while now."

"Kaze," Naomi said, running hands through her soaked hair. "You're fifteen. Fifteen year old girls should be running around chasing guys and picking out nice outfits and pulling pranks on defenseless pedestrians. Not wanting to join a group that goes out there and…fights. It's dangerous." Her tone pleaded for me to say I was joking. I shook my head, glancing at her with a fiery determination and a dull hurt from her opinion.

"That's the thing, Nao. It's out there. Wherever that is. Aren't you sick and tired of day after day of being in these same walls and doing the same stuff? I want to live. I want to see memorable sights! I want to do something for the people here."

"You want to kill."

I shook feverishly, standing up with the rising passion in my veins.

"Defend. Spread a message. Meet new people. Nao," I turned to show her the proud smile on my lips. The fireworks dazzling in my gaze. My quickened breathing from the rising excitement. "I'm not in love with anyone right now, but I am in love with what I do. I'm in love with my training, my weapons, my boldness. I'm in love with the unknown. I live to know what's out there, Nao."

She watched me, noted the expression I exposed. Her eyes spelled fear and uncertainty. My friend behind the walls. Willing to make risks, but at a limit. The girl who has my back.

"Well," she exhaled, standing to put an arm around me. "For an idiot, you certainly know how to dazzle someone with that distant shimmering in your eyes."

I chuckled, flicking back a string of hair tauntingly.

"I try."

Ruffling my hair, she took off into the pouring rain, kicking and splashing at puddles.

"Come on miss knight in shining armor. We fight to the death!" she exclaimed, unsheathing an invisible sword. I laughed, combing back my hair and raising my own 'deadly sword'.

"You're insane to think you'd win!" I shout, leaping out into the cool storm.

"Yeah, well you're just insane!" she fired back, slashing at the air.

The next day, we both caught a cold. And we didn't even care.

Noon. There's a knocking and hesitantly I blink the sleep from my eyes. There's an unpleasant weight on my eyelids and a dizzying spell overcoming my thoughts. Drunkenly I sit, listening to the pounding coming from outside the room.

Hughes. He was here to take me somewhere.

Sluggishly I greet him at the door, taking in his beaming face and the swift flicker of surprise. I must look terrible. I'm wearing a clean set of nightclothes. My hair blew into a chaotic fountain of wisps and knots. The hair tie had slid off during my toss and turns. I don't even have the energy to care.

"Morning, sleepyhead?" Hughes tosses out amusingly. I grunt in response, not awake enough to formulate proper sentences. He seems to get the idea, asking to be let in. I comply. Patiently he saunters to his spot in the loveseat, and waits.

Right. Pajamas.

I shuffle my way over to Riza's bedroom, picking out a plain attire with the reassurance of being blessed by her permission. Once I've slipped out of the bed clothes and into a simple blue t-shirt and jeans, I come back out to Hughes folding my mess of a blanket. Whoa. Manners to the extreme.

He takes in the baggy pants and the loose shirt with a secretive chuckle. Unconsciously I blush. Riza had mentioned the possibility of purchasing some new clothes for me which I declined in a heartbeat. I was still set on leaving, so having anything other than food purchased for me would be too much.

However it was pretty humiliating, the slight size difference. The general fact that I was the smaller one. I dream to achieve height and instead end up with a disappointing 5' 2. It was clear my growing period was over.

"Ready?"

With a weak grin, I nod, having him lead the way out into the hallway and back into the world I'd been missing.

Gracia was, how do I put this…well, she was an angel. A gorgeous, wonderful, sweet woman with a heart of gold. And a knack for cooking.

As soon as Hughes and I reached the door to their apartment, I knew there was something wonderful waiting for me. The interior of their home was glorious. Such a comfy, lovely place. Neat. Inviting. Smelling of the most heavenly apple pie in existence. And the taste was just as superb as the smell.

Gracia, after my polite attempts to call ma'am, laughed away the formality and insisted to be referred to by her first name. She even offered the choice to call her Gracie and I just knew that she was awesome.

She was a hugger. Definitely a hugger.

At the sight of my bandaged arm, her arms swept around me in such a ginger, graceful manner that I couldn't help but awkwardly bubble out the words: "thank you" when she withdrew. Hughes had chuckled then, reaching out to sweep, literally sweep, the girl off her feet. It was such a heartwarming sight, the couple smiling at one another and trying desperately to be the perfect hosts. I pleaded they act as they normally do, and don't mind my presence. Of course where I said "normal behavior", they gave each other a shy, sheepish look and erupted into a laughter which I found myself joining.

We had just finished lunch and I found, quite to my pleasant surprise, the food stayed peacefully in my stomach. Hughes led me to the main room, offering a seat. I took one, crossing my legs in a formal, professional manner. Gracia, noting my posture, comes over to sit directly across from me, sliding a warm cup of tea across the coffee table between us. She too crosses her legs to match mine. The gesture makes me smile and I take the cup, thanking her graciously, sipping daintily.

It came as a shock what time it was.

"Shoot, I really must be going," Hughes says disappointingly, glancing at the clock. "The boys are sure to talk my ear off for being late." In a brisk pace, he dashes to Gracia, pecking her on the cheek. I suppress a grin, suddenly wondering how I could have ever though negatively of the two. "Bye dearest." He turns to look at me, slowly realizing he had been my ride. With a sympathetic expression, he puts his hands together in mock prayer, closing his eyes tightly in deep concentration. "Would you please, please, please look after my darling, Misaki? I'll contact the Lieutenant and she'll come pick you up or I'll just drop you back at her place after work."

Gracia, with a soft giggle, made a shooing gesture, turning towards me. "Would that be alright with you, Misaki? I promise not to place any stress on you."

As if she were even capable of causing stress.

I find myself nodding vigorously, honored to stay in this fantasy of a home. With a thumbs up, Hughes rushes out the door and out to Central Command, leaving me and Gracia to drink our tea and casually enjoy each other's company.

"Misaki," she starts, setting her cup down with a gentle 'clink'. "Might I just say how incredibly sweet and beautiful you are. I've never come across a girl with such kind manners and etiquette."

I blush at the compliment, scratching the corner of my eye insecurely. "Ah, please. You're too kind," I say, simmering in the floods of flattery. "You're beautiful as well, Gracia. Hughes is an extremely lucky man."

I've said the right thing. Her face, although I thought it to be humanely impossible, brightens. A hand clasps to the side of her mouth and she shakes her head, saying how wonderful I was.

"The way you speak," she says after her melt down from my compliments. "It's almost as if you're a royal figure. It's really neat. If I may ask, are you from around here?"

The sincerity of her question lets me know Hughes hadn't updated her on my situation. The mentioning of royalty caused a slight twitch, but if she noticed she didn't show it. Fearing the way things would go if I told the truth, I take a leap of faith.

"Ah, well. I'm actually from out of the area," I answer, self-consciously pushing back fallen bangs. I hope she doesn't prod, and she doesn't.

"That's nice," she says. "I'm sure wherever you're from is a wonderful place. Seeing as how they raised a wonderful girl."

Was…but I flash a smile anyway.

"Indeed. The people were all practically family to me," I add, dimming my gaze into the empty pits of my cup. Gracia softens at the past tense I accidently used.

"Misaki, how is your injury? Have you been having proper treatment?" she asks, redirecting the topic. I give my shoulder a slight roll, wincing at its resistance, but grinning at the immense progress I was making. Before, moving it would have earned a cry of pain. It still hurt, but it was significantly better. Bearable.

"Yes," I reply, patting the spot for the heck of it. "It's actually gotten a lot better since I arrived."

"Good!" she beams, watching me stretch out the arm, awakening sleeping muscles.

"Yeah. I'm really indebted to Hughes. Your, ah…" I pause, wondering just where exactly in the relationship the two were.

"Husband," she answers.

"Husband," I repeat, relishing in the strong atmosphere of euphoria. "He basically saved my life."

Gracia nods, gazing dreamily past me and into another world. "Maes is the type of man who'd help anyone in need. Sometimes I wonder just how I lucky I was to be the one he chose." She blinks, remembering her place, reddening. "Ah, how rude of me, I'm sorry! Don't mind my chatter."

"No, no," I insist, thinking back on a memory. "It's understandable. I used think of the same things, myself."

Gracia smiles, taking in my words.

"…Used…?" she echoes. Her eyes widen at what she'd said. I'm already continuing without thinking.

"Yes. I-"

I stop, seeing where the conversation was leading. Gracia, worried, isn't sure what to say. Just what was I going to say? I'd spoken without considering the road I'd be taking; back into history. Into the life of Fujiin.

"Yes," I breathe, mouth trembling. "Back then I had someone just as dear to me. He too would was always the type to put people before him, never refusing to aid when he could."

Gracia nods, cautiously returning to the conversation.

"I'm sure he was wonderful, too."

I meet her gaze, offering a grateful reaction.

Yes. He was.

I cough into my hand.

"Misaki?" Gracia calls.

"Yes?"

She suddenly appears older, wiser. "We've just met and hardly know each other, but I'd just like you to know," she says, reaching out to take my hand (the clean, not coughed into) in hers. Stunned, I don't move, sensing something major. "If you ever need a place to run to, a place to clear your head, maybe even satisfy that skinny belly of yours," she's interrupted by our mild chuckles. "You have a home to come to."

"A home?" I say, taking in her message.

"You're always welcome here."

A home. Welcome. Almost as if I were family. But that's absurd. They don't know me. They don't know anything about me. Yet here Gracia…

"Hughes and I would love for you to stay in the city."

Hughes wants me to stay? Stay in the city? Live amongst them, visit?

"T-Thank you," is all I can say.

I cough again.

Gracia smiles, standing up to collect our dishes. I watch her head to the kitchen. When she's left my sights and I hear the faucet, I lower my head into my hands.

Stay? They'd truly want a stranger like me to stay?

It's been, what, four or five days? That's it. Two of which I've been knocked out. Hughes and I spoke a couple of times. How on earth could he say he wanted me to stay in the city?

Coughing, I rub at my neck, trail fingers down to my shoulder, aching.

Riza said two weeks. Two weeks at least before I could depart. Then I could go back out there and into the outside world. I would be back to being just me. The lone traveler. Living forever.

But I don't want that.

I don't want to be alone.

I think of that moment I felt alive, bickering with the Colonel. My mind reels around the beautiful adrenaline. The opportunity just to yell and say ridiculous things with another human being. I remember the way he stared at me dumbstruck, arguing with a blossoming smile.

The relief I felt after seeing him, fires blazing, protecting me from Silia. The way he spoke normally, distracting me from the deliria and bringing my sanity back with his voice. His ways of discreetly hiding away news that would upset me. The bath tub. The real glimpse of his smile. His idiotic insults.

Riza back in Ishval. Her laughter. The way she sheltered me from the Colonel. Her silly rules. Precautions. All for my general safety. Her demands to not meet with my belongings in the sake of my mind. Sitting beside me as I grew sick. Her appreciation when I mended her back and legs.

Hughes showing me his pictures he carried everywhere. Checking up on me the other day. Taking me to meet Gracia. Offering a place for me to run to.

I haven't had a place to run to in years. Only places to run from.

"Misaki?"

Coughing. I was coughing, a lot. I didn't even notice how bad the fit was until I began to wheeze. Gracia was at my side in no time, patting my back.

"Misaki?" she says again, panic driven. I gag, feeling sick. My body pulsed. My mind bent. Before I knew it, Gracia had pulled my hand away, gasping. "Misaki, we need to get you to the hospital."

Blood. Dots of red peer up at me. I wheeze, struggling for breath. Ill. I was so very ill.

Gracia helps me to my feet, leading me towards the door. I shiver. Hospital. Needles. Inspection. No.

"No," I choke, collapsing to the ground. Gracia falls at my level, eyes wide. "No," I say again.

She doesn't like my answer, I see. But to my relief, she nods, prodding me back up and to the couch. Sick. So very, very sick.

"Gonna be…sick," I murmur, growing weak. Gracia sprints off then returns with a bin. As soon as the plastic hit against my skin, I went all out, feeling as if I were vomiting my organs.

"Misaki…" Gracia whispers, teary eyed. I stare, confused by her tears. Why was she crying? But another wave attacks and I have to dismiss the thought. Like Riza, she sits close, waiting. Worrying.

I don't know how long I'm like that, sick, vulnerable, and so terribly weak. It comes to my attention how lacking my body was of nutrients. How long I've gone without actual substances powering my system. There was nothing for me to rid of. Nothing but blood. Lots and lots of blood.

"Lt. Colonel Hughes please... Maes? Maes, it's Misaki. She's…"

Gracia called Hughes at some point apparently. I'm such a mess. Such a burden. They offer a home and here I was making a scene, worrying people. God, I didn't deserve such kindness. How dare I even consider staying?

"…alright. Ok. We'll wait. Thank you. Thank you. I love you too."

Love. She loves him. Just like I loved Ritzu. My dear, dear Ritzu. How could I ever forgive myself for what I did? How could I hope to stay and become someone Riza, Hughes, Gracia, and Roy would trust? Would like. Would love.

"Misaki? Riza's coming to get you. She'll take care of you," Gracia tries comforting me, her voice breaking. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I wish I could help."

She sobs and I'm left wondering why she's so sad.

I don't deserve her tears. I don't deserve her words.

I don't deserve to live.

"…please let me know if she get any better…

"Of course. Thank you for watching after her."

"She just seems like she's gone through so much…"

"Yes. She has. I'll take care of her from here. Thank you, Gracia."

Voices. Gracia and a male's.

Something slides under me.

"Bubbles? Are you awake? Try not to kill me, I'm only trying to take you home."

Home? Riza's you mean?

I wince, parting my lips. "That's…not my name…"

A chuckle.

"You look terrible and still you keep up with that attitude."

"Ba…stard."

Another chuckle.

Then darkness.

Dreamless sleep. It's a beautiful thing.

"You're awake."

I squint at the bright room, bringing myself up. The ground is soft. Springy. It's a bed. I'm in Riza's bed, staring at Riza, in uniform, sitting at the foot of the furniture.

Groggily, I ask how long I'd been out.

"A few hours," she answers. I groan, holding my pounding head in my hands.

"Feel like I was hit by a train," I mutter, blinking away black spots. Riza chuckles lightly.

"You look like it too."

That gets a laugh out of me. Though it sounds more like a dying hyena. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

I notice how light it is outside. Riza is here with me and not at work.

"What are you-?" I try asking.

"Took the rest of the day off," she answers quickly, narrowing her eyes. I want to protest. But she pushes my attempt away. "Please. I try finding ways to get out of that place. Let's just say you were my ticket."

She smiles but I don't feel any better.

"Did you… pick me up from the Hughes's…?" I ask, trying to search through distant voices. Riza, getting up to rummage through her drawers shakes no.

"That would be the Colonel," she replies, pulling out a new pair of nightclothes. At my repulsed expression, she scowls. "He was closer, going after a due report. Gracia called me and I contacted him. We met up in the middle and he made sure to put you in my care, knowing how… distrustful you were of him."

She sounds offended. The tension between the Colonel and I didn't settle well with her. I supposed that was reasonable, seeing as how close the two are.

Riza sets the clothes on my blanketed lap. "You can get cleaned up if you're up to it. Also, I don't mind if you'd like to sleep in here tonight. I'm fine with taking up the couch."

"Don't be ridiculous," I argue, struggling to get up. "I'm not going to barge in here and take away your bed like some house pet."

Riza sighs, reaching over to lightly pinch my shoulder. The pain hits instantly. With a yelp, I shrivel away, eyeing her incredulously. "What the heck?" I demand.

"You are not some house pet I'm keeping around for the fun of it," she snaps. Her eyes flare a dangerous warning and she takes a moment to calm down. More controlled, she continues, "I'm just worried. You've been through a lot. Rest."

"Why?" I hiss, raking fingers through my wild hair. "Why would you do this? Why are you helping me? Why are you-?"

My eyes burn. For once, I'm feeling the urge to cry. Here I was, in the comforts of people trying to get me back up on my feet, and I was fighting. I was sulking. Like some spoiled child.

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Did they not hear Naomi in the woods? Did they not fully comprehend what I drove her to do? Or maybe Silia? How she screamed at Riza. She told her she had the wrong girl. I was the cold-blooded killer. Roy allowed her life to be stripped away. Why not mine? Why would he, they, bother dealing with a brat like me?

"Do you not realize what you're saying?" Riza speaks quietly. The weight on the bed shifts and she takes a spot beside me, sitting with her back pressed against the wall. She looks younger, tired. I stare at her. This is familiar. Side by side, a wound in my shoulder, her exhaustion. "Did I not say those same words?"

Right. Riza yelling at me as I unburied her from the rubble. Asking why I bothered to help her.

"That's different," I protest. "It was my fault you… ended up getting hurt."

"Misaki," she says sternly, giving a disbelieving glance. "How, exactly, was that building toppling over me your fault?"

"I appeared as threat. I should have just…" I trail off, at a loss. Riza gives a dry laugh.

"Exactly. You came to my rescue and saw to it that I could walk again. If anything, I owed you a favor."

"You saved me from my attacker, wasn't that enough?" I retort, harsh. I really hated how cruel I sounded. Why was everything that came from my mouth angry? They did nothing wrong.

"You were living in a forest, Misaki. A dangerous place with fugitives, vicious creatures. How could I just suddenly find the girl who saved my life on the battlefield to get rid of a murderer and then leave?"

"I was fine."

"You were dead."

Riza's last statement pierced through me. She didn't mean literally. The way she said it, so obviously and abruptly. It hurt more than the hand that smashed my heart. It stung more than the cut on my shoulder. The overall truth of it was like bullet to the chest.

"Don't think I don't remember speaking to the girl who I knew as Fujiin," she says. I flinch. "That's right. I know that was what you told me. Yet you insist on going through the name of Misaki."

There she went, punch after punch. Now I could be assured of her knowledge, her remarkable memory. The woman sits with her stirring questions. I lie, cowering, wanting only to sleep.

"I…"

I what? What did I want to say to the gunfire of words being shot at me? What did I feel was right to tell the sniper?

"Fujiin," she dares to say, watching with painfully curious eyes. "What happened to you?"

What happened to me? She wants to know what happened after I left? The home I came to. The one I loved, sweeping off my feet just as Hughes did with Gracia. Prince Claudio welcoming me with warm arms, taking in the damage and patching me up just as Riza was doing. Naomi insisting to celebrate with endless nights of partying when all I really desired was endless nights of being with Ritzu. Mama watching with a fogginess, aged with madness. Papa, his devoted love to the woman who used to be sane, wanting nothing more than to return to the good times of being family. Ritzu… his body. Decayed. Rotting.

No. No, that was not him. That thing was a monster. A horrible, horrible creature I created.

The tragic howls from within me.

The feel of blade sinking into flesh.

Riza wants to know that? Riza wants to hear about that?

Coldly, I stand and snatch the clothes.

"I'm going to take a shower. The bed is yours. Thank you."

I'm hoping she'll say nothing. She'll remain silent and secretly loathe and regret taking in this horrible, worthless being. But she's not cruel. She's still the girl of the past and she thinks there's a chance of saving my past as well.

"You made a friend three years ago. Whether you like it or not, I'm here. Some things shouldn't be taken on, alone."

I slam the door, catching the briefest: "Goodnight, Misaki."

As the water beats along my skin and I breathe in the smell of rain, I let the tears run down my face. Quietly.