VI
Some months had passed. Mairon's belly grew and finally, by fifth month, they could feel the baby moving. Since then, Melkor started sleeping hugging Mairon by the belly, to feel the baby moving while he didn't sleep.
In one of these occasions he started some "philosofies".
- Mairon, does he know?
- What?
- If their parents love each other.
- I don't know. But it would be nice for him to know that.
- And does he know when we...
- Have sex?
- Yes.
- This would be strange and even embarassing for a child to know. I hope he doesn't. Anyway, as the pregnancy is already advanced, I will see my oracles in order to know how will be the things for so on regarding the kid.
- Hum... you worry about him. Can you say you love him?
- Unfortunatelly still not. I could lie only to please you, but I don't want to do this. So, if one day I truly love my son, I will say the truth.
The dark vala sighed. What would be necessary for Mairon to love his own child?
At that day, the maia became very busy. The building of the fortress in Dorthonion left him very busy - Thuringwethil supervised well the workers, but Mairon was so meticulous that there were many things he wanted to verify in person. The prisioners didn't stop arriving - some spies came from elven kingdoms, but none of them so far represented great danger. Some even were very useful - mainly the edain ones, whice were more corruptible than the eldar. That's why Mairon wanted to see them personally, in order to see if they still could have some utility for Angband or if it could be better for them to be slain.
The building was growing fast, some of the ancient dwellers of Tol in Gaurhoth already made their provisory camping and housing right there, leaving the still overpopulated fortress of Angband for their original dwellers.
But something worried Melkor. After the attack of Fingolfin¹, the dark vala didn't leave Angband anymore. Scouts brought constant news telling the noldor soon would like to attack the fortress. All of that because of the two silmarils remaining in his iron crown - and which gave him so much pain, so much burden - but he didn't give them up even so.
- My willing is to go out and smash all of these bugs all in once...! - said he, cracking the knuckles of his own hand as if it simulated what he would like to make not only with the noldor, but with all the Eldar who walked on the Earth.
- It is necessary to be patient - replied Mairon - walking from one side to another - The last time you went out to confront an Elda, you saw what happened... I said so much for you not to go, but you didn't want to listen to me...!
- I am definitely weaker - told Melkor with a low voice, almost in a whisper - In old times I could maintain even the other Valar far from Middle Earth... and now I cannot even be free of a bunch of boring elves.
- Be calm. Many times the prudence is more efficient than brute force.
The vala looked at Mairon and found it was true. He, vala, had lost so much power and incarnated himself permanently in a body, while Mairon, maia and in the beginning less powerful than him, still had a "fána" that could become what he wanted - and didn't lose any power. He was wise... he was prevident... so much more than Melkor himself.
The only thing that occured by unusual in this subject was the pregnancy. But in the rest, Mairon was exactly the same of the beginning of times.
That's why Melkor considered so much the wise advising came from him, and still didn't succumb only because he listened to the maia.
And it was because of this that, when Mairon made the prevision of their child in one of his oracles and came to their private rooms with a scary face, the fallen vala became seriously worried.
- There are many good things, but only a bad one. What do you want to know first?
- Well... the good ones! So it can be easier to listen to the bad one then.
- That's fine. I saw the child is a boy.
Melkor smiled. It was exactly what he wanted.
- And what's more?
- I wanted to see his race. As he grew in the body of a maia - me - he will be maia too. It is not possible to give birth to valar.
- Ah yes, I expected something like this. And then?
- He will have black hair like yours, and golden eyes like mine. He will have a totally incarnated body like yours, because he had inherited this from you. He will have many strenght and power, habilities beyond the domain of any other maia, because he has the heritage of a vala in the blood. Lúthien's beauty will be almost a joke near his.
- Oh yes?!
- She, Lúthien, was daughter of a maia with an elda. That's why she was even more beautiful than all the eldar. But this... he will be the first born ainu and not created. His beauty will surpass all the other being already born.
- But this is enchanting!
Melkor's face melted in smiles to each word said by Mairon. But the maia remained with a teriffying look. He continued:
- Your son will have, as you predicted, your strenght and my prudence. He will be in fact almost invincible, for he will not expose himself slapdash.
- Seriously?! Oh Mairon, how cannot you be enchanted with so many qualities? How could you still not love this child?
Despite the sentence seemed to be a rebuke, it was said in a tone of happiness - as if his voice could be a summer rain softening an excessively hot weather. Melkor hardly ever acted like this - his voice used to be terrible and in a command tone. But with this son he didn't have any reservation.
Mairon continued speaking.
- As I said before, he is a maia, but with the heritage of a vala. The heritage of your power in his being is very strong. He will be stronger than any other maia - more than me even.
- And so...?
- So... my body, even being an adult one and his as a child, cannot bear such power.
- What...?
- It's probable for me to die in the childbirth for your son to be born;
A horror grimace took the face of Melkor. He didn't imagine the bad news could be this.
- But Mairon, if you could be capable of being pregnant and maintain the pregnancy so far, it is probable you can give birth with no major problems-
- Do you remember Míriel's childbirth?
- Fëanor's mother?
- Yes - and telling this, some tears rolled through the beautiful face of the maia - She gave birth to him and then died, so was the energy her son had taked from her.
- But she was an elda, she was not strong as you are-
- She was an elda giving birth to another elda. I am a maia who will give birth to a vala's son. Ainur wasn't made to be generated, and only created. We can say that as the orcs are corrupted elves, this child, although born fair and strong, is also a corruption. He is an anomaly, which shouldn't exist.
The words were told in anger, as if Mairon remembered the time in which he didn't accept the pregnancy. Now he once again repudiated the child he beared, as if he always knew it was wrong.
- But Mairon, how could you call "anomaly" a being who will have so many qualities?!
- At the spent of my life? You told me... you would take my "fána" off and send me naked in spirit to Valinor if I killed my son in my womb. But for him to be born, I will lose my body anyway.
- Hun...! So you wouldn't be afraid of an abortion now, would you? As if you would lose your body...
- No. Not now, even if I could have this choice. The child is already very big, and I don't love him but I have already clung to him in a certain way... and I know you love him. You love him more than me perhaps...
- It's not true.
- And I know you wouldn't bear losing him. Such a wonderful child, so gifted... I certainly would not give my life for him...
- Mairon...
- But I would give my life for you, my adored master, my consort, my god I always loved more than myself. I will give my life to deliver you this child...
- Mairon, don't speak these things! - some tears also began running through Melkor's face.
- I will give my life to make you happy with this child. Be happy for me with him. This will be my last duty loyally fulfilled toward Melkor, my lord. The only thing that is really painful for me...
- Mairon, I already told you for not speak these things!
-... is that I didn't want to be sent to a place far away from you, to a place I could not see you again!
Then, not supporting the tension anymore, Mairon started crying and hugged his lord, as if he could die at any time and because of this hugged him tight to enjoy the last moments they had.
- Mairon, I will not let it happen...!
- I don't want to be far from you...! Why do I need to be far? From all the things, this is the most painful...! More painful than die anyway...! If it would be to die by your side, but no...!
- Shhhhh, be quiet! I will take on you, on the child, on everything! Is it fine? I won't let you die!
- For someone who said would take my "fána" off and send me naked to Valinor... it seems to be excessively worried with this, no?
Melkor noticed certain resentment in Mairon's voice. Those threats... they were the unique way he knew of dominating others to do his will. But they left indelible marks.
- I was an idiot. Speaking such things to you, who always wanted to do everything to make me happy... I was an idiot, Mairon. I do not want to lose you. I do not want you to be sent to a place far from me either. I will take care of you and I will be there in the moment of the birth. Is it fine?
Tha maia still cried, comfortless. Melkor thought he was almighty... but he was not. He could not defend himself properly even from noldor, how could he prevent a too huge power to lead Mairon to death?
After that forecast, everything changed for the maia. He saw himself as someone with no future after the pregnancy. His spirit would live, but where would it be sent to? They will never forgive him - even there, even disincarnated. What would he do after, if in the last millennia his life was serving Melkor? It was all so confusing.
He tried not to show dispair or pain, only was not happy anymore. Despite of the advanced pregnancy, he still wanted to have sex with the partner; as a farewell. He needed to enjoy each and every moment near him since then. When the child moved, he felt temptated to curse him, once his birth would kill himself soon. Melkor would love the child more than the maia after his death, certainly - and if Finwë, Míriel's husband, married again after his first wife's death, Melkor also would do the same. Perhaps he would not marry, one he was not willing to trust others, but other lovers he would certainly have. And suddently after a short or long time, the vala would forget him - as if he would have never existed.
When he thought about these things, Mairon was taken by a huge wave of hate. But he kept controlled. He would make all the things be the more pleasant he could while he was still in Angband.
Melkor still hoped she could survive to the childbirth, that's why he called the midwife who took care of the soldier's wives - exactly the same who told Mairon she was pregnant months before. She felt intimidated for needing to meet the two commanders of Angband, but if they ordered her to come, she needed to do it.
- How do the childbirths use to be? - asked Melkor.
- Well... I never gave birth to an ainu before.
Mairon interfered:
- Besides Melian, never before an Ainu gave birth.
- Wouldn't it be a way to ask her how are these things?
Melkor laughed in disdain:
- Melian made herself a girdle which protects her lands precisely from the people who come from here. They would never give us even a glass of water if we would ask. Besides, her own daughter came here to steal me, together with her fiance...
- So was it her?
- Yes, it was.
The servants of Melkor used to be very misinformed² - except of course by the most graduated as Mairon or Gothmog. The secret was so deep the simpler subalterns like that woman practically knew nothing of the military maneuvers of the fortress or the other more relevant or important events, such as the silmaril stealing. The gossips, of course, were spreaded. But they were not always frequent to all.
Mairon intervened again:
- Melian had a child of an elf. Lúthien was weaker than her, who was a maia. But I will give birth to one who is stronger...
- Ah, let it go, sweetheart - Melkor urged to Mairon - My wife foresaw she could die in the middle of the childbirth, but technically any woman can, isn't it?
- Yes - answered the midwife - But as I told before, I never made the childbirth of an Ainu... in truth neither of the female orcs I use to make...
- They give birth alone - told Mairon, more to herself than to the others - I already saw it sometimes, they are like animals.
- So how would it be the birth of a human? - asked Melkor, wanting more informations about that.
- It is used to take some hours. The woman feels contractions, the belly becomes hard, hard... it is in this moment the mother forces for the baby to be born. But after it releases. After that the contractions come back, and so on until the birth.
- When could we know it is the birth time?
-Usually when a hot water comes through the middle of the legs. It means it is time to start the childbirth process.
- I see.
- And, my lords... I am sorry if this can be really daring of my part, but if the lady is afraid of the birth, why don't you come to watch how it is made in the human women?
- It is a good idea - Melkor said - So it will take this fear off you.
Mairon smiled, but it was more to please Melkor than other thing.
In the following days, they went to the maternity to see some births, In none of them the mother or the baby died. Some were easy, while others seemed to be more difficult and more painful. Most mothers became intimidated with the presence of the Dark Lord and his spouse there, who only for being Ainur were already more beautiful and imposing than the edain. But they answered the questions from both always they were asked, even they did that with low head and submissive looking.
- Did you see? - said Melkor one night after him and Mairon observing to some births - It is not so difficult. If they who are mortal ones survived and are now with their children in their arms, you also can do it.
The maia became a little relieved of seeing the births being well succeeded, but he wasn't so sure. His heart was still aprehensive.
Just in case, around the eighth month of pregnancy, if she would be really dead in the birth, she decided to make her last consagration work in Angband. She went to the Thangorodrim, mounted there a temple for Melkor³ and intoned a song of pain, tears and overcoming.
Her voice was the most stunning and at the same time the most terrible once listened in all Angband. It was obscure, pungent and strong, and at the same time shed in every sound the essence of her love for Melkor, for the darkness work, for the path she took only to serve who she loved since the beginning of times - and would love until the end, was this end any it could be.
This song filled the stronghold of a new protection, making it being strong for the next battles that would still come. Her strenght impregnated in such way in Angband's walls, that the same would be felled only in the War of Wrath, when emissaries of the Valar would come to destroy the fortress... but it wouldn't be so soon.
The rock walls resounded, the gold and the metals shined, Mairon's eyes turned on in lamentation and in power, and the baby in her womb reacted and resounded together, moving with more intensity while his mother sang.
Melkor observed her from one of the huge windows of the throne's room. She was gorgeous, blazing, and however that chant was dignified of a farewell requiem.
"Mairon, I will not let you die", thought the vala with himself. "Not while I can do something to avoid it".
And while the pungent and fair voice of the maia resounded, Melkor's tears didn't hesitate to run, he thinking that soon it would be the decisive moment of the birth... of knowing if Mairon would continue being his adored consort and then mother of his child, or if they needed to be definitively separated.
To be continued
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¹It was when Fingolfin went to make a big mess in front of Angband and Melkor came out to fight personally against him. I think Sauron, who was way too much more prudent than him, spoke something like this: let it go! And Melkor insisted about going. It was in this occasion he got lame...
²As it always occurs in tyranic governments, the people must not have information. If the people would know about many things, lesser servants, who only served moved by fear, could make rebellions and etc. To let the people be "dumb" is one of the forms to domesticate them. Even in the time of the One Ring few knew about the existence of the jewel - probably only the Nazgûl, and the rest knew because of Gandalf and Saruman's studies, but if it would not be for them, the people would never know - and I believe it included the major part of inhabitants of Mordor.
³It is possible to make small temples/altars, "in time" as we speak, to make a specific ritual. Mairon who was familiar with wizardry and had Melkor as the god of his devotion must do this frequently.
About the water that comes in the moment of the childbirth: it is when the bag bursts. The water if I am not wrong is the amniotic liquid. I have never had a baby, so I don't know how it is, but I saw when my mother had my younger sister. Yes, this is a lot of water.
And in the case I didn't put they as knowing about the "bag" neither about "amniotic liquid" because well, they didn't have ultrasonography, anything, I thing they didn't know there was a "bag" envolving the baby.
This chapter was TENSE. Melkor, if you don't be careful you will turn into a widow.
Next chapter, the so waited and feared birth.
Kisses to everyone!