Chapter Sixteen

Three days after her Forks family returned home, Renesmee followed. The last days of December 2129 consisted of Renesmee getting resettled in Forks, except she moved back to the cottage, where her mother was. Forks wasn't her favorite place in the entire world anymore, but it was one of her homes. She wasn't filled with the stupid, senseless hope she had once had, but she was filled with a normal amount. In Forks, time resumed in its infinity.

Upon seeing her mother again, tears filled Renesmee's eyes. Bella had known that Renesmee was coming home, but she didn't know she was going to move into the cottage. They shared an embrace - a real one, not because they were obligated to since it was the holiday - and Bella happily helped her daughter move in. When it was just the two of them, things were nice. Tranquil. When Edward came over once or twice a day, things were still peaceful, but slightly tense - naturally.

Since Renesmee came home again, she and Bella were very fond of talking, even from the first day. Renesmee's presence brought Bella out of her silence, and when Bella finally said something, it wasn't hostile like how it would have been years ago. She was once again drained of hostility. The more Edward stayed out of her way, the more he was out of her thoughts, and her mood remained easy and constant.

On her second day of being back, Renesmee entered the dining room and found Bella preparing breakfast for her. The entire cottage smelled of pancake batter and bacon.

"Hey, Mom," Renesmee greeted her.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Bella replied as she beat some eggs in a bowl. "How'd you sleep?"

"I slept well," Renesmee replied, sitting down at the table. She combed her hair with her fingers. "One of the best night sleeps I've had in a while."

"I'm glad," Bella said.

"Do you enjoy cooking?" Renesmee wondered. "I mean, even though you can't eat what you make."

Bella shrugged. "It's for you," she said, "so I don't really mind. It's nice to cook every once in a while."

"When's the last time you cooked?"

"Christmas," Bella said, "for your father."

"Is cooking one of your new hobbies?"

"Maybe."

Renesmee was just too curious this morning. "What have you been up to while I was gone? Anything new?"

As she finished cooking the eggs, Bella gave a polite smile that was tinted with sadness. "I've been existing," she said. "That's all."

"Any difficulties with Dad?" Please, please, please don't lie.

Up until last Christmas, there hadn't been any difficulties in particular. Bella shook her head. "No."

"Do you guys even talk?"

Bella finished preparing Renesmee's breakfast and set down the plate in front of her. Bella sat down across from her daughter, staring at her brown eyes, remembering what her own human eyes had looked like.

"Hardly," Bella replied. "I think your father and I have just run out of things to talk about."

Renesmee didn't touch her food. Instead, she frowned. "Have you ever considered getting out of here?" she asked. "And I don't mean that in a rude way, but you have so much time, Mom. You could pick yourself up, go someplace else, and just be you. You know, be you and not care what anybody else thinks. And maybe even with somebody else, too. You know the old saying, that there are plenty of fish in the sea."

Bella took a moment. Her daughter was giving her life and love advice. It was a bit unsettling, but mostly useless. "Renesmee," she began, "I can't just leave Forks, you, and your father."

"Why not?" Renesmee demanded. "I'll be okay, and as long as Dad doesn't care, he'll be okay, too."

"Just listen. I know you'll be okay. You were okay at college every time you went, and you were okay in Denali for over a decade. I have no worries about you, but Edward… he's just…" Bella struggled to find the right words.

"You still care for him," Renesmee said.

Bella sighed and nodded her head. "Yes. I really do."

"Can I just ask you what you still see in him? Because, Mom, all I've seen is this asshole who wants nothing to do with you."

"I still care because I always remind myself of who he was when we met," Bella said. "You see, when I first met Edward, he was everything to me. He was beautiful, so magnetic, and brilliant. Brilliant above all else. When I first met him, I knew right away that he was the only one for me. It was just so clear. He was the only person I'd ever wanted, and I've never wanted anybody as much as I wanted him."

Bella paused, deciding on what to say next, and in which order. She only had so many options. "And I loved him," she added. "I loved him, I loved him, I loved him. And I still love him." She paused, to make sure she was actually telling the truth. "I love him. Edward's still everything to me - I just can't let that go. He's still beautiful, and he's still so magnetic, and his brilliance is somewhere in there still. People don't change much. Maybe he's always been this selfish. But he still has the best traits that he used to have. I know that. And you're right, Renesmee - I know Edward better than anybody, which is the worst part. I know him so well, but he doesn't seem to know me at all."

"That's why I'm asking you to leave, Mom," Renesmee said. "He doesn't know you. He doesn't care."

Bella stared long and hard into Renesmee's eyes. "Where am I going to go?" she asked. "Where am I going to be wanted, and be myself and not care what anybody else thinks?"

Renesmee didn't have an answer.

"I have nowhere to go," Bella explained. "I'm far too loyal to Carlisle and this family to simply leave without a trace. I would look selfish."

"But isn't it embarrassing to stay here, clearly unwanted and ignored?" Renesmee asked.

"It is," Bella admitted, "but it would be even more embarrassing to leave. They would see me as selfish, and think that I'm responsible for Edward and I falling apart. They love me, but they adore him. You can't see it, but it's true. They can't see it, either, or why we're even going down the drain."

"Obviously you disagree with his choice," Renesmee said, "but why are things going down the drain so much faster?"

Bella was afraid to speak again. She felt that she had already said too much by letting Renesmee into her marital issues, but she had broken all the rules, anyway. Every sense of rules Bella had known had been completely obliterated, much like everything else. So now, it didn't really matter. Nothing really mattered.

"It took me a while to really understand what's going on," Bella replied, "but I think Edward's been manipulating me. Throwing me around based on how he's doing or how stressed he is. He constantly invalidates my own feelings, he never listens to a thing I say when we talk, and when he does listen, he becomes angry. He keeps breaking me down every time we interact. When that doesn't happen, I'm fucking everything up, because, yes, I am guilty of saying some crazy, messed up shit, too.

"Since I've been mostly alone, I've learned that when I'm with him, I'm really angry and rude and passive-aggressive and hostile and I like to guilt trip and all of that. Our conversations always end up with one of us saying something incredibly harmful. I just can't believe it took me so long in his absence to put it all together. I feel so stupid. I mean, Edward is getting older and weaker every single day, yet he has me in such a vulnerable emotional position whenever we're together, while he's physically vulnerable. His pride is too big, though - he doesn't care. He doesn't care at all about my emotions, and his pride blocks his own emotions. He also knows I'll never touch him again, so he can keep telling me all this crazy, hurtful shit. He does all of this because he can, and I play along because I never get tired of being angry. I like to fight, but he likes to win, and the only solution we've had is running around a tiny space avoiding each other because neither of us are strong enough to permanently leave. It is honestly all so ugly, and I don't want you to be in a relationship as horrible as the one I'm in."

Renesmee didn't say anything; she only wanted to cry and scream. She never thought her parents would be one of those tales of poor parenting. The tale stricken with emotional abuse. She was far past thinking her parents and their love was eternal, but she never knew it had gotten this deep. And to know that her mother was finally coming clean about it now… it gave her chills that went to the bone.

"What are you going to do, Mom?" Renesmee asked.

"I'm going to wait."

Renesmee spoke with Jacob for the first time since she came home later that afternoon. She didn't mind being away from her mother, knowing she was somewhat better after confessing her issues since being mute and static for so long. Renesmee knew that being silent wasn't good just by looking at Bella, so she wasn't afraid to talk to Jacob.

Jacob was at his old garage in La Push. He was repairing something on a motorcycle. He was so good at keeping his hands busy.

Back when Jacob and Renesmee had watched movies nearly every night, they had watched a lot of zombie movies. They had decided that no two zombie movies were alike, but a common trope most of them shared was that zombies liked to hang around the places they spent their most time at when they were human. Now, Jacob kept gravitating towards his old garage like a zombie, not knowing anything else.

"Hey, stranger," she greeting him after entering.

He turned around and effectively stopped tinkering with whatever was in his hands. He set the object and tool down. "Home already?"

"It's only been thirteen years."

"I knew you were coming home," he said. "I just didn't know how soon."

"Am I too early for the flowers?" she asked jokingly, instantly regretting it. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

She pulled up a plastic chair and sat down. Jacob pulled up a seat of his own and sat across from her, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"Have you still been phasing?" she asked quietly.

He nodded. "Yeah. I have."

"Drinking?"

He didn't bat a lash. "No."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Always telling the truth, remember?"

She nodded. "Right. Of course I remember."

"What have you been up to?" he asked. His voice was kind, like he wasn't angry that she had been gone for thirteen years.

Of course he's not angry, Renesmee thought. He imprinted on me.

"I've just been out and about," she said casually. "I missed you a lot."

"I missed you, too," he replied. His tone was genuine, but like it was leading up to something.

"What's on your mind?" she asked.

"An idea."

"About…?"

"About having some space," he said.

"Space? We've had plenty of that, but I'm back now. I was out on the road for a little while, and in Denali I became stronger and more confident in regards to some things, like how I feel about you, Jake. I love you, Jake."

It had nearly no effect on him. "I love you, too," he said curtly.

"So why do you need space?" she asked.

"I've outlived all my family and friends," he said. "We haven't talked in years. I haven't gone anywhere or done anything. We need space so we can both live, because this living together concept… it's not working. All you did was run from it."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have left in the way that I did. I was just mad at my parents and -"

"And decided to pursue a new life in the streets with some new people. You found Vanessa. You found Travis."

"Don't tell me you saw me out there in Vancouver," she said.

He nodded. "I did."

"Are you mad?"

"No," he admitted. "I'm not. I just… I just wish I was enough. That's all. So I'm giving us space to grow."

"Jacob, I've grown already. I didn't know how I felt about you back then, but I know now. I'm positive about that now. We've just already had so much space to grow. We've both had thirteen years."

"You had thirteen years."

Renesmee furrowed her brow. "Jacob, where have you been?"

"I've been waiting."

She accidentally bit her own tongue, but the pain meant nothing now. "So you're just gonna leave," she said. "Just like that, even though you imprinted on me."

"I don't know if imprints are supposed to last forever," he replied, "but we're just gonna separate, okay? You're gonna grow even more and I'm gonna start growing. It's for the both of us."

She didn't say anything when he leaned in to kiss her cheek before leaving the garage to go somewhere only he knew.

She should have known it was coming, because now it made all the sense in the world, but she didn't particularly like it.

It's for the both of us.

A/N: As a reminder, this is a pretty dark story (just in general, not necessarily in this current Jacob/Renesmee arc). If you can't handle the nature of this story, then I wouldn't recommend committing to reading it. And as for the pace, please bear with me. It's gonna take some time, but if you're impatient, there are eight chapters left.

Thanks as usual,

HS