TV Guide capsule for Saturday, Feb. 6, 1993:
9 PM Who's the Boss?—Comedy
Nanna's will has a surprise in it.
Scene I: The living room, Saturday afternoon
(Angela, Mona, Richard, Sam, Hank, Al, Bonnie, and Jonathan are gathered together.)
AL: Ay, Happy Birthday, Jonathan! The big one-seven, right?
JONATHAN: Yeah,
AL: Cool. Now you're old enough to— (He glances at Angela and for once shows tact.) See R-rated movies on your own.
JONATHAN: Yeah, lucky my friend I saw Dracula with was a little older. (He and Bonnie carefully don't look at each other.)
ANGELA: Sweetheart, are you sure you don't want to invite some friends your own age to the party?
JONATHAN: I told you, Mom, this is fine. (Tony enters from the kitchen with a birthday cake.)
TONY: (singing) It's somebody's birthday, I wonder who. It's somebody's right in this room near you. So look all around you until you see who—
JONATHAN: Mom, you promised.
ANGELA: Tony, enough. Thank you. (Tony pouts.)
JONATHAN: OK, OK! Go ahead, Tony. (Tony beams and finishes the song, the others joining in.)
RICHARD: Thank you for including me in this celebration, Mona.
MONA: Well, Richard, you are going to be his step-grandfather soon. And you did invite me to your birthday last week.
RICHARD: Somebody had to do the spanking. (She gives him an Oh, behave! look, while Angela pretends she didn't hear this exchange.)
SAM: Blow out the candles, Jonathan! And make a wish.
HANK: As long as it doesn't involve spanking. (She gives him an Oh, behave! look, while Tony pretends he didn't hear this exchange. Jonathan and Bonnie again avoid each other's eyes.)
AL: So what are you gonna wish for, Jonathan?
JONATHAN: Oh, gee, I don't know. I already have almost everything I want.
AL: You could wish for more cake. That ain't enough for nine people. (The doorbell rings.) Make that ten.
JONATHAN: Mom, you didn't invite somebody as a surprise, did you? Like Bobo the Clown?
ANGELA: Of course not!
TONY: He's booked up solid through the winter. (The doorbell rings again.)
BONNIE: I'll get it. (They look at her.) Well, I am the housekeeper.
ANGELA: Bonnie, it's your day off. You're here as a guest.
BONNIE: I don't mind. (She goes to the door and opens it to a handsome man in his late 30s, played by Charles Shaughnessy, with dark wavy hair and a tailored suit. She smiles.) At all.
MONA: Well, I got my wish.
RICHARD: (a little jealously) Oh?
MONA: Sorry, Darling, force of habit.
BONNIE: May I help you?
MAN: (with a British accent) I'm very sorry if this is a bad time. Not that there's ever a good time for this sort of thing.
TONY: (coming over and assuming his man-of-the-house role) For what sort of thing?
MAN: I beg your pardon, but is Angela Micelli here?
ANGELA: (coming over) I'm Angela Bower-Micelli. What's this about?
MAN: I represent the estate of Katherine Reynolds.
MONA: (startled) The estate? Mother is dead?
MAN: I'm sorry, I didn't introduce this subject at all well. You must be her elder daughter, Mona Robinson.
MONA: (quietly) Yes, I am. (Richard gives her a comforting hug.)
TONY: Wait a minute, not to be crass, but I thought the old lady disinherited Mona and Angela.
MAN: She did. She's leaving everything to her great-grandchild. (The others all look at Jonathan.)
JONATHAN: Wow, and I didn't even blow out the candles yet. (Roll opening credits.)
Scene II: The same setting, a moment later
(Everyone is where we left them.)
MAN: I'm afraid there's a misunderstanding. I didn't mean this young man.
ANGELA: Jonathan is my only child. (The man looks at her stomach.) Well, so far.
MAN: Ah, but the terms of the will are that everything goes to Mrs. Reynolds's first female great-grandchild by matrilineal descent. (Almost everyone looks at him baffled.)
ANGELA: You mean the oldest girl by the daughter of her daughter?
MAN: Right. That rules out Mrs. Robinson's two brothers and their descendants. Her younger daughter had only one daughter, Christy Everett, who so far just has two sons. That leaves…. (He looks at Angela's stomach again.)
TONY: Hey, could you quit ogling my wife's belly?
MAN: (indignantly) Sir, I assure you, my interest in your wife's "belly" is purely professional. According to Mrs. Everett, Mrs. Micelli is expecting twins but has decided not to identify the sexes ahead of time.
TONY: Yeah, we want to be surprised.
MAN: Well, you might want to rethink that under the circumstances. Now as I understand it, you were married in Atlantic City in September of last year, so the new children aren't expected till at least—
MONA: April.
ANGELA: (embarrassed) Mother.
MAN: Oh, well, that will cut down on the waiting time if you decide to forego—
RICHARD: (coming over) Excuse me, I'm somewhat of an expert in this field.
MAN: (shaking his hand) Oh, are you an attorney, Sir?
RICHARD: No, president of a sperm bank.
MAN: (letting go and looking like he wants to wash his hand) Oh.
RICHARD: And the odds are greater of having a baby boy than—
AL: Hey, is anybody gonna cut the cake or what?
JONATHAN: Let me make my wish first. (He blows out the candles.)
AL: You didn't wish you were a girl, did you?
JONATHAN: Uh, no.
BONNIE: Good. (They try not to smile at each other. No one notices, partly because a woman in a designer business suit has just entered through the still open front door. She's in her mid 30s and has long dark hair. She's played by Fran Drescher.)
WOMAN: (with not a trace of a Flushing accent) Angela, I hope this isn't a bad time. I brought by the sketches for the nursery decoration. Oh, but I see you have company. (She looks the man over.) Hello, I'm Carol Patrice.
MAN: (shaking her hand) Sheffield Maxwell.
CAROL: Pleased to meet you.
SHEFFIELD: Likewise. Mrs. Micelli, again I apologize for how I introduced the bad news. Perhaps I could come back this evening, say, seven?
ANGELA: That would be fine.
SHEFFIELD: Thank you, see you then. Ms. Patrice.
CAROL: Mr. Maxwell. (He nods and exits. Carol immediately reverts to her working-class New York roots.) Was he gorgeous or what?
ANGELA: Ms. Patrice, this isn't really a good time. I just found out my grandmother died.
CAROL: So you're having a party? (Angela shakes her head.)
Scene III: The same setting, at 6:55 p.m.
(Tony, Angela, and Mona are on the couch, while Jonathan is in the chair nearest to the kitchen. Everyone else has gone home.)
ANGELA: I still can't get over it. Nanna is dead!
MONA: (shaking her head) I thought she was too evil to die.
ANGELA: Mother!
MONA: I'm sorry, Angela. I know you loved her. But I—She caused so much misery. And even now, look at this silly will. She ruined Jonathan's birthday party and now she's got you and Tony worried about whether at least one of the twins will be a girl.
TONY: Ay, Mona, I'm not worried. Two sons would be fine. I don't need a millionaire daughter.
ANGELA: I'll admit that this is overshadowing my pregnancy now. But I think her death is the main thing we should focus on.
JONATHAN: I don't know, Mom. I mean, yeah, it's sad she died. She was always nice to me, although I can't say I'm thrilled about her sexist will. But let's say one or both of the twins are girls. How's that going to make the other one feel, that his or her sister is an heiress? I mean I'm not too thrilled about it myself.
MONA: Well, Richard said that it'll most likely be one of each, but there is more of a chance of two boys than two girls.
JONATHAN: Mom, maybe you should find out. Just so we know.
ANGELA: No, Tony and I agreed to wait! Otherwise we would've had the ultrasound months ago. The babies are healthy and that's all we care about.
TONY: Right! (pause) Although I gotta admit, I'm curious now.
ANGELA: Tony!
TONY: I know, it's only another couple months. It's just, OK, let's say one of them is a girl. Well, that's gonna change everything, isn't it? Yeah, I don't need a millionaire daughter. But if I've got one, well, I'd like to be prepared.
ANGELA: I know, but— (She shakes her head.) Mother, you're right. This is rotten of Nanna. If she hadn't done it, I could just simply mourn her. But now she's introduced this mercenary element, and I don't know how to feel.
TONY: Well, I guess we could refuse it. I mean as the parents of the unborn heiress. And she would never have to know.
JONATHAN: Gee, Tony, if it were me, I wouldn't want you doing that. And it's not like Nanna's millions wouldn't come in handy around here.
TONY: Yeah, but—Look, I feel weird enough being married to, as Ernie put it, "a babe with deep pockets." But to be the father of a baby with deep pockets?
ANGELA: It is a big responsibility.
JONATHAN: So you're just going to walk away from the money?
ANGELA: I think we need more time to discuss it.
TONY: Yeah, we haven't even really talked about it to Mr. Maxwell.
MONA: I just had a weird thought.
ANGELA: I'm afraid to ask.
MONA: What if this is all some prank? "Mr. Maxwell" could've found out the names of my family members and made up this story. We didn't see his credentials. We were just swayed by his looks and his accent.
TONY: I prefer to think that your mother is a b—witch. (The doorbell rings.) OK, that's Mr. Maxwell. I'll get his credentials just in case. (He goes to the door and opens it to Mr. Maxwell.) Hello, Mr. Maxwell.
SHEFFIELD: Mr. Micelli. Ladies. Young Mr. Bower. May I sit down?
TONY: Of course. (He closes the door and then escorts Sheffield to the living room. Sheffield takes the other chair by the couch. He opens his briefcase and starts taking out papers.)
SHEFFIELD: I thought you might like to see the death notice. She asked that you not be informed till my arrival, as she didn't want a funeral.
MONA: Can you at least tell me where she's buried?
ANGELA: (touched) Oh, Mother.
MONA: Well, I want to know where to dance. Or to spit. Or to— (Angela puts a restraining hand on Mona's arm.)
SHEFFIELD: Here's the information about the cemetery. And, ah, here we are. The will. You can of course have your attorney look it over, but I'll answer any questions you might have at the present time.
JONATHAN: I have one.
SHEFFIELD: Yes, Young Man?
JONATHAN: Is a will like that legal? I mean, it seems really sexist. And I'm not just saying that because I'm her oldest great-grandson.
SHEFFIELD: It's not particularly common these days, but yes. Of course, the past practice with entailment of an estate was generally in the male line.
ANGELA: Like in Pride and Prejudice.
SHEFFIELD: Exactly.
TONY: OK, let's say both of our twins are boys. And Angela's cousin never has a daughter. What happens then?
SHEFFIELD: Then the estate will be divided among Mrs. Reynolds's favorite charities.
TONY: And what if Angela or Christy has a daughter but not for another few years?
ANGELA: Tony, I don't have that many years left. And I thought we'd stop with the twins.
TONY: Oh, well, yeah, if you want. I guess we should've discussed this before.
SHEFFIELD: Sir, if you're motivated by the financial rewards—
TONY: Ay-oh, oh-ay! I'm not after Nanna's money! It's just I'm Italian, and I'd like a big family.
MONA: Then maybe you should've got Angela pregnant eight years ago.
ANGELA: Mother!
TONY: We hadn't even kissed then! I mean, not as adults.
MONA: That's not my fault.
TONY: If you hadn't—
SHEFFIELD: Excuse me, if I might answer your question, Sir.
TONY: Yeah, sorry.
SHEFFIELD: The will allows a waiting period of five years from the date of Mrs. Reynolds' death for the birth of a great-granddaughter in the female line. If no such child is born, then the estate will be forfeited to the charities.
EVERYONE ELSE: Oh.
TONY: I guess that's enough time.
ANGELA: Tony!
TONY: I mean, if you change your mind. You'll be 47 by then and—
ANGELA: Tony, don't tell everyone my age!
TONY: (baffled) They all know. Mr. Maxwell probably has it in his briefcase, and Jonathan can probably figure it out. And I know Mona knows.
MONA: Well, I only admit to 35 myself, so I'd just as soon you not mention her age.
SHEFFIELD: Fascinating as these family squabbles are, I'm afraid my time is limited.
TONY: Ay, you think this is squabbling? You should come to Brooklyn sometime.
SHEFFIELD: Thank you for the invitation, but I need to fly back to London on Monday. (Tony and Mona look at each other like Is this guy for real?) Now, have you decided whether or not to opt for gender determination?
ANGELA: We're going to wait. Just like we originally planned.
SHEFFIELD: Very well. Then let me leave you the contact information for my office, so you can let us know when the infants are born and whether one is female, and then we can proceed with—
TONY: Well, we haven't decided whether or not we want our daughter, if we have one, to be an heiress. (Sheffield stares at them like he's never heard of such a thing before.)
SHEFFIELD: Sir, I don't think you realize the size of the estate and what you're refusing.
TONY: We realize it. And we're not necessarily refusing it. But, well, I worked my way up from nothing.
SHEFFIELD: To housekeeper and then teacher?
ANGELA: Tony was a wonderful housekeeper!
JONATHAN: And he's a great teacher!
TONY: (looking at Jonathan) You never said that before.
JONATHAN: Well, you are. But it's not the kind of thing guys say to their stepdads.
SHEFFIELD: My apologies, Mr. Micelli. I'm sure you're very good at what you do. But if you've never had much money, maybe you can't fully understand what having it would mean for your child.
ANGELA: Well, I grew up with money and I know that it's not all that matters in life.
MONA: But it doesn't hurt.
ANGELA: Mother!
MONA: Angela, my mother was a cold, distant woman who thought she could control people because she was rich.
TONY: That's exactly why we can't let her control us by influencing how we treat the babies, including before they're born.
MONA: (shaking her head) Look, I'm not happy that she did this. But since she did, if you have the opportunity to take her money, take it!
TONY: (to Sheffield) There aren't any weird, what do you call 'em, provisos, are there?
SHEFFIELD: Provisos?
TONY: Yeah, like we have to name our daughter after her, or raise her in some weird religion or something.
SHEFFIELD: Beyond being the child of your wife or her cousin and being female, there are no requirements.
MONA: (getting to her feet and offering her hand to shake) Thank you so much, Mr. Maxwell, we'll be in touch.
SHEFFIELD: Well, I didn't have to leave this moment. I just meant— (The doorbell rings.)
MONA: I'll get it. (She goes to the door and lets in Carol.) Oh, Ms. Patrice.
CAROL: (back to her posher voice) Mrs. Robinson. Sorry to bother you all again, but I revised the designs, based on Mrs. Thomopoulos's estimates.
TONY: Mrs. Thomo— Did Sam tell you that one of the babies in the nursery you're decorating might be an heiress?
CAROL: She might've mentioned it in passing. May I come in? (She does so before anyone replies.) Why, Mr. Maxwell! We meet again.
SHEFFIELD: Ms. Patrice.
MONA: I'll take those designs and we'll look them over and get back to you.
CAROL: (reluctantly handing them over) OK. I can't stay long anyway.
SHEFFIELD: I should be going, too. It's been a long day and I'm rather jet-lagged.
CAROL: Oh, you shouldn't be driving in your condition.
SHEFFIELD: It's fine. I took a cab and the cabbie is waiting.
JONATHAN: That's not being charged against my sister's estate, is it?
ANGELA: Jonathan!
SHEFFIELD: No, it's out of my own pocket, as it happens.
CAROL: You poor man! Why don't I give you a lift to wherever you're going?
SHEFFIELD: Well, it's the Fairfield Inn, but you needn't go to all that trouble.
CAROL: No trouble at all.
SHEFFIELD: Well, if you're sure. (He hands over a folder to Angela.) Mrs. Micelli, the rest of the information you need is there. Please be in touch.
ANGELA: We will be. Whatever we decide. (He nods and gets to his feet.)
SHEFFIELD: (as they head out) Thank you very much for the ride, Ms. Patrice.
CAROL: (with a touch of Flushing) Hey, maybe you'll return the favor someday. (They exit.)
MONA: I am such a good matchmaker!
ANGELA: Oh, come now, Mother, you can't take any credit for that. If there is any "that" to take credit for.
MONA: There will be. I have an instinct for these things. And it won't take them eight years.
TONY: Mona, Angela's right. All you did was open the door for her.
MONA: Oh, really? Who do you think told Sam to tell Ms. Patrice about the luxury accommodations for my precious granddaughter? (They all shake their heads in disbelief.)
Scene IV: Tony and Angela's bedroom, that night
(Tony and Angela are snuggling in bed, he caressing her stomach.)
TONY: I don't know, Angela. I mean, six-and-a-half months ago, when we had that picnic up at Spirit Lake, I didn't see all this happening.
ANGELA: At least that time the parking brake worked.
TONY: Yeah, but we didn't take other precautions.
ANGELA: Well, I thought just the once wouldn't matter. And I always wanted to do something spontaneous like that.
TONY: Well, Young Lady, now you see what happens when you fool around with boys in backseats.
ANGELA: I won't do it again, I swear!
TONY: Never?
ANGELA: Well, never without all the proper precautions.
TONY: That's OK then. (He shakes his head.) Angela, are our lives always going to be crazy?
ANGELA: Probably.
TONY: (nodding) That's what I figured.
ANGELA: But I can't think of anyone I'd rather share the craziness with than you.
TONY: (smiling) Yeah, me, too. (They kiss.) Of course, this particular craziness is your fault.
ANGELA: My fault?
TONY: Yeah, she was your grandmother. My grandmothers never left me anything except pasta recipes.
ANGELA: Well, she's not leaving it to me. That's the problem.
TONY: I know. OK, so let's say we do have a daughter. Then what?
ANGELA: Well, maybe Jonathan's right. Maybe it wouldn't be fair to deny her her inheritance.
TONY: Yeah, but what then, Angela? We have one kid who's incredibly rich and then her twin who's not. Not to mention Sam and Jonathan. That wouldn't be good for the family.
ANGELA: I know, I know.
TONY: Of course, we could set aside some for her college education, and just give the rest to charity. Our choice of charities, not Nanna's.
ANGELA: That might work. (She sighs.) Of course, for all we know, it's two boys in there. (She puts her hand over the hand that's caressing her stomach.)
TONY: Yeah. Of course next time—
ANGELA: Tony.
TONY: If there's a next time, we might have a daughter.
ANGELA: How many children did you want, Tony?
TONY: Now or if we'd got together earlier?
ANGELA: Well, let's start with the latter.
TONY: I don't know. In a way I'd have liked a lot, but on the other hand, we hardly have any privacy as it is, and we're almost empty-nesters.
ANGELA: True.
TONY: I mean, I'm really excited about the babies, you know.
ANGELA: (smiling) I know.
TONY: But another part of me looks forward to someday having you all to myself. Does that make sense?
ANGELA: It makes a lot of sense. Neither of us had that before. Michael was hardly ever home, even before Jonathan was born. And you and Marie had Sam when you were so young, and Sam was still little when you lost Marie. And then with us—
TONY: (nodding) By the time we finally got together, I mean really together, we didn't have much time before we found out we were going to be parents. And even if we weren't, well, there's still Jonathan with all his teenaged problems, and Sam living next door with all her young-married problems.
ANGELA: And my mother and Bonnie and Al, with all of their problems.
TONY: And your clients and my students.
ANGELA: Yes. But someday we'll be old and gray and everyone, even Mother, will be grown-up and on their own.
TONY: It's hard to imagine, Angela.
ANGELA: I know. But meanwhile, we are alone. (She looks down at her stomach.) Well, as alone as we're going to be for the next couple months.
TONY: Yeah, and then the real fun starts. With 2 a.m. feedings and everything.
ANGELA: Hey, if our daughter's an heiress, we can hire a flock of nannies.
TONY: (grinning) Good point.
Scene V: The living room, the next evening
(Angela and Carol are looking over the design sketches.)
CAROL: And this is the luxury décor. Of course, you may be moving to a larger home if the child is a girl.
ANGELA: Thank you, Ms. Patrice, but we have no plans to move out of this house.
CAROL: In that case, here's what you can do if you knock down the wall between Mrs. Thomopoulos's old room and your son's old room.
ANGELA: (taking that sketch and thinking of what Jonathan might say to that) Oh, thank you. (The doorbell rings.) Excuse me. (She goes over and opens the door to Sheffield.) Mr. Maxwell, what a surprise! (She glances at Carol, wondering if she has something to do with this.)
SHEFFIELD: I'm afraid I have a more unpleasant surprise. It seems that your unborn child has been bumped out of the succession.
ANGELA: You're not very good at announcing bad news, are you?
CAROL: (momentarily with her Flushing accent) Tell me about it.
SHEFFIELD: My apologies, Mrs. Micelli. But your cousin, Mrs. Everett has just confessed to having borne a daughter out of wedlock seven years ago.
ANGELA: Christy? Shy little Christy who had only three dates before her marriage?
SHEFFIELD: Well, one would be sufficient under the circumstances. It seems she gave the child up for adoption and has never told anyone about it. Until today.
ANGELA: Oh, poor Christy!
SHEFFIELD: You're not upset about your own daughter's disinheritance?
ANGELA: No, I never expected her to be rich anyway.
SHEFFIELD: Well, I've hired a private detective to track down Mrs. Everett's little girl, and if they don't find her, then your baby is still in the running, as it were.
ANGELA: Well, thank you. And thank you, Ms. Patrice. I'll look over the sketches and let you know.
CAROL: Of course.
SHEFFIELD: Ms. Patrice, it seems that I'm not going to be flying back tomorrow as planned.
CAROL: Oh, really? Then maybe you'd like a little tour of New York.
SHEFFIELD: I would like that. (They exit together. Angela shakes her head and sits back down on the couch. Tony descends the staircase.)
TONY: So, Angela, I was thinkin'. Yale or Harvard?
ANGELA: For Jonathan?
TONY: No, for Katherine Micelli. (She makes a face, knowing she'll have to tell him about the disinheritance. Roll end credits.)