TV Guide capsule for Saturday, Feb. 13, 1993:
9 PM Who's the Boss?—Comedy
Valentine's Day is only a few days away, affecting couples new and not so new.
Scene I: The Fairfield-to-New-York commuter train, morning
(Angela and Mona are dressed for work. Angela is looking through her portfolio, while Mona is doing her nails.)
MONA: (looking up) So, Dear, we haven't had a mother-daughter chat in awhile.
ANGELA: (looking up warily) Uh, no, I suppose not. What did you want to talk about?
MONA: Well, not work, since we talk about that every weekday. And not the family, since we talk about them every day.
ANGELA: What does that leave?
MONA: (shaking her head) Have you forgotten what Sunday is?
ANGELA: The 14th?
MONA: Very good. The 14th of February. Ring any bells?
ANGELA: Oh, of course! The Anderson presentation is on the 15th! I'm never going to be ready in time! (Mona sighs wearily.)
MONA: If marriage kills romance this much, I'm going to have to rethink my engagement.
ANGELA: Romance? (realizing) Oh! Valentine's Day!
MONA: Is it coming back to you now?
ANGELA: I wonder if Tony remembers.
MONA: Do you want me to ask him?
ANGELA: Of course not! Well, you could subtly hint I suppose. But don't tell him I forgot!
MONA: Trust me, Angela.
ANGELA: I'll try. So what are you and Richard doing this weekend?
MONA: We're going to a cabin in the Berkshires.
ANGELA: That sounds nice. (She looks as if she's considering something. Then she sighs and goes back to the portfolio. Mona shakes her head as if she can't believe they're related.)
Scene II: The Micelli-Bower living room, evening
(Tony is working alternately on notes for class and notes for basketball, muttering to himself about both. Mona enters from the front door, still dressed for work.)
TONY: (looking up) Hey, Mone. Where's Angela?
MONA: (closing the door behind her) Nice to see you, too, Tony.
TONY: I'm sorry. How's my favorite mother-in-law?
MONA: Pleased to see that romance isn't dead.
TONY: Huh?
MONA: Well, you still look forward to greeting Angela at the end of a workday.
TONY: Of course. Unless I've got a meeting at school, or basketball practice is running late. But then I look forward to going home and seeing her.
MONA: See, this is why I knew eight-and-a-half years ago that you were perfect for Angela. Michael was of German and Scottish descent, not nearly as romantic as the Italians.
TONY: Mona, you can't stereotype like that! Well, OK, yeah, you're right about Italians. Or me anyway.
MONA: I bet you've got something wonderful planned for this weekend.
TONY: You bet I do!
MONA: (smiling) Oh?
TONY: Yeah, the big game is on Friday. If we win, it'll mean we're going to the state play-offs!
MONA: (apathetically) Go, team.
TONY: Ay, come on, Mona, show a little support. Your grandson is on that team.
MONA: Tony, I am happy for Jonathan, and you. But I was thinking of something that happens a couple days after Friday.
TONY: Sunday?
MONA: You're getting warmer.
TONY: You think I should give thanks to St. Jude? Ay, the basketball team isn't a lost cause!
MONA: No, but sometimes I think you are. There's another saint you should honor on Sunday the 14th.
TONY: Oh, St. Valentine's Day! Is that this weekend?
MONA: Yes, Tony.
TONY: Oh, gee, it's too bad I've got the game. Otherwise, I could take Angela away on a long romantic weekend.
MONA: Why don't you take her on a short romantic weekend? Someplace local.
TONY: You mean the Fairfield Inn? They're probably all booked up, especially for Sunday.
MONA: I was thinking of somewhere a little more local. Someplace with a waterbed and a hot tub.
TONY: Sounds nice but a little pricy.
MONA: No, it's quite reasonable. And I'm sure they have a vacancy.
TONY: Yeah? Where is this perfect place?
MONA: My apartment.
TONY: Your apartment? I would think that of all the weekends, this would be one where you'd most need your apartment.
MONA: Ordinarily I would. But Richard is taking me to a cabin in the Berkshires.
TONY: Very romantic! And he's not even Italian.
MONA: Yes. So what do you say?
TONY: Well, Mona, I appreciate you playing Cupid.
MONA: As usual.
TONY: Yeah. But Angela might feel a little funny about it.
MONA: Funny?
TONY: Well, you know. Us, in your bed.
MONA: I'll change the sheets.
TONY: Uh, thanks. (Angela enters the front door.)
ANGELA: Sorry I'm late, but I stopped off at the travel agency. Tony, how would you like to go to Pittsburgh this weekend? (They both stare at her, speechless. Roll opening credits.)
Scene III: The same setting, a moment later
(Tony and Mona still look stunned, while Angela looks eager.)
TONY: Uh, Pittsburgh?
MONA: Dear, I don't think you understood our little talk this morning.
TONY: Talk?
ANGELA: (closing the door behind her) OK, Mother, I'll admit that Pittsburgh isn't the most romantic city, but it's the best I could do on short notice.
TONY: Do?
ANGELA: Yes, Tony. I want to sweep you away on a romantic Valentine's weekend. I'd make it a three-day weekend, since Monday is President's Day, but I've got the Anderson presentation that day. But if we leave Friday evening—
TONY: (going to Angela) Oh, Baby, that is so sweet of you, but I've got the big game on Friday night.
ANGELA: Oh, right. I guess we could leave Saturday morning and come back Sunday afternoon, but with the travel time and everything— (Mona clears her throat.)
TONY: Um, what do you say to someplace more local?
ANGELA: You mean the Fairfield Inn? I don't know. I'd feel sort of weird about that, since you went there with Trish Baldwin, and Tanya the Little Lasagna.
MONA: That must have been some night!
ANGELA: Mother, he was with Tanya when I went there with Geoffrey.
MONA: You and Tony went to the same hotel on the same night?
TONY: It gets better. We had adjacent rooms.
MONA: Oh, that's what the glass-to-the-wall thing was. (Both Tony and Angela look embarrassed.) I always wondered what happened that night. Why didn't one of you stay here with your date?
TONY: Uh, well, actually, I felt weird about it. There was this picture of Angela by the couch, with Jonathan, and she looked all wifely in it, like she was my wife I mean.
ANGELA: I didn't know that!
TONY: Yeah, well, that was six years ago. I wasn't gonna tell you of course.
MONA: And you, Angela?
ANGELA: (embarrassed again) The vacuum reminded me of Tony.
MONA: Awww, you are a romantic.
TONY: (hugging Angela) Well, we've shared a lot of appliances.
MONA: And I thought I was kinky.
ANGELA: Mother!
MONA: Just make sure you give mine the afternoon off.
ANGELA: Excuse me?
TONY: Uh, Sweetie, your mother has generously offered us the use of her apartment this weekend.
ANGELA: She has?
TONY: Now I know it'll be a little weird being there, but—
ANGELA: Weird? Who cares? Tony, she has a hot tub! (Tony is speechless again.)
BONNIE: (poking her head through the swinging door to the kitchen) Dinner's ready!
Scene IV: The kitchen, several minutes later
(Tony, Angela, Mona, Jonathan, and Bonnie are sitting around the table, eating.)
BONNIE: So, Mona, this is going to be your first Valentine's Day with Mr. Johnson. Are you guys doing anything special?
MONA: As a matter of fact, he's taking me to a cabin in the Berkshires.
BONNIE: How nice! Do you want me to water your plants while you're gone?
ANGELA: Bonnie! We've told you, you're not working for my mother.
BONNIE: Oh, I don't mind.
TONY: Well, Angela and I can look after the plants this weekend.
JONATHAN: It's going to take two of you to water plants?
TONY: (a little embarrassed) Well, actually, we'll be, um, apartment-sitting for Mona.
JONATHAN: Apartment-sitting? She's right across the driveway!
ANGELA: Jonathan Sweetheart, I'm not sure if you can understand, but Tony and I would like to have a weekend away, but this is all we can manage.
JONATHAN: Oh. So you're not going to be home at all this weekend?
ANGELA: Well, we will be close by, so if there's an emergency, don't hesitate to come and get us.
TONY: Well, knock first.
ANGELA: Actually, I think I'll take my cellular phone. So call if you need us.
JONATHAN: I'm sure I won't.
MONA: How about you, Jonathan? Any Valentine's plans?
JONATHAN: Uh, no, Grandma, I don't have a valentine this year.
MONA: What about Jenny Wittener?
JONATHAN: She's got a boyfriend.
MONA: Heather Harper?
JONATHAN: She's seeing the guy she took to the Snow Ball.
MONA: What about the girl who dresses all in black? Crow?
JONATHAN: You mean Raven? She's got a crush on Al.
MONA: Oh, too bad.
ANGELA: No, it's not.
TONY: Well, too bad for Al.
MONA: And you, Bonnie? You must be meeting lots of college men.
BONNIE: Yes, but no one I want as a valentine.
MONA: What a shame! Maybe Sam could fix you up with someone.
BONNIE: It's OK. I'm focusing on school right now. Oh, and I have a paper due tomorrow! Sorry to eat and run. (She gets to her feet, waves goodbye, and exits.)
MONA: Imagine, a sweet, pretty girl like Bonnie not dating. It seems like such a waste! (Jonathan suddenly gets very interested in his food.)
ANGELA: Well, I didn't date much in college, Mother.
MONA: Or before. Or after.
TONY: Hey, I would've rather Sam hadn't dated in college than get engaged to one guy at 18 and then marry another guy a year and a half later.
MONA: Hm, this is Sam and Hank's first Valentine's Day as a married couple, too. I wonder if they've got any romantic plans.
TONY: If they do, I don't want to know. That's Bonnie and Al's problem.
Scene V: The Harpers' kitchen, meanwhile
(Hank, Sam, and Al, are eating dinner.)
SAM: So, Al, do you have any plans for this weekend?
AL: Yeah, I got this new hairstyle I want to try out, and Bonnie has promised to let me experiment on her.
HANK: (dubiously) Sounds fun.
SAM: So, Al, any sparks between you two?
AL: Me and Bonnie? You kiddin' me?
SAM: What's wrong with Bonnie?
AL: Nothin'. She's OK. But you don't mess around with the girls you live with. Everyone knows that.
HANK: Sam's former housemate didn't know that when his fiancée dumped him.
SAM: Hank, let it go. Al, I don't see why you can't go out with Bonnie.
AL: You don't, huh? What if it goes bad? Then we're stuck living with each other. It'd be worse than marriage!
HANK: He has a point.
SAM: Hank!
HANK: No, I mean when people get married or decide to live together, they make a commitment to put up with each other's annoying habits—
SAM: Oh, really?
HANK: Not that you have any, Kitty-cat. But if Al and Bonnie are just living together as housemates, then it doesn't matter as much as if they were involved.
AL: Yeah. Plus, do you wanna deal with all the drama when we break up?
SAM: Well, no. It's just I worry about Bonnie. It's Valentine's weekend coming up and she doesn't have anyone to—
AL: Ay, wait a minute, Valentine's weekend?
SAM: Yes, the 14th is on Sunday.
AL: Oh, so that's why you were askin' about my plans! You want me to clear out of here so you and Hank can be alone.
SAM: No, Al, I wasn't—
AL: Well, I ain't stickin' around here with you two being more romantic than ever. I'll go to the old neighborhood this weekend.
SAM: Al, you don't have to do that.
HANK: Yes, he does, Sam.
SAM: Um, give Mrs. Rossini my love.
AL: Yeah, sure. Now I gotta find my little black book and see who else I'll be "givin' love" to. (He exits.)
SAM: (looking at Hank) So. Our first Valentine's weekend as a married couple.
HANK: (smiling) Uh huh. I wish we could afford to go away somewhere.
SAM: That's all right. We'd be spending the whole weekend in bed anyway.
HANK: (grinning) Yeah. (They lean forward and kiss.) Mmm, a whole weekend, just you and me— (Bonnie enters through the back door.) And Bonnie.
SAM: Hi, Bonnie. You're back early.
BONNIE: Well, I've got a paper due tomorrow.
SAM: Do you have a lot of homework this weekend?
BONNIE: No, it's not too bad. How about you?
SAM: There are some things I need to take care of, but it should be fine.
HANK: (hinting) Sam.
SAM: Uh, so, Bonnie, are you doing anything special for Valentine's Day?
BONNIE: Well, no. You know I don't have a boyfriend.
SAM: Maybe this is the weekend to go out and get one.
BONNIE: Huh?
SAM: Well, Ridgemont is having a dance on Saturday. Why don't you call up Julia and the two of you can go see if you can meet some nice, cute guys?
BONNIE: Well, I guess I could.
HANK: And you know, if you want to sleep over at Julia's, or find other arrangements—
SAM: Hank!
BONNIE: Oh, I get it. You two want to be alone for Valentine's Weekend.
SAM: Yeah, sorry, do you mind?
BONNIE: No, I think it's sweet. You've been married almost a year and you still want to be romantic.
SAM: (getting up and hugging her) You're the best friend I ever had! (Hank clears his throat.) Well, the best female friend. Hank is my best friend of course. And then there's my dad. And, well, actually, Angela and I are close. And I don't know what I'd do without Mona.
BONNIE: I'm your best female friend your age, right?
SAM: Of course.
BONNIE: You're mine, too. (letting go) But I have to go work on my paper.
SAM: OK, let me know if you need any help on it.
BONNIE: Thanks, Sam. (She exits.)
HANK: So, as I was saying, a whole weekend, just you and me. (They kiss again.)
Scene VI: Bonnie's bedroom, a minute later
(She's punching in numbers on her phone.)
BONNIE: (to herself) Oh, I hope I won't regret this. (into the phone) Hello? It's me, Bonnie. Yeah, I was wondering, since you don't have any plans this weekend, would you like to go to the Valentine's Dance at Ridgemont with me on Saturday? (We expect the camera to cut to Julia, but instead we see Jonathan standing in his living room, looking stunned.) Hello, Jonathan?
JONATHAN: (speaking quietly and glancing towards the kitchen) I can't really talk right now.
BONNIE: (as we go to split-screen) Oh, right, no privacy. OK, can you answer yes or no questions?
JONATHAN: Yes.
BONNIE: Good. OK, this would just be as friends. Do you want to go?
JONATHAN: Uh, yes.
BONNIE: Great! It should be fun.
JONATHAN: Yes.
BONNIE: That wasn't a question.
JONATHAN: Ye—Right.
BONNIE: And we can talk more tomorrow after you get home from school.
JONATHAN: No. I mean—
BONNIE: Oh, right. You'll have extra practice with the big game coming up.
JONATHAN: Yes.
BONNIE: Well, we can talk on Saturday before the dance, right?
JONATHAN: Yes.
BONNIE: OK, well, I've got to go work on my paper that's due tomorrow.
JONATHAN: Yes.
BONNIE: Bye, Jonathan.
JONATHAN: Yes. (They hang up and then we just see Jonathan. He does a "yes" fist-pump. Then Tony and Angela enter from the kitchen.)
ANGELA: Thanks for answering the phone, Sweetheart. We were doing the dishes.
JONATHAN: No problem.
TONY: So who was it?
JONATHAN: Wrong number. (Cut to commercial.)
Scene VII: The same living room, Friday evening
(Bonnie is vacuuming. Angela and Mona return from work.)
ANGELA: Tony, we're home! (Bonnie shuts off the vacuum.)
BONNIE: He and Jonathan and the rest of the team are having dinner together before the game.
ANGELA: Oh, that's right. The big game is tonight. Mother, are you sure you don't want to go?
MONA: Hm, let's see. A romantic weekend with my fiancé or a few hours watching a bunch of sweaty guys run around in shorts? I think I'll pick the romantic weekend.
ANGELA: I can remember when you would've chosen the sweaty guys.
MONA: Well, maybe if it was college basketball. (Angela shakes her head, realizing her mother hasn't completely changed.) And what about you, Bonnie? Going to the game?
BONNIE: Well, I hadn't planned to.
ANGELA: Come on, Bonnie. It'll be fun. And I'm sure Tony and Jonathan would appreciate your support.
BONNIE: Well, I guess I could.
ANGELA: Great! It'll give me somebody to sit with. Sam and Hank are, uh, a little busy tonight.
MONA: Some people aren't waiting till Saturday to start their romantic weekend.
ANGELA: (to Bonnie) Some people tried to sneak out of the office at lunchtime and not come back.
MONA: I'd almost made it to the border, when they nabbed me! (Angela shakes her head.)
BONNIE: Mona, are you staying for dinner?
MONA: I'll have a quick bite and then Richard is picking me up. And then I'll have another quick—
ANGELA: Mother!
Scene VIII: The locker room, after the game
(The team, families, and friends are celebrating, as "We Are the Champions" plays in the background.)
WENDY WITTENER: Speech, speech!
ZACK BUELLER: Well, I couldn't have done it without all the little people.
JENNY: (laughing) Oh, Zack!
TONY: Sit down, Bueller.
WENDY: Come on, Tony, give us a speech.
TONY: Well, you know, I'm not big on speech-making.
JONATHAN: (aside to Bonnie) Unless it's in front of Congress about Mom's natural scent. (Bonnie tries not to laugh. Tony and Angela luckily don't hear.)
TONY: I just want to say that it's been a good season. We had our rocky moments, but we also had our Rocky moments. (He strikes a Rocky pose. Everyone laughs.) We've got a great team!
ZACK: And a great coach.
TONY: Aw shucks! I couldn't have done it without the support of my lovely wife, Angela. (He gives her a big hug and kiss.) And now on to the state play-offs! (Everyone cheers.) OK, Everyone, let's hit the pizza parlor! I'm treating! (Everyone cheers louder. They all start to exit, but Jonathan pulls Bonnie aside.)
JONATHAN: (once the room is cleared out) Hey.
BONNIE: (smiling) Hey. Good game tonight.
JONATHAN: Thanks. And thanks for watching.
BONNIE: I enjoyed it. This is a better team than when I went here.
JONATHAN: Hey, with a superstar like Bueller, what do you expect? (They both laugh.)
BONNIE: You're a star player yourself.
JONATHAN: Well, thank you.
BONNIE: So, um, about the dance tomorrow night…. (Jenny pokes her head in.)
JENNY: Jonathan, can I talk to you a minute?
JONATHAN: Uh, sure.
JENNY: Privately?
JONATHAN: Um, well.
BONNIE: It's OK, Jonathan. I need to catch up with your mom. She's my ride.
JONATHAN: OK. Uh, see you at the pizza parlor.
BONNIE: Right. (She exits as Jenny comes in.)
JENNY: I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?
JONATHAN: With Bonnie? No, of course not. We were just discussing, um, what to get Sam and Hank for their wedding anniversary.
JENNY: Oh. You're buying gifts with Bonnie?
JONATHAN: Well, us and, and Al.
JENNY: Oh, that makes sense. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for not telling anyone about the time that Zack asked you to help him cheat on Mr. Micelli's test.
JONATHAN: Well, that was months ago, and I've moved on.
JENNY: Well, it's still really sweet of you.
JONATHAN: Well, I'm a sweet guy.
JENNY: You are. (She gives him a peck on the cheek.)
JONATHAN: Thanks.
JENNY: I'm sorry about the miscommunication we had last Fall.
JONATHAN: No, it was mostly my fault.
JENNY: It's just, I'm used to boys preferring Heather, and then I didn't like losing you to her.
JONATHAN: You didn't lose me.
JENNY: That's true. You never made up your mind.
JONATHAN: Well, I was very confused last Fall. But I'm starting to sort things out.
JENNY: Good. Me, too. (They look at each other, and then she kisses him on the lips. Bonnie comes back in and sees this.)
BONNIE: I'm sorry! (Jenny backs away. Jonathan looks stunned.) I, uh, forgot my purse. (She picks it up from a bench.) I'll, uh, see you two at the pizza parlor. (She exits quickly.)
JONATHAN: Bonnie, wait!
JENNY: You don't think she'll tell Zack, do you?
JONATHAN: No, but—Jenny, why did you kiss me?
JENNY: I thought you still like me.
JONATHAN: You're dating Bueller!
JENNY: I know. I guess I'm sort of confused myself.
JONATHAN: Jenny, I do like you, as a friend, but I—I'm interested in someone else now.
JENNY: Heather?
JONATHAN: No. I mean, she's pretty and everything, not prettier than you but—
JENNY: Oh, I get it. You like Raven, don't you?
JONATHAN: No, I don't.
JENNY: You don't? But I heard a rumor that you stood her up for the Snow Ball a couple weeks ago.
JONATHAN: Why would that make you think I like her?
JENNY: Because that's how you get a girl like Raven. Some girls like the sweet type, and some girls like guys that treat them rotten.
JONATHAN: Oh. Well, the girl I like wants me to treat her as a friend. I think.
JENNY: Oh. That's too bad.
JONATHAN: Yeah. (Tony pokes his head in.)
TONY: Hey, Jonathan, you comin' or what? There's a pizza with your name on it.
JONATHAN: Spelled out in olives?
TONY: No, pepperonis. Come on! Oh, hi, Jenny, what are you doing here?
JENNY: (straightening it on her shoulder) Uh, I forgot my purse.
TONY: Oh. (He looks at them a little suspiciously but decides to ignore it for now. He puts his arms paternally on their shoulders.) Come on, Kids, before the root beer's gone. (He leads them out. Cut to commercial.)
Scene IX: The Bower-Micelli living room
(Angela, Tony, Jonathan, and Bonnie are returning from the pizza parlor. The teenagers are keeping their distance from each other.)
ANGELA: Oh, I ate much too much pizza!
TONY: Well, you are eating for three.
JONATHAN: You look like you ate three basketballs.
ANGELA: (hurt) Jonathan!
TONY: Jonathan, apologize to your mother, right now!
JONATHAN: I'm sorry, Mom. I know you're supposed to be fat when you're pregnant.
TONY: Apologize better than that!
BONNIE: I think you look beautiful, Angela.
ANGELA: (trying not to cry) Thank you, Bonnie.
TONY: (grateful to Bonnie for being kind to Angela) And thank you for going to the game.
BONNIE: I had a good time. Mostly.
TONY: (shaking his head) Yeah, there were a few bonehead plays. But then we've got a few boneheads on the team. (He glares at Jonathan.)
JONATHAN: I'm sorry! I'm sorry for saying the wrong thing and for screwing things up! I can't do anything right!
TONY: Ay, come on, no need to beat yourself up about anything. You're young and you're still learning.
JONATHAN: Yeah. Mom, I am sorry. Bonnie's right, you do look great.
ANGELA: Thank you, Sweetheart! (She bursts into tears and throws her arms around him.)
TONY: (to Bonnie) Hormones. (She nods.)
BONNIE: Well, I should be getting home.
JONATHAN: (breaking away from his mother) Do you want me to walk you home?
TONY: (puzzled) She lives right next door. And this is a pretty safe neighborhood.
BONNIE: I'd still like the company. We can talk about, about the game some more.
JONATHAN: Sounds good. (They exit out the front door.)
ANGELA: (puzzled) Is something going on tonight?
TONY: (thinking he realizes) Oh, I got it!
ANGELA: What?
TONY: Well, when I went back to get Jonathan in the locker room, he was alone with Jenny Wittener.
ANGELA: And?
TONY: Well, they were just talking. But their behavior was a little suspicious. Jonathan probably wants to talk to Bonnie about it.
ANGELA: Why Bonnie?
TONY: Well, you know, she's Sam's best friend, so it's like she's an honorary big sister. And they've gotten to be good friends since she started working for us.
ANGELA: (not sure what to think) Oh.
TONY: Anyway, the big game is over, and you know what that means.
ANGELA: (beaming) Yes, I do.
TONY: I can finally get some sleep!
ANGELA: Oh.
TONY: Unless you were thinkin' we'd go to Mona's tonight?
ANGELA: No, get your sleep tonight. (her voice going to its lowest register) You won't get much the rest of the weekend.
TONY: (with raised eyebrows) Neither will you. (They exchange The Look, as the words "To Be Continued" appear onscreen. Then the credits roll.)